I need advice about my mother-in-law

[HelloKitty]

Hi, need some advice. My mother-in-law lost her newborn baby hours after it was born. This topic was and is taboo. We dont know what happened and im not sure she even does. This was over 25 years ago and i think the doctors kept some women naive about details. I know she had a fall at 7months and blames herself for this loss. :no: Anyway... being 3 months preg myself, my obs asked about family medical history. I was really sketchy on details and she wants me to get more. I suppose im asking you guys if you think 1) I should broach the topic with her even though it might raise some bad memories 2) Any ideas you have why a baby passes away hours after delivery.

Any thoughts/comments would be appreciated. :o

[Milk_Monkey]

My mother-in-law also lost a baby, due to the cord being wrapped around the babys throat. Although i know that it was traumatic for her at the time, she has been able to discuss the issue with me.

Im assuming that the reason for your doctor wanting more information is in case there are any possible genetic problems that could arise? In that case, you could always ask your mother-in-law if she is aware of any possible genetic problems in the family that your practioner would appriciate knowing about, without actually mentioning her own experience.

Ultimately im sure that she would want the best for you and her future grandchild and as long as you were respectful of the topic surely she would be wanting to offer any information that may help.

Good luck.

[damien's mum]

This is a hard one, My sister lost her baby, a week after my son was born.
I think the best way to approach your mil about this, is tell her that you need to sit down and have a talk with her, your doctor needs a few details about family history, be prepared that this will open old wounds and will make her upset, but you need to know for yourself, and maybe it will do her the world of good to be able to talk about it again.. I dont know, just tread carefully, but you too also need to worry about yourself, and baby.

Goodluck hun, and let us know what happens!

Alicia
:fingerscrossed:

[Mamaduke]

I would definately go with Leigh's idea of asking if there are any genetic problems because your doctor wanted to know.
My mum gave birth to a stillborn baby (a little sister for me) 30 years ago.
The pain that she goes through (especially around the anniversary of her birth) is unbearable. You've also got to remember that 25-30 years ago, the medical fraternity treated baby's deaths very differently to how they do now. My mum had to be induced knowing that she would deliver a baby who had passed away. She was then heavily sedated so as to not 'feel' the pain of her baby's death. There was no opportunity to see her, touch her, have any photos taken or spend time with her. The hospital also told my Dad that they would take care of all the funeral arrangements...that is, the baby was taken away and buried in a mass grave with the other babies who had died.
When my Mum finally became 'came to', her baby was gone, she wasn't pregnant anymore and was told to get on with her life with not so much as an offer of counselling.
Tread very lightly with her, the pain of losing a baby never leaves any mother but unfortunately in a time where sedatives cured everything and couples were told 'have another baby quickly' (because that was thought to ease the pain:confused: ) there are still alot of women like my Mum who are carrying guilt and pain, sometimes so much pain that they just simply cannot talk about it.

[HelloKitty]

Thanks ladies for your suggestions. I think i will talk to her about it in a round about way, thatway giving her the opportunity to bring it up if she wishes too. I think her baby was also taken away and buried in a mass grave. I know there is a plaque in our local cemetary with many baby names listed on it. Its such a shame the medical profession handled it in this manner. Alicia - thats sad news about your sister, i am very close to my sister and she is also due. I know how difficult it would have been.

Ill keep you updated. Thanks again :o

[damien's mum]

HelloKitty...

It was so hard, i thought she would pull away from my son, But she hasnt she has taken to him, and loves him so much, we started having problems after this, I till this day, believe it's because She holds that little bit of resentment towards me, for being able to have him, its a hard very hard and sad sitution..
But hey, we all make our way to the top, just need a few pushes!

Good luck
Alicia xo