What do you think of this comment?

[UmmInayah]

I love my kids and being a mum but cant stand how some mothers only seem to talk about their kids, research stuff about kids, and worry constantly about what is best for their kids...I wonder if it is really about them being a good mum and trying to do the best possible job they can or if it is about trying to prove to the world that they are a good mum.

Just curious :)

ETA - it wasn't me who made this comment, it was told me to! LOL.. I don't agree with it, but I am wondering whether a lot of other mums do.. (Thanks Annoymouse! lol)

[2girls&1boy]

It is hard to know sometimes :confused:

I know people that seemingly know everything about parenting as they have almost overresearched things so they have that "lecturing tone" when you speak with them. I think they have the best intentions though but they need to find a balance. I sometimes feel parenting appears to be a bit of a game of one upmanship for some people ;)

[NonnyMouse]

Hehe... you'll likely offend a few people with that comment, but I do agree with you to some extent.

There's definitely a mindset out there in some people that to be seen to be doing something, is better than simply doing it, and I think that ttranslates into areas other than parenting.

For example, I know of someone who did a good deed for someone, only they've been bragging about it ever since, and never fail to bring it up in conversation if it's even remotely relevant to what's being talked about. So to me, it's no longer altruistic, but was done simply for the bragging rights, or to be able to show other people how nice she is. Kinda takes the kudos out of it I think.

[Boobycino]

I think I do all of that. I obsess about my son.

Its nothing about what other people think of me. I think maybe I over-do a little because I'm very critical of myself, I do feel like in a lot of ways I've already failed at this or I've already 'messed up' my son.

I worked in childcare in a nursery so my expectations of myself are painfully unrealistic. And while I logically know that... I still beat myself up about it. I have stupid 'me as a childcarer' sitting on my back with a whip telling me every time I make a mistake. Its hard to escape.

On the other hand, DP accused me of one-up-man-ship the other night when friends came over with their baby, who is a 3 weeks younger than DS. He said every time they said something about their baby I said something about mine. I didn't notice I was doing it. I meant like when their bub was trying to crawl I'd comment that Jasper used to do the same thing before he could crawl. I also gushed because of how tiny their baby is and how cute and little he is and DP said that maybe they thought I was putting their baby down? Because Jasper is in the 97 percentile for weight and height. But I meant honestly lucky them for having a little baby. I did say to them "oh I wish Jasper stopped growing!" and I did see them flinch, so maybe their baby isn't putting on weight and they're worried about it? But I was seriously jealous, try lugging my 11 kilo baby around for a day and you'll be envious of a little baby too!

I guess everything can be misinterpretted!

[UmmInayah]

Personally I feel the person who said this is a little unsure of the way they parent, themselves. They are very critical of other parents.. and what does it matter what another mum does? Why is it so bad that she researches and focuses a lot of attention on the wellbeing of her child?

[Boobycino]

Personally I feel the person who said this is a little unsure of the way they parent, themselves. They are very critical of other parents.. and what does it matter what another mum does? Why is it so bad that she researches and focuses a lot of attention on the wellbeing of her child?

Oh I agree.

[kirstenriley]

I think you have described me!!!....lol....i love researching and parenting books. It works for me as im constantly learning what works for us as a family and to be honest about myself through my parenting. I find great new tips and tricks that help (and a lot that dont...lol)

[samken]

I know someone who is a bit like this and obsessive to the point that even tho' you know she knows the answer to a problem or question in relation to parenting (but of course!), you just don't want to ask because you will feel over informed by the end of it. ie how do you get rid of nits(?) would get the response down to nit's droppings (if that exists) and why most people do it wrong and they should do it this way and blah, blah, blah.

Having said that I know her heart is in the right place and she really is trying to do the best for her children BUT probably a bit too much.

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

I love my kids and being a mum but cant stand how some mothers only seem to talk about their kids, research stuff about kids, and worry constantly about what is best for their kids...I wonder if it is really about them being a good mum and trying to do the best possible job they can or if it is about trying to prove to the world that they are a good mum.

Just curious :)


Well I think it's only natural to talk about your children and to worry about them. I do spend time researching and reading because it is important to me. However I don't usualy spend time talking about it IRL, unles asked.

I just don't se how it can be a bad thing unless you are rude about it.

[Veritas]

I'd like to consider myself well researched, I like to know what the potential outcomes are of what I am feeding, how I am educating and how I am raising my child are.... having exposure to a child protection specialist has made me very aware of behavioural traits and indicators.... and of course I am constantly worried about my child..... I want the best start possible for her in life in a holistic sense, and I am the one responsible for providing that to her.....

Does this mean I am doing it to prove something to people, most definitely not..... I couldn't care less what people think of me and my approach to parenting..... I don't answer questions or give advice unless asked, I don't boast constantly and I do not shove my opinion down others throats.....

The fact that I research and show concern is merely for the sake of my childs well being, welfare and success..... and to make me feel comfortable in the way in which I am choosing to raise her.... the outcome of which will speak for itself....

[ManekiNeko]

I think if I wasn't the aove statement it would be at the detriment of my children. I am a sahm that's my job so I figure I should be on the ball and know what I'm dealing with.

[sahm]

Personally I feel the person who said this is a little unsure of the way they parent, themselves. They are very critical of other parents.. and what does it matter what another mum does? Why is it so bad that she researches and focuses a lot of attention on the wellbeing of her child?

I think most people are unsure of the way they parent... I'd be more worried about the people who were so certain they have it right!

I read lots of books on parenting because I like to get new ideas to try things, especially in the areas that I feel like I'm struggling in. (At the moment is eating and discipline at the table).

What I can't stand is people who use their research to claim they are some kind of expert on the topic and preach to others about why their ways of doing things are wrong. (But I find that happens more online than IRL.)

[Liddy]

I think parenting is not about knowing it's about learning.. I know that i'm always reading something I didn't know or hearing something I didn't know almost daily, whether it's on the forum or irl.
I certainly think there's alot of pressure out there on parents especially mothers to be 'all that' and I think we probably all to an extent get caught up in it, although I think it's important sometimes to just step back and realise we all just do what we can.

Parenting is very challenging without having to recieve so many strong oppinions from other people, I know that somedays I just don't want to talk or know what others think because it makes me feel like a bad parent if I don't agree with it..

[SmileyBJ]

I deffinately think theres many parents who like to show people/ prove to others and educate others on how they parent... But there are also many people who believe everything they read.

I think its good to try and go with the flow and not judge others or try to educate them.

Some parents do things different because it works for them, not because they havent heard opposing research.