advice please

[whatshouldIdo?]

Hi BubHubbers, I have started this thread to get some advice about my marriage from some disinterested 3rd parties, ie. you! lol

Hubby and I have been together for 5 years. After a whirlwind romance we moved in together back when I was studying. After numerous study disruptions as we moved around, I have quit uni... not because of the interuptions but because I passionately hate my course and don't want to work in that field. My biggest dream would be to be a SAHM and maybe have a small business based around things I make. Not so much for money as to stimulate my creative side.
Since quitting uni there was 1 job I was after, as I think it would suit me really well until we have our first bub, and for all I know I would want to continue there part time. Well I had trouble getting my references together as I haven't worked much, so I missed the job. They will recruit again later this year (don't know when) and I can't seem to find anything else at the moment anyway with my spotty work history.
Well enough background (or :ecomcity:)

Hubby is pretty money oriented and is pressuring me to find any old job as long as I make money. This is stressing me out, as I am a shy person and find it difficult to work in a place that doesn't make me happy, and I usually get depressed when I don't like my workplace.

He is having trouble at work now too, and a lot of this is due to me. To work well he really needs to be full of energy and happy, and he is getting depressed due to money. He doesn't earn very much but does love his job. His boss has said if he doesn't improve soon he will fire him.

I am wondering if I should just break with him, to give him a chance to be free from financial burden (we just bought a house) so he can regain the career that he loves so much? It might sound crazy for me to say break up instead of just getting some cr$ppy job, but I really do have emotional and physical problems when I don't like my work.

I keep feeling like once we have kids it will be fine, as he will focus on them more than all the rubbish and gadgets he wants to buy (he is immature in that way, but it is a very loveable side to his nature).

I just don't know what to do.

Feeling depressed has pretty much cauterised my creative side, I have to constantly lie to my loved ones (no one knows I quit uni, as there is a lot of pressure from my family to get a degree, and they think I am flaky anyway) and I have no money whatsoever as we have seperate bank accounts (my idea).

Please feel free to give me any advice.

Thank you

[nemosmum]

Hi and welcome:wave:

Well i know where your both coming from, i know what its like to hate your job and that negetivity seeps into every aspect of your life....not healthy
BUT i also know what its like to be a $ worrier, I get very stressed and depressed when $ is low (so understand the pressure your dh is under)

I think you are very unsure about a career path and really maybe just want to start having babies and being a mum? am I right? theres nothing wrong with wanting this, being a mum is very rewarding and a great career lol if i do say so myself.

BUT I dont think having kids will make things any clearer iykwim, babies and kids tend to make r'ships more complicated, more complex and may add strain (as well as joy) to your r'ship with dh.

I think you need to sit down and ask yourself what you really want, talk to your dh honestly and try and work things out, maybe go to counselling if you have trouble communicating with each other.

But breaking up is a BIG step.

Good luck and hope to chat with you on the forum:wave:

[whatshouldIdo?]

Thankyou nemosmum, for the welcome, and the wisdom :wave:

You have read me pretty well, I really want children, and I have no real idea of a career path to make ends meet! :rolleyes:

He is not a counseling person, he has refused to go sadly.

You are probably right about breaking up being rash, we do love each other so much, and no one else can make me smile like he can :o

Maybe I just need to find a career? I can't think of any specific marketable skills sadly, and part of my hesitance is knowing that my family expect a lot of me, and (husband see this, sees my worry, and wishes I would stop listening to them!) I do let it affect me as I hate disapointing them. They supported us financially a bit last year so I could go to uni, so they will be devastated when I finally tell them.

Thanks again, and I'll see you around the forums! (Cute little man by the way!)

[Illusional]

Gosh that is such a hard predicament to be in...

I agree with Nemosmum - breaking up is probably a bit harsh - but dealing with wanting to have kids - and having a career that fits into that is hard as well, there isnt any simple solution.

Hubby would be really stressed about the income issue, and youd be even more stressed about not contributing to it.. and then you want kids, which would lesson the income..etc etc.. it goes on and on...
Having kids wont lesson his focus on the money factor though - it will problably heighten it - because youll have more expenses then.

Wait - did I actually have something constructive to say here?? LOL

You may need to have a serious look at doing something that will allow you to be a mum and a career woman (which is hard)..... without changing too much about your day to day life.

[JasmineLouise]

Hello and welcome to the forums:wave:

I can completely understand you not wanting to work just any old job. I quit my last job as i couldn't stand it and i dreaded working, and even felt physically ill (stomach problems/nausea) every friday before i started my shift because i despised it so much. After that experience i swore not to settle for just anything. Is there anything similar you can do in the meantime to get some basic experience?

Also.. in relation to your issue with DH. I find that often verbally discussing issues often leads to conflict. I now approach issues with my DP by writing down 'dot points' of: the issues, why i think they are affecting me, how i am feeling, any questions to him, and the type of resolution i am after. I then give this to him and i find it is alot more effective than conversation.

Just an idea you may wish to try...

Hopefully it has helped a little:o

Goodluck:fingerscrossed: