View Full Version : OMG!!! I found DS has half sister... should I make contact??
MissMetal
13-07-2009, 16:23
OMG!!!
ok before I met FOB he had recently got another young girl pregnant (i didnt find this out untill after he had got me pregnant). anyway so this girl that he wanted nothing to do with has obviously had the baby & I was doing some research & found her profile on Myspace... she has had a little girl who is about 6 months older than DS... that means DS has a half blood big sister :o
Im pretty certain she also has no contact with FOB but cant be certain...
Im really interested to know them, should I contact her? or do i just leave it cause its not really my business?? would you contact her? my god DS has a half sister :eek:
Whats the harm in making yourself known? leave a message with your email address and if shes interested she'll make contact. if she's a nice person and the two of you get along then its a good thing for the kids to know one another.
sandy cheeks
13-07-2009, 16:33
I dont know what I'd do maby nothing to be honest.
This is why
I wouldn't know how she would react.
What if she is in contact with fob and it causes dramas.
How do u know for a fact they r related I'm very untrusting and I would want a DNA test to b sure before I told ds.
If fob is not in contact with either of u (I am not defending him BTW jerk in my book) and u all one day get in contact he could feel ganged up on cos u 2 have been in contact because of him behind his back iykwim.
I would maby wait cos once u have gone there u carn't go back and it could cause u lot's of stress and drama esp if u dont know this girl.
i'd contact her, but also prepare yourself that she may react rudely (name calling, tell you never to contact her again, accuse you of being the cause of her and FOB not being together anymore).
I'd keep it a simple message something like
"Hi,
I heard that <FOB> is your childs father and I wasn't sure if you were aware that he is also my childs father. I wanted to contact you to see if you were interested in our kids getting to know each other as they are 1/2 siblings"
Best of luck!
Mrs Nietzsche
13-07-2009, 16:35
I think when you're a single mother with the one child, any extra family that your child can have is really valuable. So it is great for your baby that he has some other family around.
I think it's probably a good idea to contact her - but remember there's no hurry. Do you feel up to it? What if it brings back a lot of emotions for you if you both get talking about the FOB? Will it throw you at all? What kind of person does she seem to be?
In theory it could be brilliant for your DS to have a sister to grow up with. I would definitely contact her if it were me. But, as you were the next woman along, and whilst she was pregnant, she may have issues with FOB that she takes out on you. You'd have to word it very carefully!
CrankyAndTired
13-07-2009, 16:39
I think when you're a single mother with the one child, any extra family that your child can have is really valuable. So it is great for your baby that he has some other family around.
:iagree:
I would, but prepare yourself for a variety of outcomes and don't have any expectations.
Good luck.
gizmoduckus
13-07-2009, 16:44
i'd contact her, but also prepare yourself that she may react rudely (name calling, tell you never to contact her again, accuse you of being the cause of her and FOB not being together anymore).
I'd keep it a simple message something like
"Hi,
I heard that <FOB> is your childs father and I wasn't sure if you were aware that he is also my childs father. I wanted to contact you to see if you were interested in our kids getting to know each other as they are 1/2 siblings"
Best of luck!
:iagree:
MissMetal
13-07-2009, 17:38
well both of us werent really in a proper relationship with him... we were both only seeing him for a few weeks & both happened to fall pregnant :o
when i was seeing him, he had told me about getting this girl pregnant & showed me emails they had written each other regarding her pregnancy... btw at that time he was telling her he wants nothing to do with her, but that may have changed i dont know, as i havent even spoken to him since i was about 12 weeks pregnant :rolleyes:
she has lots of pics up on her myspace of DD and I can definately see my DS in her :o
the only thing im worried about is if i do contact her & see does have contact with him then I dont want her telling him stuff about me or DS :no:
hmmmmmmm... im so interested too, she is soooooooo cute!!!
how can i suss it out hahaha :laughing::ecomcity:
JabberJaw
13-07-2009, 19:21
Ohhh just be prepared for all possible outcomes as someone else mentioned. My DD2 and DS have 6 other siblings to 5 other woman :eek: yes, sad but true. I had met 2 of the other kids and spent a week with them years ago (the other 2 that have the same mum) and the mum found me on facebook and added me, so i accepted. The next day, she had disappeared and blocked me, i think she was just wanting to look through my pic's, which she did, then deleted me.
Not that i care, but i would be afraid that my 2 will happen to meet one of the others when they are older and fall in love or something :eek: Thats my biggest fear.
But its up to you, you can only try, but just dont get your hopes up, thats all. Hope it all works out :D
Not that i care, but i would be afraid that my 2 will happen to meet one of the others when they are older and fall in love or something :eek: Thats my biggest fear.
This almost happened to a good friend of mine. She had become quite close with a guy who lived locally and was a similar age. They got talking about how their dads had taken off up north when they were young. Turns out their dads were the same guy! They're still really good friends but they say the realisation came just in time!
Looshkin
13-07-2009, 19:38
Hey Miss Metal
I hope it works out well for you and your DS, :goodvibes: and you never know what may be in store for the future even if things don't work out now you know?
My father had 3 daughters I never met, and although their mum eventually wanted to get in touch with my mum/ had dealt with her issues towards our dad (who is a total douche) she couldn't find my mum and my mums number was unlisted so we never got in touch at the same time.
And then, I found them on myspace - last year in fact. :laughing:
It is amazing hey, Although I only got to meet them when I was kinda an adult, and the twins were about to turn 17 and the youngest sister is 15.. it didn't matter - we had this instant bond like we had grown up together and this instant comfortable feeling with eachother.
Well I was amazed at two things.
1. How much we look alike - it's amazing.. I look more like them than my sister I grew up with (diff dad same mum)
2. How similar we are in taste of music/clothes/attitudes/ artistic and musical ability without eachothers influence..?
It was so weird, but really wonderful and I am starting to develop an amazing relationship with them now I wouldn't ever want to loose.
I do wish I had the chance to have met or 'known them' when I was younger, but I guess things don't always work out that way.
At the very least it's pretty amazing to see how strong genetics can be, in how similar we are although we have had no exposure to each other growing up.
MissMetal
13-07-2009, 19:59
thanks for the replies :)
i dont think i will contact her for the moment but i will keep on snooping at her myspace & maybe at some stage in the near future i will :confused:
MissMetal
13-07-2009, 19:59
hey zeltronica do you have facebook?
Mummaholic
13-07-2009, 20:23
Whether he meets her or not, your ds has a sister. So why not encourage a bond? I would contact if it was me. Good luck deciding :)
OMG!!!
ok before I met FOB he had recently got another young girl pregnant (i didnt find this out untill after he had got me pregnant). anyway so this girl that he wanted nothing to do with has obviously had the baby & I was doing some research & found her profile on Myspace... she has had a little girl who is about 6 months older than DS... that means DS has a half blood big sister :o
Im pretty certain she also has no contact with FOB but cant be certain...
Im really interested to know them, should I contact her? or do i just leave it cause its not really my business?? would you contact her? my god DS has a half sister :eek:
my son's bio father had a son too. after he left i made contact with his mother.
the boy was lovely.. the mother OMG.. eek!
but he came to stay with us twice. i am grateful my son met him.
i dont regret contacting them. :no:
LilShenanigans
13-07-2009, 22:13
I think some gentle first contact would be nice, especially if she doesnt know you exist. Sort of a open hand, peaceful introduction...
Never know the reaction.. its not cool being shot down for just being nice, but Ive been there... better off dealing with it now then wondering!
2littlemonkeys
13-07-2009, 22:14
i would for sure , i dont know my dad but i do know he got married and has at least 1 son that i know of so i have at least one half sibling i wish i knew them esp for me being an only child hope it all goes will for you , keep us up to date :-)
JadeyBaby2
14-07-2009, 08:25
Hi There........
I would contact, but be prepared for rejection. I got shot down by DD's half sisters Mother........it's a shame, but at least I have some contact details for DD for when she grows up to at least start with. The girls can find each other somehow I'm sure. I found my half brother eventually.
MissMetal
24-07-2009, 18:00
ok i have an update....
so i made a fake myspace profile & sent a message to the chick... she has finally got back to me after a good few weeks & yes its confirmed, it is def DS half sister :o she told me that she has given up trying to contact FOB as she tried so hard for months but he refuses to have anything to do with her... however i didnt tell her anything about me having DS or my name or anything.. i made a fake profile pretending to be someone else so she would give me the answers i needed... sneaky i know & i feel so bad but i needed to know 100% that this was my DS half blood sister...
now what to do... i think i will make contact again telling her who i really am & that our babies are brother & sister :o
the thin is she said she has just moved interstate so not sure if anything will happen then...
hmmmm any advice???
help me lol!
I would tell her who you are. She has been open and honest with you so maybe she would appreciate the same in return iykwim. Even if your in different states I'm sure she would like to know her DD has a sibling. You can swap photo's and stuff.
WorkingClassMum
24-07-2009, 18:17
Hun - don't continue the lie - it's never the way to establish a good relationship.
Tell her the truth and let her know why the subterfuge.
Goodluck
MissMetal
24-07-2009, 18:26
thanks guys... yeah i know i need to do this for DS & the longer i leave it the harder.. i just dont know what to say...
hi, ummmm i have a son & he is your daughters sister ???
the reason i am a bit scared is cause i really dont want FOB knowing where I am... i know she said she has no contact with him, but what if she does???
argggghhh...
OneBabyBoy
24-07-2009, 18:50
Look, to be honest, if you're scared then don't do it.
You don't have to.
Listen to your intuition, if something is holding you back then there's probably a good reason for that.
Your son will find his sister and any other half siblings he has when he is older.
NibbleCurlynBub
24-07-2009, 18:53
Whats the harm in making yourself known? leave a message with your email address and if shes interested she'll make contact. if she's a nice person and the two of you get along then its a good thing for the kids to know one another.
Agreed.
Don't get your hopes up, remember that maybe she won't want to know you. But maybe she will too.
Can't hurt just to let her know that you exist. Then at least you have tried and if she ever changes her mind the ball is in her court.
NibbleCurlynBub
24-07-2009, 18:55
hi, ummmm i have a son & he is your daughters sister ???
Or her daughters brother, but whatever. :)
You can just say hi my name is (first name only) and I have been with (x's name) and had a child and have heard that you are in the same position.
That makes our children half-siblings.
I would like my son to see your daughter and am hoping to meet you as well.
My number is (mobile number or even email address) and then just wait and see.
MissMetal
24-07-2009, 19:00
lol :laughing: i didnt even notice that hahahaha!
yeah that sounds simple & straight to the point..
thanks NCB :)
MissMetal
25-07-2009, 12:25
i did it... i sent her an email :)
now its upto her if she conacts us i guess :o
:fingerscrossed:
MissMetal
25-07-2009, 18:09
OMG she emailed me back!!!! she was really nice & is in melbourne for a week & wanted to meet up, but my mum is here then & its my brothers 30th birthday so i cant :(
why do these things always happen :(
MamaKoala
25-07-2009, 18:18
I dont know what I'd do maby nothing to be honest.
This is why
I wouldn't know how she would react.
What if she is in contact with fob and it causes dramas.
How do u know for a fact they r related I'm very untrusting and I would want a DNA test to b sure before I told ds.
If fob is not in contact with either of u (I am not defending him BTW jerk in my book) and u all one day get in contact he could feel ganged up on cos u 2 have been in contact because of him behind his back iykwim.
I would maby wait cos once u have gone there u carn't go back and it could cause u lot's of stress and drama esp if u dont know this girl.
:yelclap:I think you should try and make the time anyway. I know your mum is there but maybe you could organise an hour close by for coffee (if at all possible).
If you can't meet up just try and get to know each other through email and later on once you have a good relationship going you could maybe plan a trip so the kids can meet each other.
Even though her being there is ideal for making first contact, it doesn't have to go at warp speed. If it doesn't happen now, it will happen at another time.
Good on you for putting yourself out there and taking the first step. I hope this turns out well for your boy.:goodvibes:
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.1.9 Copyright © 2012 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.