Emotions and feelings

[marcelsmum]

Hi Everyone,

I am so glad that this forum is here,
I Miscarried on Friday last week, I have been handling it all better than I ever thought I would and realise that it happened for some reason that I will probably never know and that It was not my fault,

I am an eternal optimist and know that I can (and will) have another wonderful full term pregnancy resulting in a gorgeous healthy baby, But I am having weird thoughts and I think letting you know about all this is the healthyest thing I can do.

I have a wonderful 7 year old son who I love and adore very much, however when I fell pregnant with him he was not a planned pregnancy, My DP and I had only been together for a short time and fatherhood was the las thing on his mind, We discussed the option of Abortion but I have always wanted children and could not do that to myself or to my baby. I had the most stressful PG immaginable MY DP would not talk to his family or even admit that he was going to be a daddy. (they were not blind and figured it out fairly quickly.) I did not enjoy that pregnancy as I could not be openly happy about it. (I would talk to baby in the shower and that was about it.) This sound horrible but I found myself at many times during that time wishing that I would MC. (thank god it did not happen) As soon as DS was born my DP became the most loving and adoring Daddy and Partner it took one look and he was hooked.

It took us a while to even consider having a 2nd as DP wanted to finish Uni and get a good job. (as I was the main money earner I had to return to work when DS was 6 wks old) So I could be a SAHM this time, We tried for 12 months before I fell PG ( on the one month I did not think it was possible as I was O/S at a conference when ovulation should have been) We were both so happy and DP did a complete turnaround calling all his family members and telling them as soon as the positive test was confimed.

My main thought that keeps going through my head is why is it that when I didn't want to be PG everything went so smooth and with the most longed for PG why did everything go wrong.

I am also finding myself wanting to be as close as poss to DP, andI cant wait for the bleeding to stop so we can be intimate, I wonder if this is just me subconciously trying to get PG again. ( I do want to try but I know I should wait at least one cycle).

Did Anyone else have emotions and feelings like this.

Take care:hugs: and :kiss:

[Hokey Pokey]

Sorry to hear of your loss, you are so brave and the fact you can remain so positive is fantastic. I wish I dealt with my loss like you, I did the opposite and tended to push my partner away :( I think I blamed myself for what happened and felt I did not deserve his love...
I wish you all the very best for a healthy pregnancy in the future :kiss:

[angcaltam]

:crying: I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.:crying:

:fingerscrossed: That the next time you fall pregnant you will carry to term and have a very healthy baby.:yes:

[Kayte]

:crying: I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.:crying:

:fingerscrossed: That the next time you fall pregnant you will carry to term and have a very healthy baby


i second that !! my thoughts are with you !! :hugs:

[marcelsmum]

Hello again, thanks for your support,

I just want to know if anyone else feels resentment towards people they shouldn't.


My sister is Due in August, I know I shouldn't but I am scared that If I do not fall PG by the time bubs is born I am not going to bond with it like I have my other nephews. I do feel a little resentment that her Pg has gone so positively. This is mean spirited and nasty but I cant help feeling why not me, :gloomy:

This is especially mean cause I know she had trouble falling and had a MC before she conceived again, ( I am not sure why but she never told me about her MC I found out when her MIL told my mother how dissapointed she was, my mother didn't even know and asked me about it., for some reason she told my little sister who couldn't care a less but did not tell me or mum who would have given her all the support needed. )
I would love to talk to my sister about all this but I have no idea how to as she still thinks I do not know.

What should I do?
How can I stop myself from resenting the beautiful bubba she will have?

anyway thanks for listening to my rant, I know if I said these things to some other people in my life they would think I was Nasty :devil6: or just being stupid.

[vavavanny]

I am sorry for your loss. I too lost my baby on Friday night.

Your feelings are normal sweets. I can't say that I am feeling exactly like you are, because I am not, but we all grieve differently, and from what I have read, and been told - there is nothing wrong/abnormal with wanting to be intimate with your partner or being emotional about other pregnant people.

If you need to talk, feel free to PM me.

I have found this site and the people on it AMAZING....

[chicken]

Hi Marcelsmum - I can empathise with you about the resentment thing. After having TTC for so long, I was already resentful of women with little bellies around the place. But after my M/C a few weeks ago, I seem to be noticing pregnant women, children, etc even more. I've had my first AF already, and ready to start BDing again. Its a good feeling.

Vavavanny - how are you feeling these days?

[vavavanny]

Hi Chicken - I am not feeling these days. I feel like a log... It's strange.

& you?

xox

[chicken]

Its still really soon for you, so I can understand. I'm feeling really positive about things actually. I've been quite surprised about how well I've coped and how quickly I've wanted to TTC again - I think DH has a lot to do with it. Sometimes I feel guilty that I should be grieving for longer, but I know that won't help me get a BFP.

[vavavanny]

You're strong Chicken :thumbsup:
I am almost there myself ... I dont think I want to TTC for a while though - nor does hubby.
Good luck - you're in my thoughts
x

[marcelsmum]

Thanks Guys,

Like you chicken I just cant wait to get trying again, I know it will not replace my little miracle pregnancy, But I just want those Feelings and emotions again, I have waited way to long already for a second baby. I just need to feel and smell and play with my own gorgeous living doll.