Normal Anxiety or is "it" back? I can't tell anymore

[RoarsomeMum]

I have battled anxiety since childhood, and since I turned 30 about 3 yrs ago, have been winning.. Medicine and motherhood and regular sessions with my Psyc seemed to finally be working! It's been great.. thou, lately.. have been getting those anxious feelings again.. Cancelling outings, withdrawing, checking and rechecking locks.. stuff I had not needed to do in a while..

Yesterday, we had some news that sent me into a spin.. Some-one I have hated, dispised, wished was dead soooooooooooooooooooo many times, was actually killed.. Was on the Kakoda flight, along with 2 other locals.. I feel sick :crying::crying: I feel so scared that I somehow made the plane crash.. I KNOW intellectually that is totally impossible, but I keep seeing it, seeing him in those last moments, it just keeps running through my head.. I am so scared Karma will Steal my baby girl to repay for his lost.. thoughts like that, and a billion other irrational scary things are invading my every brainspace.. I can't function.. I am petrified. I Hate it, I hate it, I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!! I wish I had never thought bad things about him.. I wish he was still alive so I could say sorry, yes, you ruined me, but I don't want you to Die.. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't be out of the room incase something happens to Roar.... Has the medicine stopped working? Or is this Normal cause of the event.. - I think I know it's not normal, but I don't know what to do.

I can't stop shaking.. I am scared, scared, Scared.. - and so so Sorry.. Because, although this man Ruined my career, it was by doing that I FINALLY got help.. I was so angry, I never got to thank him for that.

Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaark.. I hate this feeling.. and any doctor I saw today would think I was nuts, and I can't risk loosing Roar because of it.. ***** ***** *****.. I thought I was WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:(

[Tam-I-Am]

If you mean that you think you're going to lose Roar to Child Protective Services, you're wrong :hugs:. Your doctor has mandatory reporting for evidence of harm - not for a mum who is taking appropriate actions to combat a high-prevalence mental illness like anxiety. :hugs:

I think you've already answered your own question. This doesn't sound normal to me. It sounds like you were showing early signs of relapse before the plane crash, and the crash tipped you over the edge again. It sounds like you know this, and you WANT to seek help for it, but the anxiety is preventing you from doing so. I'm sure I don't have to tell you - much of the process of overcoming anxiety is learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Sometimes you have to push through what is agonisingly difficult and painful so you can get to the other side.

Be brave and strong like I know you are. Pick up the phone and make an appointment with the GP. Then pick up the phone and make an appointment with your psych. You KNOW how bad this can get - don't let it get to that point before you seek help. Do it for Roar, do it for Chris, but most especially - do it for YOU. YOU deserve to be healthy and happy.

:hugs:

PM me anytime,

[Jakois]

I dont have any advice, but thought you could do with some of these :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:.

[Tam-I-Am]

How're you going, Em? Thinking of you :hugs:

[Mathermy]

Big hugs :hugs: I'm so sorry everything is so difficult for you right now, I wish there was something we could do :(:hugs:

[Belles]

HI There I can not imagine what you are going through, but your thoughts do not make things happen. If that was the case we would all be in trouble. As you can not tell me that there is not one person on earth who has had thougths like you have and everytime they do something happens to the person. You just have to keep in perspective. The other day I saw a comment by a girl who made my schooling hell about karma and how evertually it comes back blah blah and I thought well if you beleive in karma what about the karma for what you did to me. She is fine so it is not true. It is just something people make up to justify their actions and things. At the end of the day acci
dents happen it is just a part of life. I just hope this make you feel better.

[sharonnscotty]

I have anxiety and am seeing the Maternity Hospital cousellors. Yep it sounds like a relapse... just remember to take deep breaths, sit or lye down for a minute and take deeep breaths. Remember NOTHING bad will happen and go and talk to someone, lifeline or any counsellor (not for a 'fix' it remedy) talking may help. Get the medication levels adjusted by a GP etc. and DONT WORRY you WILL be OK xxx

[sharonnscotty]

Let me know how you get on... thinking of you and sending you happy thoughts and wishes !!!

[RoarsomeMum]

:hugs::hugs:thank you guys... I totally suck at the process of accepting help sometimes.. and saying thanks.. sooo, THANK YOU and I am getting help. Th honesty of your post and the pure reality of it really helped Tam.. (it's so easy to become petrified of seeking help for the fear of loosing the children.. it was important and SOOOO True to point out the safety of disclosing your not coping.. :hugs:) - and the kind words and hugs and reminder I am not alone helped too.. I appreciate it more than I can express..

Am struggling, but winning, if that makes sense? - Medication sure does help, am no longer shaking and have been able to sleep.. that helps too. Have caught up with my Mum over this weekend, she had a stoke a few months back and seeing her again has helped alot.. so many things to say, so few "better left unsaid" In reality.

Have another app tomorrow with Pscy and Chris, god bless his heart and hail his skill as a partner and a parent, has taken the week off work to be there for Roar, so I don't have to confront my fear of leaving her with strangers to seek help.. (I kno wit has to happen some time, but not this week, need to focus on the big stuff)

Will try to get some sleep, but wanted to let you know I am O.K and THANKS. From all of us. :hugs:

[Tam-I-Am]

I'm so glad you're getting help - and winning, Em. That's awesome news :hugs:

Up and up from here! :yes: