How to you determine the difference between protecting and snooping?

[gizmoduckus]

I just watched Oprah today and for those of you that didn't it was about online predators. They had a couple of stories about young girls who got lured away from home by men they met on the internet. One even took her own life after being raped.

She had an expert at the end of the show and his suggestion was to put security software on your computer so that you know who your children are talking to and when.

Now my first instinct is that I would get that software because I would do anything to protect my children but then I think about when I was that age and how I would feel if my parents did that to me.

How do you decide what to do when you trust your children but you don't trust who is out there?

[Boobycino]

I was 13 when I got a computer and I was trusted completely with it, I was a really good, honest, acedemic teenager. But it is really appealing to go to chat rooms, get into social networking sites. Because when I was 13 it was really new my dad had no reason to even suspect that there was anything I could really not be trusted with.

He covered the basics with me - no porn, no giving out personal details, otherwise, I was left to do whatever I wanted.

Because of my experience with this as a teenager, I would not, ever, ever, ever EVER leave a child, under the age of 18 alone with the internet. Not for 10 minutes. Not even if I trust them completely. Because what seems innocent to them isn't. Its very easy to be seduced when its anonomous. Because it SEEMS so harmless.

If (and thats a big IF) i let my children have an email account when they're older I would have total and unrestricted access to it and check it as often as they do.

[NonnyMouse]

DD is on the puter a fair bit and I've always told her that at any time I can and will check on her emails, her message history etc, because the net is not a private place and she shouldn't say or do anything on there that she wouldn't want me to see. She also isn't allowed to sign up for anything online without my ok. These were the conditions of her getting her own email address and msn and she accepts them. Plus the puter stays in a common area. If she wants to talk privately with friends she can call them or talk in person.

[Boobycino]

DD is on the puter a fair bit and I've always told her that at any time I can and will check on her emails, her message history etc, because the net is not a private place and she shouldn't say or do anything on there that she wouldn't want me to see. She also isn't allowed to sign up for anything online without my ok. These were the conditions of her getting her own email address and msn and she accepts them. Plus the puter stays in a common area. If she wants to talk privately with friends she can call them or talk in person.

I think that sounds good.

[gizmoduckus]

Actually, the girl who took her own life was given ground rules with the computer too. She wasn't allowed to be on any social networking site, she wasn't allowed to talk to strangers and one time her parents took her computer away for 5 months when they found she had joined one of these sites. Her mum also made sure that she drove her child everywhere she needed to go so that she knew where she was. Unfortunately the girl snuck out in the middle of the night while everyone was asleep to meet this man. Her parents pretty much did everything they possibly could except monitor their daughters internet access. It is so scary thinking about it.

[sam's mum]

DD is on the puter a fair bit and I've always told her that at any time I can and will check on her emails, her message history etc, because the net is not a private place and she shouldn't say or do anything on there that she wouldn't want me to see. She also isn't allowed to sign up for anything online without my ok. These were the conditions of her getting her own email address and msn and she accepts them. Plus the puter stays in a common area. If she wants to talk privately with friends she can call them or talk in person.

we have told DD1 up front that she can use MSN, facebook etc, but that we are to have access anytime we want.

We have also got her to watch a few crime shows where they talk about predators and how good they are at piecing together the clues. eg. school uniform, talk about what sports you play can lead to where you play sport and when.