over protective of autistic child?

[lis123]

I was just curious as to how many mums with sn children think they may be a little over protective????

My middle son adam is autistic, and I worry that I am to over protective of him .....I find it soooo hard, cause in reality he doesn't have the self care abilities that my eldest son had at the same age....for example, at this age my eldest was able to catch the bus home from school. But with adam there is no way he could "cope" with catching the bus home (we live in the country so its not a big trip)...all those kids in such a small area would no doubt have him panicing big time......he does not cope AT ALL with too many sensory things at one time....(as in all the noise, and movement on the bus would be very stressing for him) its the same with birthday parties.....I haven't been able to let him go to any because I know how he handles those sorts of situations (he just doesn't cope at all)......should I let go a little and see how he goes???? I just know if I did and something happened I would never ever forgive myself?? But at the same time I feel like I am babying him and making him worse...does this make sence??

[mummy2sophie]

It's natural for us to be a bit overprotective. After all these children have always needed us to be with them for their stringent routines to help them cope with day to day life. Being autistic would be really hard, many have described the world as a scary, unpredictable place. I sense that in my own little fearful girl so it's only natural to be overprotective.

That said, I think as parents of autistic children we have to fight that instinct. Many autistics grow up unable to look after themselves, and this is because some of them can't simply because they've never had to before. It's important for us to allow them to do things for themselves, otherwise they'll never be able to do them. It's tough though. (my daughter screamed when we first made her put her own shoes on - but we ignored her pleas for help because we knew she could do it - now she puts on her own shoes (usually on the wrong feet :laughing: )

[supa_star323]

I am definitely overprotective of my son, but I don't believe it is a bad thing.

[lis123]

I am tough when it comes to basic looking after himself things...like putting on shoes, bathing self, eating his tea etc etc......BUT catching the bus is a WHOLE different ball game. for starters his responces are different IYKWIM???? And if he cracks a wobbly and gets off at the wrong place (which is a HUGE possibility) any thing could happen!!! His older brother does catch the bus, but I don't think it is his resposibility to look after his little brother, its not fair to lump that amount of responsibilty on him at 7 years of age! WHAT DO I DO????? how can I help him learn about things like this without it turning into a huge saga??

[mollyk99]

Its a balancing act, I think.... with our SN little one, I know I overprotect, BUT... I take a deep breath sometimes and go 'dammit, I'm going to find a way to do it'.

So, what works for us is to expose him to the situation but be very close by and handy.

Is it possible for him to 'catch the bus' but with you 3 rows front and center?

Or, could you catch the bus with him, and over a period of time, be sitting a little further away... IYKWIM?

We have a friend whose ex-wife has parented their autistic child into complete incompetence. At his dads he can dress himself, eats what is on his plate, has a rock solid routine and is generally happy and settled.

His mother still showers, dresses, ties his shoes, feeds him sugar sprinkles on bread (because he will NOT eat anything else!), and won't let him do school swimming 'because he can't dress himself' - talk about making him 'different' from the other kids.

I think the difference for them is that he is willing to try and get his son to learn new things, she is terrified of trying anything new and babies him to the point of failure.

Its a tough one.

As I said, we try and 'let him have a go' whilst being close enough to step in, and we take a long view... it might take months but we'll get there in the end.