do you give looks [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

workin'mumof2

26-06-2009, 09:51

3bubsplus1

26-06-2009, 09:55

I am not judgemental at all I never second glance at different people Goths/Emo/Hippy.
Nor do I ever glance at any feeding baby.

The only time i give looks is to those parents hurling swear words at their little kiddies or abusing them openly............Then I give some great looks :)

em1984

26-06-2009, 09:59

traseal

26-06-2009, 10:02

I look at people who look me up and down. I will stop in my tracks and stare at them and look them up and down....its amazing how quick they stop!!
i may be guilty of eyeing parents off though when there babies are crying and they ignore them :(

jag5000

26-06-2009, 10:04

jag5000

26-06-2009, 10:05

i may be guilty of eyeing parents off though when there babies are crying and they ignore them :(

actually.. gotta say I am guilty of that too :o .. the ones that are obviously ignoring their newborn babies cries.

lokibird

26-06-2009, 10:08

I look but it doesnt always mean I'm judging, and I NEVER shake my head at anything.....I look because curiosity gets the better of me, i'm only human....I always try not to openly judge anyway b/c I know how it feels to have it done to me....
I'm the same. Unfortunatley there have been time when my "looks" have been misinterpreted (understandably) so i should probably stop!!

CrankyAndTired

26-06-2009, 10:17

I dont know if I give looks, I certainly don't do it consciously.. But in honesty i judge all this time, just in my head.

If a baby is screaming and the mother is doing nothing to comfort him/her, I think "God - Comfort your child!!" - and then I remember the times when DS has been inconsolable and I might have been in the exact same situation.. :(

If a child is obviously misbehaving, I might give the parent a look of sympathy.

When I see someone breastfeeding I do my best not to look in that direction at all, because I do see it as a private thing (when i breastfed in public I still liked to maintain as much privacy as possible, so for me its a do unto others type thing)

In honesty I probably would have a reaction to seeing an older infant/toddler breastfed, simply because its so RARE - I dont actually think I've ever seen anyone bfing a bub over 12months... So yes, that would make me look twice I guess. I'd never stand there and shake my head! (even if I was judging inside, which is possible.)

Interesting topic. I'll keep it in mind next time I'm out shopping and take more notice my reactions or lack of reaction when in that situation..

BabelFish

26-06-2009, 10:19

I look all the time but it's usually because I can't help checking out little babies. They are so adorable they make me cry. :p

Mumma88

26-06-2009, 10:25

I might look at someone who looks a bit different to normal.. but not in a judgement way, just curious and interested! as for bottle feeding, breastfeeding, or tantrums.. well, I might look, but usually at the cute baby, or an "oh gosh, I have been there!" look at a child throwing a tantrum. I understand we all get 'bad looks' for something.. but just remember sometimes it's just curiosity, or you never know.. maybe even admiration!

Same.

A few times that I have been stared at and responded to the person it has ended in me being embarrassed.

One time we were shopping and DS1 was playing up big time.. DH and I were trying to calm him down when we noticed people sitting at a Cafe staring at us.. after I calmed DS down I walked over pulled up a chair and said 'Since you just stared at me while I was dealing with my son I am going to stare at you while you eat and see how you like it' .. the lady responded with 'I was watching because I have been there and down that and you were handling it a lot better then me, your son is lucky to have you as his mum' :o

Another time was only a few weeks ago... we were wating in a Drs room to be seen. DS2 was bored and getting really grumpy. Every time he made a noise or moved three older ladies would stare at him.. after about 40mins of them staring at his every move I said to DS loud enough for them to hear ' Can you please sit still and be quite beacuse those ladies keep staring at you' ... one piped up and said 'We are only looking because of how well behaved he has been while waiting our grandkids would be a lot worse' :o

actually.. gotta say I am guilty of that too :o .. the ones that are obviously ignoring their newborn babies cries.

Guilty too.. I cant stand hearing newborns cry :no:

NonnyMouse

26-06-2009, 10:39

I will look at someone who is different, and if there's something happening that gets my attention (like a tantrum). I'm not aware if my face gives away my thoughts, but generally I'm looking because I'm curious/interested.

It's become way too common for us to go about our day completely ignoring the world around us for fear of catching someone's eye and be caught "staring" or "judging". I like that I can feel "human" enough to be a part of the world and able to interact with it, rather than turna blind eye to anything that doesn't immediately affect me.

jag5000

26-06-2009, 10:49

that's happened to me so many times.. someone has said "what are you looking at?!?" .. and I replied with something like "how cute your baby is!"

ManekiNeko

26-06-2009, 11:22

Like a previouse post said I will look at someone with a look of sympathy when they are having a hard time with their child. I never look disapproving because I've been ther before.

I will look at someone if they are acting crazy. Ie. I came out of work one day when I was pregnant. It's a huge big building. This guy said out loud "What is that place?" He then looked at me coming out and concluded by shouting it was an abortion clinic. He then walked off talking to himself and walking in the middle of the road shouting at cars that almost hit him. Yep I stared at him cos I was think wtf is that dude on?

I will also stare at ppl when they stare at me for no other reason than I look different.

peanutbutter&jelly

26-06-2009, 12:03

actually.. gotta say I am guilty of that too :o .. the ones that are obviously ignoring their newborn babies cries.

:iagree:

Thats about the only one I will give, or parents who walk around whilst bottle feeding their babies really annoy me too. So many bottle feeding mums try so hard to get people to realise that they have just as close a relationship with their baby as if they had have continued (or started) breastfeeding, but then I see this (usually young in my area {coming from someone who was a mum at 19}) mums walking around clothing stores, oblivious, or with their babies bottle propped. Makes me very cranky!

MsMummy

26-06-2009, 13:08

I "look" at people as opposed to giving somebody "a look".

I assume you mean a disapproving look?

If people catch me looking for a bit too long (normally because I'm a sticky beak...:D), then I would smile at them to let them know I'm being friendly.:)

I have glared at people before. Like a guy who left his dog unattended in the car in a car park. I told him it was the wrong thing to do, then I glared.:mad: But I don't think you're talking about that.

But I'm not a glarer, generally. It's a bit pointless really, anyway.

2girls&1boy

26-06-2009, 13:21

To be honest prior to having children I cannot say with hand on heart that I have never given looks.

After having kids and probably having been one of those people having a child tantruming or some other drama that people are staring at me for I definately do not judge anyone.

I may look but I don't juge if someone looks different to the norm, in fact I was staring so intently at this guy one day (he was really heavily tattooed) that he said why are staring, I told him that his tattoos were the most amazing piece of art I had ever seen. He was chuffed. I am pretty sure because of the way I look (pretty conservative) that he had judged me a certain way too probably because he is used to being judged a certain way.

Did any of that make sense??

Mummaholic

26-06-2009, 13:29

No. Possibly the only people I give 'looks' to are the ones that choose to do NOTHING when their child is bullying other kids.

subaruforestermum

26-06-2009, 13:31

Yep I do... I glare at people with tattoos ALL the time....

Out of pure jealousy....Nah I am just staring at their tats, checking out the quality of work...to me it's like a picture hanging on an art gallery wall.... Sorry for staring though people...lol....

canberramomma

26-06-2009, 13:34

I usually give other mums/dads encouraging looks if they are dealing with a child being a little challenging. Likewise, feeding mums.

I give dirty looks to people who are hurting their kids. And I'll quite often say something, too. I just can't help myself!:D

I rarely look at other people, though unless they are being loud or come into my field of vision because I'm concentrating too hard on my own brood and on the task at hand!

Mummaholic

26-06-2009, 13:35

I usually give other mums/dads encouraging looks if they are dealing with a child being a little challenging. Likewise, feeding mums.

Me too I know what it's like :laughing:

BabelFish

26-06-2009, 13:35

I have glared at people before. Like a guy who left his dog unattended in the car in a car park. I told him it was the wrong thing to do, then I glared.:mad: But I don't think you're talking about that.
This is a bit off topic - but I did that once, too. I was at the shops and some poor dog was panting away in the car, in the full sun (in the middle of summer). I left a note on the car saying they were lucky I didn't take their dog and report the number plate to the RSPCA. I am a dog trainer and loooooooove doggies and just get so furious when people do things like that.

I remembered something - I do `look' at people I see smoking around their kids (I mean, like right next to their kids, or when their kids are in prams/trolleys near them etc). I think it's disgusting, selfish and totally irresponsible and I was a smoker for 20 years. Sure, it's your choice to smoke, but I guarantee it's not your kids' choice to inhale it for you.

Bunnyhugs

26-06-2009, 13:36

The only time i give looks is to those parents hurling swear words at their little kiddies or abusing them openly............Then I give some great looks :)

:yes: me too.

Someone who looks different though, nope I don't stare. Each to their own *shrugs*

ETA - I give 'looks' to people smoking in cars with kids. I absolutely hate seeing that.

CrankyAndTired

26-06-2009, 13:38

I remembered something - I do `look' at people I see smoking around their kids (I mean, like right next to their kids, or when their kids are in prams/trolleys near them etc). I think it's disgusting, selfish and totally irresponsible and I was a smoker for 20 years. Sure, it's your choice to smoke, but I guarantee it's not your kids' choice to inhale it for you.

I don't know if I give a look, but I do admit to judging them. :( I tend to assume, perhaps wrongly, that they are uneducated.

stellarella

26-06-2009, 13:39

Gosh no!!

I am opinionated but I am NOT a hideous ***** and I don't like to make people feel uncomfortable.

ETA: Ok, yeah I just read a few more comments. I Would give a look or say something if someone was bashing their kid or being really horrible to someone else. But simply looking different or something like that, no way in hell.

Deserama

26-06-2009, 13:48

Yep I look, I may even have a negative thought too...depending on what I'm looking at. I don't stare though...it's more of a curiosity.

As for other parents...I give them 'knowing' looks ;)

Pax

26-06-2009, 13:54

No i dont look at people with a superiority complex on my part.. i think all humans are equal.. i have caught myself sometimes staring in shock at how they display themselves at times...

if they are being violent or abusive i probably would stare/look but pick up a big something and hit them with it :laughing:

Hollywood

26-06-2009, 13:59

The only people I give any sort of 'look' to are the following:

-smokers
-people making loud noises when DS is very obviously asleep in his pram

Other than that, I live and let live :flowerz:

NonnyMouse

26-06-2009, 14:46

Thats about the only one I will give, or parents who walk around whilst bottle feeding their babies really annoy me too. So many bottle feeding mums try so hard to get people to realise that they have just as close a relationship with their baby as if they had have continued (or started) breastfeeding, but then I see this (usually young in my area {coming from someone who was a mum at 19}) mums walking around clothing stores, oblivious, or with their babies bottle propped. Makes me very cranky!

I walk around a store while breastfeeding. Is that OK or would you give me "a look" as well?

buzzing bee

26-06-2009, 14:48

I don't think so but I may without realising it,

naiwen

26-06-2009, 16:05

No I walk around with a blindfold on, I bump into things but at least I offend no one.

Seriously though? I look at people everywhere I go, I look at people shops everything, not giving them the evil eye or anything LOL.

I do try to give an encouraging smile to a mum that's struggling of feeding though, because I know feeding and juggling kids in public can be really stressfull.

My one exception is the London underground, when you are on the tube there is an unwritten rule of no eye contact LOL.

Milktini

26-06-2009, 16:57

Sometimes, most of the time they are good looks though :D
I used to get looks and even comments when I was breastfeeding which was quite sad - didn't bother me though.
I usually only give a bad look if I disagree with how A parent disciplines, A while ago A saw a mother slap her 2 year old across the face, it wasn't my place to say anything, but I made sure she knew what I was thinking with the look I gave her.

Milktini

26-06-2009, 16:59

Oh and also have to add, other people that get looks are parents that smoke whilst holding there baby or have them in close enough reach to them where they could be inhaling it.

mummy2lilly

26-06-2009, 17:06

Hi all just came across this.. I stare but not in a judging way just feel sorry for the parents if bub is sooky/playing up etc.. Im a young mum about to turn 18 and you wouldnt believe the looks i got when i was pregnant and bought bub home.. Some lady in her 70's at lest walked up to my partner and said you and you Dp are gross you are setting a wrong example. Some other lady spat on me.. Some mother pushed her kid in to my pram etc this is what i deal with daily.. Its getting that bad i dont want to take bub out any where.. But to what you asked i dont judge parents i feel quite sorry for some they way there been treated by others.. please note. Im not saying that anyone on here judges just saying what i deal with daily!

Pax

26-06-2009, 18:52

Those that 'give looks' what are you hoping to achieve from that?

BabelFish

26-06-2009, 19:09

safarifun

26-06-2009, 19:18

do you give a look if someone looks different. maybe there a goth? - no.
do you give them a look if there hair is different, maybe they have dreadlocks? - i always second look - I love dreds when they look CLEAN but when they are dirty, I want to :barf: :barf: :barf:
do you give looks if someone is bottlefeeding? - no. I don't understand what the big problem is.
do you give looks if someone is breastfeeding past a certain age? - no, as above.
do you give looks to tantruming children? - no, I smirk & try not to laugh. I personally love seeing a cheeky lil' one having fun. But the ones that are having FULL ON BLOWN tantrums, I feel for their parents! :yes:

Bewitched

26-06-2009, 19:42

I am guilty of looking at and judging some people. I consider it a part of human nature and something that is unavoidable. But not for what they really look like, its more their behaviour. How can I not judge a drunk throwing up in the street at 10am in the morning when people are shopping near a pub? How can I not judge someone who takes their little baby out in a pram at 9pm at night in winter wearing no shoes and covered in snot just so their mother can buy smokes? I will judge these people.

As for the arty types, dreadies and loud clothes and goths etc, bring it on i say, the more colourful the world, the more interesting it is :D

Baldie's Mum

26-06-2009, 19:55

do you give a look if someone looks different. maybe there a goth?
Yep, cause i love the clothing!
do you give them a look if there hair is different, maybe they have dreadlocks?
Yep, cause i wanna see the beads!
do you give looks if someone is bottlefeeding?
Yep, cause i go goo goo gaa gaa over any baby!
do you give looks if someone is breastfeeding past a certain age?
Yes, the goo goo gaa gaa thing again!
do you give looks to tantruming children?
Yep, i wanna give the mum or dad a hug!

I look at everyone! I am a mrs mangle!!! i love it!!!! :laughing:

Bewitched

26-06-2009, 19:56

Ooooh mrs mangle, i remember her!!! we had a neighbour or two we've nicknamed that lol.

MyFab4

26-06-2009, 20:42

I walk around a store while breastfeeding. Is that OK or would you give me "a look" as well?

I do the same. I have had people look at me while I'm doing it but I wouldn't think they are thinking bad things about me. I think they are thinking how good I am at multi tasking, lol. I can push my toddler in the pram while feeding DS in the sling and still get my shopping done.

jag5000

26-06-2009, 20:56

jeez, I am just about to get dreads. Maybe I better not.. I don't like people looking at me! :o

:laughing:

NonnyMouse

26-06-2009, 21:56

Those that 'give looks' what are you hoping to achieve from that?

Not that I think I give looks... but when people are doing things I personally find less than savoury, I don't stop and think "I'll give that person a look". It would just be my negative thoughts reflected on my face unintentionally. An example being already overweight young kids chowing down on disgusting fatty greasy food. I find that sight gross (actually I find watching almost anyone eat greasy foods gross tolook at) and it would be very hard for me to have to sit near such a spectacle and not have my distaste show on my face.

Unfortunately people have the right to think whatever they like. You just hope that the majority know to keep their more judgemental thoughts to themselves in this day and age.

MsMummy

26-06-2009, 22:06

I think they are thinking how good I am at multi tasking, lol. I can push my toddler in the pram while feeding DS in the sling and still get my shopping done.

:yes: I'd be staring and falling over myself with amazement and jealousy...and cursing my baby for still needing me to hold him with one hand and my boob with the other.:D

julietv8

26-06-2009, 22:19

I dont usually give looks...I'm waaay too opinionated for that :laughing:

Seriously, I dont care how people dress or how they feed their babies but I get fired up when I see people abusing their kids. There was a lady dragging her baby (about 15-18 months I guess) around by the sleeve and slapping him all over while screaming at him and he was crying and shaking. I marched over and grabbed her arm, pulled her baby away and said to her "I don't think that's an appropriate way to treat your baby, I suggest you sit your a$$ down and calm down. I will stand here with your baby until you can do that. If you cant, I will call the police OK?@!!! She actually did for about a minute then grabbed her boys hand and stormed off.

What I couldnt believe was all the people standing around "giving looks" and acheiving nothing.

Boobycino

26-06-2009, 22:20

I know I look, but its not my intension to 'give a look'. I'll give people who are dressed differently or have extreme hair sometimes a curious extended glance - not quite a stare, but long enough to absorb what they're wearing. But then, if they didn't want anyone to look, they maybe shouldn't be drawing attention to themselves with their clothing.

I also will almost always look if I hear a crying baby or screaming child - its hard wired into me to double check that everything is okay - if that means a mother and I meet eye contact and she interprets that as judging, I can understand that, as I feel like I'm being judged when in public if Jasper is crying, even if NOBODY is looking at me!!!!

As for breast feeding, even though I breast feed in public all the time, I dont always know where it put my eyes when someone else is breast feeding, sometimes I get stuck in awe looking at a happy feeding baby, realise I'm oogling some womans breasts and then snap look away - I'd hate to be caught doing that, because I'm sure if she's feeling self conscious, that could be misinterpreted.

At the end of the day, this is my motto 'what other people think of me is none of my business"

And that goes for people thinking i'm "giving them a look" when really I'm just looking.

NonnyMouse

26-06-2009, 22:25

I dont always know where it put my eyes when someone else is breast feeding, sometimes I get stuck in awe looking at a happy feeding baby, realise I'm oogling some womans breasts and then snap look away - I'd hate to be caught doing that, because I'm sure if she's feeling self conscious, that could be misinterpreted.

LOL... I'm guilty of that too! I also seem to always find myself reading womens t-shirts and realising it looks like I'm ogling their breasts. Most embarrassing! (Maybe I was weaned too early? LOL)

Boobycino

26-06-2009, 22:30

LOL... I'm guilty of that too! I also seem to always find myself reading womens t-shirts and realising it looks like I'm ogling their breasts. Most embarrassing! (Maybe I was weaned too early? LOL)

I used to wear a too-tight t-shirt over my disproportionately large breasts as a teenager that said "I do naughty things" across it.

I was asked more than once to rotate slowly so it could be read properly.

I brought it upon myself... and yet I was always so shocked and embarressed.

AND WAIT A SECOND! How on EARTH was I allowed out of the house wearing the t-shirt, it was like my favourite top, I wore it all the time. I even wore it to school more than once... I should mention this to my parents, they really dropped the ball on that one!

NonnyMouse

26-06-2009, 22:38

I used to wear a too-tight t-shirt over my disproportionately large breasts as a teenager that said "I do naughty things" across it.

:( I reckon I could have used that t-shirt to stuff my AA cup and STILL looked flat chested. *sigh*

mummy2mimi

26-06-2009, 23:16

:thumbsup:great thread,very interesting read!:yes:

firstly people have the right to an opouin and to think watever they like unfortunatley...but does it really matter what others think of u???:rolleyes:

i do glimpse at people that are dressed bizarley and think 2 myself is she seriously for real walking out like that hahaha:D but if she didnt like the attention that she was wearing then she wouldnt dress like that....

if a child is throwing a tantrum i look at the mother in sympathy:o

if a newborn is crying i think "awwww"
and if the mother is ignoring the bub i think "comfort him/her" but then i think "gosh hope i wasnt like that" and im sure there was probally moments where i may have been!

if a mother is breastfeeding i think it is very special but also a private thing so i tend 2 turn my head and not look,but not because im disgusted... but i have never seen a mother breast feed a toddler so that may b y i am not stunned...mayb if i saw this i mayb a bit shocked but havent been in this situation yet so not sure what my thoughts or expression or reaction would b really..

sunnyflower

26-06-2009, 23:30

If i saw someone bf? Nope .

If i saw someone with dreads etc. Nope.

If i heard a child cry? I usually look cause i worry if the child is ok.

A tantrum? Probably just a second !!

MissMetal

27-06-2009, 21:01

some of you say you do look at people who dont look normal... what is normal??

NonnyMouse

27-06-2009, 21:14

Rather than saying what is normal, it's asier to anser what is not normal... I think people tend to look at thigns that they don't usualy see. If you're used to seeing a lot of tattoos on people you probably wouldn't look twice, but if no one you know has one, you might find yourself looking at a tattood person.

Same for extreme hairstyles or clothing statements. Anything out of your usual experience could be deemed not normal.

some of you say you do look at people who dont look normal... what is normal??

MissMetal

27-06-2009, 21:32

ohhh so you mean 'normal' people are those boring ones who cant think for themselves & copy everyone else :laughing:

NonnyMouse

27-06-2009, 21:34

ohhh so you mean 'normal' people are those boring ones who cant think for themselves & copy everyone else :laughing:

Not at all. A conservative dresser will stick out like a sore thumb in a group of goths (for example), just as clearly as a goth would stick out in a group of conservative dressers. One could argue that goths can't think for themselves since they copy the dress style of other goths.

sockstealingpoltergeist

27-06-2009, 21:37

to anyone?

this is a general question for anything really

do you give a look if someone looks different. maybe there a goth?
do you give them a look if there hair is different, maybe they have dreadlocks?
do you give looks if someone is bottlefeeding?
do you give looks if someone is breastfeeding past a certain age?
do you give looks to tantruming children?

WHY?

honestly i dont.

who am i to judge what people do or how people look? or how people parent?

it frustrates me that people feel the need to give me looks (i dont notice my dh does) while im breastfeeding my 14.5month old daughter. they also give looks when my son has a meltdown. (he has asd)

why look and shake heads.:hair::hair::hair:

Sometimes I look at people, not in dissaproval though. Unless they were abusing some one or something like that.

If I see someone dressed differently, I remember when I used to dress as a Goth or when I dressed like a hippy etc. I often tell people what I love about what they are wearing.

I give looks of empathy when a child is having a meltdown and I usually say "Don't worry my son does the same thing:yes:"

So not usually judgemental looks.

MissMetal

27-06-2009, 22:01

Not at all. A conservative dresser will stick out like a sore thumb in a group of goths (for example), just as clearly as a goth would stick out in a group of conservative dressers. One could argue that goths can't think for themselves since they copy the dress style of other goths.

light hearted joke :rolleyes:

NonnyMouse

27-06-2009, 22:07

light hearted joke :rolleyes:

Hehe... thought so but wasn't 100% sure so answered anyway.

Oya

27-06-2009, 23:39

The only time I ever look is at breastfeeding mothers and I will always give them a big smile.. oh and baby wearing mummas.

No judgmental looks though, I know how that feels so wouldn't do that.

bronny-jane

28-06-2009, 05:58

do you give a look if someone looks different. maybe there a goth?
um no, might check out their clothes for some ideas what to buy next;)

do you give them a look if there hair is different, maybe they have dreadlocks?
yeah a pervy one, dreads make all guys look better:thumbsup:

do you give looks if someone is bottlefeeding?
no, why would i

do you give looks if someone is breastfeeding past a certain age?
nope, but i get them while feeding my 17 month old son

do you give looks to tantruming children?

yes, i give the parents a wink, and sometimes say.. "wow, nice one going on there" with a smile:D

squiglet

28-06-2009, 06:51

do you give a look if someone looks different. maybe there a goth?
NO, I do have a good look at them when they are not looking though.

do you give them a look if there hair is different, maybe they have dreadlocks?
NO, I also like to look when they are not looking. I find people very interesting.

do you give looks if someone is bottlefeeding?
No.

do you give looks if someone is breastfeeding past a certain age?
Yes. I am really amazed that they are doing it. I sort of want to go and give them a pat on the back or some sort of smile, but I'm to shy so I just sort of glance and smile and keep walking.

do you give looks to tantruming children?
Never. I just greatful it's not me in the same boat.

Ana Gram

28-06-2009, 13:02

I know I look, but its not my intension to 'give a look'. I'll give people who are dressed differently or have extreme hair sometimes a curious extended glance - not quite a stare, but long enough to absorb what they're wearing. But then, if they didn't want anyone to look, they maybe shouldn't be drawing attention to themselves with their clothing.

i do glimpse at people that are dressed bizarley and think 2 myself is she seriously for real walking out like that hahaha:D but if she didnt like the attention that she was wearing then she wouldnt dress like that....

I find these two statements a little annoying. It might be hard for you to believe but not all people who do not dress in what's considered the norm in our society do it for attention. I don't ask to be looked at. I don't look in my wardrobe in the morning and say "Hmmm what can I pick so everyone looks at me". I wear clothes that I feel like myself in as do ALL the alternative types I know.