has a break worked for you?

[TacoFest]

Has a break worked for you and your DP? or not worked? What happened and why did you get back together/stayed split up?

My best friend had just split with her boyfriend of 3 years. Well they are more like on a break. They have been split for 8 weeks now but have seen each other a couple of times a week since then like gone to each others houses, gone to the movie, shopping, beach etc. So pretty much done normal boyfriend/girlfriend stuff but without the "hooking up" if you like. She really wants to get back together with him, but I tell her she needs to back off and give him some time and space to miss her if she wants things to work out. (He broke it off with her.)

Now my boyfriend and I split for a while over a year ago. We spent about 2 months apart I think. For the first couple of weeks we spoke, but after that not at all. We then realised how much we loved each other and wanted to be together and are now happily living together with out 5 day old daughter:cloud9:

So has a break worked for your relationship? why/why not??

[EmmasMummy]

Depends on the people and the problems I think ..... I had problems with DH for ages while living with inlaws... but he always held over me that if we had a "break" it would be over...that he doesn't do breaks .... but I duno I think now we have a child he would of come back to me if I had of (should of) left living with his parents.

[Boobycino]

My parents had a break that became a break up.

I guess I'm inclined to say that it was my fathers unwillingness to accept that he may have been at least half responsible for their failing marriage that perminantly ended their relationship.

I guess continued communication and a willingness to change would have probably made all the difference because the totally stupid part of it is 10 years later, get them alone with maybe some alcohol to loosen their tongues and they'll both admitt they still love one another. :no:

[Bubs'n'Roses]

It really depends on the reasons the break is taken IMO. DP and I took a break from each other last year for a few weeks because we just weren't getting along and everytime we tried to sort out our issues we'd end up even madder at each other. We still wanted to be together but we just couldn't get ourselves to that place at that time. So we took a break from being together. We still lived together, but we were more like friends, we had our own things and took turns at doing things with DD1 (I wasn't even pregnant with DD2 at the time). Eventually we were both a lot calmer and in a better state of mind to talk and we really missed that relationship feel.

If you go into a break thinking negatively, I'd say that it'll probably not end up coming back together. But if its a break because thats what you literally need is a BREAK from each other then maybe. If its just a nice way of pulling back from each other to eventually BREAK UP then I wonder why people do that one. I think it would depend totally on each persons feelings and wants and needs. But it can help.

It did work for us.

[Issey]

hi ladies
i just got a some questions i need some advice on my dp has cheated onme 8 times over the last 2 yrs and when our son was birn he says he has stopped but i cant bring myself to believe him he says he loves me and he knows he did wrong and he disrespected me and our son and wants to be a better man and be everything he can b for his family but how can i trust him and move on i dnt believe him and now im thinking its time jst to break it off but his talking about getting married. sometimes i cant even say that i love him i dnt want him to touch me or even b around me or our son just dnt know what to do anymore i do love him and want to b with him but its hard to move on from the cheating,lies and name calling has anyone else been in the same problem or has any advice please let me know

I think this should be in a different thread:confused: as doens't relate to the above question.... that way you will get the responses you need by starting a thread about this.

i think taking a break is a kind way to ease out of the relationship if one wants out and the other doesn't:( i broke up with my husband and he tried to get back, wasn't a break as such but an ending.

My advice to the other lady, is you should leave him, you don't deserve to be treated like that, that sounds like an awful situation that you are in.

[nugglyboysmum]

DH and I are seperated atm, you could say on a break.

I left him in January this year, due to many things.

1. He was so self centred and a workaholic, but he couldnt see it.
2. He wasn't really involved with DS
3. He was a problem drinker
4. He was/is irresponsible with money
5. He refused to have another baby

I tried and tried and tried to sit and chat with him about everything, I tried desperately to get him to understand my point of view and see his own wrongs, but he would never listen, he would just get defensive, or he would make promises to change, but never follow through.

In the end I just told him enough was enough and I took DS and moved out.

It has been an awfully rocky 6 months, but DH has grown up a lot and become more responsible and much more involved in DS life.

We have had relatioship counselling, which really seemed to help for a while.

If you asked DH tonight how our relationship was going he would say things couldn't be better, however I am feeling negative about things again. All of the sudden he isnt as considerate of me and my wants. He still refuses to have another baby ever. Thing is, for DH to be great to me and DS I have to constantly remind him and nag him, which makes me feel like cr@p. I want him to want to be involved in family life, not have to be reminded and nagged at all the time to do the right thing

whoops i think thats enough info about me.........

So, he thinks we are back together, while I think we are still seperated but working on things.....

I hope reading all this helps you somehow...x

[~Candy~]

It has certainly helped my dh and I keep our marriage of nearly 13 yrs together :yes:

We seperated after baby #2 was about 6 months old as we were always fighting.
Saying we seperated...we lived apart but we were still together (not seeing anyone else, no divorce intentions..just needed to live apart).
We stayed like this for 2 yrs and we were very happy.....then I got preg with baby #3 :o, and he moved back in with us.
Baby #4 came not long after baby#3 and we managed to live happily together.

Just recently things have gone a bit sour again...(long story)...but we have decided to seperate again. He's living with another friend of his who is also seperated from his wife..they have 3 kids. It's working out really good, we get along much better...we don't have seperate lives..he's here all w/end and he looks after the kids for me while I go to work.

We are dead set keen on keeping "us" together not just for the kids...but both dh and I want our marriage to work also...and seperation really can work if BOTH hearts are into it :)

[ladybugblue84]

I have been on a "break" from FOB since November 2008 in a hope he will change his ways (get a fricken job & support us) but nothing. I really want to just break it off for good with no chance of reconciliation but he won't let me & always begs me to come back (well not to live with him because he knows he can't support us, just to be with him as boyfriend/girlfriend). I should really just be strong & get rid of him once & for all because if he really cared we would be back together already! IMO breaks are a way to see if the other person cares & if they did the break would be over ASAP. Well that's the case in my situation anyway.


hi ladies
i just got a some questions i need some advice on my dp has cheated onme 8 times over the last 2 yrs and when our son was birn he says he has stopped but i cant bring myself to believe him he says he loves me and he knows he did wrong and he disrespected me and our son and wants to be a better man and be everything he can b for his family but how can i trust him and move on i dnt believe him and now im thinking its time jst to break it off but his talking about getting married. sometimes i cant even say that i love him i dnt want him to touch me or even b around me or our son just dnt know what to do anymore i do love him and want to b with him but its hard to move on from the cheating,lies and name calling has anyone else been in the same problem or has any advice please let me know

Sorry but I think you should let go :hugs:. Cheating is where I would draw the line & 8 times is unnacceptable. If you no longer have any trust for him how can the relationship be happy again? If you don't want him to touch you or be around you or your child then your subconcious is trying to tell you something "that if you let him in again that you will be hurt". I'm sorry you are going through this & I hope you figure out what you need to do soon enough to be happy again.

[Boobycino]

hi ladies
i just got a some questions i need some advice on my dp has cheated onme 8 times over the last 2 yrs and when our son was birn he says he has stopped but i cant bring myself to believe him he says he loves me and he knows he did wrong and he disrespected me and our son and wants to be a better man and be everything he can b for his family but how can i trust him and move on i dnt believe him and now im thinking its time jst to break it off but his talking about getting married. sometimes i cant even say that i love him i dnt want him to touch me or even b around me or our son just dnt know what to do anymore i do love him and want to b with him but its hard to move on from the cheating,lies and name calling has anyone else been in the same problem or has any advice please let me know

Oh honey :hugs:

You're probably not going to be supprised by this, but I think you should leave him. A man who cheats repeatedly is not worth your time or love.

He's missed out on his oportunity to be a good man with you - I dont think he can make up for what he's done to you. I also think cheating 8 times says to me that he'll do it again.

I've not been in your situation before - cheating is an instant deal breaker for me - in previously relationships a man only gets one oportunity to cheat on me, then he's out, I dont have time to waste on a man who'll disrespect me like that.

:hugs:I'm sending you lots of love, strength and support, no matter what you choose! :hugs: