Y do people have bad opinions on young parents? [Archive]

jaydensmum

25-07-2005, 19:57

How come everywhere you go and your young with a baby, people look down at you? Ive just turned 20 and I was 19 when I was pregnant with Jayden. Everywhere I went people would look at me like Ive done something terribly wrong. Some people even had the nerve to say to my face that I threw my life away! I dont know why there is this perception that if your young you'll be a bad mum. Even when I was in hospital they were treating me ok until I told them my age and their attitudes changed dramatically. I'm so sick and tired of this treatment that people under 25 get when they decide to have a baby. I personally dont feel that I have done something wrong. I love my son and I know I'm a good mum. I also know that the majority of young mums are great mums! Does anyone else feel the same as I do? Has anyone else been treated like dirt because you made the decision to have a beautiful child? Please let me know I'm interested in knowing if this happens to many people.

Jaydensmum :(

Kamaikia

25-07-2005, 20:26

I had my son at 23 and have had a few comments from older people about having a child at my age ( and to make it worse i am a single mum :) ). I have gotten the "aren't you too young to have a baby" , well obviously not when i've got a baby in my arms. Numerous other comments as well. I had it easy though. A friend of mine has just given birth to her second child at 25. She had her first at 16and was treated like s*** (sorry) from everyone - the school her friends family. She got the you'll ruin your life, ruin your babies life you'll never be able to do it.
She has just had her second baby and again had problems due to the fact that she still looks 17 .
She felt as though she was treated badly by some (not all) of the staff and the antenatal clinics and in the hospital.
But you know its really funny for her to come face to face with some of those people who 8 years ago treated her so badly. She gets to show off her beautiful family that are happy healthy and very loved.
I think no matter what someone will always have something negative to say about your situation. You really need to learn to dismiss there comments though. Take pride in the fact that you are young and doing a great job. And at the end of the day what does it matter what someone has said when you are at home happy and healthy with your beautiful loved child.

Baby Girl

25-07-2005, 20:56

I love the fact that every person who commented when I fell pg with DD1 at 22 years old were the people who were married with 2 kids by 19 as standard in their 'hey' day!!

I used to ask people who made comments how old they were when they had their first child, many of the answers were well before they turned 25!! But yet it was okay for these people to judge me about how old I was when having my first child. So many of them would say, 'I have been there and done it and know how difficult it was'. As far as I am concerned, no more difficult than having kids at any other age!!

Rainbowbrite

26-07-2005, 16:11

I personally would prefer to have children while I was young enough to enjoy them - no offense to any older mums. As long as you love and care for your children who cares how old you are.

My mother,like most years ago,was married at 18 and had her first baby at 20 after 2 miscarriages. I came as a shock when she was 36 so you can imagine the reactions she got being pregnant with 14, 12 and 8 year old kids :eek:

Even though I was 24 when i fell pregnant, i got the "your too young" arguement. People aren't happy unless tehy are criticising someone :rolleyes:

aardvark

26-07-2005, 17:42

I can tell you there are some pretty rude people out there, who will say exactly what they think on the subject, too.

My teenage daughter is often assumed to be the mum of her little sister. If I've left them sitting together on a seat at the shops while I go to the loo, my daughter gets no end of awful comments.

It's going to be worse when the new baby arrives early next year.

mattias'mom

27-07-2005, 01:15

I had my son just before my 25th birthday this year. I too have gotten strange looks when me, my DP and my son are out in public. My DP especially has gotten looks when he has gone out to the store alone with our son. I think that 25 is a great age to have a baby. I have found that people at my work were the worst with the comments. Most people did not know that I was pregnant and when they found out some made comments like "are they going to give it up for adoption". These comments were really hurtful. I am 25 years old and perfectly capable of looking after my son. I felt like I needed to defend myself and our decisions which I feel that I should have had to. I have gone into my work since being on maternity leave and have gotten really stupid questions and I have wanted to ask these people if the question sounded stupid to them because it sounded stupid to me!

the_original_duchess

27-07-2005, 14:48

i totally agree with you all, i was married at 18 and had my son 2 months before my 19th birthday and now have a 3 month little girl aswell. i am 21, married, paying off a mortgage, my husband works 6 days a week and i am responsable yet apparently i'm to young for all of this. thank god i dont listen to these sort of people huh? my husband and kids are well looked after. i think if you cant say something nice then blow it out your bum. the happiness of my family are my first priority.
anyway take cae all,
danielle :p

Chickadee

27-07-2005, 16:15

Wow.

Reading this thread has made me sit down and seriously examine my own stereotypes. I know, logically and from experience, that the majority of young parents are perfectly capable, responsible and loving. And there are likely just as many "bad" 40 year old parents as 20 year olds, if not more (I wonder if I've gotten more selfish as I got older!). I've never said to anyone that they're too young to have kids, but I'll admit that I have looked down at young mums (and dads). I've wondered how good a parent they can be and wondered if they knew what they were getting themselves into. And I'm not proud of thinking those things... but I'll admit it and try to re-work my mindset.

Some ideas on why young people get looked down on:

There is an assumption the preg wasn't planned and therefore mum (& dad) is already demonstrating irresponsibility (which is bs, since just as many 30-40 year old women have accidents despite contraception).

Women are now expected to want to have a career/job and do more with their life than be a mum. One bad side-effect of the 60-70s womens lib movement - we're supposed to want it all. So some older people may feel young mums are throwing away opportunities.

I remember living in England and watching groups of 14-16 year old girls pushing their baby carriages down the main street. There would literally be a pack of 3-6 babies and mums with up to a dozen other girls oohing and aaahing. And I just knew that those other girls couldn't wait to have their own wee baby. And that's what upsets me - not that the mums were young but that so many girls seemed to have only one goal in life: to have a baby and go on welfare as a single mum. And there's so much more they should be aiming for! I wanted to shake them! I'm not belittling SAHMs, but at least they should be finishing high school. Goes back to my 2nd bullet above. Maybe I'm a snob, probably I am.

aardvark

27-07-2005, 16:31

That's where me being pregnant with a teenage daughter has been interesting - she's been watching me being ill and tired, and now expanding, and she reckons there's not a whole lot to be said for the process.......and that she will be waiting "a very LONG time".

Trix

27-07-2005, 16:37

My younger sister got pregnant when she was 17, and got extremely bad looks in public. When i was with her I would see these looks and cos she was too shy, I used to give them dirty looks, or if they had the nerve to say anything, I would give them a few words back!!! :p

They were usually older woman too!! Woman in their 50s and 60s. That drove me insane, cos I'm sure they were pregnant when they were that age!

Anyway, i'm sure i'll get it too, even though i'm 25, cos i'm quite shortish, i look quite young. But i really don't care what other people think, I know i'll be a great mum. And my sister is a great mum too.

Make sure all you young mums out there stick up for yourselves, don't let these cynical, possibly hypocritical, narrow minded people let you think any less of yourselves! ;)

Rainbowbrite

27-07-2005, 17:00

Just another thing to add.

The daughter of a friend of mine made a bad choice (her words) and fell pregnant at 14. She is a great mum now aged 22, married and pregnant with her second child. She completed her HSC and also a Social Work degree. All this without the support of her family.

She is such a strong person and one of the best mum's I know :D

onabreak

27-07-2005, 17:01

My mum was married at 19 and had me at 21. By the time my mum was 32 she had four children. My parents wanted to have us all at a young age. I am 28 years old and my parents are only turning 50 this year.

I had my daughter at 27 so I am not really a young mum. But I say good on you all for being mums even if you are young, I don't think there is any correct age for us women to have children. If you can love and support your child at any age I don't see the problem.

If your 35 and having a baby or 20 at both ages you can still love your child just as much as any one.

GOOD ON YOU young mums. Hold your heads high and be proud of being a mum, its the best thing in the world.

ecomumma

28-07-2005, 21:04

My mum had the 4 of us by the time she was 24 :eek:

I wouldnt say I look down at younger mothers (and by young mothers I probably class under 21 not under 25) but I do think back on what I did and experienced before becoming a mum (at 30) and know that these people wont ever have that oppotunity. Maybe they dont want to, and thats fine, but I think most people change an awful lot in their 20's and I know from first hand experience that while parents NEVER regret having their children, the age at which people start (whether it be 16 or 40) does have an effect on your thinking and your relationships.

So why I would never comment or critisise, I would be hypocritical not to say that I do think about these things privately. That said, I also think it about older parents (ie 45 plus) as well.

jess09

28-07-2005, 23:31

hi my name is jess im 19 with a 6 month old baby girl.I was 18 when i was pregnant 19 when i had her and turnin 20 in september.Trust me i get looks from elderly people not all the time but most.They look at her and then look at me now i just either smile back at them to **** them off or just give them dirty looks back.I dont care what they think , i know im a good mum and my daughter is in good hands , healthy and one of the most happiest babys i have ever seen.Not recommending it to any one but its good to have them young these days!!!!

29-07-2005, 06:58

I'm not a young mum myself (30 - i'm ancient) but I really really wish I had had my children a lot younger.

I remember my mum commenting on the young mother thing, and she siad that sometimes it may not be the path that a lot of young mums would have chosen at the time - talking about accidental pregnancies, but she has seen time and time again that these young women just blossom with the responsibility of motherhood, and suddenly get really serious about what they want in life, gain a great perspective about caring about others, and continue on to achieve wonderful things.

My first child was a complete accident, and it was not frowned on, but if you are young, well that is just a crime!
What ridiculous double standards!

Once someone is young and already pg, the last thing they need is judgement, they need a huge amount of support - as do all pg women, but it is very unfair for young mums to be singled out for rude behaviour.

Hold your heads high!

Angie

the_original_duchess

29-07-2005, 12:46

i really dont understand why it is automatically assumed that young women who get pregnant do so by accident. my son was not planned but my daughter definantly was. when i attended antenatal clinic with my second pregnancy i was often asked what form of birthcontrol failed me but i wanted to be prgnant with my second child. the way i see it, my career can wait, my children will be in school when i can start working and when that happens my husband and i can work around school hours. and to all of the old women out there who think that we young mums have ruined our lives call me up in 10 years from now when my houseis paid off and my career is going great, as well as my family life and tell me then that i have ruined my life. you cant judge a book by its cover nor can you assess a situation that you have not experianced.
from
danielle, the happiest and most accomplished mother i know. :p

wendy mother of 5

24-08-2005, 09:37

hi im 29 and a very young looking 29 people think im 15 as they ask all the time i have 5 children i started when i was 19 and i was and still am a very proud mother the world needs to mind its own buissness people dont know how you live or treat your child so they shouldnt say a word dont worry about other people enjoy your life with you kids as tomorrow you could be gone

jarrahsmumma

24-08-2005, 14:45

i am a young mum too, 20 when i was pregnant and turned 21 about a month before he was born (that was a fun 21st :)) i did feel the "looks" alot, especially as i returned to small country town (from the city)to be with my family when he was born.

the bad thing is, i used to think negativley of younger mums, when girls at school 15/16 got pregnant i used to think it was verey sad. but now my whole view has changed, these are some of the toughest mums i know, i was finishing uni at the time and here where mums trying to get there HSC's etc. at least i could defer units or skip a class due to morning sickness, these girls couldn't do that.

so i want to say sorry to all the younger mums out there who have copped it from society and their peers. i am working on a film/doco on young mums at the moment to help counteract what i call "the current affair view" of young mums, just as soon as i finsh washing nappies :)

peace
natalie

mim

24-08-2005, 20:55

I'm 24 now, I had my DS when I was 20. No, he wasn't planned (and neither was our DD!) but honestly I couldn't love my kids any more or be happier if I had waited 10 years.
The whole time I was pregnant and after DS was born I have put up with stares, glares and comments. My DS was born with a hole in his head (sounds worse than it was) and he had a huge scab on his head. Most people (mainly older women) assumed I had dropped him on his head! :confused: I think some people just have way too much time on their hands.
I even had a b***h midwife in hospital snipe at me 'you're too young to be having your second baby'
It's not fair that a few bad eggs bring the rest of us down, I know a few parents in their 30's and 40's who should never have been allowed to have kids, but noone looks down on all the other parents in these age groups.

I have just learnt to ignore people, if they can't look at my kids and see how healthy and happy they are then they really aren't worth sparing a thought for.

Like I said it's not fair, but hold your head up guys, be proud of what you have achieved. :D

emmicoa

28-08-2005, 23:23

I was pregnant at 16 and was 17 when I had my little girl. When I went to the Dr the first thing he said was "I can book in in for a termination on". He hadn't even asked if I wanted one. I told him to where to go. When I had my daughter the dr and most of the staff treated me like s***. They didn't show me how to breastfeed properly and did not help me at all. I tore, but had no stitches and they didn't even check me to make sure I wasn't losing too much blood or anything. The woman in the next bed was in her 30s, had the same dr and the staff were leaning over backwards to help. Its like they were punishing me or something.

I am also sick of people assuming that because I was young that I must be a single mother (I am not), that my kids have different fathers (they don't) or that I must be a s***. My partner and I have been together for 6 years and have 2 children together. If we were 30, people would think that it was wonderful.

I have learned to ignore people. As long as the people around you are OK it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. And the best revenge is when people have their own children years later and come and ask you for help!! ha ha

missy1986

01-09-2005, 20:18

i had my son when i was 15 years old and have had people say the nastiest things to me and it got even worse when i had my daughter last year (i was 18).

it made me so wild when i went to the antenatal clinic with my second pregnancy and the first thing i was asked was why i hadn't used contraception.
maybe it may have been because we wanted another baby...duh!!!!

i have had too many rows to count in the street with older people who look down on me because i had my children so young!
there have even been some occasions when people have sat at a nearby table and talked about me!

i'm not the shy type so i give them all a piece of my mind!

i know i am a good mother and i love my babies more than anything!

most of the haters out there are hypocrites who had children young themselves.

well i just thought i'd throw in my two cents worth cos i know where ya'll coming from!

melzy

02-09-2005, 07:19

Too many people these days are judgemental and don't know the full reasons as to why the person they are judging are pregnant or have had a child. They can be planned at a young age or not but I don't like to judge because I think to myself, what if she was raped or something and she couldn't abort or adopt and decided to bring this child up. We don't know the reason. I don't think people think of things like that and they seem to always get judged on being a s*#t.

j&k'smum

03-09-2005, 23:41

The next time someone says something, or looks at you in a way that you feel is judgmental, just remember how sad their lives must be. Feel sorry for them because really, that is what thier lives contain. Sorrowfulness, and sadness. People who make such judgments on others are only unhappy in their own lives. Thats all. They not only do it to you, but more so, to so many other people. Don't take on board their crap, you be proud of taking responsibility and being strong enough to stand up to something you could have so easily walked away from. You have just enough right as anyone else to bring a child into this world, to love and nurture.
And remember too, people talk about people all the time, and judge and make fun..Its not just about the "young one's having babies". Its a very sad truth i'm afraid...But there is not much we can do about it.
As long as you know why you are where you are and you are ok, then thats all that matters. You will always feel you have to "defend" yourself, but you don't have to. You don't owe anyone anything... :D

melzy

04-09-2005, 06:10

Well said J&K's mum!!

j&k'smum

04-09-2005, 22:02

why thankyou Melzy :D

Zarbz

17-09-2005, 07:30

I've just been reading through all your msg, I now know that I'm not the only young mum to feel this rubbish from people that don't even know my circumstance!!! There is one thing I would like to add to your discussion, What really upsets me is that 'we' are told we should aim for more in our lifes!!!!!! Excuse me what do you think we are doing??? I think being a mum is the most rewarding career anyone could ever have and for those who say we've wasted our lifes Obviously don't have children!!!! & don't understand that wonderful feeling when you hold you baby for the first time or hear them laugh see them crawl and walk!!!! What could be more wonderful and rewarding than that????? Mind you I feel liberated to know that on the whole young mums don't harrass older mums, we don't go around looking down at them and saying "I can't believe they had thre kids so old" "What sort of parents are they going to be" "there to old to run around after kids" So ladies feel proud 'we' are the bigger people in this life long debate!!!!!

poshBecks

18-09-2005, 11:37

I was married when i was 19 & 1st bub by 22 & YESSS!! People are so rude!! As far as i'm concerned it's no one elses business as to how i run my life!! God designed our bodies to be at their best for child bearing between the age of 18-25, so why exactly do people have a problem when we take advantage of this gift?
The way i see it, I'll still be in my early 40's when ds is all grown up!! I get my life back A LOT sooner! :D

Becky
___________________
Mum of.....
Connor, 17 mths
Bump, due in Dec
AND LOVIN' IT!!!!

ThomasMum

18-09-2005, 15:32

Oh I think what j&k'smum said is fantastically spot on!

Don�t waste your energy on these people. Trust me being an older mum I too cope some criticisms!
Sad, negative people eh? Who need them! ;)

Thomas'Mum

peterpan

18-09-2005, 21:41

Hi All,
I have just been reading this thread and I think what ever age you are having a baby is no one's bussines.
I'm a young mum with my first baby I'm 35!!!!! Oh my god yes 35 and just had my first baby 30/5/05 and I love being a mum.
One rude MW told me that she hoped I was'nt having anymore at my age
people don't think that maybe you wanted to want till you were older or you have
been trying for the last 10 years I hate the way you get judged at what ever age you have children.
Most of my friend were young mum's (25/27 and it's great I ring them all the time for tips.
Good on you young Mum's keep up the good work!!!!!!
Oh and the old girls like me :p

Angela,David
&

Our special Boy that took so long to get here
Peter Ian
30/5/05

poshBecks

19-09-2005, 13:03

Don't people realise that God designed our bodies to be at their best for childbearing between the age of 18-25? I really can't understand why people think we are crazy for taking advantage of how He intended motherhood to be!!!

Becky (24yrs)
_________________
Mum of....
Connor, 17 mths
Bump, Due in Dec

peterpan

19-09-2005, 14:42

Well Becky mine was designed to give birth at 35 which i did
and we plan to have one more
Angela

jaydensmum

23-09-2005, 01:00

It's so good to see that there is quite a few people going through the same thing as me. I still cant believe the nerve of some people and their opinions. There's an old saying that I believe in firmly and that is "If you dont have anything nice to say about someone then dont say it at all". I sometimes wish that people would use this saying to practise. If anyone else has been or is going through this situation please let us know, I'm very interested in this topic.

jaydensmum. :)

carls

26-09-2005, 15:40

Ive just tuned into this thread (a very slow day at work today), and have to agree with MarthaM's post way back in July. I admit to being one of these people that tends to generalise and sometimes frowns upon young mums, and admittedly I never did until living in the UK and seeing all the kiddy mums. Im pregnant and 28 - so really I'm only a few years out of the 'young mums' category. Being a careerminded woman, I never thought I would have children before the age of 30, but there you go.

I find it amazing that its illegal to have sex or drink/smoke under age, but its not illegal to have children under age! How can a parent teach their child about the rights and wrongs of life if they are still learning themselves?

Young mums are considered by some to possibly be straight out of school ( a lot look like they are), uneducated and have no life prospects except popping out kids and living off welfare. Sorry if this sounds harsh to some, but 95% of the young mums I have seen pushing prams around have painted a pretty bleak picture to me - extremely young, dishevelled (both mum and child), foul mouths, dressed in rags and usually with no father to be seen).
I have never seen a teenager pushing a pram around the medium to affluent suburbs- its always in the poor suburbs with its vicious circle of poverty and lack of education. Monkey see, monkey do and it starts all over again.

I am definitely not saying that any of bub hubs young mums fall into this category -it is a generalisation of what I have seen in the supermarkets, shopping centres and having to work in a poverty ridden suburb, and the assumptions I have drawn from it.

If you are a young mum, make sure you can stick it up me and all the other people out there that arent too sure of your choices. Show them:

* that youve finished school to Year 12 (no employer likes a drop out)
* that you have further education and skills to find a good job
* a healthy bank balance
* a nice safe car to drive you child around in
* a decent house
* that you can afford to provide a decent education for your child
* that you know how to dress and act in a manner that is socially acceptable - lead by example
* that you arent going to spend half your life on welfare (remember - monkey see, monkey do)

I think this is important for all parents, not just the young mums!

*hoping I havent offended anyone - please dont hate me!* :o

jaydensmum

26-09-2005, 18:36

Hi carls, yes Im a bit offended in some of your comments. I know a mum who is 16 years old and she is the best mum in the world to her daughter. Just because she is 16 doesnt mean she cant be the best mum. She might not of finished school or drive a car but she can provide love! Since when does a baby look up their mums and ask them where is your diploma or drivers license? Im a young mum and I didnt finish high school, i dont drive a car and I know that I look after my son to the best that I can do. No one is perfect at parenting, not even older people! I made the decision to have my children young so that I can grow with them and have a career later down the track. I congratulate the people who decide to have babies young. I think it's a huge responsiblity taking on parenthood. To your comment about them being immature because they are children themselves. Open your eyes and see that making a decision to not only have a baby but nuture and raise them into childhood and then adulthood is a mature decision!! I have met alot of young parents in my day and not one of them I look down at. It's hard work having to raise a baby! Alot harder then just doing your 9 -5 job! What makes it harder on young parents is people like you, making out we are bad parents just because we had them young. I would love you to be a young mum for a day and then come back and make those comments! I doubt you would some how, because you would then realise that it is hard work and we dont get appreciated! I realise you are voicing your opinion and so am I! Thanks for your time to write your post.

jaydensmum. :mad:

draught

26-09-2005, 19:07

If you are a young mum, make sure you can stick it up me and all the other people out there that arent too sure of your choices. Show them:

* that youve finished school to Year 12 (no employer likes a drop out)
* that you have further education and skills to find a good job
* a healthy bank balance
* a nice safe car to drive you child around in
* a decent house
* that you can afford to provide a decent education for your child
* that you know how to dress and act in a manner that is socially acceptable - lead by example
* that you arent going to spend half your life on welfare (remember - monkey see, monkey do)

I think this is important for all parents, not just the young mums!

*hoping I havent offended anyone - please dont hate me!* :o

I'm sorry - but since when did the above list become a checklist for being a good parent - no matter what age you are???? Being a good parent is about providing a safe, clean and healthy environment for your child, with love and respect. Those things don't come with money or age. And it is all very well to ask "please don't hate me" but if you are going to write something ill informed and offensive, people aren't going to love you.

That being said I actually tuned into this thread to share a nice story about the benefits of being a young parent. Over the weekend I had a young friend to stay (I say young because at 13 I don't think we can dispute her youthfulness). Her parents are friends of mine and they were having a night away so she spent the weekend with me and my girls, who she loves. Over the course of the weekend I realised how many times she was speaking of her mother and the things they had done together, jokes they had shared etc and it dawned on me that these two women are really good friends as well as being mother and daughter. I spoke to my friend about it when she came to collect her daughter and said that I was envious of the fact that having had her daughter young they were now young together and could have such a close relationship.

She told me that when she had her daughter people gave her a really hard time beacuse she was young. She was 20, married and the baby was planned but people treated her like she had stuffed up her life and made a mistake. She said that it made the early years really hard, but that now she was still glad that she had chosen to have her family young as the benefits were there for them all. My parents were young when they had me, and are still young and enjoy their family and I am sad that it took me so long to find my partner and start a family as I have missed out on that chance to be young with my girls. So - to all you young parents - enjoy the fact that you get to be young and energetic with your little ones! And don't let other people's obsession with possessions judge you - focussing on being the best parent you can is all any of us can do - the rest is window dressing.

Melissa1983

26-09-2005, 20:10

Hi
I was 19 also when i had Mikayla, i also got strange looks but i didn't care i use it was what i wanted (after getting use to the point i was having a baby). Some young parents are the best parents! I found the hopsital though was really good when they found out i was a young mum, they were very helpful. So i didnt have that experience.

Peaceangels

26-09-2005, 20:47

If the children are happy, healthy (well fed) and loved then the age of the mother is irrelevant.
I am an older mother (I think, although I don't consider myself to be old - 35). It was not by choice though - we took almost 6yrs before falling pg with DS1 (& took 30seconds to fall with DS2 as my DH puts it!).
In my mother's day (the 60's) she had her first baby at 27 and that was considered old - how things have changed !!!!!!!!

peterpan

26-09-2005, 20:58

Refresh

26-09-2005, 21:09

carls

27-09-2005, 06:53

Oh dear I knew I would offend some people! I'm very sorry for doing that - this was not a direct dig at any young mums on bubhub - as I said before, my views are purely based on what I see around me sometimes, not any young mums that I have known (I dont know any) - so yes I could be totally ignorant and dont mind admitting it! I do not doubt for a second that young mums love their kids. Maybe my views also stem from the way I was brought up too.

I'm not money obsessed but I do believe in providing the best possible life for your child and money does help with some of these things. Saying that, I know kids that went to the best private school in Adelaide and turned out delinquents - maybe because both parents were working to pay the huge school fees and didnt have time to raise their children.

Maybe I have just witnessed one too many bad eggs around where I work which have given me a poor view on young mums (and older mums too!). Sorry again for offending! :o

mim

27-09-2005, 11:37

Carls,

I have just read your post and had to reply.
You keep saying that it's not directed at any young mums on bubhub - what makes us different? Is it because we are the ones who will read it? I know you say that you don't mean to offend anyone but consider me offended! I had my first son at 20 and have had to put up with a lot of c**p over the years ( as I'm sure have a lot of other young mums out there). How would you feel if I posted that "in my opinion career mums shouldn't have kids because all they care about is work and money, and they won't be good parents, by the way this is just a generalisation because I don't know any career mums" (this is NOT my opinion, just trying to make a point)
Whether we are educated or not, whether we drive cars, whether we own our own homes, whether we have partners or not, it doesn't matter.
We love our kids.
I love my kids more than anything and they always come first.
Please, please think about what you write in future. It may only be words, but it still hurts.

carls

27-09-2005, 12:12

I said its not directly related to the young bub hub mums because I dont know their individual situations.

The title of the thread was "why do people have bad opinions of young parents" - am I not allowed to say why I think this is so?

There would be no point to the thread if it wasnt to get peoples opinions on the topic!

:)

mim

27-09-2005, 12:17

So you know the individual situations of the 'other' young mums you refer to do you?

carls

27-09-2005, 12:54

Of course I dont.

The thread topic is a controversial question, which isnt just going to receive sugar coated answers. I have simply offered my personal opinion on it based on what I have seen and heard.

ThomasMum

27-09-2005, 13:25

Oh dear oh dear, what a tangled web we weave�
Here�s my 2 c; inconsiderate comments, inflammatory comments, tactless comments are the reasons why it is soooooo bloody hard to unite all mums to be positive, land a hand to each others, support each others, no matter how odd their choices.
No carls, I wont hate you for voicing your opinions, it is true you have the same right as others.

But please before you write anything in the future re-read it again. Because what you have just wrote created a more painful gap/distant: between younger mums-older mums, SAHMs- working mums etc. And that�s not very nice.
To be a good parent is not an easy task. And you certainly can�t buy it with money. Seriously, I don�t bloody care whether they start their family at the age of 15s, or late 50s as long as they are a responsible parent, love their lil ones that�s all I ever want to hear.
Be kind to each other, like I said in different post. As mums we should also care to other people�s kids not just our own. And by being nice to other mums mean you are being kind to their kids.

Thomas�s Mum... :)