My depressive story, are meds worth it?

[MelanisticLeopard]

I moved home to my parents’ end of March with my partner from interstate, it was only meant to be for a month or so until we both got jobs and got our own place. I found out I was pregnant, a week after we got back and had a miscarriage a week later, the baby didn’t stand a chance, not with the amount of partying and drinking I had done it's whole 6 weeks of life. I was happy, I didn't even cry, I think my partner was more upset then me, I just wanted to get back on with my life, have my LLETZ operation, get a job, get my own place and continue partying a little more.
After having my partner fail to pull out once over the whole 6 weeks, I was taken to hospital with extreme nausea and got a shot of maxolon, afterwards I had pains an pressure in my chest and it was hard to breath, but I didn't throw up anymore, and I was pregnant again. By the time I got my ultrasound appointment on the 23rd of June I was 10 weeks and 4 days.I conceived the day after I miscarried and while I was still bleeding even though I didn’t have sex 5 days either side of that date.
A week or so later I ended up with a urinary tract infection and tried drinking plenty of water and taking cranberry tablets. It didn’t work for the first time in over a year and I ended up getting an anti-biotic, of course it gave me thrush and of course I’m allergic to the cream you insert inside yourself and I can’t take the once oral tablet because I’m pregnant. I didn’t get the repeat on the prescription I thought I’d keep up with drinking plenty of water and the cranberry tablets and eating yoghurt until it make me sick to get rid of the thrush.
3 weeks later, I’m sinking into depression, guitar hero has gotten boring, so has two worlds, I turn the xbox off and I’m sitting on facebook playing some stupid restaurant game that makes no sense, you just have to feed your employees every 3 hours or they fall asleep and upgrade your shop and menu, it’s very entertaining. I’ve been trying to stay asleep as long as possible in the mornings, I’ve been smoking a few joints, the only thing I haven’t quit and yeah have a go at me, come on do it, everyone else has. I’ve had the worse emotional stress, I’ve no longer got any control over my actions, you ever seen a three year old chuck a tantrum and start throwing stuff and screaming pulling at their hair and just wailing like the worlds over. I did that the other day, knocked a hole in the wall, well knocked an old patched hole back out, I’d probably just bruise my knuckles now not even leave a dint on a real plaster board.
I used to work pick packing and process sorter work, but it was hard it was physical. I used to be 110kgs when I was 15, by the time I left school I had got down to about 85kg. After I left my boyfriend, started working, started living my own life, bang I had got down to a size 10, 64kg and I was loving it, my upper body was toned as and I was great, my belly would never be completely flat though, too much excess skin riddled with stretch marks, but I was happy with me, I liked me. Now less than a year later I don’t fit into my size 14 pants, I’m 84kg again and I can’t lift even a box of DVD’s without it straining my back and making me worry, I used lift 20kgs like nothing, now I can’t lift 5.
I’m depressed, I’ve got no money, no social life, my boobs are finely here, boobs I’ve been waiting 10 years for, and in 6 months time they are going to be worse than they were before I got pregnant, just saggy bits of flesh with even bigger huger nipples, I’m just hoping I won’t get more stretch marks. But to top off all these feelings yesterday I woke up with extreme diarrhoea, it felt like everything, my bowls and my baby were about to fall out of me and I had the worse cramp on my right side, like u get when your ovulating. I went to the doctor and it turns out, I’m well on my way to a kidney infection, that cramp in the right side is where the urine travels from the kidneys to the bladder and is clearly infected and told me I have to take the anti-biotic and the repeat this time and come back and see him, otherwise it could harm my baby, YAY more thrush!!!
And the worst part of all this is I’m making my partners life a living hell, I don’t know how he puts up with me, I don’t know how anyone does, I haven’t been this moody since I was 16 and had the implanon bar in my arm and was on the pill as well.

When we met, we were party animals, now he’s stopped going out because I don’t want to, I feel so guilty for it, but then I feel happy because I know he’s at home with me and not out cheating on me, I have never been this so insecure, and that makes me feel guilty because I know I have no reason to not trust him. I cracked it at him this morning because last night after I threw up and almost fainted he went down the street with my brothers girlfriend to get 3 things donuts, milk and bread, I waited in bed and fell asleep, he finally gets back wakes me up and has our mate Phil with him. I didn’t even feel like the donuts anymore, I just wanted to go to sleep, he said sorry that he took so long, he was gone for 45 minutes almost an hour he said he couldn’t find the donuts and had to go to 3 different supermarkets, still that doesn’t take 45minutes when the shops are all 2 minutes away from each other, but I was in no mood to argue. Till the morning when I woke up starving and went to get the bread out of the cupboard to make toast and there was none. It had taken Steven 45minutes to get milk and donuts.

But he’s not and deep down I know he’s not I don’t know why I’m putting him through this. He should just leave for 5 months, come back when the baby’s born, come back when I’m happy and not making his life living hell. Or maybe I should crack and feed both me and my child mind altering drugs? I've tried to be strong, I've gotten myself through this stuff before, i thought I could do it again, but I don't see myself being happy until this child is out of me, I could do it, if I was alone, but I'm not, should I take anti-depressants to make everyone else around me happy?

[amandaw]

I've got absolutely no advice, but man it sounds like you need one of these :hugs:

[WorkingClassMum]

Ummm - in all honesty - please see your GP asap.

[helsbells]

Um...whoah...too many issues... I have to agree with the last poster. Print out your Bubhub post and get to your nearest GP with it to show him/her. You need to chat to a professional who can look after you and your baby and get you the right sorts of help. Good luck.

[MelanisticLeopard]

Thanks everyone for reading, I know there isn't much anyone can say to help, I went to my doctor and he prescribed me effexor-XR, I looked up all the side effects and weighed up the pro's and con's. They aren't worth it, my hormones are going crazy, I'm stressed out from not working and having no money, being stuck inside a house all day with lil to do and so scared that I'm not going to be a good mum, that I let it all get to me. I'm just thankful I have a partner who can put up with me, let me cry and scream at him and can tell me the turth even when it looks like I want to rip his heart out and put it though a mincer. I find having someone to talk to (or yell at) is better then being numbed to the world around you by drugs, I'm not trying to say they dont work and are bad, but they don't work in my family or the friends I know that were taking them.

[Rebdot]

I must say it annoys me when people say the medication dosnt work, it does you just have to find the right one for you and sometimes that takes many trys,

Iv never had depression but i have had obsessive compulsive disorder since i was 8 and I always refussed medication until i went to uni in which i was studying psychology and I learnt about different medications and after seeing my Dr i decieded to give them ago, they use the same medication mostly to treat OCD as they do depression, the first few medications i used didnt work but i found one that did and my life changed alot, you dont see when your sick that things can be any different but when your in a better state of mind that changes, I cant believe i put it off for so many years,

I was on medication for a year and most of my OCD has gone i still have one niggle i cant get rid of, but my life is so much better,

Even counselling is better than nothing, the government have a new scheme called a mental health plan in which you can get done by your GP and you get up to 5 free Psychology visits,

I have found it very hard to convince people that are unwell mentally that they need medication and i was one of them and im not sure why that is,

Maybe at the very least see a GP and get a mental health plan its absolutly free,

[MelanisticLeopard]

They may have worked for you, but OCD is different to depression. I don't even think half the people doctors diagnose with depression have it. I really don't think I'm depressed.

I'm ****ed off at life, ****ed off that I have no choice in anything except wether I live or die, but I don't have a mental condition, I have a life problem. If I had a job I wouldn't have 8 hours to sit back and dwell on all the things that suck would I? I wouldn't hate waking up in the morning because I would have a reason to get out of bed.

My sister's on anti-depressants and she's still getting drunk on the weekends while on them and completely tripping, sure she's happier but why, she's not doing anything with her life, she went into the doctors and told them that she needed to get her dose uped and they asked her why and she said they aren't working as well and he just wrote the prescription.

They did nothing for my cousin who was on them for 18months, he's still unemployed and partying every weekend, not a scrap of empathy or even sympathy to be seen.

My mother went on them because my father was a workaholic and she felt that her life was wasted. Mid-life crisis, so staight on the Zoloft for 2 years, after marriage counciling and running her own business she could take control of her life and stop taking them.

I see anti-depressants as a way to block out the hard part of life, no longer do you have to feel the stress of life or fight through it, we will give you a drug that makes you forget these things that you off. Make you forget that you want to have a job and want to have a roof over your family's head; make you happy about not having any clothes that fit you, make you happy that you're life as you knew it is gone. Seriously WTF?

And I've done my research I know how the drugs work, they effect the same part of the brain MDMA and marijuana does, they just put it in a controlled dose that they can monitor. But they don't do any tests on you before they give you the drugs, they don't offer you counselling first, they simply prescribe you drugs. That's what I'm ****ed off about.

Everytime I feel like I can't do it I crack it, I yell and cry but I work through what's going through my head, I'm pregnant with my first child and my hormones are going crazy I'm stressed out about what has happened and whats going to happen to my life. I'm not depressed! I bet the drugs would stop the outbursts, I bet they would block out or make me not care about all the crap I'm scared about, but I don't want that, my emotions show that I'm human.

This is my choice, I feel that I don't need them, I feel that I don't want to be dependant on a drug to make me feel normal everyday, and I don't want to be scared when my doctor suggests that they cut back my dose to wether or not I'm going to cope.

[Chickadee]

My mother went on them because my father was a workaholic *** and she felt that her life was wasted. Mid-life crisis, so staight on the Zoloft for 2 years, after marriage counciling and running her own business she could take control of her life and stop taking them.

...
But they don't do any tests on you before they give you the drugs, they don't offer you counselling first, they simply prescribe you drugs. That's what I'm ****ed off about.


I've picked a few parts of your posts to highlight. Know what, I agree with you. I DO think that anti-depressants are sometimes over prescribed and seen as an easy fix. They DO need to be backed up with counselling and learning coping skills so that a person can move forward in life and not simply be treading water. They are just one tool among many that should be considered and used.

But - in major depression, sometimes the brain is so chemically screwed up that it doesn't function anymore. And the anti-d's are necessary to get that back on track before any amount of counselling is going to be effective. Not always, not for every person, but sometimes and certainly for me.

When I was depressed I simply could not function. I could not concentrate for more than a few minutes. I could not make the simplest decision about what to wear, what to make my DD for dinner, anything. My logic was completely turned around to the point where I thought it made sense for me to commit suicide. I could not control my anger & emotions which were mostly frustration and self-hate at my own inability to function! Yes there were heaps of things in my life that were stressing me, that I hated, and that had knocked me down into depression. But in the mental state I was in there was no way a pyschologist would be able to help me fix those things. (editted to add - my GP was fabulous and did test me, both blood tests and depression "score" tests. She talked to me for hours before prescribing anything and was fully supportive. There ARE good GPs out there, though hard to find)

I don't have the answer. I don't know if meds would help you or not. But go back to your doctor, or get another one, and ask for a mental health plan. You may need to book a longer appointment. With that done you can then get subsidized sessions with a counsellor or psychologist to talk about whats going on in your life and how you can deal with it or turn it around.

[Jakois]

Ummm - in all honesty - please see your GP asap.

:iagree:.

[CazHazKidz]

If a doc diagnoses you with depression, they should not only prescribe you meds, but should also refer you to a psychiatrist.

Did you get this referral? Medicare pays majority of the fees for your first 10 sessions if you are diagnosed with depression and referred by a GP.

I can understand why you don't want to take meds (although I think they may benefit you), but you should definately do your 10 sessions. They are practically free, can't hurt right?

As for your DP, you are very lucky to have such an understanding partner, which I'm sure you already know! Whenever you ARE in a good state of mind, just make sure you tell him how much you love him and how grateful you are that he is standing by you through your moods, and that you are sorry for the way you act when you are down. If he knows you love him and are grateful for him being patient with you, I'm sure he will continue to stand by you through the bad bits!!

Anyway, here's lots of :hugs:'s for you. I hope things improve for you soon. Everyone's body copes with pregnancy differently, and yours is clearly not coping as well as you would hope! I'm sure that when your little bubba comes, s/he'll bring you so much joy to make up for the horrible time you are going through now! :flowerz:

[Rebdot]

Im aware that OCD is not the same as depression as I said I am 1 year out from finishing uni and starting my Psychology registration but the meds they use to treat it are the same,


I had a feeling i shouldnt have touched this topic,

I also think some doctors prescribe these medications to easily,

But they mostly always advise you to get counselling,

and their not addictive, well no more addictive than chocolate, and their not like weed,

the chemical they give you is the chemical in your brain that your short on or that you lack.

If you dont want them or need them thats your choice,

I dont think that all of what you said is because your emotional due to pregnancy, I cant say what I think it is but maybe you should read up on these medications they dont make you high or trippy,

and they dont work for weeks, they dont alter you state of reality they simply make your brain function normal like it should.


You might not like this but iv always thought "you cant complain about something your not willing to change"

[alufolie]

Hi, I just wanted to comment on your posts.

I would recommend perusing a referral to a clinical psychologist or healthcare professional trained specifically in mental illness. GPs are great, however are called a "General" Practitioner for a reason.

Based on my personal experience only, most drugs prescribed are based on behavioural symptoms more so than physical symptoms. Ordinarily you will be placed on a low dosage drug to begin with (and if you/they are concerned about dosage, you should be weighed/height measured accordingly)
Usually it will take 2-8 weeks to see a therapeutic effect, as there is a delayed onset. it is not uncommon to feel worse potentially 1-2 weeks into taking it while it enters your blood stream and you can encounter various symptoms. nonetheless if you feel you have severe symptoms or you have symptoms that are not common, see your professional and they will be able to assist further and perhaps recommend to slowly cut down / ceasing the dosage.

As for recreational drugs it is said ectascy and marijuana could be linked to causing some long term effects such as anxiety, psychosis, depression and serotonin depletion, thus contradicting the actions of most anti depressants while MAOIs, TCAs and SSRIs increase serotonin levels – and is not linked to further mental deterioration or predisposition to further mental illness. considering there is more than one type of anti-depressant drug on the market, you may need to trial more than one to find one that actually has a therapeutic effect for yourself.
benzodiazepines are prescribed for anxiety disorders and sleep disturbances have a high risk of addiction and risk of dependency and are only prescribed short term to avoid such risk.

I would recommend counselling if you do not feel comfortable taking drugs while pregnant and are finding it difficult to cope… i think to not have any kind of help during this time could cause more damage to yourself than good.

take care of yourself and hope you get the help you need :hugs:

[lou333]

Hey melanistic leopard - it sounds like you are in a difficult place right now. As you said, you've been able to get through it before. But as you have a little one on the way, it's really even more important to look after yourself so you can look after your little bub in the future.

As some of the others have commented, antidepressants generally are well tolerated and have few side effects. As for their use in pregnancy, the risks do not appear to be great (although difficult to determine as they don't put pregnant women in drug trials!). It is a matter of working out what the risks are to you and your baby treated as opposed to not treated - risks due to depression and risks due to medication.

I agree you need to see a mental health professional to assess your situation - and bear in mind that pregnancy is a risk factor for depression too. To add to what others have mentioned - unless you live in an isolated area - you should have a local mental health team who can assess you and help in terms of counselling and seeing a psychiatrist if needed. Call your local hospital to find out where to go.

Please take care and don't forget you're looking after 2 now! :hugs:

[helsbells]

Anti-depressants really saved me actually. I had absolutely everything going well in my life- financially fine, great husband, good friends and family, trips away, and first baby on the way. It all looked perfect and no actual "reason" to be so down that I eventually couldn't function. This was a chemical, clinical depression and the meds completely worked.

Contrary to popular belief, anti-depressants do not "numb" you, or stop you feeling regular normal emotions (including sadness, stress and anger) just bring you back "up" to feeling normal again (not high or abnormal in any way).

If you drink too much or take drugs, meds will probably not work because it is the drink/drugs that are probably the problem, not depression!

I agree with you MelanisticLeopard that you are probably not actually depressed (I think you can usually tell for yourself), but just in a really yuk situation right now. Do try to get those free counselling/ psych sessions because they might help you feel more positive and get motivated and proactive to pull yourself out of this funk you are in. Or maybe you will discover you do actually have depression and might be helped by the meds.

If you really need a reason to get up in the morning and cannot get a job anywhere, you could try volunteering somewhere. How about somewhere with babies (like hospital) so you can get some practise and can meet some other mums? If you not keen on that, go for walks, visit mates or browse the shops, but get out of your house or you will go nuts!

I know it feels hard to believe right now, but you WILL love this baby when it arrives. Pregnacy first time is often confusing, hormonal and anxiety provoking. Lots of us have felt this way too. You're not alone.

Good luck, keep us posted

[Pixilocks]

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

I'm sorry you're in such a tough spot!

I know you've said that medications didn't work for people you know, your sister, your cousin...

You said that they have 'made them happier' though, but that they still don't have a job.

I hate to say it, but medication isn't going to get anybody a job. All it can do is alter the chemicals in the brain to bring them to an even level, enough to balance one's mood.

What you do once you are feeling better is entirely up to you, not the medication.

I have been debating whether or not to go on medication myself after a very long history of depression, and a sudden recurrence.
I would find a GOOD GP, and talk to them about how you feel. A good GP should refer you to a psychologist/psychiatrist or even a counsellor before rattling off a prescription.

I'd go and see another GP if I were you, until you know you've found one that really has your best interests at heart.

I honestly think you need some help - whats the point in acknowledging there is a problem if you don't want to do anything about it? There are options out there that aren't medication.

(by 'you' I don't mean that in an accusatory way, just as a general term for all people)

[Pinkzy]

MelanisticLeopard - first of all, let me start off by sending you some massive and heartfelt hugs :hugs:. I can totally relate to so much of what you're going through as I've been there and just want you to know you're not alone, you are NOT crazy and everyone handles being pregnant differently. Please add me if you need someone to talk to.

I have been on soooooo many different medications for mental illness. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder in 2001, then went on to develop pre and postnatal depression. 2004, diagnosed with PTSD and Panic Disorder. 2007, Drug & Alcohol abuse as well as a new diagnosis of claustrophobia. A lot of hospital admissions, two serious suicide attempts (one that literally killed me - very lucky to have survived), and a TON of medication. Some meds I was on for years. Some for months. Some for weeks. I am beginning to slip into prenatal depression myself this time around (almost 11 weeks). Do I still see my shrink? Yes :) She's awesome. Would I accept medication this time around? HELL NO. That's just me though and after 8 years of experience with mental illness and ALL treatments available, I feel I know what the best decision is to make for myself about that.

Making the decision to accept anti depressants or other medications prescribed for mental illness is one that only you and your doctor should make. PLEASE do not be influenced or listen to other people about this...only listen to yourself and your doctor. If you genuinely don't want it - DO NOT TAKE IT. Sorry to sound harsh darling but that's just how I feel about that part of your post.

As for people making you feel bad about having a joint now and then? Two words, Ignore them. I'm not going to get into the whole "why you shouldn't smoke cannabis while you're pregnant" but if it's working for you right now (as in calming you down, possibly giving you an appetite and the ability to eat, making resting easier etc) then please, please, please do not feel bad or guilty over it. Don't tell people around you that you do it - that way they won't whinge or lecture you :) Yes, I'm speaking from experience here lol.

The situation you're in sounds extremely stressful. I don't think anybody in your situation would be handling it without problems and I gotta say, the fact that you're on here talking about it and opening up is a very positive step :) You should actually be proud of yourself for letting it out in my opinion.

I hope you're OK and I sincerely hope things get better. As I said earlier if you need someone to talk to just add me sweetheart :) xoxoxo

[MelanisticLeopard]

Wow seriously firstly I'ld just have to say thank you to all of you. :hugs: all around.

Pinkvanillaz, you hit it right on the head about the marijuana, I had already lost weight at the start of my pregnacy due to serve vomitting which I had to go to hospital for and when the maxolon made me have chest pains and become short of breath, a bit of marijuana let me eat and now it calms me down like nothing else possibly could and lets me get over the joint pains so I can sleep.

Helsbells, I agree that in your position maybe anti-depressants were the only way to go, you had no reason to be feeling down, were I've got every reason and all the time and space to dwell. And thanks for your suggestions, they do sound good and would be fun but I'm pretty much trapped inside my house, I have no money, no car 90% of the time and there is no public transport where I live. Town is in a hole atleast a 45 minute walk down and more back up. I can't make plans like volunteering because I never know when I could get there. But positive thinking says we are saving for another car and by the time the lil one is here, I'll have one.

PeacePixie and Rebdot- I agree that there is no point acknowledging a problem if you're not going to fix it. I just want to fix my problem in the right way, not jump on the first answer given to me. I see that there are a lot of people who honestly need anti-depressants and maybe I am one of them but at the moment I'm not convinced.

I think being on these forums really has helped me. You've all convinced me to ask a GP for a referral to see a psychologist, I'm actually off there today anyway as I've had a UTI for almost 3 months and nothing has helped and my partner got a lift to work so I get the car. YAY

Alufolie- MDMA is actually classified as a SRI (serotonin reuptake inhibitor) these have been used as anti-depressants, and although the drug is illegal now there are still legal medical trials going on around the world. THC the main chemical found in marijuana acts on the opioid receptor which releases dopamine. The anti-depressant effexor-XR is an SNRI, (serotonin-norepinphrine reuptake inhibitor) norepinphrine forms as dopamine when released. Therefore the drugs act on the the same part of the brain, or the same chemicals like I first stated, I cannot denie the effects that long term abuse of drugs has on the brain.


Thanks to all of you again, hope you are all having a great day. :flowerz: