MamaLlama
01-07-2009, 12:51
She's a very close friend, we've known each other more than 20 years now. We've lived in different states, different countries and lost touch for long periods and always re-connected very quickly when we could. She had 2 children before, I had 1. She is living overseas now but we keep in touch when we can by email and do a phone call about once every 4-6 months or so.
I'd been a bit isolated when I was pg with my eldest, and wished I'd lived nearer to her then, and of course I didn't have a clue about anything when she had her first a few years before that. She had her second not long after my eldest, and we bonded a lot about them.
We were due in December and she in June and we thought wouldn't it be nice if our #2 and her #3 are also close in age. We got the news of our complications and twins and she was the only friend I shared the news with for a long time (told her around 9 weeks, didn't tell anyone else until about 14 weeks). She called us and we had a big talk on the phone and had kept in touch more lately about both her upcoming birth and our hopes the twins would be ok.
Since we found out last week that our twins had died in utero I haven't been able to tell anyone except the immediate family and my work (for time off). I was always going to find it painful telling her because of her imminent birth, and I put it off at least until after the delivery of my babies, it was the only way I could cope.
So I came home from hospital having said goodbye to my sleeping babies to find her email announcing her baby was born the same day I had them. It just about broke my heart.
I don't feel in the least jealous of her, or resentful or anything negative towards her, just general life is so unfair which I felt anyway. But it hurt, it just straight out hurt to think of having to write all the standard congratulations. I don't wish her well any less, I'm not any less happy for her that she's had the baby safe and healthy at all, it isn't that. Its just the timing. I just wish she hadn't had her baby that very day. I wish I had not had to read the email that day I got home.
Now I can't face replying and I know she'll think its odd after a while, at first she'll just think we're busy (which has happened to both of us over the years). But eventually I do have to write and I can't just brush it off as a "sorry, didn't get around to it" excuse. I know she'll understand, I know it won't be a problem for us in our friendship. I just can't write to her.
And I can't bear to see her email sitting there in inbox. I had to move it even though I normally don't file emails until I've replied.
No real point here, just trying to let out the feeling of hearing that coincidental news. It hurts like hell.
I'd been a bit isolated when I was pg with my eldest, and wished I'd lived nearer to her then, and of course I didn't have a clue about anything when she had her first a few years before that. She had her second not long after my eldest, and we bonded a lot about them.
We were due in December and she in June and we thought wouldn't it be nice if our #2 and her #3 are also close in age. We got the news of our complications and twins and she was the only friend I shared the news with for a long time (told her around 9 weeks, didn't tell anyone else until about 14 weeks). She called us and we had a big talk on the phone and had kept in touch more lately about both her upcoming birth and our hopes the twins would be ok.
Since we found out last week that our twins had died in utero I haven't been able to tell anyone except the immediate family and my work (for time off). I was always going to find it painful telling her because of her imminent birth, and I put it off at least until after the delivery of my babies, it was the only way I could cope.
So I came home from hospital having said goodbye to my sleeping babies to find her email announcing her baby was born the same day I had them. It just about broke my heart.
I don't feel in the least jealous of her, or resentful or anything negative towards her, just general life is so unfair which I felt anyway. But it hurt, it just straight out hurt to think of having to write all the standard congratulations. I don't wish her well any less, I'm not any less happy for her that she's had the baby safe and healthy at all, it isn't that. Its just the timing. I just wish she hadn't had her baby that very day. I wish I had not had to read the email that day I got home.
Now I can't face replying and I know she'll think its odd after a while, at first she'll just think we're busy (which has happened to both of us over the years). But eventually I do have to write and I can't just brush it off as a "sorry, didn't get around to it" excuse. I know she'll understand, I know it won't be a problem for us in our friendship. I just can't write to her.
And I can't bear to see her email sitting there in inbox. I had to move it even though I normally don't file emails until I've replied.
No real point here, just trying to let out the feeling of hearing that coincidental news. It hurts like hell.