how do i go about it

[mummy3rdtimearound]

as some of you know my husband has been visiting live porn chat websites:barf::no:
which has devastated me, especially seeing as he has no interest in sex with me.

Anyway I havent brought it up yet as DD has been unwell and there has not been a chance to talk to him alone. Last night i went to bed (he was asleep on the couch) and he stayed on the couch all night and i have found out he was on that site. I was thinking about saying either

"so how were the girls last night" and taking it from there or

"what did you get up to last night while i was sleeping"

I know that he is going to try and deny it and i know that i will feel guilty for bringing it up.... any suggestions??

thanks

[sandy cheeks]

:hugs::hugs::hugs:
I'm a sneeky and sometimes cunning women when I have to be, 2 ex's and their lying BS have made me this way.
I would say something like " Can I show u something on the computer it has some prob with it" Then using the history take him to his porn site he carn't lie when it's there for all to see, then ask him about it in a cool collected manner if pos.
It's good to show them the proof cos some men will just try and worm their way out of it my ex still would lie even with proof and say "nah not me" what a wan%er.
Stupid Men Stupid Porn
Good Luck:hugs:

[Amira]

Or next time he is asleep on the lounge and you go to bed take a computer cord with you to bed. :devil:

But i do also like sandy cheeks idea also.


Good luck :hugs:

[mummy3rdtimearound]

thanks girls.,

sandy cheeks, he has cleared the history:no: but i know he has visited it as i looked at his account history and last visit was last night

[lealea79]

thanks girls.,

sandy cheeks, he has cleared the history:no: but i know he has visited it as i looked at his account history and last visit was last night


how do u look at the account history? because i to know my partner had looked at porn and he swore he wouldnt look at it again but it would be interesting to see if he has, as he learnt to clear the history..

[mummy3rdtimearound]

hes not the smartest.... he uses the same username and password for everything so it was easy.... maybe he's just not as much of a snoop as i am... because he has no need to be.

[miraclebaby]

I would just say in a very calm, conversational voice, 'Oh by the way, that girl you were chatting to on the website the other night, well she called the phone number here. She said she somehow tracked you down through your IP address. Apparently she is an I.T. professional so she could do that. That's what she said anyway. So, why is it again that we are not having sex? You never really explained it to me.
When he tries to deny it all just remain calm and just say,'She told me everything. I'm not angry I just want to know why?' Then go silent and wait. It is amazing what men will say if they don't feel judged and if you let the silence hang until it is uncomfortable for them.

[JackzMumma]

I would write him a letter:yes:.

I found with DH that if I brought anything up, he would twist things around to be my fault:ecomcity: or cut me off or make me feel like I was going on about nothing, and that my feelings didn't matter:no:.

So I would sit him down, I would say to him "I want you to read this. There are a few issues we need sorting out. But this is the only way you will 'listen' to me. I don't want you to say anything until you have finished reading, then we'll talk. I don't want any yelling. Lets just have an adult conversation, and try to sort things out". By the time he would finish reading, that's when he would look guilty and talk to me like an adult. Because I was able to 'say' all I needed to say.:yes:

Without that letter it was yell yell, blame blame, yell yell, twist twist, walk away, slam doors......GRRRR!!!:hair:

We have a really healthy relationship now.:thumbsup:

[JackzMumma]

Or..... on a cheekier note.:p

Just in passing say to him...

"Hey while you're looking up porn tonight, could you also do some research for me if you have a minute?"

"I don't look up porn":no:

"Of course you do, that's why we aren't having sex and why you sleep on the couch."

And then just walk out of the room. I've done that before.:thumbsup:

[JoJoMart]

I would write him a letter:yes:.

I found with DH that if I brought anything up, he would twist things around to be my fault:ecomcity: or cut me off or make me feel like I was going on about nothing, and that my feelings didn't matter:no:.

So I would sit him down, I would say to him "I want you to read this. There are a few issues we need sorting out. But this is the only way you will 'listen' to me. I don't want you to say anything until you have finished reading, then we'll talk. I don't want any yelling. Lets just have an adult conversation, and try to sort things out". By the time he would finish reading, that's when he would look guilty and talk to me like an adult. Because I was able to 'say' all I needed to say.:yes:

Without that letter it was yell yell, blame blame, yell yell, twist twist, walk away, slam doors......GRRRR!!!:hair:

We have a really healthy relationship now.:thumbsup:
I am glad to hear that worked with your DH. I probably should try something like that with mine. It's all blame, blame, blame here too ... and usually it's me who gets the blame. We don't have any porn watching issues, just other issues in general.