Some family advice please...

[Hedda]

My Dh complained that he doesn't have any hobbies and that he was feeling bored with life because all he does is work and come home. So now he is bike riding for one day every weekend. The thing is, I don't have a hobby. Even when I go shopping, I take the kids. I haven't bought clothes in so long because it is a mission in a changing room. So to me this is just another day that I am looking after the kids by myself. Don't get me wrong I love the time I spend with the kids but there is never any down time. I feel like I have to be supportive but in my heart I am resentful because I feel like I don't ever get to do my own thing.

I would love to hear others opinions on this issue but if you are going to tell me I am being selfish be gentle because I already feel guilty enough for my feelings.

[Chunkydunks]

You're not being selfish. Everyone needs down time. For me its the forums or knitting or sewing or something. But then I have the luxury of DH being home to take over with DS at any stage of the day. DH understands that I need my time and I understand that he needs his.

[BabelFish]

That's not being selfish. You also have work and sleep and that's all. It's not all beer and skittles being a stay at home Mum, in fact sometimes I'd rather be the one who works full time because then at least I'd get to leave this house and go out and talk to other adults and have some `away' time. When you're at work your time is not your own, because you're working, but you still have far more control over your world and far more freedom when you're working because the 24/7 demands of your children are not there. Work was a real escape for me!

So you need something for yourself, too. You need to find something that you want to do - or a couple of things - and go out and have some time for you.

Men just don't get it, do they? It's great that your DH has a hobby now, it's really important that everyone has some down time and something fun to do. But yes, it is yet another day you are home looking after the kids so perhaps explain to him that now you are with them six days out of seven and he is with them one day out of seven and that's a little mismatched and it would be great if you could have some down time, too. You don't even have to get a hobby or do anything specific with your time - it's just time for you, on your own, to do whatever you want. Even if that's read a book for three hours!!

And try and make it on the Saturday, so you get a break when things are open and you can actually go somewhere, rather than on a Sunday when you're just about to pop from frustration and there's not much you can do! :)

[JLeesmum]

i have the same problem kinda, Dp LOVES golf., and would play every day, rain or hail, even after work sometimes... i get ****ty cos i dont have a hobbie, and dont get any time to myself...i cant even have a shower till he gets home...:geek:

[meggie09]

i watching this thread as i am in the same boat but pg with twins. Im worried about when they arrive that dh will resent me for not getting time for him. I do feel guilty too i have a just 4 year old and a 9 mth old. All i can say is i hear you.

[Hedda]

Thanks guys. It's nice to know I am not the only one. The work things is exactly how I feel. When DH goes to work, it's just him. He doesn't have to look after any body else. I can't even be sick without still having to look after other people.

His bike riding was the result of a big fight where he told me what he needed and I told him what I needed. But I feel like I am holding up my end of the bargin and getting nothing in return. And I am tired and getting more tired each day and I feel like there is no relief but he feels great cos he got what he asked for. And now I can't complain about it because he needs it even though I am exhausted.

[Mummaholic]

If your dh understands he needs this time, he should understand you do also. I think he would be the one being selfish if not.

Have you tried explaining your feelings to him at all? I go out on a Girls' Night once a month, every month. I organised it as I felt like too many of us ladies get caught up in our busy lives. Anyone and everyone is invited, friends, sisters, mothers, mother in laws, etc. Just girls. We have a fun time. We make it so the cost is always under $50, and aim for lower; the first one was to a free comedy festival.

I know I need time to myself or I would go nuts!

[mitty]

hey know how you are feeling.
have you thought about doing karate or taekwondo or something at night during the week. It will help you get frustrations out and you will get the benefit of some exercise.

if i wasnt so self concious i would do it myself.

Think about something like that so that on saturday's you can have family day. sunday is our family day when hubby isnt working.