Guys...

[Mattus]

Adjusting/learning.


Is there a broad rule for how-to as a male? Ash is 6 weeks now, and I'm still coming to terms with settling myself so that I can settle her. DW is a lot calmer than I ) I have a theory that society is to blame for that), and I find it difficukt to settle myself when there's a screaming 6 week old in one ear, and I'm trying all I know to settle her.

My checklist, in no particular order, is this:
- nappy
- wind
- swaddle (wrap)
- bath
- walk outside (unless raining)
- walk around house
- rocker (has been added today)


What's your solution?

[bigbadbrad]

Mattus,

Excellent question. Unfortunately every baby is different. Good idea to have a checklist as no amount of calming will work if their nappy is full, they have gas etc!

Keep in mind that in winter they should have a layer more than you would wear as they need to stay warm. Wondersuits were the ends fold over their hands at night are a good idea, so are baby sleeping bags. If you have cerntral heating ignore all of the above

I used to sing the same lullaby (very badly) but the sound of your voice and the vibration through your chest is the main thing. My kids often fell asleep on me if I was talking on the phone!!

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS FOR YOU TO RELAX!!!

Babies are all instinct early on and they can pick up when you are tense, even if they are screaming their head off, (which does not make it easy) you need to be calm. I also found shhhhhhing softly in their ear often works wonders if they are screaming.

Another thing is think about is to try and do the same thing for bedtime, ie same song, dim lights, same room of the house so they can associate those things with calming down and going to sleep.

I hope that helps

All the best
BBB

[WorkingClassMum]

Even though DW is calmer (and that is probably the key) - the how to is pretty much the same for mums as dads.

And sometimes what works for mum won't work for dad and visa versa.

The check list is a good idea, and sometimes you'll need to go back to #1 after 1~6 hasn't worked.

MOTH discovered that playing his kind of music a bit louder when he was walking the floorboards helped him to chill and ultimately either of our kids

Ask DW what works for her and how it works for her.

Also bonding when there isn't a problem or need - bonding and nursing when bubs is happy/contented will help you when bubs isn't all smiles.

Good luck

[LizzardLover]

I know this is in the dads section but I cant help myself LOL.

I love that your making a list for yourself as it's so easy to get overwhelmed with the crying and forget what else you can try!

I just wanted to add that nearly every person I know who's had a baby has thought I must have some secret as to how I always manage to get them to sleep. The answer is really simple.

Once you know they arent hungry or need a nappy change, simply hold them up to your shoulder and find a spot to stand - the key is NOT to move from this spot! (You can't change the scenery so to speak or it keeps stimulating them) Then simply hold bubs firmy (like a nice firm hug) and rock/sway a bit. You have to be standing for this. I also tend to pat their bum or back, but whatever you do keep it rhythmic. Bubs will cry a bit and probably struggle to lift head and look around, but they literally seem to get bored to sleep within a few minutes! LOL. This has been my secret weapon and was a life saver for one friend. She would ring me up to get me to come help put bubs to sleep some days!

Also consider introducing a toy or blanket that you use ONLY for nap/sleep times. My daughter never had one, but next doors baby does and it's amaxing to see him relax and calm down a bit when she gets him his blanket! If you do this though, work out what it's going to be and make sure to have 2 or 3 of that item incase bubs gets really attatched to it and you ever need to replace it!

[FarmerBlog]

Mattus,

I don't think that there is any "real" secrets.
I generally check the obvious things first.
Wet
Gas
Hungry
Cold
BUT sometimes all they want is a cuddle and be placed on your tummy. The heart beat is a calming sound for them.

I hope this helps :thumbsup:

[3'llhavetodo]

I reackon you've just about got all bases covered :yes:. If none of these work, like working class mum said you might have to go through 1-6 twice but if none of these work sometimes there just is no settling them and you just have to show her you are there for her and cuddle her as she cries. Well thats my theory anyway...:laughing:

Most of all just try to enjoy her.

[AwwDad]

i agree with all the others. if you are calm then bubs should pick up on that and start to setlle 'cause they're sensing that what they're doing doesn't bother you, i know its hard when bub is screaming like a banshee for "no reason", unfortunately they do that from time to time. have you tried the bare chested bonding? i worked a treat with our ds1 and 2. even now if either ds's crack it and i have tried everything if i take my shirt off they seem to settle amost straight away as they can smell you better.

perserverance is the key.

all the best and it will all fall into place sooner or later.

[wocket]

I'm hijacking my wife's bub hub account...

Heh


Don't be too hard on yourself. She isn't able to give you very many obvious clues yet as to what she wants apart from comfort or discomfort.



Our little girl was only clear on a few things such as 'Don't you dare restrict the movement of my arms!' and 'I like my nappy a comfortable fit, no red marks from the nappy elastic please.'.



Is she bottle or breast fed?



A breast fed bub has a mum slightly high on oxytocin from the suckling which can contribute to the apparent calm, or simple lack of sleep can zombify a mum into apparent calm as well.



My DW gets the most frustrated when she is getting more sleep as she then has the energy to get wound up.(wifes note: this is because I'm on the edge of feeling refreshed for the first time in almost a year and I know it isn't going to last)



Try not to overstimulate her (the bub that is ;-). The whole world is an assault on her senses at the moment and she needs to sleep every couple of hours to process it all.



The walking sounds great for the rocking but if it isn't working try putting her down as she may just want to sleep.



Unless she is refluxing a lot she shouldn't need a bath every day. Make sure you are just using water at body temperature to clean her. There's absolutely no need for lotions or potions except perhaps a bit of vegesorb on her privates after changing her and to moisturise her skin if your tap water is heavily chlorinated.


You won't feel settled for a while yet so just do your best to fake it, she will appreciate it. (Wifes note: no matter how stressed out you are don't show the bub. Try and keep your voice calm and soothing, smile a lot, not matter how little you feel like it. babies can pick up on stress in your voice so easily and they reflect it back at you tenfold)



It sounds like you are doing a great job.

[Xanthic]

:iagree:

Once I had done the usuall checks (hunger, nappy, check if chest is wet from dribble, wind, etc) then it was a case of finding a quiet spot and did the sideways rock and either sing or hum an easily repeatable tune with bubs head on my shoulder/chest.

[JLeesmum]

congrats, ur a great Dad, im a first time mum (yes, i know...) my son is 6 months and i still dont know what im doing!!

a tip a midwive told me, when there screaming place them over ur shoulder and pushg their tummy into ur boobs (in ur case, grab a pair of rolled up socks and putthem in ur shirt..lol. DW might look at u funny..lol). the pressure releifs pain.

also, if my son has a screaming moment i take his nappy off and he usually is happy straight away

its great to see you putting in lots of effort:hugs:
also.. try putting her in the pram and pushing it over an extention cord or something..its rough but they like it

[Mattus]

Socks - yeah, mum told me to use my shoulders, and it seems ok, but I'll keep that tip to use in case.

pram/extension cord - our bloody pram has stupid bloody wheels that change direction rolling backwards and forward, so I reckon if I rolled it over a cord, I'd send her flying out of the pram! :laughing:

Nappy off time - that I will use, she hasn't had a whole lot of nappy off time, usually it's when changing, or when in the shower (which she LOVES). :yelclap:

7 weeks now and doing well - reflux medication is a winner, and we (mostly) have a happy kid.