To pacify or not to pacify

[arty1]

I have been wondering how people did it before the pacifier/dummy was invented...?

If I dont give my baby a pacifier than they will never need it/miss it...

If I do use it I want it to be a sometimes method when all else has failed...but than it is just so easy to stick a dummy in the babys mouth and it's quite.

What are your thoughts?

[NonnyMouse]

I don't use one at all... until DS found his fingers to suck on I'd just offer him either my breast as a comforter, or the knuckle of my (clean) little finger to suck on.

Some will say that dummies are easier to wean from than fingers, as you can remove a dummy once you don't want them to use it anymore, but I think most kids who use fingers/thumbs to pacify eventually stop by them time they get to school as it is no longer socially acceptable, and I'm happy for DS to decide for himself when he's ready to go without. As it is, he only sucks his fingers if he's really tired and on his way to lala land.

Having said that... there's been a few nights when he was colicky and I would have loved to be able to pop a dummy in to give him a rest, but my conscience just wouldn't let me and once he'd calmed down again I was pleased we'd got through it without resorting to a pacifier.

[halloweenmum]

My bub doesnt particularly like her dummy at all, and she has been that way since birth. I put it in her mouth and she spits it out. She would rather play with it in her hand as a toy!

I think that bubs dont really need them and you are right, what did they do before they were invented? I think babies were just fine without them. In my opinion, babies only ever cry when something is wrong so why shove something in their mouth to shut them up rather than addressing whats really wrong?

Sure lots of bubs cry for attention but if they feel that they need you and being their primary caregiver isnt that only natural? When my bub does this, I just walk over to her and talk to her for a moment so she knows everything is ok, then I walk away again. This works fine for me.

Every mother & baby is different and if a baby gets genuine comfort from a pacifier, then that can be a good thing too, just as long as the parent isnt using it for their own gain rather than the baby's.

:flowerz:

[indigoin0z]

i have used them for my 3 sons, but i despise doing so...
particularly with ds3 i didnt want to but the silent reflux thing is just excruciating & anything to help him... but i regret it.. and when you see his teeth... omG!! he is definitely going to need braces!

but much as the same with other issues in society, they can be a useful tool when needed but are often abused & used as an easy, disrespectful way out..
my DH for example
p!ss3s me off when the minute bub [now 2!] makes a squeak or is in discomfort he immediately either tries to shove the dummy in his mouth or will put the thought/question in bubs head "do you want a dummy?' [well no @55h0le the question you are really trying to ask is "can i shove a dummy in your mouth to shut you the h3ll up cauz im too lazy & selfish to figure out what your problem is & to put the time & effort into helping empower you to get through it!]
im sorry im very hormonal atm:hissy:

[BabelFish]

We were never able to get DD to take a dummy and I'm glad because I don't have an issue with them but am happy that I won't have to wean DD off one. I think they're more trouble than they're worth, TBH. Constantly having to put them back in, hygeine etc etc. DD sucks her thumb and luckily only does so when she's tired or going to sleep, so it's not a big deal for her.

I don't know if it's possible to just use a dummy as a last resort, though, even though it would be nice. I remember saying that to my boss once (he has three kids) and he said to me `waste of time. You can't be a little bit of a heroin addict'. LOL! But I know what he means....

[samken]

Well, after all those wowser comments hopefully I can provide you with something positive.

A pacifier is just that a pacifier, sucking makes them happy. They may not be hungry but they just want something to suck on. Yes they may use there fingers, DD did, but during the reflux period and if you have a premmy in SCN and nobody can pick them or hold them for several days if not weeks because of tubes you are grateful that they have something like a pacifier.

It isn't the boogy man, you are probably surrounded by heaps of people who had pacifiers (of one sort or another) when they were kids and you wouldn't know the difference so don't get all thingy about it.

Your baby may not want it so you may not use it but in those first 6 months keeping yourself sane and your baby happy should be the top of your priorities. I look back on my concerns in those months and have to laugh. My DD is the happiest little kid with the loveliest of teeth.

[JimJamsMum]

My DS has had a dummy since he was about two months old. At first I offered my breast or my little finger for him to suck on but eventually I realised that giving him a dummy really wasn't a big deal and it gave me a break (bit hard to put bubs down to sleep when he's hanging off your boob or finger).

You are right that sticking a dummy in a baby's mouth can be an easy option but the truth is that if you aren't addressing the reason the baby is distressed they will keep crying, dummy in mouth or not.

[Littlemissmetal]

We have never used A dummy, I don't think they are necessary, but others think they are, which is fine.

[HugsBunny]

DS wouldn't take a dummy from 3 weeks onwards. He discovered he had 2 thumbs that didn't get lost :rolleyes:

He's now 3.5yo and only has his thumb if he's tired or sick and unless he's actually in bed, he'll usually ask me if he can have it - which is pretty cute LOL.

I don't know what I'll do with the next one.

[traseal]

we used a dummy but DS come to work with us alot so he had to be quite at times. Other then that he never needed it or wanted it. I got rid of it a few weeks ago (his 6 months) and he doesnt notice its gone at all. I wont be usuing one with the next baby

[I love JJJ]

DD used one until she was about 12 weeks old and then decided she didn't want one anymore.
It helped when she wanted it and then decided she didn't want it when she found that sucking her thumb worked better for her.
As for the teeth thing, well they have more of a chance of having problems with their teeth if they suck their thumb than if they suck a dummy.
A dentist told me that that they will have problems with their teeth if they suck their thumb but only if they pull at their teeth while they suck. Some kids don't.
As for dummies, well there are plenty of orthodontic ones on the market. Heck, sucking their lip can cause problems with their teeth!!
Do what feels right for you, especially if bubs has reflux or if it's just going to give you a break!!

[Deserama]

I wonder sometimes what people did before bottles were invented...and formula even.

As for dummies...yes I've used them and the reason is, depending on the baby, some may like to suck for comfort a lot more than others. I made the mistake of NOT giving to two of my kids who could have used them. One sucked her thumb till she was 6 years old and her teeth were pushed out. Luckily, a dentist told her to stop before her adult teeth came in so that they didn't protude as much and she did stop and her teeth are fine now. So it was touch and go there for a while as to whether we were going to face a future with braces or not.

[indigoin0z]

Well, after all those wowser comments hopefully I can provide you with something positive. .....
.


i think that is unnecessary.. just as it would be if i was to call yourself or other posters ignorant or arrogant because their 'opinions' were negative IMO
peoples personal experience, is exactly as it is. from THeiR experience which often forms -at least part of- their opinion..;)

[Manxie]

I agree that some babies are "sucky babies" and others are not.

My two dd's being case in point. DD was very sucky. She had a dummy up until she was three when it was given away to the dummy faries :D I gave it to her when she was seven weeks and she sucked it with a passion. She would always take the breast for comfort as well.

DD2 wouldnt have a bar of a dummy and up until recently wasnt really all that bothered about breast either. For her its just a food supply and thats that. She is also proving very hard to introduce a sippy cup to. She just isnt a sucker:laughing:

I guess its easy to say that babies dont need dummies when they are like my dd2 but not so easy when you have a baby like my dd1 was:p

[BabelFish]

I wonder sometimes what people did before bottles were invented...and formula even.
Wet nurses. And before formula was invented they often used cow's milk, rice milk or just water. During the war years often they used milk powder. There were lots of alternatives to breastfeeding, but in the very early days wet nurses would have to have been it. I wish there were still wet nurses around!

Also, finger feeding (which I've done with DD) and feeding with spoons, or twisted cloth dipped in milk (such as muslin or cheescloth) etc were also used.

[Hannahsmumma]

[COLOR=darkslateblue]particularly with ds3 i didnt want to but the silent reflux thing is just excruciating & anything to help him... but i regret it.. and when you see his teeth... omG!! he is definitely going to need braces!

I always thought this about the teeth and won't be giving one to DD2 but DD1 had one till 18 months.

Don't they lose all their baby teeth anyway so crooked teeth etc would just fall out??

[BigRedV]

My DD likes it for sleeping. She has had it since she was about 2 weeks old. She has only ever wanted it for sleep and I am happy with that. It is on sids website that dummy use may prevent sids so I felt comfortable using one and will if my next babies want them as well.

[Deserama]

Wet nurses. And before formula was invented they often used cow's milk, rice milk or just water. During the war years often they used milk powder. There were lots of alternatives to breastfeeding, but in the very early days wet nurses would have to have been it. I wish there were still wet nurses around!

Also, finger feeding (which I've done with DD) and feeding with spoons, or twisted cloth dipped in milk (such as muslin or cheescloth) etc were also used.

Forgot about wetnursea duh :o I'm not with it today...I'm tired LOL

[MummyStar]

DS has one, he wasn't interested in using one until he was around 5months old - we would try him every so often because he had reflux & I was feeding him heaps & I needed a break from the constant crying & so many BF's a day.

He hands it over to us when he has his 1st bottle in the morning around 7.00am & I'll give it back to him around 11.30am when it's time for his nap then when he wakes up after his day sleep he hands it over for lunch then I'll try not to give it to him until late afternoon when he's getting a bit tired. Often during the night he doesn't have it in his mouth anyway but I'd like to see it gone by around 2years old if possible but I won't make him go cold turkey, it'll be a gradual process - I think that by keeping him occupied & the fact that he'll be able to communicate/talk so much more over the next few months should help him to let go of his dummy.

I wouldn't introduce a dummy if they are content without one, a friend of mine has a baby & he is seriously one of the most content babies that I have ever seen & she gives him a dummy when he's not even whingey or unsettled - I don't understand. If they are whingey/unsettled & cry often after all the obvious reasons for crying are ruled out & if the sucking calms them down then I totally agree with using them. If DS was a quiet & content baby I would not have tried him with a dummy, I didn't even buy any dummies for when he was born so I didn't have any in the hospital, he was 3wks early & a quiet little angel for about 3wks but oh my gosh after that he cried so much due to reflux that we had to do something & eventually he took the dummy.

[TripleTime]

Our 3 have them, DD2 & DS are more interested in them than DD1 but that could be due to the fact that their nurse's sokes in it milton 24/7.

Reason we have them is due them being prem's & needing to get a hold on the sucking reflex & now they are used as a comfort & sucurity thing. If they want them till they are 6, so be it. A dummy in this house is nothing compared to what we are been through but that is just us.

[beebs]

DS had a dummy - he was one of those babies that just really liked to suck for comfort and then one day at around 8 months he just never had it again, he never sucks his hands or thumbs or fingers or anything. It worked really well for us. I see no problem with it. Whatever works for that particular child.

[bada]

I have been wondering how people did it before the pacifier/dummy was invented...? There is quite a history of giving bubs things to suck on, that started well before the introduction of the pacifiers we know today. In the 1600's they even used coral, before that I guess ppl just used the breast.

If I dont give my baby a pacifier than they will never need it/miss it... Exactly, they won't miss it if you don't introduce it.

What are your thoughts? Each baby is different. If you are bottle feeding I don't see an issue. If you are breast feeding then you want to make sure the feeding is well established before introducing one. I breastfed and gave my bub a dummy at 3 weeks. I would do it again too. She gave it up around 8 months or so of her own accord.

I say do what you gotta do!

Good luck.

[LeeJ]

my ds has used one since beng 2 weeks old, he really needs to suck!
low and behold, he likes to suck because he has very bad reflux, and sucking on the dummy helps (saliva neutralizes the stomach acid, the sucking helps was it back down too)
so who am i to take it away?
He is 13w's old, and now pulls the dummy out and shoves his fist into his mouth gagging himself (another reflux thing), so without the dummy, gah, lots of gagging!

i think it a rude statement that people using dummies are doing so 'to shut the baby up'

yet more assumptions and judgement:rolleyes::(

[NonnyMouse]

i think it a rude statement that people using dummies are doing so 'to shut the baby up'

yet more assumptions and judgement:rolleyes::(

I don't think anyone has said people use dummies *just* to shut kids up. But I have seen MANY mums use them for exactly this purpose. So if this statement doesn't decribe you, then yay for you. But just because you don't use them to shut your child up, doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

I too find it a bit off when I see a perfectly content toddler having a dummy put in their mouth by a Mum who seems to want to finish a conversation with her fiend rather than listen to her own child ask a question. I've also seen dummies fall out of a pram, and the baby hasn't even noticed and certainly isn't crying or seeming in any way upset, yet mum will pick it up of the floor, give it a quick wipe on her jeans, and shove it in her childs mouth. In fact I've even seen someone grab a packet off the shelf at the supermarket, rip it open on the spot and shove one in her (contented, relaxed) child's mouth without even washing off the gross stuff that's on them from the poduction line.

Yes, many many mums use them to soothe and help babies with reflux or comfort issues, but there are also many who do not.

It does happen. And it happens a LOT.

[bada]

I don't think anyone has said people use dummies *just* to shut kids up. But I have seen MANY mums use them for exactly this purpose. So if this statement doesn't decribe you, then yay for you. But just because you don't use them to shut your child up, doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

I too find it a bit off when I see a perfectly content toddler having a dummy put in their mouth by a Mum who seems to want to finish a conversation with her fiend rather than listen to her own child ask a question. I've also seen dummies fall out of a pram, and the baby hasn't even noticed and certainly isn't crying or seeming in any way upset, yet mum will pick it up of the floor, give it a quick wipe on her jeans, and shove it in her childs mouth. In fact I've even seen someone grab a packet off the shelf at the supermarket, rip it open on the spot and shove one in her (contented, relaxed) child's mouth without even washing off the gross stuff that's on them from the poduction line.

Yes, many many mums use them to soothe and help babies with reflux or comfort issues, but there are also many who do not.

It does happen. And it happens a LOT.


Do you think that when the mum gives a "contented/relaxed" child a dummy that perhaps they are doing it because they know their child needs the dummy to go to sleep, particularly with all the distractions of being out in public?

I've heard ppl judge this action quite a bit and I just don't know why the mum would do it unless it might be for the reason I just mentioned. Anyway I think all children are different and it's not really my place to judge another's parenting technique. I mean afterall it's a dummy not a smack in the head. There are bigger fish to fry in this world IMO.

[NonnyMouse]

Well I'm not the sort to go all "PC" just because speaking honestly is no longer in fashion. We are all human and it is human nature to think, to feel and to have opinions on what we see. It's how we learn, how we find our values. Stifling this in the name of political correctness is creating a society of blouses who can't handle opinions other than their own without seeing it as judgement.

There was one example of the three I gave that might have had another motive than just to shut the kid up, but I don't give two hoots. It's a fair assumption to make that what the ones I mentioned were doing was hitting the mute button. Not all parents use them this way, but the point I was trying to make is that many do and I have every right to voice my opinion on whether I think this is OK or not.

[bada]

Who said anything about being PC? I was just offering another view. I also think my suggested reason could be applied to the three situations you mentioned.

I just try to remember that when you see a snippet of someone's life you aren't seeing the whole picture. Like when you get these posters having a rant because they saw a mum give a her kid a chip from Maccas, when it could very well be the first chip they've ever had in their life iykwim.

Sure we're all allowed an opinion, and I don't much like the look of a toddler with a dummy either but I'm just saying, a) you don't always have the full picture and b) parenting is a tough game and if giving them a dummy saves your sanity then I'm not going to judge.

[NonnyMouse]

Who said anything about being PC?

Sorry MM81, that comment was more aimed at those who think that having an opinion is the same and standing in judgement.

I usually do try to see the good side of things (not that you'd know from my comments in this thread) but there comes a point at which I'm no longer happy to say well they might have a really good reason and you just don't know that reason etc etc. Because sometimes things are just as they seem - sometimes mums use dummies for the sole purpose of shutting kids up because it's easier to get the shopping done if they sit quiet.

[beebs]

yet mum will pick it up of the floor, give it a quick wipe on her jeans, and shove it in her childs mouth.

I was really anal about sterilising everything that went into DS' mouth and then when he was about 6 weeks old we were at the hospy (germy!) and he dropped his dummy on the floor. My Ob picked it up wiped it on his white coat and gave it back to him. My mouth hit the floor - but he said 'how do you expect him to get a strong immune system if you never expose him to anything' - Good point I thought. 3 years later DS has a fantastic immune system:)

[Cordelia]

If my baby is dry, comfortable, not hungry and merely grizzly because he wants to drop off i will plug him! and then I will replug him if it drops out.. numerous times! and then I will do a thanksgiving dance for the blessings of the humble dummy when i sneak a look and he is out to it in baby slumber land. Bliss!

[gizmoduckus]

If my baby is dry, comfortable, not hungry and merely grizzly because he wants to drop off i will plug him! and then I will replug him if it drops out.. numerous times! and then I will do a thanksgiving dance for the blessings of the humble dummy when i sneak a look and he is out to it in baby slumber land. Bliss!

:laughing::yelclap:

[Rydens Mummy]

Well i have to confess, i gave DS a dummy when he was 6 hours old, he is now 11 months old and loves his dummy, his teeth are fine, i beleived it has help during his teething, i breast feed for 3 mths before he get sick and spent a week in hospital and stress ruined my supply. BF was well established before this.

Now he talks to his dummy, has funny little conersations with it, and he even plugs himself up when his talking to loud. Most of the time his is on a chain, so he knows where it is at all times and can choose to use it when ever he wants.

Im in no rush to take it off him, he will give it up when ever he choose weather at 1,2 or 3, put beleive when his older around 2, I will only give him his dummy, if sick, hurt, sleep etc, and not have him suck on it 24/7. He also has a blankies he sleeps with, and loves his bottles. These too he will ive up in his own time, just because he is 1 in 4 weeks, am i going to take the bottle off him. This works for me, may not for anyone else, but i have the most loving, content happy baby anybody could ask for.

You do what you feel is right for you and your baby.

Staecy

[Sheer Bliss]

yup - our kids have all used dummys. I dont' like them, never have, but darn they provide an AMAZING amount of help and quiet.

DD...HATED the car, up until she was about 6months she'd scream the whole time. To be able to put the 'noise plug' in her mouth, just to shut her up - sheer bliss! Same as in the pram shopping - when i'd usually have to push eh pram and carry her, i could put the dummy in!

When DS came alone, i wasn't as self-conscious of b/f, so he'd be in the sling with a boob in his mouth if he were upset. And when I was pregnant, puking and utterly exhausted, the noise plug went in to help keep him quiet and calm.

The twins both have one...DD will occassionally take it, but isn't a fan, DS thinks its ok....i am going to continue to offer it when they are upset, as i only have i pair of hands for 4 kids, 2 of them babies, and would rather them suck on a dummy than be screaming.

2yo DS still has his dummies too....for bedtime, and sometimes the witching hour - if I can get him to take a nap afte i've been up half the night, i'll take it thanks!!!

I researched it, and most the dummy issues can be resolved (ie, i won't talk to him when he comes out of bed after a nap until he takes the dummies out - so no talking with a dummy in his mouth) So while it works for us, we'll be using them.

[FussyMum]

Now he talks to his dummy, has funny little conersations with it, and he even plugs himself up when his talking to loud. Most of the time his is on a chain, so he knows where it is at all times and can choose to use it when ever he wants.




that is so funny! lol

We gave ours a dummy around 10 mnths cos she slept better with it. But stopped after 13 mnths cos we were afraid it might be bad for her teeth.

[BabelFish]

Well I'm not the sort to go all "PC" just because speaking honestly is no longer in fashion. We are all human and it is human nature to think, to feel and to have opinions on what we see. It's how we learn, how we find our values. Stifling this in the name of political correctness is creating a society of blouses who can't handle opinions other than their own without seeing it as judgement.
I just wanted to dance around and sing when I read this. Not in relation to this thread, specifically, but just to life in general. So a big thank you from me to you. Ahhh a dose of reality in our horrible sterile PC world. YAY.

Now, back to the topic. Dummies aren't bad and they aren't going to ruin your child's life. Some people abuse them of course, there are some people out there who will abuse any tool they are given.

I would prefer not to use them just because I said before, I think they're more of a pain than they're worth BUT I can tell you that if they help any child of mine and my child is happier with one than without one of course I'll use one.

I think everyone agrees - it's horses for courses. If it works well for you then that's wonderful. If you don't need one then that's also wonderful. They're one of those things that can just be awesome to help you through those really tough times with your kids - and lets not forget they are a wonderful comfort for some children and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that AT ALL.

[bronny-jane]

i used one with my first..but not the other 3... and they were fine..
although people would try and give my others one:banghead:

[indigoin0z]

i used one with my first..but not the other 3... and they were fine..
although people would try and give my others one:banghead:

gosh. i respect that so much bron. the ability and dedication of that decision. i bow down to you.:shakehands:
i wish i had of known about the option to not with first DS1.... its just somethin ya did, ya know...:confused:

i remember when i stayed in hospital with DS1 for his diabetes 1 a few months back, there was a little 2 yr old girl in there who had severely broken her arm, and i noticed she didnt have one... and i respected her mother so much for seeing that, even tho you would not have picked the parents for being that way inclined for various reasons [we so easily make generalised assumptions often;)]
...............................



i am not impressed though that my sons favourite rubber toy aeroplane 'mysteriously' went missing after we gave it to her to play with tho.. but thats another story off thread:rolleyes:

[Sheer Bliss]

gosh. i respect that so much bron. the ability and dedication of that decision. i bow down to you.:shakehands:
i wish i had of known about the option to not with first DS1.... its just somethin ya did, ya know...:confused:

i remember when i stayed in hospital with DS1 for his diabetes 1 a few months back, there was a little 2 yr old girl in there who had severely broken her arm, and i noticed she didnt have one... and i respected her mother so much for seeing that, even tho you would not have picked the parents for being that way inclined for various reasons [we so easily make generalised assumptions often;)]
bub was receiving all the love she needed...



:confused: :confused:Am I misunderstanding here?? what has not having a dummy got to do with receiving love?? Didnt get much sleep last night, so maybe i am misunderstanding?

[indigoin0z]

:confused: :confused:Am I misunderstanding here?? what has not having a dummy got to do with receiving love?? Didnt get much sleep last night, so maybe i am misunderstanding?


oh poohbugger:rolleyes:... i thought that would be misunderstood in a thread like this...
i have a problem finding my words im sorry... i couldnt find the words to explain what i was trying to say.. & 'love' is not it... i will quickly delete!!:o

[BI]

My DD takes the dummy. I really didn't want to use dummies but wasn't totally against it either. DD took the dummy from day 2, she didn't always want it though.

I've noticed she's a baby that is comforted a lot by sucking on a dummy. When she wants it she sucks it like crazy. When she drops it she has a demanding cry to let me know. Having said that my DD doesn't always want it. She's happy enough without it too. Depending on her mood she'll either drift off to sleep with it or without it.

I look at it like if it's keeping her content when she needs it then so be it. I plan to get rid of it when she's about 2yrs old anyway. It works for her & that's all that matters to me.

[reAllytee]

I was never going to use dummies :rolleyes::cool:

Boof used one from around 4wks I think it was & then that was only to sleep. He did go through a stage just before he gave it up at 2.5yrs that he would carry it round but really it was only used of a nite & even then it would fall out & he wouldnt care. No biggie.

G used his from 2 days old because we had trouble getting him to suck so it was encouragement that turned out to be a helpful aid getting him to feed at times as well as helping his GORD. He uses it all the time still at 22mths & I really couldnt give a rats what people think because if thats something that comforts & aids his pain then so be it ... Couldnt care if he uses it until he is 20yrs at this point !