Once bitten, twice shy

[sweetseven]

deleted, too much personal information for a public forum.

[SPC]

You have two children with him, and he seems like he's attached to your other five. Why don't you want to give it a go? My guess is that having a stable, committed relationship with a nice man would be being a good example for your girls. They will be being given subtle, and not so subtle, suggestions about how men and women should treat each other from you and your relationships. Perhaps you should think about trying to be the woman you want them to be. If you want them to be independent women, fair enough. If you want to teach them the skills they need to have to maintain a relationship, then you would be best off modeling that for them.

[sunnyflower]

Well i think that given the demise of your marriage due to dv you weren't really in the head space to be having a relationship at all much less having more kids.

Sorry but i find the whole we are having a relationship but not really having a relationship a bit odd.Well a lot odd.Especially bringing kids into the equation.You planned to have kids to this guy knowing that you weren't really commited and he knew that and still went along with it.


I find that a bit sad for him,for you and for the kids (all of them).

You obviously have baggage to get over and i understand that and you have children to this man.

It is entirely your buisness what you do but just remember that as the pp said you are role modelling relationships to them and it must be confusing especially for the two younger children.

I wish you all luck.

[crazymuma]

I completly understand what you are saying.

I too have come out of a DV situation and at this point I think I could be with another man but never allow him to live with me - or "own" me. I think with time my attitude may change - not sure though.

You say you stayed with your ex for a long time - you need to realise one big thing - you were strong enough to leave him - you had 5 children on your own - thats huge. You should be confident enough to know that if things go sour with your current partner you are strong enough to leave.

Whats the worst that could happen if the new man moves in - seriously what is it you are afraid of.
I know what my fears are when it comes to another man moving in - do you know what yours are?

Know I have just thought (yes after all that typing) - are you scared of upsetting your life or honestly - are you just keeping your DP around to ease the boredom- to have someone to sleep with - are you secretly scared of having no one.

I guess the more I think about it is this attitude is probably normal at first but 2 kids later if you loved this man you should want him there.
And if you don't love him then you are just being selfish in keeping him from finding somebody that does.

You have to do whats best for you of courst but the others are right - this isn't the best way to teach your children about relationships - do you want them to one day have loving meaningful relationships or just a casual partner they have children to.