Pinkzy
08-07-2009, 03:34
Hi everyone :) I hope I am posting in the right place. I basically need to vent (hopefully that will make me feel a little more at ease). Any advice would be very appreciated :goodvibes:
My husband and I have children from previous relationships, neither child lives with us full time and have our children here with us every 2nd weekend. My daughter is seven and his daughter is almost eight.
My daughter's father and I get along very well, we are still friends. His partner/my daughter's stepmother is nothing short of an angel and is an amazing parent. My beautiful daughter and I have always shared a wonderful bond and she is a very happy, clever, creative and well adjusted child. We all work together and for a "broken" family, well, we're pretty damn happy :sunshine:
My stepdaughter's family dynamics are very different. My husband's ex wife is very bitter, delusional, mentally unwell and extremely religious woman. She continually creates problems, trouble and heartache for all of us - especially her daughter. There is no way (or hope) of having a civil or normal/healthy dialect with this woman and the family court have acknowledged this.
My stepdaughter suffers from ADHD and Autism. She is in (and has been) a very unstable environment as she lives between her mother and her maternal grandparents (who either don't talk to her mum - or who argue/yell/physically fight with her mum). When she's not being "cared" for by these people, she is with us.
Her behaviour is terrible. She is ill-mannered, doesn't listen to us, refuses to follow rules, disrespects and insults total strangers, taunts our cat whenever our backs are turned, has a history of inapproriately touching girls (noted by her school) and has also been known, and does, make up stories (serious at times) about others for attention. Once, one of her "stories" involved me and of course, her mother relished in it.
The last few weekends, we have upped the discipline and made the rules clear in a way she can understand and process them. When she is good, she is rewarded. When she is bad, she is punished. We needed to become more stern with punishments as she just wasn't learning anything when we were simply "talking" to her. These days we include time out, sending her to her room, taking away toys and privlidges etc. It's not being handled well by her and although she is beginning to learn to follow the rules, she also resents how "strict" we're being.
My concern is this. I am 6 weeks pregnant and hubby and I couldn't be happer. My daughter's father knows and is over the moon for us :) and when we tell my daughter, we know she will be extremely excited! I can't wait to tell her she will "get the half sister or brother she's been waiting for" LOL.
Both hubby and I are worried about my stepdaughter's reaction, especially while we are enforcing the rules and sticking to proper discipline. We are already "unpopular" for this new routine of rules she isn't used to and we're worried that the pregnancy news will make her act out even more. She is naturally a very jealous child and because her mother is going to be angry/devestated at this news, we know she will negatively comment to her daughter and enable any fears/concerns that her daughter is having :no: instead of reassuring her, like we will be. Not good.
If anyone has any advice or has been in a similar situation, please let me know how you handled it and what helped..and what didn't. I don't want my stepdaughter feeling like she is being "replaced" or that her father won't love her anymore...however I also don't want her using this as an excuse to continue her shocking behaviour:confused:
My husband and I have children from previous relationships, neither child lives with us full time and have our children here with us every 2nd weekend. My daughter is seven and his daughter is almost eight.
My daughter's father and I get along very well, we are still friends. His partner/my daughter's stepmother is nothing short of an angel and is an amazing parent. My beautiful daughter and I have always shared a wonderful bond and she is a very happy, clever, creative and well adjusted child. We all work together and for a "broken" family, well, we're pretty damn happy :sunshine:
My stepdaughter's family dynamics are very different. My husband's ex wife is very bitter, delusional, mentally unwell and extremely religious woman. She continually creates problems, trouble and heartache for all of us - especially her daughter. There is no way (or hope) of having a civil or normal/healthy dialect with this woman and the family court have acknowledged this.
My stepdaughter suffers from ADHD and Autism. She is in (and has been) a very unstable environment as she lives between her mother and her maternal grandparents (who either don't talk to her mum - or who argue/yell/physically fight with her mum). When she's not being "cared" for by these people, she is with us.
Her behaviour is terrible. She is ill-mannered, doesn't listen to us, refuses to follow rules, disrespects and insults total strangers, taunts our cat whenever our backs are turned, has a history of inapproriately touching girls (noted by her school) and has also been known, and does, make up stories (serious at times) about others for attention. Once, one of her "stories" involved me and of course, her mother relished in it.
The last few weekends, we have upped the discipline and made the rules clear in a way she can understand and process them. When she is good, she is rewarded. When she is bad, she is punished. We needed to become more stern with punishments as she just wasn't learning anything when we were simply "talking" to her. These days we include time out, sending her to her room, taking away toys and privlidges etc. It's not being handled well by her and although she is beginning to learn to follow the rules, she also resents how "strict" we're being.
My concern is this. I am 6 weeks pregnant and hubby and I couldn't be happer. My daughter's father knows and is over the moon for us :) and when we tell my daughter, we know she will be extremely excited! I can't wait to tell her she will "get the half sister or brother she's been waiting for" LOL.
Both hubby and I are worried about my stepdaughter's reaction, especially while we are enforcing the rules and sticking to proper discipline. We are already "unpopular" for this new routine of rules she isn't used to and we're worried that the pregnancy news will make her act out even more. She is naturally a very jealous child and because her mother is going to be angry/devestated at this news, we know she will negatively comment to her daughter and enable any fears/concerns that her daughter is having :no: instead of reassuring her, like we will be. Not good.
If anyone has any advice or has been in a similar situation, please let me know how you handled it and what helped..and what didn't. I don't want my stepdaughter feeling like she is being "replaced" or that her father won't love her anymore...however I also don't want her using this as an excuse to continue her shocking behaviour:confused: