Reverse Cycling

[Notchalk]

Hi there.

I have a 13 month old son who is breastfeeding every 2 hours or so over night. During the day he is refusing solids, and breastfeeding the usual 3 times a day. If I try to give him the dummy in the night instead of feeding him (since it is only 2 hour since the last feed) he piffs it out of the cot (somewhere!) and cries...

So I pick him up and feed him again. He pulls off when he's finished and I can put him back in the cot successfully.

This is killing me now that I am back at work, and he is constantly wanting to be held during the day - there are tears when I go to the loo or even try to tidy up the toys in the SAME ROOM as him.

I want to fix this, but the gentle way - any AP ideas??

Thanks :)

Jo

[poshBecks]

prolly not the advice you are wanting... but i did cc when my son went through that stage..... very successful. though i am a no nonsense mum!! :rolleyes: still love my kiddies to bits though!!!

[the_queen]

Becky, generally APers don't think CCing is a good idea. :)

Jo, if he's refusing solids then I would think that is why he's BFing so much. I haven't BF a toddler so can't give you advice there - perhaps he's getting teeth? Perhaps try offering some different types of solids, finger foods, or stuff he's never tried before?
With the separation anxiety, I know it's hard but you just have to remember that it is a phase, it will pass. You've obviously done such a good job of parenting him so far, that he can't bear to be apart from you. Do you wear him at all? He might be a bit heavy - I haven't worn a toddler either so I could be completely talking out my ar$e :p - but you could try him in a sling? Even a backpack type carrier, if he's too heavy for a front carrier. Overload him with attention and he'll get all he needs, KWIM? And therefore be less likely to be "desperate" for it.

It's hard when you go back to work - have you only recently gone back? Maybe that upheaval is having an effect on him?
Like I said, I might be talking out my, erm, bum :D but you sound like a wonderful mummy and I'm sure if you listen to your instinct you will know what to do.
:hugs:

[Funkychicken]

This is a hard one. Big :hugs: to you as I guess you are feeling very tired and emotional right now. Around 14 months my DS#1 went through an exceptionally clingy stage so that may be adding to the problem. He may also be picking up on your stress and tiredness and is feeling a bit insecure. The nights are hardest-I really don't know if I can offer any advice aside from suggesting you co-sleep so you aren't as disturbed by him feeding. This may also help to break the 2 hour cycle as he may wake, sense you right there and go straight back to sleep. A couple of weeks of this and he may self-teach to sleep through those 2 hourly light wakings. Can you take a rest in the day at all? An extra hour of sleep for you here and there might help you. You sound as though you need some rest yourself! All the best-I'm sure Goosie or one of the other AP mums will visit here and offer some advice.:hugs:

[Notchalk]

prolly not the advice you are wanting... but i did cc when my son went through that stage..... very successful. though i am a no nonsense mum!! :rolleyes: still love my kiddies to bits though!!!

I tried that and first time I tried I lasted 20 min... second time it worked ... for all of a week. I couldn't keep that up weekly without getting dehydrated from crying myself, so it's not for us - but thanks anyway :)

Jo

[Rainbowbrite]

Sorry, no help from me :hugs: But i know exactly what your going through. MJ is 13 months, bf all night every 1-2hrs, plus about 3 during the day & also doesnt eat solids. I find though that she will feed herself sometimes but will refuse my trying to feed her.

Again, sorry i'm no help but just know that your not alone :hugs:

[Notchalk]

With the separation anxiety, I know it's hard but you just have to remember that it is a phase, it will pass. You've obviously done such a good job of parenting him so far, that he can't bear to be apart from you. Do you wear him at all? He might be a bit heavy - I haven't worn a toddler either so I could be completely talking out my ar$e :p - but you could try him in a sling? Even a backpack type carrier, if he's too heavy for a front carrier. Overload him with attention and he'll get all he needs, KWIM? And therefore be less likely to be "desperate" for it.

It's hard when you go back to work - have you only recently gone back? Maybe that upheaval is having an effect on him?
Like I said, I might be talking out my, erm, bum :D but you sound like a wonderful mummy and I'm sure if you listen to your instinct you will know what to do.
:hugs:

I could try him in a sling, yes... it's just hard to bend down and pick stuff up and put away with him in a sling. But for other things, yes, I could try. I find he wants to grab at everything and prefers to just be held rather than slung ;) I need some back carrying sling ideas...
As for going back to work, I am thinking that has really stuffed up our breastfeeding 'schedule' as he won't drink any milk in any way while I'm at work, so night time is when he gets his fill. The SA might have something to do with work too, but when I go, he is with his Dad the whole time, we hardly ever leave him with other people, and when it is, it's for a few hours while we see a movie - perhaps every month or every second month. I know it's a phase... I just need to suck it up and get used to it!

Jo

[Notchalk]

He may also be picking up on your stress and tiredness and is feeling a bit insecure. The nights are hardest-I really don't know if I can offer any advice aside from suggesting you co-sleep so you aren't as disturbed by him feeding. This may also help to break the 2 hour cycle as he may wake, sense you right there and go straight back to sleep.

Your first sentence I quoted above I think makes a lot of sense. I try not to over-baby him, and so instead of rushing to him immediately when he cries if I'm getting changed or something (right in front of him, no less) I will say something like, "You're ok" or make him crawl to me if he wants me, instead of him kneeling there with arms up and crying for me. Perhaps he is feeling insecure right now, and I do need to jump to his every whim for a while... pretend I'm not tired of the whinging and frequent night wakings!

As for co-sleeping, he is in our room, and we have just gotten him back into his cot for the last 2 months or so. He comes into our bed at about 5:30 or so, and then he thinks it's playtime... whereas if I can get him back into the cot, he generally goes to sleep. Co-sleeping used to work for us, but it's not anymore everytime we try it. I have been thinking of co-sleeping minus the feeding though... get him not to be used to feeding at night, but still be right there to cuddle up to. I don't know what the right thing to do is, though.

Thanks for your ideas :)

Jo

[Notchalk]

Sorry, no help from me :hugs: But i know exactly what your going through. MJ is 13 months, bf all night every 1-2hrs, plus about 3 during the day & also doesnt eat solids. I find though that she will feed herself sometimes but will refuse my trying to feed her.

Again, sorry i'm no help but just know that your not alone :hugs:

Thankyou Rainbowbrite - perhaps Will and MJ are evil twins? :devil6:

Glad to know we're not the only ones... what if anything are you doing about it? Or are you just riding it out?

Thanks :)

Jo

[Rainbowbrite]

Thankyou Rainbowbrite - perhaps Will and MJ are evil twins?

Glad to know we're not the only ones... what if anything are you doing about it? Or are you just riding it out?

Thanks

Jo

Hi Jo,

sounds like they are evil twins :laughing:

honestly i've given up for now. Its apparently not uncommon for bubs our age to go off their food. I know a few whose bubs are the same age & older who dont eat. Thank goodness we bf :yes: They wont starve themselves & if we make a big deal about eating it will cause more trouble. I just share my food rather than making her seperate meals.

Hope that helps :hugs:

[Goosie22]

:hugs: Its hard, but its only a phase. Be very attentive and present for your baby when your home 110% attention. I went to work (part-time) when my boys were 12 months, it was a very hard time for me as they wanted me all the more when I was home, All I did was just give in, I dont think its bad to baby a baby, they needed to know that even though I wasnt there at home with them all the time I was still theirs and they could have as much of me as they wanted. I wont lie it was annoying but it passes like all the bad stuff and your only left with the good.

My oldest son is 8 (turning 9)now and breastfeed to over 3 carried around in a sling or lumped on my hip most of the time, now plays right prop in rugby union and wants to start boxing:eek: , Im telling you all the babying I did to that kid didnt stop that testosterone from winning (he still loves a cuddle on the sly though;) ).

[Notchalk]

Hi Jo,

sounds like they are evil twins :laughing:

honestly i've given up for now. Its apparently not uncommon for bubs our age to go off their food. I know a few whose bubs are the same age & older who dont eat. Thank goodness we bf :yes: They wont starve themselves & if we make a big deal about eating it will cause more trouble. I just share my food rather than making her seperate meals.


Thanks for the hugs!

So true, I am so glad we are breastfeeding. It's always just there to offer and I've not wasted any milk or washing up if he only wanted a snack, or to check them out to make sure they're still there for later :D

I have definitely made sure I don't make a big deal out of food or not eating. I always offer at the usual times, and if he's not hungry he'll either shake his head, or throw the food on the floor (or both). My nephew is still 'scared' of peas (he's 23) after my Mum force fed him peas on a spoon when he was 2 years old by pinning him down with her knees in his hands, laying on his back :eek: It was the scariest thing I ever saw, and even at 6 years old, I decided I'd never do that to my own child.

I might try just sharing from my plate and see what happens tomorrow.

Thanks for the idea!

Jo

[Notchalk]

:hugs: Its hard, but its only a phase. Be very attentive and present for your baby when your home 110% attention. I went to work (part-time) when my boys were 12 months, it was a very hard time for me as they wanted me all the more when I was home, All I did was just give in, I dont think its bad to baby a baby, they needed to know that even though I wasnt there at home with them all the time I was still theirs and they could have as much of me as they wanted. I wont lie it was annoying but it passes like all the bad stuff and your only left with the good.

My oldest son is 8 (turning 9)now and breastfeed to over 3 carried around in a sling or lumped on my hip most of the time, now plays right prop in rugby union and wants to start boxing:eek: , Im telling you all the babying I did to that kid didnt stop that testosterone from winning (he still loves a cuddle on the sly though;) ).

Hmm, I might have to curb my internet/laptop habbits then ;) I might stop trying to do ANYTHING for a week and see if that helps. I am also not working much this week at all, so we'll see if all that combined helps.

*sigh* your description of having an 8yo son who loves a cuddle is making me happy... I can't wait to have a little person to talk to and teach stuff - not that I can't do it with him now, but you know what I mean!

Thanks!
Jo

[Funkychicken]

*sigh* your description of having an 8yo son who loves a cuddle is making me happy... I can't wait to have a little person to talk to and teach stuff - not that I can't do it with him now, but you know what I mean!

Thanks!
Jo
Believe me, it will happen in the blink of an eye! One minute I was gushing at my new born baby boy and the next minute he is in class 2 at school. Our children have this thing when you cut your birthday cake that if you touch the bottom you have to kiss the closest boy/girl. Tonight I cut my cake and my 7yo DS whispered to me "Can I be next to you so if you touch the bottom, you can kiss me?" It was so beautiful.:)

[Goosie22]

"Can I be next to you so if you touch the bottom, you can kiss me?" It was so beautiful.:)

*Tearing up* What a tender heart.

[evesmum]

you poor thing I know how you feel the clingy stage can be extremely difficult (for you and bub). It seems to me that your liilt one is having a hard time adjusting to the new situation but whatever you do DONT FEEL GUILTY you can help him through this. I wouldnt worry too much about him not eating solids, a lot of breastfed babies will be happy enough with mummy's milk especially if your eating well and hes getting lots of nutrients just keep offering soft fruits and stuff and one day he'll just decide to take it. I think that the extra breastfeeds are also probably due to his anxiety and he feels comfortable and safe when you feed him so this is a good thing but I would try a lot of added cuddles, smiles and kisses whenever you can and as much carrying as you can possibly handle as this may help him feel a bit more comfortable and secure which may in turn help him to sleep better.

Good luck you will get through it! (even though somedays it doesnt feel like it):thumbsup:

PS I also agree with the other message that cc is NOT the way to go even though it can be easy to turn to this when your exhausted, it will probably only make him feel more upset and distant from you.

[Notchalk]

Thankyou everyone for your replies and advice. Last night was a better night - minus one wake! Went to sleep at 8pm, woke at 11:30pm, 3, 5, and 7:30am. He was in our bed from the 5am wake/feed.

He certainly seemed a lot more secure today with more carrying around, too.

Note to self: "giving in" is not a bad thing!

Thanks again (I haven't stopped reading this thread tho, so if there are any more suggestions, I'm listening!)

Jo

[meoneo]

I thought I was the only one still breast feeding at night constantly. DS is 6mths eats solids now but still BF in the night!! anyway does anyone know when your peroids come back? i know BF makes them stop a bit but should i expect them soon?

[Notchalk]

I thought I was the only one still breast feeding at night constantly. DS is 6mths eats solids now but still BF in the night!! anyway does anyone know when your peroids come back? i know BF makes them stop a bit but should i expect them soon?

Yup, not the only one. Will is 13 months and still doing it. Oh, and I don't have my period back yet, either. Others I know have gotten them back after only a few weeks (still exclusively BF, and babies not sleeping through the night) and yet others have gotten them back much later. All you can do is keep an eye out for that 'fertile mucus' and know that it will be back in about 2 weeks ;)

HTH

Jo

[Rainbowbrite]

I'm one of the unlucky ones that got my period back when MJ was about 2months old & we still bf around the clock. Glad bub slept better for you.