What is too old?

[Issey]

what age do you think is too old to consider having a bub for men and women? :confused:

does it get too hard or unfair to have a child once a certain age.

just looking for opinions and experiences, no judgement.

how do people find being over 40 having a baby :confused:

[Countrydeb]

what age do you think is too old to consider having a bub for men and women? :confused:

does it get too hard or unfair to have a child once a certain age.

just looking for opinions and experiences, no judgement.

how do people find being over 40 having a baby :confused:
Well Debster,I am 42,28 weeks preg and have found the biggest challenge trying not to think of all that can go wrong with baby and me....i have felt pretty good really even tho i am high risk due to age ,obesity and high blood pressure...Found that the body has aches and pains everywhere from time to time but one has to expect that...I am wondering how i'll cope with the sleepless nights ,not to mention the labour but will have to wait to find out...Countrydeb

[A Party of Five]

Your only as old as you feel so if you feel you can have one but think of the baby and the age they will be when you cant run round the park with them or take them on bike rides. I think its important to think of the children in this decision :yes:

[Tabby]

I think its all a personal choice and so many things can play a part in the decision and whether it be right or wrong and in saying that I dont think its right for me to say what I consider to be too young OR too old.

I had dd at 43 and am also ttc no4 at 45 :thumbsup:
So as to over 40 how do I find it?
The most wonderful years of my life!!! I cannot express how much I enjoyed the pregnancy , the birth and the last 2.6 years with dd, she is the light of our life and I look forward to one more..
Yes I get tired but how many mums dont? For me Its worth every bit of sleeplessness and I can catch up on that later..when I truly am old

[Amara]

I was considered low risk when I birthed my bub at 42. It was an easy pregnancy, no ms & only a bit of swollen ankles to deal with. No BP problems, no GD problems like they tell you you're likely to get over 40. I worked right up to 37 weeks & gave birth 38/4 even though my first OB predicted I'd be off sick from 30 weeks (due to complications from my advanced age).

The first 6 weeks were hard, but not due to sleepless nights. I had major BFing issues but so do lots of younger ladies. Once I got all that sorted I found it far easier than I expected.

I have loads of energy & the only nights that have been anything close to "sleepless" have been the nights when my son is teething. I still manage to get up the next morning & function perfectly well at work.

I can easily keep up with him, it's not like you suddenly lose energy at 40. It's only if you have health issues that energy could be a problem, but lets face it chronic illness can hit you at any age.

I personally think that around 45 is a good time for women to stop having babies, but each to their own. I don't think I would've TTC'd past that age had I not had my son, but I will never know that will I?

[Issey]

maybe i have a bit of time left then. what about your partners age??? Is that a factor:confused:

[Tabby]

Ah Im the exception to the norm I would think..so cant really add to that
my partner is 25 :thumbsup: :laughing:

[Issey]

Ah Im the exception to the norm I would think..so cant really add to that
my partner is 25 :thumbsup: :laughing:

lol well my bf is 44 atm

[Amara]

Well since you asked I'll give you a little known fact about DS and older dads. The latest research has found that women 35+ who have partners 24 or under have half the risk of DS of those 35+ who have partners of similar age.

It used to be thought that it was only the mum's age that mattered. The reason for that is that women pretty much always had similar aged partners or older partners. Times changed and cougars became commonplace & started having babies with their young partners & the research showed that the dad's age does actually matter. Labs still don't factor this in though. They need to get with the times.

Generally though I think around 45 for guys as well.



p.s. My ex was 24 when my son was conceived & I am by no means labelling Tabby as a cougar and I never considered myself one as I did not deliberately seek out a younger man. :D

[Opinionated]

I think nature has a very effective mechanism for telling women when they are too old.

Men's age is not so important. My dad's friend and his second wife had children when he was in his late 60's early 70's. He told my father that he couldn't deny her the right to have kids, just because she fell in love with an old codger.

I don't think age is important. It is only important that children be loved, wanted and well cared for. There is no guarantees in life, young parents can die, old parents may live a very long time.

[Tabby]

wow Amara, thats great info, Makes a lot of sense and very reassuring , thankyou.
lol when I first read that cougar bit I was a little taken back but then saw your line at the bottom :thumbsup:


Debster: Im sure it can become a factor later on but at 44 I wouldnt think so...
Even my hubby at his age had to have a sperm count when we were first ttc to see how we stood as we didnt have time to waste, so that might be a idea for you..when you do go to ttc, get him in for a sperm count and hopefully alls well..if not youll know from the start and can hit ttc with help to make it happen sooner rather than later

All the best when you do
xxx

[Randall]

I've been a mother at 30, 35, 39 and 44, my youngest is now 11months.

I haven't really noticed any difference except how each subsequent baby is easier.

I have just as much energy as ever.

I would love to have one more but I don't actually like the idea of being 47 with a new born, also my poor partner would be further neglected and I would like to travel with him without a walking frame one day.

[Sparkiemum123]

I think we should have babies until our body can't do it anymore IF we want to.

Modern living people are so obsessed with age :ecomcity:
Women and men have always been able to procreate until their body tells them it's over.
Who cares?

Sorry, this is a sensitive topic for me at moment. I want another baby and my hb doesn't and my family think I'm too old as I'm in my 40's.
I am sort of sick of all the judgement based on my age. I'm the one who is going to have to carry the bub, give birth and sacrifice mostly for a baby. so why so many others have such negative opinions is really frustrating:banghead:
Sparks

[Issey]

I would love to have one more but I don't actually like the idea of being 47 with a new born, also my poor partner would be further neglected and I would like to travel with him without a walking frame one day.

I just highlighted the above purely as it made me laugh alot!!!

I asked my bf over dinner want he thought about kids if he ever wanted one of his own :ecomcity::ecomcity: . I just want to know if it is something I will have to think about at some stage if all goes well with our relationship :fingerscrossed: might as well find out now.

He is 'undecided' which probably means he wants to if the time was right, I think, I got that impression & he doesn't thing he is too old.

[Ys_Woman]

I am 46 and have four kids 22, 8, 7, 18mths. Dh (43) and I are sincerely done with procreation now :yes:. We calculated that by the time hubby is ready to retire at 65..bub will be 24 by then and surely living his own life. I am thankful I was fertile enough to have this last bub but running around after him and active 7 and 8 year old's wears me out.
My eldest is about 7 weeks away from having her first baby so I will get the enjoyment of a new bub without having to do the hard stuff..lol.

There are many different types of mums and dads in this world not just the young ones who can run around with their kids. And anyway..kids only know what they grow up with and if they feel loved and valued then they usually aren't concerned with how old or physically able their parents are or are not. They are simply their parents.

I run with the idea of choice on this issue. You'll know when you're done.

Amy:)

[bgbgbb]

I had my 4 at 33, 35, 36 & 38. This year I turned 40 and we've been trying for #5. After having 4 babies from 4 pregnancies I didn't think I'd be up for any problems, but I've had 2 miscarriages in 3 months. I dont know whether its my advanced age or the odds of having a miscarriage just catching up with me. Regardless, we have conceived 5 of those 6 pregnancies first month trying, including these last 2.

After this last one (am still recovering from the complications) I have asked my obgyn whether I am getting too old.

His reply was "You are a spring chicken, I'm delivering 2 x 43 year olds and 2 x 45 year olds this year"

I hope he's right!:fingerscrossed:

Might I add my Dh is 4 years younger than me and I think his 'youth' has helped our conceptions!

[Randall]

Might I add my Dh is 4 years younger than me and I think his 'youth' has helped our conceptions! __________________

Hmm, interesting theory - mine iss 6 years younger!!

[FellowTraveller]

Hi all...Loved reading these posts! I am 42 and had my 2nd daughter in Dec last year. She is a doll (and so is my first - but she was a tad harder!!) and I would almost consider having another. My husband can be swayed either way - but I am sure he thinks I am nuts! I have had some health problems - with my eyes of late - having treatment for Macular Degeneration and need to not fall pregnant until that is over - due to the drugs they are injecting in my eye. So, if I am going to start TTC it will probably be around November. BLAH! Time is so precious!!
Do you think society makes a woman over 40 feel too old? I remember when I had my first DD and I really felt like everyone thought I was too old (and I was only 39) but now with my second I don't notice it really. Maybe I don't care either. Maybe I was more aware of other mums who I felt - prehaps not meaning to - did judge me at times. What do others think?

[mollyk99]

There are many different types of mums and dads in this world not just the young ones who can run around with their kids. And anyway..kids only know what they grow up with and if they feel loved and valued then they usually aren't concerned with how old or physically able their parents are or are not. They are simply their parents.

I run with the idea of choice on this issue. You'll know when you're done.

Amy:)

And just from a very personal perspective - procreation and parenting sometimes don't end up in the same basket.

I did the baby at 25 and 28 thing, waved them happily out the door when I was 46, and then in a bizarre turn of fate ended up with 3 more due to a family thing 3 years ago.

Now I have an 8, a 7, and a 4yo SN.... it is harder, physically, than it was. I'm tired than I was the first time round.

I am less patient, (impending menopause, perhaps? :D ) but more experienced in dealing with stuff. Some of my parenting style(s) are currently out of fashion - it's an oh well, I'm afraid! - and I really, really, really, really hate tuck shop duty and school council stuff, and LOATHE tap dancing classes and soccer. I know thats awful but god I hate going. (This may not be age related, this may be 'been there done that, didn't like it much the first time' related.

None of our friends have young children any more, so that's been a bit harder too, many of the mums I meet are very young, which is lovely and wonderful but they regard me as a geriatric, lol, we don't have a lot in common.

On the flip side, I can still ice skate backwards towing a 6 yo, can identify the sugar content of any food item with my eyes shut and have a huge range of creative reasons why people should eat vegetables.

I think if you're sensible enough to be considering the pros and cons, you'll make the right decision for you.

And I wouldn't be without them for the world.

Molly.

[Randall]

Molly - you had 3 children post 46??? I'm in awe - or do you mean you acquired them by other means?
And I fully agree with the tuckshop/playgroup/classes etc etc - I can't stand those indoor play centres either and I'm very over parks and beaches! Luckily my partner loves all that stuff , so he takes our little ones.

[DonnaR]

I can't answer the question because some days I feel too old and somedays not.

I had DS and DD1 9 days before my 41st birthday. DDs 2 and 3 arrive when I was 44.4 and here I sit just turned 48 and wondering about just one more LOL.

[blaxlanddoula]

There is new research to show that men, over the age of 50, who father children have a greater risk that their child/children will develop schizophrenia during their lives...personal choice I think but not a legacy that I'd like to pass to my child!

[bumMum]

I think we should have babies until our body can't do it anymore IF we want to.

Modern living people are so obsessed with age :ecomcity:
Women and men have always been able to procreate until their body tells them it's over.
Who cares?

Sorry, this is a sensitive topic for me at moment. I want another baby and my hb doesn't and my family think I'm too old as I'm in my 40's.
I am sort of sick of all the judgement based on my age. I'm the one who is going to have to carry the bub, give birth and sacrifice mostly for a baby. so why so many others have such negative opinions is really frustrating:banghead:
Sparks

LOL i think that's so true. Our bodies are designed for baby making from quite young right up to a lot older than what people think. I kind of stumbled on this post looking at the diff age groups, i'm not in my fourties. but my mum was late 30's and early 40's when she had us and I think she was a fantastic mum! so if anyone is worried and wants to know how this affects the child, I would like to say, NOT AT ALL! people have to consider different issues at different stages in their life when making bubbies... but my mum was pretty awesome and had a very cool life before me, and was very wise.. she didn't really ever seem old or tired to me! I'm sure she felt old and tired sometimes but SO DO I :yes: at times.. the only thing I guess is that she was very into her career and was important in her line of work.. I think she struggled juggling having such an established career and being a mum at the same time. but she did good!