View Full Version : Looking at photo's of my DD being born
I want to look at the photo's and do, but every time I think I will be ok this time.
I look and I can see my DD being lifed out. All very happy of cours. But I can also see my tummy gaping open and lots of blood eveywere too. It makes me feel chilled and sick. I have to leave the room and get some fesh air it's that bad:barf:
Am I the only one that gets this way looking at their photos.
I even feel a bit funny looking at my scar? WTH?
Thats the reason I didnt want photos, cameras or anything of the sort in with me lol. I didnt even want to hold bubs until he was clean because I knew how I would feel about it if I saw him.
Sorry you feel this way about the photos :hugs:Im sure one day you will be able to look at them and smile. :fingerscrossed:
What are some positives that you can associate with the birth of your child ?? Maybe finding these thoughts and reiterating them will help you on a path of healing and acceptance. I vb my last child but stepping into the bath where it all went wrong gave me flashbacks and counselling to change my thoughts really helped. There are free services out there where you can receive counselling about these unresolved feelings. :hugs:
I guess I'm fortunate that I never had that image to see. The photo's of my DD being born were taken by Dh from my head position, so you can't see the incision at all. There is one of her foot coming out - the actual incision area is not really visable, and the second shot is DD behing held up high by the Ob. The second photo, to me, is beautiful- but as I said the incision is not in shot at all.
Are the photo's digital? If I felt as you did, I'd photoshop the incision out! Maybe ask Dh to, and use a special effect to blur/obscure the area you don't want to see and highlight baby and your faces only.
I think it completely normal to not like looking at a open incision like that. I wouldn't want to see that! But so you can appreciate baby's first photo, I'd edit the unwanted back ground out- on the original, not just a copy, as there is no need for a record of that image.:hugs:
No your not alone.
I can look at DS1 and DS3 c.section pics,But not DS2..He was a very mush unwanted c.sect and everything was just bad from the moment i saw my Ob.. That was nearly 2.5 yeaars ago and i still cant look at them.
Just the thought still makes me cry.:no:
And about the scar,i cant look or even touch mine either..:barf:
Hope you will be ok.Im sure we all will be in time.Dont try to rush it,hopefully it will just all fix itself..:hugs:
:o Thanks girls. I told dh I had been looking at them and he tut tutted.
My first cs we only had photos from the head end too. The last time the Anestertist (sp) took the shots and he took tons of the whole procedure, even the clock when dd was lifted out:laughing:
I like the idea of editing the gory bits out. Might do that so I can look back without the reality shock:rolleyes:
Have you thought about some counseling to work through this?
Birth Talk are a wonderful group to start with.
I never thought to take a camera in there with us - and in a way, I'm glad.
DD is 4, and it's taken me quite a long time to be able to look at and touch my scar without wanting to vomit.
I can now wax over it too... which is a BIG step for me.
Now though, I seem to be fairly over it. Not so much I want to have another caesarean, because that'll never happen... but to the point where I'm not AS grossed out.
I have an awesome photo of my DD's head coming out of my belly, but it's taken from the head end of the bed as well so you can't see the actual incision because my belly is in the way. It doesn't gross me out, even though I am usually squeemish about such things, but if I look at it too long I start to visualise her actually coming out of my belly and it all seems a bit weird and icky! I think because in the photo I can't actually see it's me, I can't see an incision and I never actually saw anything for real, I still haven't really seen her come out of me, if that makes sense.
I've never felt funny about my scar. I'm actually really proud of it and think that's where my daughter came from. (I never wanted a c/s, it was an emergency c/s).
:hugs: I couldn't imagine looking at images of the c-section. No one even thought to take pics, it was all a bit of me pretending it wasn't happening, and just being exhausted. The first pic we got was DD being weighed, all her limbs sprung skyward. It is quite a gorgeous pic, and I tend to not think about the escape hatch process.
Exactly a year before, I had to have my arm plated back together, and saw some pics of the op. It was horrifying. The screws they use are really long, and they shear them off once they are screwed into the bone. To see an arm opened with long metal pins sticking out of it, was quite gross....i don't know if I could cope with seeing my tummy open.
I have trouble looking at my first births photos and that wasn't a c-section so I can't imagine how hard that must be for you.
I think you need to seek counseling or find a support network of other women who have been through this and are feeling the same as you.
It must be so hard for you feeling this way.:hugs::hugs:
I think some counselling is probably a great start.
I personally wouldn't destroy any photos just yet. Maybe one day you will be able to look at them and feel differently.
I have some awesome shots of my bub coming out of my belly. I love them, but my sister can not look at them, at all. So I understand how they can make some people feel.
Have you tried having the shots put into black and white. They are not so confronting without the colour.
Perhaps that could also help you.
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