Only child after traumatic birth?

[TacoFest]

I was just wondering if there are any ladies out there who had such a traumatic birth that they only have one child? My daughter is nearly 3 weeks old and everyone tells me I will forget the pain of birth etc and have another child, but I really don't think I will. How do you forget almost dying?

Long story short, I was in labor for 42 hours after being induced at 36+5 due to preeclampsia. I was vomiting constantly and ended up with a catheter. Briella ended up being face up, which made it agonising for her to descend into my birth canal. The doctors had to turn her using forceps (which tore me all inside on my labia and a 2nd degree tear to my perenium (sp) and was soooo painful!) After she was born I had a seizure due to my blood pressue being too high, and I bled out a lot too and ended up getting a transfusion. I didn't get to see my baby girl for a long time after her birth as I was in ICU, but thank goodness her daddy was with her.

This experience was horrible and I am scared of ever getting pregnant again. People say I will get over it but I honestly don't think I will. I am happy with just Briella :bee:

So has anyone else had such a traumatic birth experience that has put them off having another child??

[Ana Gram]

I had a similar experience to you and it pretty much confirmed my decision to never have another child. I am still adamant about it and my daughter is 5 1/2.

[TacoFest]

I had a similar experience to you and it pretty much confirmed my decision to never have another child. I am still adamant about it and my daughter is 5 1/2.

That is how I feel. People keep saying I will change my mind with time, but I am almost positive I won't. Besides, what if it happens again and I'm not so lucky?

Anyone else?

[MooMum]

Honey I am so sorry you had to experience what you did. I pm'd you on FB so won't repeat myself, but you will do what's best for you. Only you know how you feel. Although I'm sure people are only trying to make you feel better with no doubt typical cliche's, you need to take them with a pinch of salt and remember that they have no idea the effect such a traumatic birth has had on you. The old, "at leaste your baby is healthy and that's all that matters" gives me the sh!ts!

My experience was different to yours, still traumatic to me but different. But that said I will in no way pretend to know how you feel, only recogise that whatever decision you make is the BEST decision for you. Oh and if Briella remains an only child, what is wrong with that? I am an only child and think I function quite well!!!

:hugs::hugs: to you honey.

[CrankyAndTired]

Honey I can't imagine how horrible that must have been for you.. :hugs::hugs:

Just remember if you do change your mind and want to have another baby, you dont HAVE to birth vaginally, you could have a planned elective c-section.. I had one and it was really great.. :yes:

In the meantine though I think its important for you to know your feelings are valid and completely understandable.. maybe after such a traumatic birth it might be a good idea to get some counselling and debrief it a bit?

Must be frustrating having everyone tell you you will forget about something that you obviously feel will be with you for a long long time.. :hugs:

[Amara]

It's hard to say really. You may never get over it but you might. There is birth trauma counselling you can get.

I'm pretty sure the first words out of my mouth after giving birth were "I'm never doing that again". Pretty sure I wont be. I had initially planned to TTC as soon as I could after the birth, but then I gave birth & it changed my mind. I remember saying that sentence to everyone I talked to about the birth for months afterwards.

My son has just turned 1 & I think I might be starting to get over it. I really did not expect to feel that way... but I can feel it creeping in. My birth experience was not as traumatic as yours though so it could take you longer & you may never change your mind.

Still, I idon't plan to have another child and if I found myself pregnant again I think I'd be quite paranoid as I approached the birth.

[Tieko]

Hi Leah....I know how you feel!! I had a very traumatic birth with my second child and he ended up stuck due to being posterior like your bub, and caused a lot of damage internally which left me in pain for 2 years. Whilst I didn't swear off never having any more children after that birth - I did swear that I would never have another vaginal birth :no: Next time I will have an elective c-section...perhaps this could be an option for you if you still want more kiddies but not have to go through the same trauma?

[Angiebear74]

Leah, I also went through a tramatic induction in March. They started the induction on the Monday afternoon and she was born by c-section on Friday midnight. From the second she was born I swore I would never, EVER go through that again. DD is now 4 months old and as the weeks pass I can not belive how my love for her just gets stronger and stronger. And whilst my memory of "D-Day" has not gone away, I now really want to have another bub or two. I just LOVE being a Mum to my little DD and want a brood. :smiliedance:

After many sleepless nights filled with nightmares, panic attacks and night sweats, I spoke to my doctor and she said that I can opt for a planned c-section due to birth trauma through the public system. I recovered extremely well from the op and had alot of support around me, so this is the best option for me personally. I now know that I can go through subsequent pregnancies stress free and really enjoy them.

Now this may not be an option you would be willing to consider, but for me this is the only way I will have more babies. I felt so much better after speaking to my doctor and I would recommend that you speak to someone professionally about your experience so you can somehow get some closure.

Good luck with it all sweety. I know it's really hard, but with the right support you will make the right decision for you - whether you have another baby or not.

[wocket]

gwen will be an only child due to a traumatic pregnancy and brith. I'm still not walking right 7 months latter with SPD complications.

I agree with all of the other posters, theres nothing wrong with having an only child.

[tyler's mum]

I had a trauma birth and it has made me not want any more kids ever:no:

[Happy2be3]

This may not be the best comparison but its the example I give friends who just dont get it:

Its like if someone has a terrible, traumatic car accident and nearly died but thankfully didnt.. if that person decided they were too traumatized to EVER drive a car again, would people judge them and say "oh yes you will, you'll forget the pain and the trauma and you WILL drive again!" NO they wouldnt , they would offer support and sympathy and help the person recover from the trauma.. but for some reason people (in general) treat us woman who have experienced birth trauma differently..

[beachmummy]

Hi there.
I just wanted to tell you my experience. My sons birth 7 and a half years ago was horrendous. I wont go into details but I was severely traumatised by the whole experience and swore I would never give birth again. Fast forward 6 years and the horror I felt over my first birth was still there and I was still having nightmares, but I also had an incredible ache to have another baby which won out.
Long story short - I started looking for ways to empower myself to make sure that my first experience would not re-occur. Unfortunately my second son was still born. So while it was not as physically traumatic, emotionally I was destroyed.:( The only positive ( if you could call it that) to come out of his death was that I started to believe that maybe my body could work the way it is supposed to if I didn't have a*****e doctors getting in the way.
Fast forward another three months and I found myself accidentally pregnant. I was horrified. I panicked, I was scared to death, basically an emotional wreck. I gradually came to accept that this was really happening and was determined to put things right this time.
I found an amazing (FEMALE) OB who was really caring and understanding of my past and was willing to listen to me and do what I wanted not what was most convenient for her or conforming hospital policy. I had heaps of counseling but most important of all, I had to change my mindset completely.
My OB and lovely midwives had complete faith in my ability to birth a baby without intervention and trauma which made me believe I could do it too. I did the Calmbirth course (brilliant by the way!) and I went into my labour without any of the fears that had stopped me having another baby in the first place.
Anyway I had the most wonderful, healing experience and a truly beautiful and empowering birth that I can honestly say that I loved :)
Sorry for rambling on but I just wanted to share my experience with you girls so you know that there is hope out there and it can be done if you have the right people around you and are willing to do the work. And even though I'll never get over the death of my precious boy, and I'll never ever forget my first horrific birth experience - the healing that took place with my daughters birth was really quite profound and unexpected.

[starr28]

i'm with you love! i too will not be having another child due to pregnancy and birth difficulties... and quite frankly i am so sick of the women in my family asking when i'm having another because its ""ünfair"" not to.

[flick82]

:hugs::hugs: Im sorry you had a horrible time.

I have 2 friends who went thru what you went thru. One 3 yrs later feels exactly the same, not having another ever.
The other Just had her 2nd child (4yrs later unexpected). She had the complete opposite birth, monitored closely the whole way and had a great experience. Everyone listened to her concerns.

Try not to let anyone make you feel bad for not having another one. People will ask that annoying question no matter how good/bad your birth was.

[PuppysMum]

Goodness ladies I am soooo sorry that happened to you. :( :( :(

I personally wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to have another child after that! (And if you did, don't forget there is always adoption :)).

I didn't have the degree of complications you did (but my own version which seem so much less traumatic after reading of your experiences!!)....but even with that said, I still at this point, don't think I would want to do that again. DD is 13 weeks old now and I'm still tender. :(
IF I do, it will be for my husband (then again, the first bub was/is mainly for him :)) and I'd want to know I would have a choice of a c-section this time, the lesser of two evils I guess?
Not sure I'll ever forget either - child birth sucks!! IMO.

[lulu 2]

It all depends on how you yourself recovers from the situation. I was in a holdup with guns pointed at our heads then a really bad car smash with a truck and then for my first labour I heamorraged and lost way too much blood the last 2 incidents I was told I was lucky to be alive . But after all of these I still go into banks and drive a car and have had more babies thanks to good councelling and help after the events. Not saying this is all it takes to get over something ,one of my best friends only has one child due to fear of preg and labour and even had her tubes tied after her first bub in her early 20s she was so sure. Theres nothing wrong with only having one child theres lots of reasons ppl only do or only can have one. I think the ppl saying you will just get over it are the ones that would themselves not realising not everyone does get over it (as such).