Im choosing to terminate

[p77]

Im am an everyday user of BH, and am currently more than 13 weeks pregnant, I changed my name for privacy.

Due to problems with my partner im choosing to have an abortion,

We were both happy to have this baby but he changed his mind recently and I dont feel I want to be connected to him for the rest of my life,

We have announced our pregnancy to both our families and friends also.

We have been together a while and we are both at the right age, we are both well off financially but things have changed between us lately and I feel that when our baby is born our problems will only get worse,

I dont want to have a child whose father isnt involved in his or her life either.

Im catholic and this has been a very difficult choice for me.

I hoped we would have a family but now I dont see that happening, It saddens me to have to do this and im not sure how I will go when the time comes in a week and a half to have it done.


My partner is very abusive as of late and I have considered having our baby alone but I feel it will only give him a reason to keep coming back into my life.

In the past he has used other factors to "get me to re enter our relationship" and I am sure that this will be a big one he will use if i continue with it,

I guess due to his abuse I have a low self esteem and I have always taken him back and I always regret it but I fear this is something I will repeat over and over again if I am connected to him for the rest of my life,


Family have asked me not to do it due to it being more dangerous in the 2nd trimester.


I was over the moon to be finally pregnant and I couldnt wait to get to this point, starting to show, feel movements ect, but his voiced his opinion so many times about him not wanting this baby, that he thinks he will leave after it is born without warning and other remarks, wanting me to have an abortion, he has slowly dragged me down to where I just dont feel the same way about this pregnancy as I did and I no longer see it in a good light, I only see it as an attachment to a person I would like out of my life in everyway.

[meggie09]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[julez19]

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: i have nothing else to say but just wanted to let you know that Im sure you are doing the right thing for yourself and you have a place to talk and vent and get some good advice at least :hugs:

[SassyMummy]

I hope I'm not out of line in saying this...

You say you want a termination, but you also sound like you're speaking from a purely emotional standpoint at the moment - not like it's something you've given a lot of rational thought to. I obviously have no idea what's been going on in your head, it's just how your post reads.

I am not against terminations, and in fact would consider one for myself if I found myself pregnant at an undesirable time in my life... but I don't know, the whole of your post just seems full of anger and emotion toward your partner (ex?)... and I fear that's all you're really thinking about at the moment. I would hate for you to make such a decision while your head is blurred with disgust and upset... and live to regret it later.

One thing worth considering would be your partner in this... you say you want him out of your life forever, and perhaps a termination will give you that... but perhaps it'll give you reason to think of him every day... if you regret your decision that is. You've given him a lot of power here - allowing him to, basically, decide the fate of your pregnancy. Is that really what you want for a man you seem so angry at?

I think you should definitely make the right decision for you, I just don't want you to make it in the heat of the moment, or because you're angry right now.

Please think about it rationally, clearly... perhaps ask questions about single parenthood, about women who've been in a similar situation to yours (because there are some around here), about dealing with a tosser ex.

Seriously look into your options.

Right a list of pros and cons.

Figure it out rationally... so that you know you did your best to avoid regret later in life.

Just make sure you make the right decision for YOU... I will not judge you either way, just make sure you know you're doing what's best for you. :)

[Romer]

:hugs: what a terrible situation to be in! Can i just ask have you thought about adoption? Or telling him you had an abortion but keeping the baby that way he wont know?

Good luck :hugs:

[Chickadee]

More hugs :hugs::hugs:
It's a huge decision, and I'm glad that you were able to discuss it with your family even if they don't agree with it. All I can suggest is that you take advantage of any available counselling offered by your doctor or the clinic to help sort through all your emotions, now and afterwards.

[2s'nuff]

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

Lisa

[Mathermy]

I'm sorry all this is happening :(:hugs::hugs:

[calsmum]

:hugs:You need to do what is right for YOU. Perhaps you could talk with a counsellor or some other third party so you get an unbiased opinion and some professional advice... Best wishes for whatever you decide. You are a stronger woman then you give yourself credit for...:hugs:

[Oya]

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[LuvBug]

:wave: Hi there...

:hugs: Big Hugs to you - it sounds like you are in such an awful place right now and I am so sorry for that!

As I have no experience in this area and only know one person who has had an abortion I can't offer you any advise in that area. The only thing I really want to say is that I HIGHLY recommend going to a councillor and chatting to them about your situation before making the final decision. I have suffered from depression/anxiety ever since immigrating to Australia with my husband (5 years ago now). Recently my mom was diagnosed with kidney failure and it tipped me over the edge in a completely emotional and irrational frame of mind. It didn't matter what anyone said or any comfort and advise given, it just went in one ear and out the other as I was just not in a good place mentally. I finally got in to see a councillor and it was the best thing for me - it helped me separate all my feelings, fears and plans for the future. I am now in a place where I feel that I can make educated and rational decisions instead or before where anything I decided would have been emotional and irrational.

I hope that whatever you decide is the right thing for you ~ there is definitely no judgement from me, I just worry you might regret your decision later on in life when things aren't so messy. Good luck and wishing you all the best

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[blessedmummy]

i would have to say i agree with sassymummy... im pro life and because im christian i believe every baby is precious and deserves to be born. and yes i do see that its a extremely hard decision to make at times when it involves the mothers health, i hope that i dont get my head bitten off for saying this,:o

[SassyMummy]

i would have to say i agree with sassymummy... im pro life and because im christian i believe every baby is precious and deserves to be born. and yes i do see that its a extremely hard decision to make at times when it involves the mothers health, i hope that i dont get my head bitten off for saying this,:o

Just wanted to clarify that I'm not pro-life, nor do I believe that every baby deserves the chance to be born...

Just think the OP sounds a bit conflicted on the issues... that's just what came through to me in her post. :)

[tweedledee*tweedledum]

I am also having an abortion in about a week's time, for different reasons though. All I can say is, I know what it feels like to make a tough decision like this and only you will know what the right thing to do is. If you truly feel you cannot go ahead with the pregnancy, I hope you will have plenty of family support afterwrds.

:hugs:

[blessedmummy]

:o oops sorry:o

[SPC]

:hugs: As a single parent who has an absent FOB, I can say that my situations if actually fine and I'm very happy, but those who have troublesome FOBs are in a whole different place. You may want to have a read through the single parent sections. There are some hubbers here who have incredibly difficult relationships with their children's fathers. Having a baby with somebody binds you to them in a way nothing else does. There are several of my exs that I would have had no hesitation in terminating a pregnancy with, because the thought of having them present in my life for 20 years was too grim.

The only thing I would suggest is making sure it is what you really feel and not the pregnancy hormones. Did you feel this way about him before you became pregnant? Pregnancy does really weird things to you and you don't realise how peculiar your thinking can be til you have the baby and reflect on it. If feeling like this began after you were pregnant there is the possibility you will feel differently when your hormones normalise. You wanted his baby, and you made that decision when in your non-pregnant state, so you may want to consider that carefully.

[Yummy_Mummy]

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[talia11]

Or telling him you had an abortion but keeping the baby that way he wont know?



sorry but that is not really constructive advice - being so dishonest is completely wrong.


I hope you work things out - definitely a hard position to be in.

[gizmoduckus]

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

I agree that maybe you should get some counselling beforehand.

[spoon]

It is a very difficult position you are in. I am so sorry for your sorrow. I believe that soul will come back to you when you have found the right one. I am sure this will not be easy for you, and I am sure you have thought about this for a long time. It must be pretty bad if you have changed from being happy to feeling this way. Can I suggest going to counselling though hun? You have a week to be all over the shop...why don't you go and see if you can discuss this with someone who can help you and see how you feel in a week's time?

:hugs::hugs::hugs: No judgement from me here hun. xxxxxx

Sorry.

[MummasPrinces]

I'm so sorry to hear you are having to go through all of this.

I'm in agreeance with a few of the other girls though with the counseling beforehand. It does sound like your doing it completely because of your ex. I have a child to an abusive ex, it's not easy, it can be incredibly horrible at times, but there are things you can do ie get him to sign forms saying he wants to part and takes no 'ownership' etc.

I just don't want him to have anything over you about this pregnancy and the outcome, either road you take.

Make sure this is 150% what YOU want to do. Think about everything, from all angles, write pros and con lists, speak to someone... but please make sure this is completely what you want. Don't think about him, think about you!

(I'm not trying to suggest you go one way or the other, just want to make sure you are thinking about you and not him for all of this!)

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

The only thing I would suggest is making sure it is what you really feel and not the pregnancy hormones. Did you feel this way about him before you became pregnant? Pregnancy does really weird things to you and you don't realise how peculiar your thinking can be til you have the baby and reflect on it. If feeling like this began after you were pregnant there is the possibility you will feel differently when your hormones normalise. You wanted his baby, and you made that decision when in your non-pregnant state, so you may want to consider that carefully.

The OP said he was being abusive. So I don't think it really matters one way or the other, because abuse at any time is not allright. Him threatening to leave is emotional abuse at the very least.

At the end of end of the day it is your decision. If your DH is abusive you can keep your baby and you don't have to put up with it, but if you don't feel you can then go through with the pregnancy, then I suggest some counselling. I wish you all the best for the future.

[Jules16]

I'm so so sorry to hear of your situation. This must be such a tough decision for you. Regardless of what decision you make in the end, I would highly recommend you seek counselling where you can to give you as much support as possible. A million of these to you :hugs:.

[IndigoJ]

I was over the moon to be finally pregnant and I couldnt wait to get to this point, starting to show, feel movements ect, but his voiced his opinion so many times about him not wanting this baby, that he thinks he will leave after it is born without warning and other remarks, wanting me to have an abortion, he has slowly dragged me down to where I just dont feel the same way about this pregnancy as I did and I no longer see it in a good light, I only see it as an attachment to a person I would like out of my life in everyway.

:hugs::hugs: My DF was exactly the same, he wasnt interested in the pregnancy at all, and i believe he only stayed with me out of a sense on obligation, and because people would have looked down on him if he left. My DS is now 15mths old DF is still with me and is head over heels in love with him. But you need to do what is right for you. :hugs: and i hope you come to a decision you are happy with, wat a horrible position to be in. :hugs:

[sam's mum]

that is a very hard decision to make. I agree with PP about getting counselling before making a permanent decision.

Do you have any other children?

[BigRedV]

:hugs: :hugs:

This decision is very painful and heartbreaking.

Do what is right for you.

[Mummaholic]

:hugs: my dear. So sorry you have to go through this. Make sure you do what's best for you.

[kylie87]

I hope I'm not out of line in saying this...

You say you want a termination, but you also sound like you're speaking from a purely emotional standpoint at the moment - not like it's something you've given a lot of rational thought to. I obviously have no idea what's been going on in your head, it's just how your post reads.

I am not against terminations, and in fact would consider one for myself if I found myself pregnant at an undesirable time in my life... but I don't know, the whole of your post just seems full of anger and emotion toward your partner (ex?)... and I fear that's all you're really thinking about at the moment. I would hate for you to make such a decision while your head is blurred with disgust and upset... and live to regret it later.

One thing worth considering would be your partner in this... you say you want him out of your life forever, and perhaps a termination will give you that... but perhaps it'll give you reason to think of him every day... if you regret your decision that is. You've given him a lot of power here - allowing him to, basically, decide the fate of your pregnancy. Is that really what you want for a man you seem so angry at?

I think you should definitely make the right decision for you, I just don't want you to make it in the heat of the moment, or because you're angry right now.

Please think about it rationally, clearly... perhaps ask questions about single parenthood, about women who've been in a similar situation to yours (because there are some around here), about dealing with a tosser ex.

Seriously look into your options.

Right a list of pros and cons.

Figure it out rationally... so that you know you did your best to avoid regret later in life.

Just make sure you make the right decision for YOU... I will not judge you either way, just make sure you know you're doing what's best for you. :)

:iagree: a friend of mine was in a similiar situation, was so excited at being pregnant, then her DP told her he wasnt interested in baby and pressured her to have an abortion. She did, and regrets it everyday. One thing she said she regretted the most was that she allowed her DP to have the power to decide the fate of their unborn baby when it was a planned pregnancy in the first place. She wishes she thought about her baby first and her DP later.

:hugs: for whatever lies ahead.

[mumma2cubs]

sorry but that is not really constructive advice - being so dishonest is completely wrong.


I agree. Not a good option because he has a right to know about his children.

However, if he is so hell bent on not wanting the baby and this is something you have the support of family and friends - why not tell him you are leaving, and you would like him to sign over parental rights.

This would mean that you are NOT entitled to ask for Child Support etc - however it also means that HE can not ask for any sort of visitation or custody of your child.

[anniemum]

:iagree: a friend of mine was in a similiar situation, was so excited at being pregnant, then her DP told her he wasnt interested in baby and pressured her to have an abortion. She did, and regrets it everyday. One thing she said she regretted the most was that she allowed her DP to have the power to decide the fate of their unborn baby when it was a planned pregnancy in the first place. She wishes she thought about her baby first and her DP later.

:hugs: for whatever lies ahead.

:iagree: I also knew someone who had a nasty separation from her partner, then found out she was pregnant to him. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with the baby and didn't want her to have the baby. She decided to go ahead and have the baby, and despite this meaning her ex would always be in her life (due to child support, visitation, etc) she loves her little boy to bits and wouldn't have it any other way. She admits it was very hard, especially in the beginning, being a single mum, and dealing with her ex (who refused to pay child support and they ended up in court), but it was all worth it. For the record, her ex now regrets the way he behaved, and the fact he had nothing to do with their child for the first couple of years (his choice), despite he and the mother still not getting along, he does love his son and sees him regularly now. Sometimes life doesn't always work out the way we planned, but that's not necessarily a bad thing, its what you make of it. Good luck with whatever you do :hugs:

[c38]

:hugs::hugs:
I hope you find peace within yourself with whatever decision you make.