I think the decision has been made :(

[Worm'sMum]

DH and I had been having discussions about whether to have a 3rd child or not...I was all for it, DH was unsure. Anyway we weighed up all the pros and cons and for me, even though yes it would be squashy in a 3 bedroom house, and with 3 car seats in the car wouldn't leave much room, BUT I was happy to have that chaos - I would have loved it actually! Call me crazy as I know there would be some times where I'd be pulling my hair out etc but I didn't mind. Anyway I though DH had almost come around and then the other night while at a family dinner I overheard him talking quietly to his cousin and he said yeah I think Tam does but I really don't. I felt so sad but realised I can't make him want another one. So the decision has been made. Don't get me wrong I feel very blessed and lucky to have our 2 gorgeous girls, but part of me felt that one more would complete our family.

Anyway, this was just more to get it off my chest as no one else knew how much I wanted another - including me really, until I realised we wouldn't be!

If you got this far, thanks for listening!! :(

[BigRedV]

:hugs:

[spoon]

:(:hugs: have you talked about it again since then?

[Worm'sMum]

Thanks girls :)

I did bring the subject up last night as we'd both agreed that when we decided to stop having kids then DH would get a vasectomy. So I said, if you want to get that vasectomy you can, he kind of smiled and then said, why? So I told him that I knew he didn't really want anymore and he didn't really say much else except oh but what if it makes me not feel like sex anymore, like the pill does for you...I said I hadn't heard of it happening, but he could look into it. And then he went back to doing what he was doing before I brought it up!

[spoon]

:hugs:So how are you feeling about this now?:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Worm'sMum]

I'm a little annoyed that he's just brushing it off so vaguely, and I guess I'm still just a little flat, but I know deep down, it's not the end of the world. I believe things happen for a reason and I just have to keep remembering that :) But I'll allow myself to mope a little hehe

Thanks heaps for listening!

[spoon]

:hugs: yeah, I get it. Moope away hun. Maybe he gets it too but just needs to get his head around what you have done. Always here for a listen:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[maybe1more]

I went thru this too, my DH said he didnt want a third as we could give our 2 boys what they needed and a third would really push us financially and he was worried about the boys future education ect Although i understood where he was coming from i also knew i my heart that my family wasnt finished. I was quite towards him for a while as i didnt know what to say, he asked me what a third child would mean to me, and i said "like winning lotto" and he said he was getting too old (he`s 41 and im 31) and wanted to enjoy the boys we have. So i thought fair enough (was not happy at all) and started selling all my baby stuff as i didnt want the baby stuff tauting me as i wouldnt be able to use it again :(. He asked me why i was selling all the stuff and i told him my reasons.

After a few months ( i even used to change the channel when a baby commercial would come on) he said to me "ok i know how much this means to you and although i know it will be hard im not getting any younger" :cloud9: so here i am pregnant with my third!!!:smiliedance:

Dont give up on your dream hon, and hopefully it will pays off.:fingerscrossed:

[my-fab4]

I agree with Maybe1more. Don't give up on your dream just yet. My husband was adamant we were finished after our third child, but my heart refused to let it go. I just felt that there was one more child for us in our future. I just kept pleading my case (without nagging) and I guess it must of made sense to him in the end. We are now pregnant with our 4th. I have seen time and time again, when husbands have said they were finished and gone on to have more kids down the track. No-one knows the future and yours just might hold another child in time. Don't lose hope just yet. I understand how frustrating and stressful it is so I am sending a cyber :hugs: your way. Good luck with achieving your dream.

[Worm'sMum]

Thanks Maybe1more and Maybe4, it's heartening to hear your stories :) and to know I'm not the only one feeling like this, I feel so silly really feeling this way but I can't help it. I know whatever happens it'll all be ok and work out to what's best. I felt like you maybe1 I want to get all the baby stuff and start selling it all off...

You both give me hope :)

[Hooves]

:hugs::hugs: SO sorry that your hubby and you are not on the same page over this.

I think if your heart is saying you really want one more, then it is worth talking it over again with your hubby.

The decision, is completely up to both of you, but I wouldn't be racing into the vasectomy for him just yet.

Maybe you both need to let this lie a little longer, and see how you feel, in a few months or another year.


We only ever wanted two children, but hubby refused to have a vasectomy, I was taking the pill, and fell pregnant twice while on it. SO now we have 4 and I know I am done, so I had a tubal ligation with my last bub.

Sometimes these choices are made for us.

Sometimes you really need to take a step away from the emotion, and make a decision, when you feel emotionally ready. IF not you may always regret it.

[Countrydeb]

I can't believe you can't get him on the "boy" angle most men love to have a son.......But as the other ladies have said ,just bide your time ,let him know how you are feeling without making him feel guilty or bad and maybe he'll come around....good luck

[BabelFish]

I am pregnant with my second but already know I would be devastated if DP told me he didn't want a third. Every single pro vs con I can come up with for a third screams `con' at me, but I just know in my heart we're not done.

I know that DP wants two kids only (but we've gone from him wanting none, to only one and now to two so we'll see!).

I'm not going to push it, because it could potentially cause lots of problems and we haven't even had our second yet. But I already feel sad about it.

I think you just `know' when you're finished or not.

So even though your husband seems to have brushed it off and probably feels relieved, I believe that it wouldn't hurt for you to put it on hold for a couple of months - I mean really on hold - and then talk to him again. Tell him how you feel about it, in your soul, where there's nothing you can do to change how you feel. Tell him that you've worked out how it will all work - show him plans and budgets etc. Tell him that you love him and respect his choices too, and you're not trying to get your own way over his, but that this is just a deep-seated need in you that you feel as though you just can't ignore. Talk to him about all of that and ask him not for an answer straight away, but to really think about it a little bit more.

You both need to reach a place where you agree - because it's the kind of thing that could foster resentment and regret, and you don't want that.

Good luck hun, I hope that you guys can get this resolved :hugs:

[purplecat]

Chesby05 - great advice..

one comment from me though.. since you seem to get pregnant by just looking at DP I'd say you'll be up for at leat 3 or 4 more before you're done...

:laughing:

[BabelFish]

Chesby05 - great advice..

one comment from me though.. since you seem to get pregnant by just looking at DP I'd say you'll be up for at leat 3 or 4 more before you're done...

:laughing:
:laughing:

But that's what I'm scared about! This baby has already caused enough dramas from the unexpectedness and timing of it all - if that happened again it'd be the end of our relationship!

I'll have to get that IUD basically the minute he's born :D

[Worm'sMum]

Hi Girls, Well, I thought I'd let you all know that while 'in negotiations' about number 3...We went and got pregnant!!:laughing: It was a bit of a shock - we normally use condoms and occsionally withdrawal method, so although we knew it wasn't fool proof we didn't think it would happen - but, I had been feeling a bit yuck and thought hmmm maybe but I doubt it. Then did the test on Thurs and :bfp:!! I did another 2 just to make sure I wasn't seeing things!! DH is actually really happy about it and it means a few adjustments around the house but all in all we're very excited!!!


Thanks again for all your great advice when I needed it! :)

[quitecontrary]

Congratulations!! Here's to a healthy pregnancy and of course a wonderful little baby at the end of it!
We are putting off the discussion on The Power of Three - good to hear it just happened in your favour!!

[kjw125]

Oh Worm'smum, I feel for you so much! I totally understand where you are coming from. It is such a hard one. My DH is really happy with our 2 girls. He would be quite happy to shut up shop right now. How ever, he knows how much it means to me to try for 1 more. For a while I was cranky at him as he didnt want another one, how ever now I am looking at it a little different... I cant make him have the same feelings as me about another baby, but I can love him that much more for giving me what I really really want! We will start trying again in a few months. I have come to terms with the fact that he is doing it for me. I am also sure that he will love and adore our third (assuming we are blessed again ) and the fact that he would be happy with what we have. He is a great dad and I look forward to the chaos. Good luck and keep the discussions open

[kjw125]

I take back everything I just said:yelclap::yelclap::yelclap:

Yay for you
Congrats and I am so thrilled all has worked out:D:D:D

[Worm'sMum]

Thank you quitecontrary and Kjw :)
:fingerscrossed: That everything works out beautifully and just the way you want as well :D

[my-fab4]

:smiliedance: Congratulations Worm'sMum, and thanks for letting us know your great news. Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy and wrangling 3 kids. I didn't find going to three too difficult and love the chaos it can sometimes create. There is plenty of love around in this house and always someone ready to give you a hug.:)

[Hooves]

:smiliedance:Congratulations!!!
\
Sometimes these things are meant to be. I hope everything works out for you guys.

:hugs: