Hello I'm a newbie after some advice...

[isobella]

Hello, I wanted to perhaps get some friendly advice before I visited a counselor. I’m new here. :wave:
I used to have extremely painful periods for years. My mother ignored my pleas, telling me it was normal, until it got so bad that I couldn’t get out of bed - the pain had got that bad. I finally 13 years later I had it checked out and diagnosed with endometriosis on both ovaries, decided not to remove it as it seemed risky (though recently I have sought another medical opinion who now recommends otherwise), but concluded there not be much chance of conceiving. recently my partner and I fell pregnant, however even though it feels likean absolute blessing for me as I don’t even know the last time I ovulated, my partner is having issues coming to terms with it, he feels as though we haven't been together long enough and he has so much more to do and achieve in life where a baby would just hinder his plans - so our pregnancy so far has felt uneasy, upsetting and I’m carrying extreme guilt because I don’t want to be the centre of my partner’s unhappiness and the reason he didn’t get to do the things he had planned to do.
this weekend I had debilitating pain on my right and ended up in hospital. after ultrasounds, they discovered a cyst on my right ovary about 30mmx40mm in size. even though it caused pain, they told me that it may have just changedshape due to the pregnancy and caused the pain but hadn't ruptured - and wouldn't favour removing it during pregnancy unless it didcause severe problems.
I am in such a dark place, and I'm even having horrible thoughts, thinking about terminating the pregnancy, because I’m intensely worried about my partner. however my biggest issue is that if I have a termination - would there ever be a chance to fall pregnant again.
I couldn't bring myself to ask the doctor this at the hospital today, because she told me that I was so lucky to have this opportunity. my partner thinks that there is nothing wrong with me and that I’ll fall pregnant at a later date and says he’ll be ready in about 5 years. He hasn’t been all supportive through this and seems to be making plans to go out with his friends or to do extra work or projects. I’m really confused and so down. :(

[branjie]

It sounds like a very tough situation. One thing I know for sure is that if you decide to continue with your pregnancy, you will be so glad you did. It's also a big possibility that your partner will feel the same way. Even in normal circumstances, the male partner often doesn't "bond" with a baby until after it's born. All the man can think about is how he's going to manage the finances with a new bub. It's actually a very normal response. Doing more work is kind of like the man's way of nesting. As for going out with his friends, that may also be his way of getting it out of his system before baby comes. I can understand how this could leave you feeling angry and alone though.

Imagine how you will feel down the track if you have not continued with this pregnancy. Will you resent your partner? I used to know a lady who had given up a baby for adoption because her husband said he wasn't ready to have a baby. Some time afterwards he said to her, now I'm ready to have a baby, but for her it was the last straw and she got a divorce. She never got over the pain of giving her baby up, and was never able to forgive her husband.

I am obviously not in your shoes, and don't know the entire story, however as a mother (with endo) I am so grateful that I have children, it's truely something you don't want to miss out on. You said yourself that this pregnancy feels like a blessing. Put you and your baby first. When you have got that baby at home in your arms, you will not regret it. If your partner is of good character, he will love his baby, and not hold it against him or her that bub came into your lives so early. If he does, chances are he's not the man you need in your life long term anyway.

Seeing a counselor is definitely a good idea. I was in an extremely low state of mind when I thought I would never concieve, and the counselor I saw helped me a lot. Make sure it's someone reputable though. Perhaps contact the hospital and ask who they recommend. Asking for help is a positive step, and is a sign of strength rather than weakness.

:hugs: Good luck with whatever path you choose.

[lizeyhud]

i am sorry you are feeling low and in this situation. i have to agree with the others when they say you wont regret having this child they are such a blessing and truly enrich your life in ways you never dreamed. i dont want to give you any advice they may sway you either way. for me personally i would keep the baby i think your partner needs to be more supportive and dare i say it if he cared for you he wouldnt be putting all this guilt and heartache on you
sorry if that sounds harsh

[TOT4ME]

Isobella, without the support of your partner you need to give yourself some breathing space and think what you really want so don't make any rash decisions. You don't say how long you have been together so is difficult to know whether your partner is being realistic. If there is the slightest chance you may never conceive again you must consider how it will affect you if you terminate. Although I am pro-choice such a decision is one that should not be taken lightly as some women never get over it. Having endo myself and desperately wanting another child I know how devastating it can be being in a position where you may never have a child. While I was extremely lucky & had my 1st child at 40 there was quite a few months where we thought it was not possible. I would never want any woman or man to be in a position where they may be childless not by choice. You might be in a dark place now but not being able to conceive readily is darker still. The other ladies are nicer than me as I would say your partner is a complete prick and obviously has no concern for your feelings. It is essential you communicate your fears about not conceiving again and even take him to Dr appointment to have specialist explain teh reality of it. Interestingly I was never clucky and it was more a mental decision to have a child as I did not want to grow old without children and at 40 it was make or break. If I knew that your child is the biggest blessing you can ever imagine and truly the most wonderful thing you will ever do I would have had 10 kids (well 3 maybe) so believe me having a child does not stop you from doing things and in fact will open up your life for the better. I wish you all the best & hope you can get your partner to see the situation through your eyes. If not I hope you are strong enough to do what is right for you. There are plenty of wonderful men out there so I would rather spend my life with a wonderful child and supportive new man rather than risk being childless or stay with someone who would not support me at the most important time in my life.

[wheretofromhere]

Hi TOT4ME, my partner and I have been TTC for 3.5yrs I myself has endometriosis (diagnosed when I was 21yo) and have had 2 laproscopy's (over 7yrs) to burn various lessions, after 3 yrs of TTC with DH we now have found out that he has a triple sperm defect. Best thing I can advise is to make sure you know all tests that are available for you and your partner and don't take things for granted, the fact that you have fallen pregnant is a miracle and you should embrace this and investigate all options open to you, I am 32 yo and age can obvioulsy affect your decision but if you feel you could raise a baby on your own you should go for it because you don't know if this could and if when it may happen again.

[zimby]

hi, I would tend to agree with the others and say dont take this pregnancy for granted, this could be a once in a lifetime chance for you. Its sounds like your endo is quite bad, I only have the absolute mildest form of endo and still cant get pregnant after 3 years TTC.
Obviously I realise it might not be quite as simple as that for you and you have other things to consider, but I would say forget about your partners feelings for a moment and think to yourself that if you were single would you keep the baby. If yes then I think you have your answer, dont ever let anyone else rule your desicions, look after yourself first and foremost as its you and only you that has to live with your choice for the rest of your life. So do what is right in YOUR heart, not your partners. Good luck with your journey whichever path you take.:bee:

[Noodle27]

:wave: Hi Sorry I just breezed in quickly and read this, I haven't had a chance to read the other replies. I also have Endo and have had 3 operations over the last 4 years, have tried so many therapies and IVF and cannot concieve.

I would hate for you both to look back on this and feel the sad loss and pain I feel knowing that I won't have a family, 21st's, Weddings, Birthdays, Grandchildren etc etc

Everything happens for a reason, maybe you are pregnant for a reason!!! This could be your only chance of a family.

No pressure but just thought I may help coming in from 6 years of TTC

Best wishes with your decision :flowerz: