Do you respect an RSVP?

[Boobycino]

Its my birthday tomorrow, and I've planned a proper dinner party with cocktails for tonight. I've very excited!!! And jasper must have known because he slept in (well, he snoozed in on my boobie after he woke at 6am) till 8:30!!!!! Which hasn't happened in months. So he just must have known mummy needed some extra sleep.

I did a mass sms invitation to my friends, the basic what, where, when, and RSVP by the 10th. I sent it a fortnight ago.

I had only had maybe 3 people confirm before the RSVP date, so I nearly cancelled. I'd had 3 other friends who have babies say they MIGHT be able to go, and they let me know that before the 10th, and then they have since confirmed sitters.

The day AFTER the RSVP 3 people confirmed they were coming. Which was fine.

Yesterday on my way out shopping for tonight DPs sister confirmed that herself, her partner and 10 year old step son was coming (which I'm not 100% happy about a 10 year old coming to my cocktail party, I will ask them to leave early, because I dont feel confortable drinking with children. Jasper will be home, but DP isn't drinking to take care of bubba if he wakes for a feed) I didn't reply because I was annoyed. DP then called to let me know they were coming and they had a present for me :rolleyes:. Luckily they let me know BEFORE I bought anything, so I adjusted my menu for 3 extras.

Today, another friend confirmed her and her partner are coming?!?!?!?!?!

I'm going to send back "no way" when I'm not so annoyed. I'm tempted to leave it till 4pm though, when the party is at 6pm, to let her know what it feels like to have someone change things at the last minute. This is a dinner party, not a drop in centre.

I get like maybe with a BBQ you can squeaze in an extra at the last minute, but I put an RSVP for a reason. I let people know it was a dinner party.

I'm already worried I've under catered, so I'm already thinking I might need run to the shops to bulk up my snacks because going to the cheap butcher today to get more meat for additional serves is out of the question as I need to cook, clean and prepare for 11 people.

I'm really annoyed and insulted to be honest. I think its really disrespectful to not let someone know before an RSVP day. They also ALL know I dont drive, I dont have a car, most of them know that DP works saturdays so I'm doing this alone, they ALL know I have a baby, so I dont know how they think I could account for so many extras at the last minute for a sit down dinner party.

And the only reason not to confirm straight away is because you dont really want to come - or you have children to sort out, which is what others did, but they let me know they'd love to come to my party, and then they confirmed when they knew they could. So I suppose I know now how important I am to the friend who confirmed this morning. Obviously my birthday party was a worst case senario if nothing else came up this weekend.

:banghead:

Vent over!!!

(on to enjoy my day! I've got sort of a costume, I'm gonna dress a bit like a 1950s house wife to go with how domestic I'm being :D)

[EmPowering]

i must admit i think its a bit rude of the ones who only RSVPed in the past few days:yes: especially for catering purposes etc they should have let you know earlier

try not to worry about it to much its there loss:yes:
just enjoy your birthday tomorrow:D

[meggs]

:iagree: it is really rude and inconsiderate! Maybe tell them that you have already catered and if they want to come ask them to bring extra food or they cant come...it is extremely inconvenient and when you dont have a car not that easy!

happybirthday too! hope you have an awesome night tonight!!!

[Boobycino]

oh no... my mobile phone wont turn on...

I hadn't told the friend she cant come.

She has to drive 1hr to get here so I can hardly turn her away at the door.

I forgot a couple of basic things at the shops anyway (i bought cob loaf dip ingrediants and no cob loaf:rolleyes:) so I suppose I'll just get some stuff to bulk out what I'm cooking.

oh well!!!!

Never mind....

[EmmasMummy]

Bugger about your phone.... Don't set her a place at the table and when she shows up say the phone hasn't worked all day and RSVP was ages ago lol

Hope you have a great night sounds like a fun party

[BabelFish]

YES. Absolutely I do. It sh!ts me NO end when people don't RSVP. Especially when you're providing food and would need a rough idea of numbers.

For DD 1st birthday party, I ended up getting so frustrated that a few days before her party I changed my Facebook status to `... is wondering when RSVP-ing went out of fashion???' Everyone got back to me quick smart after that. It was great! :D

[Bunnyhugs]

Yes I respect an RSVP, my DH however does not and it makes me really cranky!

[Boobycino]

I cant lie to save my life, but I'm going to reherse a good "Hi, Oh I didn't realise you were coming" when she arrives.

and when she lets me know she smsed this morning I'll tell her my phone hasn't been working all day.

I cant lie... I'll probably not try to, its embarresing when I attempt to lie, I go bright red and feel guilty about it for week.

Damn parents and their stupid moral values.

Next time I might do another message on the rsvp day "just a reminder, my party is on *** and :ecomcity: , let me know by the end of the day if your coming, if not, I'll catch you next time. Cheers!"

Food wise I think I do always over cater massively, so instead of being way over, I'll be just right.

but I still need to go to the shops to buy a cob loaf! :rolleyes:

[ICanDream]

I do respect an RSVP and think quite frankly that my circle of family and friends have become very lazy and rude in that they no longer RSVP or they do it after the date with no consideration of planning or purchasing of things required.

I hope your evening turns out wonderful, the cob dip sounds yum!

[EmmasMummy]

lol.. Yeah even though I suggested it I too suck a fibbing... I feel myself going all hot and flushed lol.

I had to send a "reminder" out for DD party also because not many people had got back to me by the day before .... (partly my own fault as a put the wrong RSVP on it)... But yeah i had no idea who (other then a a couple of friends) was actually going to show up on the day .... Turns out a few didnt bother rsvping didnt come either... so I had a TONNE of food for them all.

[rynosmum]

I hope you have a great party tonight and all of your preparation worries go away :-)

That said, I think it's a little mean to be angry at your friend. Sure she may be late and may even be potentially unreliable but you invited her, she is your friend, she obviously cares enough about you to do a 2 hour round trip...sometimes it's all too easy to bite when on your birthday, the main thing is that you are able to celebrate it with your friends.:goodvibes:

To be honest, I find SMS invitations a really impersonal form of invitation (that could just be because I am old and we didn't have SMS invites back in 'my day':laughing:). If I don't get people RSVPing in time, I generally just follow them up a few days before - sometimes people have the best intentions but just don't get back to you in time. I've been often guilty of that myself:o

[gymmummy]

I'm BIG on RSVPing, i'll RSVP within the week of reciving an invite, as i know myself i like people to give my RSVP's the same respect.:yes:
However i must admit i'm a bit old fashion for a big deal party i like paper invites, i like to send out invites so people can stick them on the fridge and look at them, if its a lets get together for lunch BYO then sms is fine but not for a party.
Also if i recevice an sms invite i do forget its there as i'll open it and i wont write it down stright away as sometimes you just cant and then its forgotton about so thats the problem with sms's plus also i dont always check my phone or have it on me- so that why paper is best as its opened stuck on the fridge and its in your face.:D
i just love fofrmal invites if its a catered for do or a big event if its a gatehring that doesnt matter sms is fine, as i feel sms is no effort

[BabelFish]

I agree with you rynosmum about SMS invitations. I wouldn't send one. I send `save the date' kind of SMS's - i.e. `keep the 14th free it's my birthday!' but I always send out proper invitations in the mail, or I attach them to emails. I'm very happy with accepting SMS RSVPs though, which is why it makes me really mad when people don't bother. How hard is it to RSVP via text?

[The sooper nanny]

We had this problem with our wedding would you believe... there were a couple of people who just didnt RSVP. I actually had to call them and the reply was 'oh, no im not coming.' Um ... hello!!! Nice if you could have let me know. glad they didnt come anyway.

I always rsvp on time because I know how frustrating it is to be on the other end.

happybirthday

[AwwDad]

we have the rsvp problem all the time and so do some of our friends. our biggest gripe is when people rsvp to another family member when its a family do like xmas or birthdays. i think one of the worst was someone at out wedding didnt tell us about special dietry needs when it was asked so on the invite - it didnt phase the venue they just went with the flow or people are coming to something right up untill 5 mins before its suposed to start and they bail for no real reason.

dw is always ontop of rsvps right people the day we get the invite.

[sweetseven]

I try to, but they can slip past me. If I'm late, I always ask if it is okay, or too late. Ocassionally I've received the too late answer, and I'm not offended, 'cause it was my own fault for not answering sooner.

I also found with my kids birthday parties, RSVPs were terribly lacking, probably little better than a 10% response rate, which makes preparations difficult.

[delirium]

I feel your pain :hissy: I send invites for my kids parties and no one RSVP's. They just show up :rolleyes: Sh*ts me bc it's hard to cater. Not RSVPing is a big peev of mine. I mean, you gave them weeks and then they call days after the RSVP and expect to be catered for :confused: That's bad manners IMO

[Boobycino]

I'm BIG on RSVPing, i'll RSVP within the week of reciving an invite, as i know myself i like people to give my RSVP's the same respect.:yes:
However i must admit i'm a bit old fashion for a big deal party i like paper invites, i like to send out invites so people can stick them on the fridge and look at them, if its a lets get together for lunch BYO then sms is fine but not for a party.
Also if i recevice an sms invite i do forget its there as i'll open it and i wont write it down stright away as sometimes you just cant and then its forgotton about so thats the problem with sms's plus also i dont always check my phone or have it on me- so that why paper is best as its opened stuck on the fridge and its in your face.:D
i just love fofrmal invites if its a catered for do or a big event if its a gatehring that doesnt matter sms is fine, as i feel sms is no effort

I did consider doing a proper invitation... but I'd have to call all my friends to get their addresses, write the invites, post the invites AND then still shop for and prepare ALL the food on my own, I even baked my own cake. It really was full on putting the party together on my own.

So.... proper invitations are for another life where I'm not a full time mum, with a part time job and not particularly helpful DP.

I mean, it took me 2 months to post vital information to centrelink - so at that rate I'd be sending out invitations 1 month AFTER my birthday.

Plus, I'm 22... I'm gen Y. I have an excuse in that fact alone :D

Though I will do proper invites to bubbas first birthday though :D I cant wait!

And on a lighter note, The birthday party did go quite nicely. 5 didn't didn't think to turn up. And 1 person who didn't RSVP at all did. But it was still a really lovely night. I WAYYYYYYY over catered, so my fridge is full of prepared meals, which is fabulous!

I do love having dinner parties, because I'm always asked for recipes. Its the best feeling!

For bubbas birthday I might try to word something cute on the invite like "please RSVP by _______ because my mummy is very busy and she wont be able to feed you if you dont let her know your coming before _______" and then put my foot down if anyone RSVPs late without a genuine reason, or even just an apology. Then they'll learn that I dont accept that.


Thanks for all the feedback and tollerating yet another one of my rants :D

[gymmummy]

I did consider doing a proper invitation... but I'd have to call all my friends to get their addresses, write the invites, post the invites AND then still shop for and prepare ALL the food on my own, I even baked my own cake. It really was full on putting the party together on my own.

So.... proper invitations are for another life where I'm not a full time mum, with a part time job and not particularly helpful DP.
:D


OMG i cant believe you dont have friends address how is that?? thats soo funny, i couldnt imgion not knowing my friends address, maybe for your bday you should have asked for an address book and got your friends to fill it out while at your house lol.

and do you mean being a full time mum with a job means you dont have time?? i didnt get that- i'm a full time mum with a part time job and doing a uni course and am due in 3 weeks and i still have time to oringize bday invites for my sons 4 weeks ago 3rd- my bday which was 1 week ago and my DH which is in 2 weeks plus fathers day, and yes men dont help it is a do it or nothing gets done situation. doesnt really take that much .

glad you had a good night though, dissapotining the 3 people didnt show and you over catered for iu hate doing that as then i have to eat it lol

[missie_mack]

I feel your pain :hissy: I send invites for my kids parties and no one RSVP's. They just show up :rolleyes: Sh*ts me bc it's hard to cater. Not RSVPing is a big peev of mine. I mean, you gave them weeks and then they call days after the RSVP and expect to be catered for :confused:

Oh tell me about it GRRR! I made DS' birthday close to DS' preschool this year (which is 1/2 from home) just so he could invite his preschool friends. Out of all of them 1 responded to decline. I have hired a magician to attend and everything and now am at a loss of what to do. I don't know these kids or their parents :hair: and now I am even more concerned they will just turn up. If my yard was more organised I would just move it to home and stiff the ones who turn up unannounced

By gawd people RSVP to events!

[confusd]

OMG i cant believe you dont have friends address how is that??

:laughing: i know maybe 2 of my friends addresses. The rest i can tell you how to get to their house (some of them i can tell you how to get to every house they have lived in and their parents place) but if you asked for a number or street name.....i couldnt tell you :o

[Kayangel]

:laughing: i know maybe 2 of my friends addresses. The rest i can tell you how to get to their house (some of them i can tell you how to get to every house they have lived in and their parents place) but if you asked for a number or street name.....i couldnt tell you :o

Im Exactly the same, no how to drive there and get there but ask me the actual street name and i couldnt tell u. :o

[gymmummy]

wow am i that old hat that i have an address book and if your under 25 you dont??:laughing:

i couldnt tell you my friends numbers or streets but my address book is by my phone as i dont know their phone numbers either and i look it up when i need to call them.

so i'm guessing then if you dont have address you dont do thankyou cards?? just thankyou sms or email.
in that casse i'm glad i'm old hat, i love the personnal touch and that my friends know where to send info to.

[BabelFish]

I recently bought an address book and made all my friends give me their addresses because, same as others, I know how to get to their houses, of course, but in many cases didn't know their actual addresses. It really annoyed me when sending out invitations to DD's first birthday party so when we all went out for dinner recently I bought an address book, took it with me and filled out everyone's details! Hilarious ... sometimes I HATE modern living. Things seems so ... impersonal ... these days.

And yes, I always do thank you cards, and not by SMS or email. Yuk. But I usually drive them to people's houses or give them in person - usually because I don't know the address! :D

[confusd]

And yes, I always do thank you cards, and not by SMS or email. Yuk. But I usually drive them to people's houses or give them in person - usually because I don't know the address! :D

thats what i do.....:laughing: or when i see them next i give it to them. Some of my close friends i SMS or send an email. But honestly i dont have much use for thank you cards with my friends. Relatives i do.

[Boobycino]

wow am i that old hat that i have an address book and if your under 25 you dont??:laughing:

i couldnt tell you my friends numbers or streets but my address book is by my phone as i dont know their phone numbers either and i look it up when i need to call them.

so i'm guessing then if you dont have address you dont do thankyou cards?? just thankyou sms or email.
in that casse i'm glad i'm old hat, i love the personnal touch and that my friends know where to send info to.

.... whats a thank you card?

Like, thanks for coming? Or thanks for gifts?

I thank people for both in person when they're here? Do people expect more...?

I'm sorry, I've not heard of sending thank you cards for birthday parties, my parents never did it, so its never been modeled for me I suppose.

I do always thank people, and call and thank people if they've posted me a card or a gift.

I thought it was impressive enough that a 22 year old would have a sit down 3 course dinner party, plus I baked my own birthday cake, rather than just having a 'house party' or a BBQ. I did all the cooking, all the starters, all the snacks, and made cocktails and provided soft drink and beer, all on my own... all with bubba under foot.

Then most of my friends left early because a dinner party just wasn't rowdy enough for them :rolleyes:

A friend of mine did a facebook invitation to her engagement party and I'll admitt that even made me do a bit of a :rolleyes: but I was just thankful to have been invited, no matter how I was invited. I suppose, I dont know, I dont put a whole lot of value on ceremony in my life, or doing things 'right' or 'proper'. I just hope that nobody has taken offense, I just never even would have thought of sending a thank you card. Not that I was given anything for my birthday aside from from my parents and partner, but I didn't send any thank you cards after my baby shower... maybe I should have... I just didn't know thats what you do! I just thanked people at the time and have sent a few messages like "Jasper's wearing the overalls you gave him today" to friends. Or I emailed my brother photographs of him wearing stuff he'd bought him. Or if I'd posted it on facebook I'd tag the friend who bought that top and say "I'm wearing the top **** bought me"... you know? But then, I suppose my friends are all young also, so I doubt they were expecting thank you cards?

Can you get thank you cards in like those tear off booklets you get for childrens birthday parties? They might be worth having!!!

And maybe I will carry around an address book, as we're getting married maybe next year and so I would like to send invites for that (though they'll be typed on word processor and printed on plain paper :D but I'll do something pretty with them, I'm sure) so I can start gathering addresses so I dont have to sms people for their addresses :laughing:

Thanks ladies anyway... I'm gen Y... thats my excuse and I'm sticking to it!!!!!! But the more I think about it, if people did have a paper invitation to a party they're more likely to be respectful of the RSVP and also more likely not to forget and simply not turn up.

Plus... it could be kind of fun making invitations... even if they'll just be printed off the computer.

[Boobycino]

:laughing: i know maybe 2 of my friends addresses. The rest i can tell you how to get to their house (some of them i can tell you how to get to every house they have lived in and their parents place) but if you asked for a number or street name.....i couldnt tell you :o

Pretty much every time I have friends over I get a phone call "hey, what unit are you again?" because friends know how to get to my apartment building, but then have no idea which apartment number to buzz.

[lulu 2]

Hey Chel happy birthday for the other day!! I cannot get onto chat so have missed u lot lately lol.

[BabelFish]

Chel yep you're right - that's what thank you cards are. A written acknowledgement for attending or, more specifically, for gifts. I always write down who has given what for gifts so that I can make the thank you personal.

So, for example, for my baby shower, a friend wrote down the gifts that I got as I opened them, and who they were from, and so I was able to write `Hi Steph, it was so lovely to see you at my baby shower, thanks for coming and thanks for the beautiful t-shirt and pants for the baby! It was very thoughtful of you' etc etc.

I suppose they are probably quite old-fashioned nowadays, but very much commonplace and usual probably only ten years ago. I always do them, and love getting thank you cards, too. It's (I think) very polite, some extra gratitude and good manners for people doing something nice for you, and a nice keepsake.

The thank you cards I did for DD's first birthday were a photo of her at her party, with a note `from her' handwritten on the back and a little magnet if people wanted the photo on their fridge. I got that idea from a friend of mine and loved it!

[Boobycino]

Chel yep you're right - that's what thank you cards are. A written acknowledgement for attending or, more specifically, for gifts. I always write down who has given what for gifts so that I can make the thank you personal.

So, for example, for my baby shower, a friend wrote down the gifts that I got as I opened them, and who they were from, and so I was able to write `Hi Steph, it was so lovely to see you at my baby shower, thanks for coming and thanks for the beautiful t-shirt and pants for the baby! It was very thoughtful of you' etc etc.

I suppose they are probably quite old-fashioned nowadays, but very much commonplace and usual probably only ten years ago. I always do them, and love getting thank you cards, too. It's (I think) very polite, some extra gratitude and good manners for people doing something nice for you, and a nice keepsake.

The thank you cards I did for DD's first birthday were a photo of her at her party, with a note `from her' handwritten on the back and a little magnet if people wanted the photo on their fridge. I got that idea from a friend of mine and loved it!

Awww, thats lovely.

I've never gotten one :no: And aside from like with wedding gifts, never heard of them being given.

I might do some for bubbas 1st birthday.

I really wished I'd written down who got me what at my baby shower, because I got about 27 (seriously) size 000 onesies, so I totally forgot who got me what and some of them were really cute and people would say "oh, where did you get that?" and I felt really embarressed to just say that I got it at my baby shower. I'd say "oh, it was from a friend" but in the back of my head I was thinking... but which friend?

[gymmummy]

awhh chel your so cute and funny and innocent you make me smile:D

yes i do thankyou cards- even though you do thank them on the day and when you see them again, i guess its just nice to say it in writing, i normally just go to kmart and do those photo ones easy as and send it off and i just feel better knowing i have really said thankyou.
i guess if you are getting married i'd say you'd sure do it afterwards i've never been to wedding where you didnt get a thankyou card.

awh and gen Y throwing a party at 22 i guess is a big deal lol, yes well done for getting your party together it does sound like it was a great big effort for youto pull off and you did it:thumbsup::thumbsup: