Moving in with another Single Mum..

[MissMetal]

lalalalalalala

[Veritas]

Listen to your instincts.... sometimes friendship and living arrangements are just not suited to each other, and the one place you deserve to feel truly comfortable and peaceful in is your own home....

I agree that it was def inconsiderate of her to act that way....

:hugs:

[Bubmum]

Go with your gut instinct...combining your two families is going to be hard enough without having to deal with a lack of support.
If I had those experiences, I would be thinking twice. Is there any way you can test run it? maybe tell her that you will trial it for a few weeks, and that she is welcome to stay with you until she finds somewhere else.
Family comes first (and that includes yourself).

[SPC]

Trust your instincts! It sounds like you have really clear doubts. Considering how protective you are of DS this sounds like a bad plan. You need to be able to trust that you can essentially co-parent with somebody. I've been sharing with really good friends and it works because they don't have children and so they don't try and parent Esme. But if she's living with you and your son, with her child she will automatically try to parent with you. She'll be disciplining him and probably offering him food etc. You need to be really in tune with each others' values and parenting styles.

Ooh I get all anxious just thinking about it...I need to rent a room out in my new house and none of my friends want to live out in Eltham. Yikes. Long interview process.

[MissMetal]

:crying::crying::crying:

[MissMetal]

lalalalalala

[SPC]

Personally, I hate living alone. I love that Esme sees the interaction of my flatties and I, and how happy she is when they get home. It feels more 'normal'. But it isn't without it's downsides. You do have to watch them like a hawk as they leave plastic bags etc around, and dangle electric cords and just have no clue. Have you tried space4? I shall be advertising my spare room there, once the house is built. There are other lots of other people you could share with and there will be people you'd be happy to live with, but it might take a few false starts.

[Bubmum]

:detective: Maybe you will both find a fellow flatmate on the Hub, or somewhere on the net.....

[Mama32]

I think it was a god sent that your friend came for a visit.
If you do move in, then you are going to be mothering her daughter as well, while she goes out and dumps her on you.
From what i gather from your post, it looks like she wont be much help around the house, she'll be yelling at your son whenever he cries and you'll end up breaking your friendship with her.
Yeah it sounds dramatic but she gave you a sneak peak of what she's like, now its upto you to decide.

Its better to live on your own, where your son makes a mess and no on taunts you and at least you have a peace of mind when you come home and theres no one to cause tension.

[Just Add Water]

Quite simply, MM, you deserve some peace... it's not worth it... once you're in Melbourne you'll be much closer to meet people for a catch up and this will help you as well. If she isn't going to help you at the shops then it doesn't sound like she'll be much help if you need her at home.

[MissMetal]

lalalalalalal

[sandy cheeks]

I'd b worried if she left her dd for 6months u dont want to end up looking after her dd cos she has no one to look after her.
Also go with ur gut u dont want the extra stress I know it's lonley and hard on ur own but the wrong flatmate is much worse IMO
U want to live with someone who has the same/simmular feeling's and maby parenting style as u I know I couldn't live with my bestie cos of the parenting thing alone.

[SPC]

Thanks for all the replies...
Im really quite confussed as to what to do :confused:
without trying to bag her out, she is a real social girl (which is good) but all she wants to do is go out & party on the weekends. currently she lives with her parents & she can do what she wants whenever she wants & her parents just mind her DD. last year she left her DD with her parents for approx 6 months full time & moved interstate, as she wanted to get away from her DD :confused:
when she was here she didnt once smile at my DS or even try to play or talk to him :no:
Maybe this will all change when she is here & has full care of her DD...ahhhhh what to do!!

Seeing as you won't leave your son for 5 minutes this seems like a huge clash in parenting values! You'll find yourself with two children! What if she pulls some bloke and goes off for the weekend, assuming you'll mind her DD? I think you need to knock this idea on the head and find somebody to share with who adores their child and who you will be comfortable leaving your DS with for an evening - or else what's the point?

[LizzardLover]

Having this girl move in with you would be a REALLY bad idea I think... you need to tell her ASAP that you have to put your plans on hold and she can't come move in with you.

You need to find something better for you and your DS, you deserve better!

Where are you living at the moment and when are you wanting to move to?

[MissMetal]

lalalalalala

[LizzardLover]

I would still just be really worried about moving in with this person.

What happens in 3 months or so when SHE realises that it's not working out so well or that you wont be her live in babysitter or whatever?? She might just pick up and run back home to her parents leaving you in the lurch and with the expenses of the place you rent all on your own!! If she does do this it could STUFF your rental history/record up so bad you have trouble getting another rental after that.

Honestly if I was going to be moving in with someone I would hope my feelings would be more of the "i'm SO excited and can't wait... this is just feels so right" and for you to be questioning it already just says "no" to me.

Just be really really carefull!

[confusd]

If she is that worried about her social life, how long will it be before you are left to look after her DD while she goes out?
Me, personally i wouldnt move in with her. If she is really that concerned about her social life and says that she doesnt like babies and kids...Whats she going to be like if your DS is crying because he is sick or teething??

Ive been in a similar situation, some friends just dont go well living together.

Good luck :hugs:

[Mum2Bug]

Im going to agree with the other posters hun. It really doesnt sound like she is the type of person i would want to be sharing a house with. When it comes to single parents they really need to be on the same wavelength with parenting types etc, housework, to make it work, otherwise resentment and bad feelings start to grow. Your and DS deserve to be living in a happy home surrounded by loving friends.

[lochiebearsmum]

there is NO way i'd be moving in with her... if she speaks to your little one like that when they are crying how will she be when you are there full time... i wonder if she will also use you as a babysitting service.... i really think maybe youd be better off looking for another place... i dont think this is a good option for you... and could very well ruin a friendship as well

[pegasaurus]

Hey Miss Metal, sounds like you are moving to my part of town - inner west Melbourne. Please let me know if we can help you settle in or find your way about!!!

[MissMetal]

lalalalalal

[LizzardLover]

Don't worry about living by yourself. Get bubs into a playgroup or two (you might have to try a few before you find one that "fits") and make some new friends in your area. If you can afford it, baby swimming lessons are also a great way to meet other mums with babies of similar ages. Your Maternal Child Health Nurse might know of a single parents group you could join too.

The very BEST thing about living alone is that you are not accountable to anyone, nor are you relying on anyone. You can parent the way you want to, you can cook what you want to, you can keep the house the way you want to.

Living alone isn't so bad ;)

[SPC]

Yay Pegasaurus - we should all catch up! Esme is crawling now and can hold her own against your big boy.

MM - Can you get into a mum's group in that area now? I'm in one for Eltham and it's helping me settle into my new area even before I get there. It's a pain getting there sometimes, but it is only once a week and it's helpful to make links etc, as well and giving Esme a trip out. I just rang up the MCHN in the area and joined the group for Esme's birth month. They are actually way more fun that the North Fitzroy group and we go round to their houses and drik wine on their decks. :D

[pegasaurus]

Yay! SPC would be great to have you both around some time. I am in altona. MM have PM'd you. Cheers!

[lachys_mama]

uhm i'm a bit neurotic and am afraid of meeting new peeps in groups but i'd give it a whirl if you were interested, just moved to melb 3 months ago and about to move to Heidelberg West

[MissMetal]

we should all meet up :yes:

[sharonnscotty]

Trust me DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HER..... you need to have alike minded parenting scheme, where the same rules are set for all the children etc.... you need to make sure everyone is spoken to equally,,,,

It sounds like she is looking to move in with you so you can take the burden of her DD.

Get a smaller more affordable place, dont let your life, or you DS life be upturned and interrupted.

BIG ?SMI?LES

[MissMetal]

help :confused:

[SPC]

I think you just need to appologise, lots. Tell her you feel really awful for changing your mind but that it would be really stressful for you, having to worry that your DS's crying would annoy her, or something. When I asked the horrid flattie to move out I said I didn't want to have to worry about cleaning etc with a baby but that I would feel stressed if he was having to live with my chaos too.

[JadeyBaby2]

I would make it about yourself - say you don't feel you are in a place in your life right now where you can share accomodation with another person and that you just want it to be you and your DS. She'll take it too personally otherwise. I've lived on my own for 3 years now - at first was hard but am more than used to it now, doesn't bother me in the slightest.

[sharonnscotty]

its so so sooooooo hard, but you know once its said and done you can get on with things. DO NOT let her talk her way back in, she will get on just fine without moving in with you :D be strong it will all work itself out.

[MissMetal]

we have the same group of friends & im scared its going to turn out all awkward & cause sh!t :(

[MissMetal]

lalalalala

[SPC]

:yelclap: Well done, at least she'll have a chance to digest it before you see her. Hope she's ok about it?

[MissMetal]

lalalalallalal