Giving up co-sleeping

[Boobycino]

I cant sleep because I'm dreading going to bed. We've decided co-sleeping is more or less over for Jasper. He's 7.5 months old and the 'final straw' I guess was he was literally crawling around the bed at 3:30am shouting and laughing. We had a night light on in out room so we can see him - to avoid squishing him - but its enough light for him to move around and get stimulated and over excited.

He sleeps better in his cot in theory, he just wakes up and screams until I give him a feed, which is how he's stayed in our bed for so long. It was only supposed to be until 3 months, but I've always fed him at night when he wants it, and its just getting ridiculas. He's needing to feed to resettle 3-6 times each and every night.

It would be OKAY if he stayed in bed with us all night. It would be OKAY if he didn't kick, hit, play, fuss, whine, push, waking me often between feeds at night. It would be OKAY if he was getting a good night sleep, because he's getting increasingly more cranky during the day and I know its because he's not having quality sleep at night. But its really not okay anymore :no:

And whats ridiculas is I think I'm trying to stay up late night because if I go to bed late I have an excuse to go easy on him tonight, because I'll be too tired to do anything different!

I have no idea what to do anyway. At 8:30pm he woke up and normally I'd feed him, regardless fo the fact he'd only been in bed since and had his last feed at 7pm... instead I spent 15 minutes trying to comfort him while he screamed and scream, tears pouring down his face, he was so distressed he was gasping and his voice was breaking. When it got so bad I was nearly crying I opted to feed him. I dont know what to do! I kept thinking I dont want him to think that he's been abandoned. He looked at me and he looked so hurt that I wasn't giving him what he wanted. Even thinking about it now I feel really sad.

Have others survived this transition?!?!?! What do I do?

[sambojambo]

hey there, im in exactly the same position as you..... my boy is just over 7 months and he has always slept in our bed. I love the fact we can cuddle but he is awake more and more and whenever my husband turns over he wakes up and will only sleep 2 hrs maximum at anyone time. I have always nursed him back to sleep but im getting exhausted as he can be feeding up to 8 times a night. My bones are actually feeling zapped of calcium!!! I dont know what we are going to do. I know you needed some help but i just wanted to say we are in the same boat , lets not feel guilty about this we have given our babys the best start in life with our security , maybe it will all work out. People have said to me why dont i try water but the thing is he is smart hes not going to give up milkies for water!! ha ha ha so i reckon what im going to start is trying to put him in his cot in the day with some toys, make it fun and wait for him to sleep and hopefully eventually he will like it there...... hopefully!!!! good luck to you if you have any break throughs id love it if you could share your secret!!

[CrankyAndTired]

Hi there! :wave:

We're also co-sleeping with an 8month old little man... Last night he was totally awake from 4-6, after being resettled 10 times from 12- 4am..:sleeping:

We co-sleep from necessity because he wakes so much but really have no idea how to change it, and get him back to his cot (I say "back" but he was only in his cot for 2 weeks when he was 3 months old!!)

I'll keep an eye on this thread - hopefully someone has some fabulous solutions.. :fingerscrossed:

Liv x

[Yummy_Mummy]

we have co-slept with DD since she was about 3 weeks old! it started because she wouldnt sleep & was always upset! but now we cant get rid of her hahahaha

i will def be watching this thread for some help

[UsThreeGirls]

Livly I can quote you word for word just about but my bub is 15 months:eek: and I have another baby on the way.
Someone HELP USSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

[CrankyAndTired]

Lol - We're the co-sleeping blind leading the co-sleeping blind :laughing:

[Nomsie]

Hi there!

Not sure if it's help to anyone, but there are idea's for cosleepers in Elizabeth Pantley's the No Cry Sleep Solution. It's a great book, and if I didn't have two I would use her idea's in a heartbeat... but for me it's still in the too hard basket... just thought I would offer that as an idea for you OP :)

[Kittylou]

No advice, sorry, but another one who will be watching this thread.

We co-slept with DD until she was just under 12 months as she would wake for a feed and then not resettle unless in our bed. She started sleeping in the cot all night once she dropped that 11pm-ish feed.

Unfortunately, she has recently started waking again and won't resettle unless either DH or I sleep with her. At this stage, one of us sleeps with her while the other sleeps somewhere else to get a decent night's sleep. It's not a whole lot of fun but I'm not sure what else to do.

[sambojambo]

Lol - We're the co-sleeping blind leading the co-sleeping blind :laughing:

ha ha ha ha none of us have a clue what to do but do we really want to do anything???? its not going to last forever the late night cuddles .........being able to watch them while they sleep and think how beautiful they are...... i guess we all have to do what ever we can to not listen to others and let this co sleeping thing find a natural way to finnish..... if im honest it will tear me up to hear my little guy crying in a cot in the next room.....ill probably get less sleep but i do wish the late night feast would stop....but also my little man in not crawling yet.............good luck to us all and thank god for chocolate !!!

[jotsmum]

Have you tried asking Dr Sears. Google him as they have a website which is full of info and I am pretty certain I saw something on there a while back.

[nothanksbye]

i moved DD1 out slowly.
first into the cot as a sidecar...Then the cot beside the bed.
then the cot at the end of the bed.

I then didnt move her to her own room till she was 2.

[La Que Sabe]

to the OP, my first suggestion would be to ditch the night light!!!!! my DD wakes up when it starts getting light out because light=play time. what do you need to see him in the night time for?
i have my phone/a torch next to my bed if i'm desperate for light, so it's not on all night tho.

waking that many times a night is normal for his age.
my DD is 16months, still co-sleeping and still boobying, and IF we weren't co-sleeping she would wake about 7-10 times during the night looking for a feed, because it's what she's used to.




At 8:30pm he woke up and normally I'd feed him, regardless fo the fact he'd only been in bed since and had his last feed at 7pm... instead I spent 15 minutes trying to comfort him while he screamed and scream, tears pouring down his face, he was so distressed he was gasping and his voice was breaking. When it got so bad I was nearly crying I opted to feed him. I dont know what to do! I kept thinking I dont want him to think that he's been abandoned. He looked at me and he looked so hurt that I wasn't giving him what he wanted. Even thinking about it now I feel really sad.


aw, i know it's hard, and not meaning to sound harsh, but he was probly confused. you've been giving him boob normally when he stirs and he goes back to sleep. he wakes up looking for boob and you come in and rock him....that's not quite what he expected and he's probly a little shocked.
i know my DD wouldn't cope.
we attempted having her have a sleep over at her dads place, she went to sleep fine but she woke at about 930ish looking for me/boob and her dad went to put her back to sleep by rocking her but she had forgotten what was going on by that stage and just wanted me! yk?

noticed this is from a week or so ago, are you still co-sleeping? have you taken any steps to help with co-sleeping?
:hugs:

[Boobycino]

Lol - We're the co-sleeping blind leading the co-sleeping blind :laughing:

:laughing:

I've dimmed the night light further, wrapped a towel around it, its the faintest faintest glow ever now its purely so if I squint in the dark I can identify him from a pillow :rolleyes:

We've not made any changes at all. I went to a friends house yesterday and she did this big blah blah blah about the same issues with her daughter and she really dug into me about needing to be tough etc... and the more she talked about making him cry, the more I resisted, the more it felt wrong, the more it broke my heart to hear it!

Last night Jasper slept beautifully by my side, no mucking around, no fussing, no crying, he just cuddled and sucked all night.

I'm thinking about moving his cot into our bedroom, so its not such a shock to his little system.

:iagree:with Monkey&mum, its the shock to his routine that is upsetting him. From the moment he was born he's had total and complete booby access - day and night - and to suddenly say "no" to him is a massive emotional shock for the both of us.

I went to the library today to see if they had No Cry Sleep Solution book (:laughing: I accidently typed "no sleep cry solution" which is my life right now :crying:) they didn't have it as it had been stolen - so it must be good! I'm going to maybe buy it tomorrow as I'm suspecting it might be worthwhile!

Its GREAT to see that I'm not alone! The accidental (or even planned) co-sleeping path... because why did I think it would be easier now to teach him to sleep alone than when he was 3 months old? I almost feel like now our bond is so much stronger his crying hurts MORE, also because he has so much more awareness... its not a little baby crying, its MY SON who KNOWS he's being left. It's harder now because I can hear his voice - or I come in and he's standing up in his cot and as soon as he sees me he lifts his arms in the air and when I pick him up he holds onto me and kisses my face.

Though, maybe he needs to learn to sleep in his cot before he works out how to say "muuuummmmyyyyy!!!!"

[Bubmum]

Not quite sleep solutions for the faint hearted.

I just went through a really rough patch with the same thing with DD, and ended up talking to a health nurse my Doc sent me to. She advised having her in bed earlier (which has worked wonders as far as her staying asleep), and giving her a bath in the morning ... a play bath, as it livens her up, and then a wash at night (ie quick bath). She is now asleep by 7.30, and wakens a couple of times, where before she was going to aleep around 8.30 - 9, and then awake an hour later until 1am!!!!
I met with her face to face yesterday..she assessed me as being a complete softie, and told me to give her more milk during the day (cow's, as she is nearly 1), and then to put her in the cot more of the time when she is asleep (the cot is beside my bed). I am going to call her in a month for some more ideas.
I don't think you can completely flip habits formed over a lifetime (our baby's lifetime), but by just doing these couple of things, it has made things more manageable for all of us. Darkening the room has helped a lot..we still have the nightlight, but I have put a pile of books in front of it. Everyone is sleeping more...and while it is not a miracle cure..I have gone from the point where my knees were shaking at the thought of bed, to being excited about putting my darling down.
So in point form ... a few things to try
A darker room
More sleeps during the day/earlier bedtime
More food during the day (a no brainer)
Play bath some time during the morning, massage etc, leaving nightime bath brief, wind down quicker
Sleep cues...story, cuddle, bf etc
Warmer bedroom/clothing
I hope this helps someone somewhere a little bit. they are all really easy things to do..no screaming, no crying (from parents or bubbies), and not a "solution", but some surefire ways to get babies to sleep a bit more restfully.
Good luck, and be mindful, that in those really dark hours, it may be teeth (I forgot that one, but that is usually the case 50 % of the time, if it is out of character)

[CrankyAndTired]

i moved DD1 out slowly.
first into the cot as a sidecar...Then the cot beside the bed.
then the cot at the end of the bed.

I then didnt move her to her own room till she was 2.

This makes a lot of sense to me, a really gradual, gentle approach - thank you! :yelclap:

I just went online and bought an armsreach sidecar cot to start the transition.. I have a plan!!:sunshine:

[Boobycino]

This makes a lot of sense to me, a really gradual, gentle approach - thank you! :yelclap:

I just went online and bought an armsreach sidecar cot to start the transition.. I have a plan!!:sunshine:

Where abouts did you find it? I just did a quick google search and nothing came up.

[misskittyfantastico]

Where abouts did you find it? I just did a quick google search and nothing came up.

You can just make your own. We just took the side off the cot and used bricks to make it level.

[kezzaskids]

Goodluck ladies :)

Im afraid I had to end co sleeping here as DD was constantly waking etc all night and no one got any sleep. I was feeding her every hour or so and Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! I still basically do the same things though even though she isnt in my bed and as time has gone on it has got easier.
I still feed to sleep and if she wakes after an hour she is offered more feed. She first fell asleep at 8pm and I put her in her cot, she woke yelling at 8.20 so I got her up and fed her in her bedroom (I lounge on the single bed I put in there) she is now asleep. Generally she will now sleep until about midnight. I get her up and feed her again in her room, then I go to bed. She then sleeps til around 4, again a feed and back to bed in her cot and then up for the day around 6.30am but could be as late as 8am (for her not me as I have to get the other 4 ready for school etc)
When i first started I spent hqalf the night in the bed in her room from 12am til about 6am but after about 2-3 weeks she slept longer. Until now she has a quick feed then back into her cot asleep......
I havent really offered a solution at all!

Good luck with your plan Liv!!

[kezzaskids]

try Arms Reach co sleeper!!

which one did you get Liv??

[Hollywood]

Just thought I'd pop in with a bit of reassurance for anyone wanting to continue cosleeping.

We went through some really rough patches where DS was waking every 1.5 hours for a BF, but to cut a long story short, it did get much better over time. Not sure why, but it did. Now we're still cosleeping and he's approaching 2.5 years old, and he now often sleeps about 10.5 - 12 hours overnight and most of the time he does a 7 - 9 hour stretch at the start then another BF about an hour before waking up then a BF before getting out of bed (that I can handle!! :yes:).

[Boobycino]

You can just make your own. We just took the side off the cot and used bricks to make it level.

I just measured the height to the top of bubbas cot mattress to the height of our bed and its the same within a few cms.

I'm not sure how DP is going to feel about moving DS's cot BACK into out room... its slightly wider than the door frame and DSs cot before he was born was set up in his own room, dismantled, put back together in our room, dismantled again, put back together in his room - and now we'll dismantle it again to put it back in our room!

DP dislikes anything complicated - though - his total lack of help with DS really puts him beyond a position where he can comment. If he doesn't like DSs cot 'cluttering' our room, he can sleep in the guest bedroom.

I'm not 100% sure about it myself, because what do I do for bubbas nap times? Because if I take the side of his cot out, he can just escape!

I'll give it some thought, because I'm liking the idea of still having him closeby, but just not in our bed - maybe I'll just have his cot against the bed, keep the side on so he cant escape, and TRY to remember to wake up to lift him back into his cot after a feed.

Has anyone tried this and has it worked for them?

[alona1976]

jeez another softie here, its 4:59am on the clock and my bub is sleeping soundly on my arms, i am wide:eek: and :geek:. when i try to put him down to bed he wakes up, i dunno what to do

[UsThreeGirls]

My DD doesn't have any breastfeeds in bed and hasn't for a couple of months but still wakes up every couple of hours. I start her off in her cot next to my bed and she can self settle ok or on a bad day I will hold her until she is asleep then put her down. After a couple of wakes, she goes down at 6.30 wakes at about 7.30-8 then again at about 9 I give up and put her in bed with me. Its a king size and just the 2 of us so plenty of room. But she wakes and wriggles and we both don't get sleep.
Any other suggestions??

[Boobycino]

DP has agreed to set up DSs cot in our room! I'd do it myself, but I'm too lazy!

I think this might help - at the least help me - because bubba wants to swap between our bed and his own all night, this way I wont have to get out of bed.

[IbuZiggy]

My son will be one year old next week. In the last few weeks i have started to try and make him become a little more independant. He has always been a co-sleeper. Like quite a few of the other parents, I have moved his cot next to my bed so he is always still in arms reach. I will put him into his cot after he has had his night feed and sit next to his cot. The first few nights were really tough - he didn't like it at all, but once you get through those forst few nights - it gets alot easier. Now i'll just rub his back for a few seconds and sit back. After a while he'll look up to make sure I am still there - i'll just say "Mummy's here - lay down" and he will lay back down to go to sleep. He is now sleeping in his cot, on his own from around 7.30pm - 12am. At this time he will wake up for a bf and end up back in bed with me - lol! I'm still working on the last 2/3rds of the night!

[Boobycino]

SO excited! Jasper is in his cot right now and his cot is firm pressed against my side of the bed, side of the cot off, though he is TIGHTLY swaddled which he cannot get out of. He's unlucky, his mummy can swaddle a 2 year old successfully, so he has NO hope escaping :laughing:.

I feel so pleased and rather than the night I started this thread I was dreading going to bed because of my heart breaking, tonight I cant wait to go to bed because it feels like we're having a family slumber party!

Even if this does absolutely nothing to his sleeping habits, the fact that we'll regain a few feet of sleeping space in our bed is good enough for me.

Oh, I also bought "the No cry sleep solution" today, I've started reading it and already am really happy with it. I HATED the "Save our sleep" book as within a few pages I sense the authur was not a mother - and she is now, but not when she wrote the book - whereas Elizabeth Pantly describes her sons sleeping habits and they sound EXACTLY like Jasper. Almost exactly to the hour of what he does at night - so at the very least I have comfort from it, that he's 'normal', I'm 'normal'.

So happy!

Oh, and I'll post a picture of our bed once I know Jasper is asleep and wont be disturbed, because its SO lovely in our room, with his cot and our bed. Its so beautiful!

[CrankyAndTired]

Where abouts did you find it? I just did a quick google search and nothing came up.

I got it from Mothers Direct, we got the universal one. We're planning on another baby next year and he'll go straight into it (assuming Rome is actually in his cot by then!:D)

[CrankyAndTired]

SO excited! Jasper is in his cot right now and his cot is firm pressed against my side of the bed, side of the cot off, though he is TIGHTLY swaddled which he cannot get out of. He's unlucky, his mummy can swaddle a 2 year old successfully, so he has NO hope escaping :laughing:.

I feel so pleased and rather than the night I started this thread I was dreading going to bed because of my heart breaking, tonight I cant wait to go to bed because it feels like we're having a family slumber party!

Even if this does absolutely nothing to his sleeping habits, the fact that we'll regain a few feet of sleeping space in our bed is good enough for me.

Oh, I also bought "the No cry sleep solution" today, I've started reading it and already am really happy with it. I HATED the "Save our sleep" book as within a few pages I sense the authur was not a mother - and she is now, but not when she wrote the book - whereas Elizabeth Pantly describes her sons sleeping habits and they sound EXACTLY like Jasper. Almost exactly to the hour of what he does at night - so at the very least I have comfort from it, that he's 'normal', I'm 'normal'.

So happy!

Oh, and I'll post a picture of our bed once I know Jasper is asleep and wont be disturbed, because its SO lovely in our room, with his cot and our bed. Its so beautiful!

:yelclap::yelclap:Good work!! Let us know how it goes.. I've got a week or two til our sidecar cot gets here..

[CrankyAndTired]

ha ha ha ha none of us have a clue what to do but do we really want to do anything???? its not going to last forever the late night cuddles .........being able to watch them while they sleep and think how beautiful they are...... i guess we all have to do what ever we can to not listen to others and let this co sleeping thing find a natural way to finnish..... if im honest it will tear me up to hear my little guy crying in a cot in the next room.....ill probably get less sleep but i do wish the late night feast would stop....but also my little man in not crawling yet.............good luck to us all and thank god for chocolate !!!

Your parenting outlook sounds very similar to mine - very gentle! I couldn't lie and listen to him cry either :no: They're only little for such a short time, and I do love waking up to my lovely little man in my arms.. :goodvibes:

[nothanksbye]

Ohh I am so so happy it works for you.
Its such a gentle way to do it and my DD did so well through the whole process.

Now at 5 she has her own room and we have snuggles in her bed every morning and night for a story.! Loooooovely.


xoxox

[Boobycino]

*yawn*

One step forward, two steps back.

The first night with our new bed arrangement Jasper 'slept through' - as in, bedtime at 7, woke at 8 and 10 but then slept until 3 then 6. So TECHNICALLY there was a 5 hour period in the middle, so thats 'sleeping through' yeah? Either way, thats the best night sleep he's had in his life :crying: :sleeping:

The second night was the same, I'm amazed at the difference ME having 5 consecutive hours sleep makes!

The third we were back to 'normal'

The fourth he was awake from 3:40 to 4:20 just fussing, playing, rolling, whining, feed, whining, grunting, rolling, chatting... :hissy:

Last night was the same, about 45 minutes WIDE AWAKE - and the problem with that is, when he'd do that normally I'd take him out of our bed and put him in his cot, where as now his cot is in our room. Thankfully I had his porta cot set up in his room, so I could put him out for about 15 minutes, but it was SO cold this morning, and his room wasn't heated at all that he wanted to come back into our bed pretty quickly...

Ah well, hopefully things will improve!