SOS routine/ self-settlers support thread

[sahm]

I know a few of us are struggling to get bubs into routines or to teach self-settling so I thought it might be nice to have a thread with other people going through a similar thing and with similar ideals.

I haven't bothered with timed routines yet but I'm trying to get my 8 week old to self-settle, and it's a bit of a nightmare. He was taking 5-10 mins but now he's up to 45 mins to an hour. I get him up after half an hour, give him a top up and a cuddle, but it's really hard because I begin to wonder whether I'm listening to his cries properly.

When he goes down it's just a tired grizzle, stop start, all that kind of thing, but he turns into a total screamer after about 5 mins. I don't know if he's just a big screamer or if it's something else.

DS1 was never quite so persistent!

My CHN tells me I'm doing all the right things, which is nice to hear, but it's not getting any easier.

Where's everyone else at at the moment?

Please note: I do not want anyone in this thread being given a hard time for their methods. If you don't approve of self-settling or don't have anything positive or supportive to add, please don't post.

[HeidiLee]

Our son is 4 months old next week. He is pretty good at self settling so we are lucky. After we feed him at night (8:30pm is his last feed) he will generally go straight to sleep. He feeds again at 5am and probably twice a week he will grizzle for 30 mins or so before he goes down (during this period I leave him to cry for a few minutes and then I will go into his room with a torch and put his dummy in - I dont talk to him at all). For his day sleeps when he gets over tired he crys his lungs out for a good 5 mins and I just let him go - he then goes to sleep. If it goes for longer than that I pick him up. I cant get him to sleep in his bed during the day though - he sleeps in his vibrating bouncer.

As for timed routines his feeds are the same every day (been the current times since weeks) - they are 8:30pm, 5am, 9am, 1pm, 5pm. I am hoping he drops his 5am feed sometime in the next month. As for his sleeping has a night routine but not day routine yet - he just sleeps when he is tired but will generally have 2 x 2 hour naps (one of them being when he goes back down after 5am feed) and one 30 min nap during the day.

[two cheeky smurfs]

Im having a little trouble getting Maddy to self settle! She is just to persistant and cries and cries and doesnt want to sleep (i have been guilty many times giving in to her but im trying so hard not to now) She has her last bottle at 8pm and cries and cries until about 10pm and every 15mins i go in there and see if she wants more to drink but she never does!!

On the other hand Lucas is a great self settler... When i first tryed it with him he cried and cried but with him it only took 3 nights of me being constant and he now just goes to sleep!! But for some reason Maddy isnt like this... shes so stubborn!

Anyone got any advice?
By the way i think this is a great thread!!!!

[kobi'smama]

We started SOS wen ds was 2 weeks old, he got great at it, half the time not even taking the 4 min. Then we got slack... ATM he gets put to bed at 7 andputs himself to sleep no whinging, most times sleeps till 6.30am but a few times in the past week been waking for feed at about 5. HAd a shocker last night as we r interstate in a hotel. Daytimes he only has 2. Hr naps screams until I get him out. I let him go for about 5-10 mins then get him out And let him sleep on me. But we try our best with cc. I def think it's worth it. U do get to know there cries And if they have a clean bum, full belly and r safe and sound then I don't think a littlecry will hurt them. Keep it up girls if u want to!

[Frocky]

I'm trying to get the routine in place before self settling as Liv just screams her heart out to the point of tears running down her cheeks then I have an overtired baby! Anyone know how to balance persisting with settling and ensuring they get the sleep they need?

[muminshock]

Well! We just had a Sleep Angel come to our house on Tuesday to help us with exactly that! She helped us with our almost 2 year old a couple of weeks before bub was born and worked wonders.

She changed a lot of things about Ned's bedtime. Some worked, some didn't. So long story short, its' not perfect but when I made the decision to just go with the flow Ned came to the party. I'll list the things she changed and if you haven't tried it you can give it a go:
1) no more wrap - now grobag
2) no more cradle - now in cot
3) darkened room significantly (Ned is very visual)
4) removed all pictures and exciting things to look at near the cot
5) no dummy (I gave that back... sshhhh!)
6) increased feeds
7) soft radio in his room

When we initially tried putting Ned to bed awake and getting him to self settle, we were with him the whole time. We tried patting him, patting the mattress near his head, cover his eyes, singing, holding his arms down gently (he was on his side), rubbing his head with a warm flannel, stroking his face... all of which didn't work! Ned doesn't have highs and lows in his cry, he goes straight to hysteria. She found this intriguing and I found it VERY difficult to listen to. I couldn't have done it without her there and I struggled after she left.

Now, the compromise bedtime routine is: change nappy, bag on, lights out, dummy in, I cuddle him in my arms until he gets a bit drowsy, then I put him to bed where his eyes burst open, I walk out and so far (only 2 days worth) he goes straight to sleep :yelclap:

I hope this helps some of you. I hope it lasts for us too! If you have any questions feel free to PM me :)

[Ushas]

Read a tip yesterday in Practical Parenting. One of those 'd'oh that's so simple why didn't I think of it' tips.

Put a hot water bottle into the cot/basinette before they go down. It creates a cosy comfy little nest for them. Seems to be doing the trick with my little one. We do cuddle him to the edge of sleep, but he's one of those that wakes instantly the second you get to his cot. Lol! Eyes wide open as if to say 'What are you doing silly mummy, I'm awake!!!' But the lovely warmth seems to be allowing him to settle again.

[Cheerio]

Zane self settles now too, we started at around 8 weeks I think. I do most things MIS does, minus the dummy cos he just hates them so I gave up. Also Zane most of the time sleeps on his side. I know its a sids risk but he just will not go to sleep on his back and as soon as I put him on his side he is out like a light.

I kinda eased Zane into self settling I guess. When I first started I would let Zane have a grizzle to sleep but if he started to cry (which was nearly always) I would jiggle the cot from side to side quite quick until he was quiet. If he started again I would do it again and over and over again until he was asleep. A few days later I would jiggle if he cried and once he stopped I would leave the room. I always went back if he cried but ignored grizzles. After another few days I could just put him down and walk out. I tell ya my arms felt like lead after all that blardy jigglin! Having said all that I tried all of this with my DD and she never gave in!

MIS, Olivia was like Ned, no up down cries just pure freakin hysteria, its awful, so so hard it breaks your heart.

For us a day routine doesn't really work but he is sleeping way better now that I have decided I don't care how much he sleeps in the day. Go Figure. We always have the same night routine though which is roughly
5.30 dinner (for DD, DS has a bottle usually around the same time),
6.30 Bath for both
7.30 Bedtime which includes Bottle for bub, (DD has cup of milk), story/songs, then say night night, love you,see you in the morning its sleepy time now (I always say the same words so they know) into bed. Actually I think it was Ngala (like a sleep school over here) that recommeded the word association thing.

anyhoo thats what we do.

[sahm]

Cheerio, my DS settles better on his side as well, but now I've moved him into the cot, it's harder to keep him there. In the basinette it was nice and snug so we rolled a bunny rug up and wedged it into his back. I think it made him feel like someone was there.

Well, I've started giving the dummy for day sleep. DS1 never like the dummy, and I was adamant I would never use a dummy for sleeping (famous last words...) First I decided DS2 could have the dummy to sleep if we were out, to make it easier to settle him, now I'm saying he can have it after 20 mins of trying to settle without it, but NOT for night sleep ( I really don't want to get into the habit of getting up every 40 mins to put a dummy back in). So I feel like a bit of a failure at the moment, but I'm just so sick of all the crying and I don't like DS2 getting so worked up. I figure it must be pretty hard to get to sleep after being so upset.

I have't actually started doing any routine in terms of specific times for sleep, I'm mainly trying to follow his cues at the moment. (Probably why I'm getting it so wrong!)

I always found I couldn't keep my kids awake as long as the SOS routines said. Does anyone else have this problem?

[lou333]

Well it's nice to hear I'm not the only one who can't get their bubs to self-settle. All the books etc make it sound so easy! I had a shocker with DD1 (now 3) who barely slept at all the first 4 months of life (chronically overtired) and now having difficulty with DD2 now 7 weeks. She will settle on me at times, but can rarely get her down alone (if I do, it takes around 1 hour). Can't decide whether to persevere with self-settling or just give up and rock/cuddle etc. If anyone did these hands on techniques with other babies - did they end up being able to self-settle later on and at what age?

sahm - I agree with the SOS time up being too long for my baby. She seems to show tired signs after only 1/2 hour.

(New to this online forum thing and desperate for some reassurance I'm not the only one struggling at this stage. One day at a time hey....)

[kotakai]

Cheerio, my DS settles better on his side as well, but now I've moved him into the cot, it's harder to keep him there. In the basinette it was nice and snug so we rolled a bunny rug up and wedged it into his back. I think it made him feel like someone was there.




My kids have all loved being on their sides, & I swear by the safe & sound sleep roll thing (not sure of actual name)

But you can get it from big w & places like that as well as baby shops.

I put him in the middle of it, on his side & then tuck a blanket all around over the top & find he's nice & snug.

[Cheerio]

Good to see there are some more side sleepers out there! I use those sleeping wedge thingys too, they are great!

Well, since I said all about my great lil self settler he has been sooooooo unsettled since his 4 month immunisations. He was fine on the day but OMG Saturday and today have just been awful. He will settle but with LOTS of help from me and he woke so much last night poor lil thing. He has gone down without any trouble tonight so I hope it was just the needles that freaked him and all is good tomorrow.

grets, welcome to the reassuring world of forums! I tell ya I would have gone insane if it weren't for bubhub when I had DD. I was surrounded by friends who had "perfect sleeping babies" and felt totally alone until I found this site.

[melissa20588]

hi everyone. My little girl is 14 weeks old. I have just started encouraging her to self settle during the day, nights arent as difficult. For her daytime naps she would only fall asleep on me and as soon as i put her down she would scream her head off. Well it started to do my head in and now she sleeps on a little kids couch in the lounge room during the day. She has about 4 x 1.5hrly naps during the day.
She used to be a great night sleeper (8.30pm-5am feed, then back down until 8am) I was in heaven, but now and its been like it for the past few weeks she is going down at 8.30/9pm, waking up at 2am then again at 5am and again at 6.30am. Not sure what im doing. Should i try not to get her up for a feed at 2am?
Is sleeping for 5-6hr stretch alright at this age or should she be going longer?
I also have her in our room in her cot as im bf and find it easier, maybe i should put her in her own room??
Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated.

[Jaspat24]

Hi Melissa great to hear from you! Your little bub arrived late! I've been really successful getting my DS to self settle. It took awhile but now most of the time he's great. I read SOS, tried it, but it didn't really work for us. I've tried baby bliss too; this was heaps better and i use that settling technique.
BUT my biggest advice is to listen to your baby. And to have an understanding of the amount of hours of sleep they need during the day, at night and at what lengths. Also be consistent. I personally can't go any more than 10mins trying to settle/resettle my DS. It's 'our' time limit. I have found though that when i go in to resettle him, i have to be calm and not think about wanting him to go to slepp so i can go eat, do washing, go on the net etc. i give myself 10mins and if he's not settling then i pick him up and feed, change and play etc. Also Melissa cos yo are breastfeeding, do you do feed, play, sleep? i've found it helps tDS sleep better doing feed, play, feed, sleep. I do the last feed in his room, in his sleeping bag, with the music on, so it sets the scene for sleep time.

[Lilahh]

Help!!

DS self settles well during the night, I put him into his cot awake (but sleepy) after feeds and he squawks and falls asleep within a few minutes. He doesn;t need his dummy.

Day time is totally different. Im loosely following SOS/Baby Bliss/our own routine. I put him down for his morning nap 1.5 hours after wake-up time. He is well-fed, clean and had a nice play. He happily goes into his pram awake, smiling at me. I push him around a bit to get him sleepy and then leave him in his room. He happily stays there for about 15-20mins, sucking on his hand and occassionally talking to himself. Then after about 15-20mins, he starts to cry. I am assuming its because he is tired and hasn't fallen asleep yet. I let him go about 10mins, before I go in and have to use the dummy to get him to sleep. The longer I leave it, the more hysterical he gets. It is not a "protesting cry" that dies down as he falls asleep. The longer I leave him, the more and more and more upset he gets until he is screaming and I have to feed him a little bit to calm him down.

Its the opposite at night time, as soon as he is put down into his cot he whinges a bit (protesting cry) and then falls asleep.

SOS has NO help for this. It only talks about babies who cry as soon as they are put to bed, not after they have been there for 20 minutes happy. DS has no problem going into his pram for his day sleep, and if I give him the dummy straight away, he goes straight to sleep. I've tried putting him down earlier and later, neither work.

[Jaspat24]

Lilahh: me again! this isn't mentioned in all the baby books etc but this is what i do.
I take DS into his room and put his sleepy music on and i sit down and breastfeed him as a top up feed to help him sleep better. i then burp him over my shoulder, put the dummy in, zip him into his sleeping bag and tuck him in with his teddy and leave him. It works for us. My local ABA counsellor said a lot of breastfeeding mums do this. And then when he wakes after 45 -60 mins etc, i use babybliss technique to resettle him back to sleep. I use a dummy too. sometimes the resettling doesn't always work.
When my DS was about 16weeks, he started screaming and it actually was reflux (and a bit of hunger too), so if it continues and he has other symptoms, then maybe take him to your GP. Good luck

[LittleBug'sMum]

Jaspat - can I ask what the babybliss settling technique is? I should really buy the book, but can you give me a brief rundown, might save me some $$:o.
My DS is quite a good self settler (not from anything I have done, he just always has been), but for his day sleeps he will only sleep for 40 minutes then is wide awake, smiling and I can't seem to resettle him. This means he has about 5 sleeps a day, which is a bit insane!
Thanks

[sahm]

Lillah - I would keep doing what you're doing. My DS can lie awake for up to an hour before he starts crying. My system at the moment is to let him go if it's a grizzle, but if it's a full on cry and I know it's not the kind of thing he will simply settle down from and go to sleep, then I go in and give him a cuddle and pop the dummy in and put him down again.

I still wrap him (very tightly!) and put music on his room for his day sleep, although I do neither of these for his night sleep. I find that it's working, he's sleeping for longer stretches and the times that he does catnap, he wakes up very happy still.

[lou333]

I'd love to hear some updates if anyones still interested in this thread. My DD is 11 weeks today. She was self-settling for a couple of weeks in about 5-15 mins with short intervals of crying for a couple of weeks and no dummy. Over the last few days, I haven't been able to calm her without a dummy during the day, so there goes the no dummy plan! Still finding re-settling difficult as she often wakes after 1 sleep cycle and is not happy to be awake, yet it might take me 30-40mins to get her back to sleep. As for a routine or pattern, not a great one yet. Nights not too bad. Anyone else finding it exhausting? ;)

[Frocky]

Lou all I can say is that I could've written that exact post myself. It feels like something has changed in the last week that has made sleep battles even harder to fight than before. Hope other posters can help more constructively...all i can offer is sympathy and understanding of how hard it is.

[sahm]

Not sure I'll be much help, but I think when they reach the 12 week mark they get a lot more aware about being left alone etc and they fight it more.

In terms of self-settling, I've let up a bit on myself, to be honest. I'll put DS down, wrapped and with some music on, and leave the room. If he just grizzles, fine, but if he goes more than 15 mins or starts to get too worked up, I just go back in and put the dummy in. I think it's probably about a 50/50 split between going to sleep on his own and using the dummy to settle.

If he wakes after one sleep cycle I'll use the dummy to help resettle him, but if that hasn't worked after two tries, I just get him up. No point in stressing us both out.

We don't use the dummy at night, but we have less trouble settling at night.

More often than not I'm getting one good sleep (sometimes two) a day and a few catnaps, but his night sleep is going really well.

I think the most important thing is to be gentle on yourself.. don't beat yourself up over "failures". It's a work in progress!