what to do

[MeeG]

This is kinda an awarkard question to ask but i was wondering what people think, well im due in 8 wks and my babys dad and i arent on the best terms with each but he still wants to part of his daughters life and i repsect that, so i was wondering wheni should tell him about the baby meaning should i call him when i go into labour or after shes out? i would call him during but theni know he'll tell his mum and she'll be there the whole time and i dont wan that shes very pushy and i want my family there too without her, i want her to come but not in the first few hours possibly the next day jus so i feel comfortable around my baby before she starts to try n take over, what should i do? i can only do this once, so i wanna do it right what can i do with out seeming like a selfish b**ch? its hard to consider his feelings when he hasnt considered mine thru my entire pregancy. what should i do????

[Me]

:hugs: to you what a predicament...if I were in your shoes I would call him when you go into labour as he may want to be there when you give birth. As for his mother being there - even though it's hard you should explain to him ASAP that you do not want his mother to be there that you would like to spend the time with your family and if he wishes to be there he is welcome and that his mother is welcome the following day when you are up to having visitors.
If for some reason she decides to show up at the hospital before you desire, make it clear to the nurses that you do not wish to have visitors and they will do their best to get rid of her asap for you(obviously this is going to depend on which hospital you go to) but i noticed your in brisbane and i went to RBH and they're pretty good so if you make sure you explain it to the nurses that you would like them to ask any visitors to leave unless you permit them to stay then they should be pretty good about that(they'll just tell the visitors that you need your rest). I know you are going to be preoccupied at the time so perhaps writting about the visitor situation in your birth plan could help in getting the message across to the nurses?

[Desertress]

The first person you need to think about in this situation is yourself. Labour and child birth is a very hard time and the last thing you need to do is be stressing about something else and not focused. If he want to be part of the child life then let him...BUT if you dont want him there during child birth OR his mother then dont tell them. Or if yuo want him to be there then tell him when you go into labour and let him know that you dont want his mother there untill the next day. If he cant be trusted to follow your wishes then have a word to the midwives and they will keep her away for you.

Goodluck :fingerscrossed:

[Tam-I-Am]

What a difficult situation.

I have no similar experience, so feel free to ignore any of my advice.

I think that, while this baby is also your ex-DPs, labour and birth can be such stressful situations that you ahve to be 100% comfortable with your support people - I mean, these are people who are going ot see you at your absolute worst (potentially) - if you don't think that you can cope with your ex seeing you that way - Don't have him there.

I think its tricky with his mother - maybe the best situation would be to have him bring her up ONE of the days that you're in hospital, allow them to take the baby to the sunroom attached to your block of rooms, and visit with the baby together for a SHORT time (ie 15 - 20 minutes), so you don't have to be there. You could have a shower, or take a nap etc - then return the bubba to you and leave. That way, ex-MIL gets to see bubba, as does ex-partner, you don't have to deal with them, an dyou get a little break yourself.

Just a suggestion.

[JasmineLouise]

Owww MeeG:hugs:

I think it is really dependant on the past with your ex. I personally would want him to be there for the birth of the child (But also understand that this is not a situation i have been faced with so cannot really say how i would react). Does your ex want to be present at the birth? Maybe you could try discussing it with him.

I wish you the best of luck... and remember that the final choice is yours, and your wellbeing is the most important aspect:yes:

Goodluck:thumbsup: