Calling all Mothers with Two or more Kids

[Micha]

I would love to get some input from mothers who've juggled a newborn and a toddler (I'm guessing my daughter will be around 2 if we are get pregnant soon).

I have no idea what sort of routine/activities will be going on when Melody's that age and would like to know about other parent's experiences - particularly those first few scary months.

Anyone care to share?

[BugBias]

My daughter was two and a half when her brother was born so I guess I might be able to help....
One thing my mum made me do (my brother and I have the same gap) was tell my daughter that the baby has a special present for her and wants to give it to her when he is born. She was soooo excited (she loves presents) and Tobias gave her a barbie and some playdough.
She isn't very interested in him, babys are fairly boring and she dances on the line of jelousy. But all in all shes pretty good with him, a little rough but nothing he can't handle.
As for the day to day stuff I find it alot easier than with one! :D I find I'm too busy to indulge the children so my daughter whingeing has going down a fair bit. Tobias is very good baby (partly because of this I'm sure!)
The only big thing I've had to do lately is put him in his room for his naps cause she kept waking him up!

hope this helps, feel free to ask me any questions my msn is kmoyse32@hotmail.com

_______________________
DH 23
DM 22
DD 3
DS 4.5 months

[Supermum]

Hi there

My son was just 15½ months when our daughter was born. It was difficult to prepare him for her arrival as he was only vaguely aware I was pregnant let alone know what a baby was.

I found it quite difficult at the beginning, especially at feeding times. After a while you get into the two routines and work out the best way for you. There are numerous photo's of me breastfeeding a newborn on the left and reading to my toddler on the right! We used to go down to his room and play and I would take the bouncinette and toys so she could watch what was going on and play with her toys and he got to do what he does best ... run around!

He was incredibly gentle with her in the beginning. We made sure that if he made an error in judgement and was rough on her to not go overboard and make too big a scene. It's just as much a learning experience for them as it is for us.

My son is now 2½ and my daughter 14 months. She is no longer a little doll, rather just another toddler to cut his grass and play with his 'stuff'. He's become far more possessive over his things and our time. We try to give him ownership of his big brother role and positively reinforce his importance in her life.

"She's very lucky to have such a gentle big brother like you"
"That's beautiful sharing, she loves it when you play with her"
"She won't share with you? Why don't you try asking her for it nicely"

Anyway, it all works out and even though you feel overextended at the beginning, you'll soon find your own family rhythm.

Good luck!

[Micha]

wow, thanks for your replies. i feel a little more informed now as to what to expect and strategies that can be used when the newborn arrives.

it sure does sound like a lot of work. During the first 10months of my daughter's life I found it really hard to have energy/time for myself and hubby, is it non-existent with a second child in the mix? :confused:

[WeThree]

There is 18 mths between coops and tilly and i found the first few wks a bit overwhelming, but like someone else said, you soon get into a rythym, it is pretty fully on so dont be to hard on yourself and take any chance you can get to catch up on some sleep or have a bit of a rest (i still usually get my hubby to watch the kids on a Sat night and I go to bed at about 7.00pm, i really need to catch up on that couple of hrs that i miss out on during the wk) you will probably find that you will become better organised than you ever have been in your life! because if your not everything can fall apart pretty quick! i take cooper to playgroup and kindy gym and to the park etc, and as matilda is to little to take part, they are our times to play together and have some fun, just the 2 of us. you will probably find your toddler will largely ignore the baby at first, except to give it the odd cuddle or try and feed it some food or something! cooper is just starting to become a bit rough at times with tilly as she is becoming more of a 'threat' now that she can roll around, i just keep encouraging him to give her cuddles and kisses and i tell him how much she loves him, i always make him apologise to her as well if he hurts her. as for alone time with your hubby, it will pretty much be non existent for the time being, but the time goes so fast my dh and i have just decided to go with the flow, they grow up so quick before you know it you will have all the alone time you can handle! (although when bubba gets a bit older try and organise a sitter every mth or 2 so you can have a night out together) all the best and remember even though its hard work it is the most fun, happy time of your life as well :) :)
(sorry this ended up being so long i get a bit carried away sometimes :o )

[Micha]

Thanks 'coopsntilly' for your input, lots of great ideas. I was wondering about organised things for Melody and thought that might be a nightmare getting to them on time - but I hadn't considered that even if we were attending she will be busy doing her thing which would free me up a bit with the littlest one. Hhhmmm.

You're right about the happiness amongst the chaos, because even though it's been really hard at times with Melody the experience has been so rewarding. So I imagine two or more will be a whole lot more of both.

[WeThree]

hi again! it can be a night mare getting to these things on time sometimes! sometimes everything all runs smoothly and your out the door on time, with a clean shirt and make up on, and other times your 30 mins or more late with baby spew on your pants and your toddler in slippers, and other times you dont get their at all!! i just try not too beat myself up about it, and in my other post i actually meant that you get to spend some time with the older child as these things are usually mid morning and bubs will often sleep right through them, or just look around at everything, at least at first :) matilda is now just starting to get involved, i will lie her on the floor with some baby toys and she will roll around with the other babies, and very soon im sure cooper will be learning the hard lessons of sharing with his sister! (at the moment he has a much older brother and sister who completely indulge him so i think its going to come as a rude shock :p ) regards, erin

[Moorish]

Hi Micha

My girls are 19 months apart & I also agree that it comes down to rhythm but also a really good routine. Chelsea was still taking 2 naps (morning & arvo) when Nicola was born & I just found it as easy to arrange Nicola's feeding/naps into the same time as Chelsea, so they would both have a nap at the same time. Shortly after, Chelsea dropped her morning nap which was fine as Nicola was still napping several times a day & this created great "quality time" for myself & Chelsea.
I was also very strict on myself & the routine & I believe this is why my kids have slept through from & early age and still continue to nap & go to bed well. I only allowed myself to take the girls out (shopping etc) while Nicola was young (up to about 6 mths) where she would nap in the pram if she needed to. Once she needed that stability in her nap times we were (almost) housebound & I would only go out around naps and never during. This was still easy to accomplish appointments & other jobs that needed to be done, like it's been said by someone else, I just had to get more organised. Hubby paid some bills in his lunch time, I moved doctors to be closer to home & large shopping trips were left to weekends when hubby was around to help.
Nicola only dropped her morning nap at about 19 mths old so now I'm able to take the girls out more, to mothers group, shopping, to lunch or to the park & still have them back in time for naps.
I'm going to follow the same things with baby # 3 but I'll adapt the routines to make sure the older kids get their quality time, naps, play time etc in.
I'm a big believer in routines but I also believe they need to be flexible on occassions. If you ever find you have questions or just need to talk just msn me at missymummymoo@hotmail.com

[our little treasures]

I have just had #2 and my kids are 18mnths apart. My dd so far has been very good with her bro the only thing is she loves him nearly to death! I've come in many occasion to find her lifting daylan, she also likes to point and say eyes ears nose mouth and hair to which she pokes poor daylans eyes. All of this in the time it takes to grab a nappy etc. If your lucky get hubby to stay home for a few weeks to help out. My dd still wakes thru the night and I breastfeed so my dh gets my dd and I tend to ds. This helps alot.

[mummy2marshy]

Hi
My 2 are 27 months apart and at first it was hectic and i would often break down into tears when both kids were going crazy but we have now settled into a routine and it helps that my youngest (my son) sleeps during the day at the same time so i can work around that with my daughter.Now i find alot more time to spend with both child and im alot less stressed.It definately helps to have a family member around who can step in and help during the first few months as it is hard to find time to yourself during this time.Dont be affraid to ask for help if you need it because all the stress may build up.If your partner works then definately get him to have a few weeks off if possible as he will need to adapt to less sleep too.Thats about all i can say that the others havnt said but even when you are really stressed try ( i know its hard) to find a laugh somewhere and you will feel better.