no one special
28-06-2009, 22:24
Long time member here but I would prefer to keep my anonymity. I would also like to share my story as it may help others to understand.
***
The day I found out I was pregnant was the worst day of my life. I had been in a relationship with my bf for a few months. I was late but I couldn't remember how late I was as I never remembered the date of my lmp. So I started at the test in horror and cried. I knew before I had even taken the test that should it be positive, I was 99.9% sure that I would have an abortion. The 0.01% would have been to allow for any radical change of mind that may occur, but it didn't.
I was angry, so very angry at myself for getting myself into this situation and you know what, you see we had been a bit lax about contraception. :rolleyes: More than 10 years later I am still angry at myself for this.
It's difficult to explain but in my head there was no concept of 'a baby growing inside me'. I had a growth, a medical condition that needed to be removed. That might sound really harsh but that's how I felt.
Let me make something very clear, there was absolutely no way I was going to have a baby. I had a myriad of reasons that primarily boiled down to, 'I wasn't ready'. I didn't know how 'easy' it would be to get an abortion. I didn't know that I would have thrown myself down stairs, gone to a backyard abortionist, found a coat hanger, drunk a bottle of gin, done ANYTHING to terminate the pregnancy. I was fully aware that it may mean that I would loose the ability to have children in the future and that was fine and I knew I wanted to have children in the future but just not now. I can't stress enough that I would have done 'what ever it took' to terminate the pregnancy.
As for adoption, not an option. I am not made of stone. I couldn't go through with a pregnancy only to give a baby to a complete stranger. I take my hat off to woman who can do this but I couldn't and no amount of support or counselling would have changed my mind about this.
I went to the doctors asap and advised then that I wanted an abortion. From memory over the next week I had to see a second doctor as well as a social worker and I think a sugeon (or at least the person who performs the procedure) so each could either make sure I was making the right decisiona and tell me about what was going to occur. I have to say they were all very supportive and non judgemental.
I was booked into the hospital and I remember filling out the forms. The form said "are you pregnant" and I didn't know how to answer it. Sure I was technically pregnant but I wasn't going to have a baby.
When I was wheeled into theatre I cried and cried and cried. I just wanted it to be over. The nurse hugged me and held my hand whilst I had the GA administered.
I woke up later, with the greatest feeling of relief I had ever felt. It was over.
I have never regretted that decision. I am angry at myself for getting myself into a position where I had to make that decision but never regretted the actual decision.
I don't wonder what if, because there never was.
I was 25 at the time.
That was my story :)
***
The day I found out I was pregnant was the worst day of my life. I had been in a relationship with my bf for a few months. I was late but I couldn't remember how late I was as I never remembered the date of my lmp. So I started at the test in horror and cried. I knew before I had even taken the test that should it be positive, I was 99.9% sure that I would have an abortion. The 0.01% would have been to allow for any radical change of mind that may occur, but it didn't.
I was angry, so very angry at myself for getting myself into this situation and you know what, you see we had been a bit lax about contraception. :rolleyes: More than 10 years later I am still angry at myself for this.
It's difficult to explain but in my head there was no concept of 'a baby growing inside me'. I had a growth, a medical condition that needed to be removed. That might sound really harsh but that's how I felt.
Let me make something very clear, there was absolutely no way I was going to have a baby. I had a myriad of reasons that primarily boiled down to, 'I wasn't ready'. I didn't know how 'easy' it would be to get an abortion. I didn't know that I would have thrown myself down stairs, gone to a backyard abortionist, found a coat hanger, drunk a bottle of gin, done ANYTHING to terminate the pregnancy. I was fully aware that it may mean that I would loose the ability to have children in the future and that was fine and I knew I wanted to have children in the future but just not now. I can't stress enough that I would have done 'what ever it took' to terminate the pregnancy.
As for adoption, not an option. I am not made of stone. I couldn't go through with a pregnancy only to give a baby to a complete stranger. I take my hat off to woman who can do this but I couldn't and no amount of support or counselling would have changed my mind about this.
I went to the doctors asap and advised then that I wanted an abortion. From memory over the next week I had to see a second doctor as well as a social worker and I think a sugeon (or at least the person who performs the procedure) so each could either make sure I was making the right decisiona and tell me about what was going to occur. I have to say they were all very supportive and non judgemental.
I was booked into the hospital and I remember filling out the forms. The form said "are you pregnant" and I didn't know how to answer it. Sure I was technically pregnant but I wasn't going to have a baby.
When I was wheeled into theatre I cried and cried and cried. I just wanted it to be over. The nurse hugged me and held my hand whilst I had the GA administered.
I woke up later, with the greatest feeling of relief I had ever felt. It was over.
I have never regretted that decision. I am angry at myself for getting myself into a position where I had to make that decision but never regretted the actual decision.
I don't wonder what if, because there never was.
I was 25 at the time.
That was my story :)