Another reason I love Bubhub.

[Mrs Little]

Losing a child through still birth has been one of the most emotionally, mentally, physically difficult journeys in life that both DH and i have ever been through! So to be able to come back to Bubhub, a place of care, love and support from so many members, during this difficult time, is so incredibly important to me. :yes:

I hope others who have been through this life changing experience can come here and freely chat about their precious baby. That they can also use this section to share what they are going through and feel supported by others. That they can share their dreams and hopes they had for their little baby that they carried for so long and had prepared for.

My precious little Amali- i hope from your loss that i can be a part of helping others heal. We love and miss you everyday.:hugs:

Thanks to Bubhub for making this section available for us.:flowerz:

Mrs Little & Sons.

[BreakfastatTiffanys]

Great idea mrs little

Thank you bubhub for giving me a place to grieve, to read others' stories and know that I was not the only one who's heart was breaking........

To my beautiful boy Ty, you taught me how strong and resilient I am. you also brought a love into my heart that will never be replicated. :hugs: my love for you is endless.

[cmd'smum]

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Mrs Little]

BreakfastatTiffanys- :hugs: thank you for being so honest about your son Ty. It does seem difficult to talk about, and can often be made more difficult when others respond in a way that isn't helpful (although i'm sure it's just because they don't know HOW to respond, not that they are being nasty).

I think for us, it was such a shock to everyone. One mintue we're 6 months pregnant, the next we've lost our little girl. The shock takes it's toll, doesn't it?

Ty-You are a very loved little boy, and lucky to have such a wonderful mother.:hugs:

Mrs Little.

P.S. Thanks Cmd- you're always there with those hugs!

[simba6]

Mrs Little -I couldn't have said it better myself,the wonderful ladies on bubhub have help me through all my journeys,good and bad,being able to come online and chat to people in the same or similiar circumstances,has been a huge part of the healing process for me ( and when i say healing, i mean being able to live with the grief a little better. :hugs:

[BreakfastatTiffanys]

BreakfastatTiffanys- :hugs: thank you for being so honest about your son Ty. It does seem difficult to talk about, and can often be made more difficult when others respond in a way that isn't helpful (although i'm sure it's just because they don't know HOW to respond, not that they are being nasty).

I think for us, it was such a shock to everyone. One mintue we're 6 months pregnant, the next we've lost our little girl. The shock takes it's toll, doesn't it?

Ty-You are a very loved little boy, and lucky to have such a wonderful mother.:hugs:

Mrs Little.

P.S. Thanks Cmd- you're always there with those hugs!

thank you for your kind words mrs little. :hugs:

As for the shock, i am still unable to express how it knocked my soul out from under me. I was changed forever.....

May Amali Hope's light shine forever.:hugs::hugs:

[Stargazer Lily]

I love that Bubhub has now allocated a section for Support after Stillbirth.

[Mrs Little]

Simba6- the grieving process is a long and unknown journey, isn't it? And yes, i agree...it is made easier when you know you have somewhere to go where you can say what you need to say. How are you coping?

I hope all of the Mums that join this thread can find that support here.

DH and i are experiencing such deep loneliness at the moment. Dear friends and family are flatly refusing to support us. This has come as quite a shock, when for months that have said "Whatever you need". We told them we'd let them know when we need something, but right now we just need to grieve. Now it's come to the time where we need emotional support...people to talk to, people to give us hug when we need it. And they all say they are busy and come up with shocking excuses.

A little about our story: (feel free to share yours if u want). Amali was born sleeping on March 12th this yr. It was discovered at my 24wk check up that there was no heart beat. We have had tests done, and we are still unsure as to why we lost Amali. I struggle with not knowing..it makes grieving harder.

BreakfastatTiffanys- :) It does change you forever.. it's taken me months to allow it to make a positive impact on my life..and hopefully others too. When was Ty born?

Stargazer---:hugs: to you. I hope BH can continue to provide you with support that strengthens you through this journey.

Mrs Little.

[simba6]

William was born 16th jan last year,it was also discovered at my 24week check, there was no heartbeat,i had contracted a vomiting bug 4 weeks prior,and due to this,autopsy came back,placental abruption due to acute trauma,so all i did was vomit one to many times,and because of this my baby died,something so simple,i am still to this day,filled with guilt.
I am expecting again in a couple of weeks,and have been completely detached from this pregnancy,i still can't pack a hospital bag,or think about it without panick and fear,of coming home empty handed, sometimes i feel like i just can't breath.
Friends and family try to re-assure me,but they just don't get it, i can't just make these feelings go away:crying: Nothing will ever be the same again!

[kimberlee]

oh simba I understand - I lost my little girl in November 07 at 36.5 weeks - she was 8.5lbs and totally healthy as was my placenta - everything in the autopsy showed how physically perfect she was... I just had our third daughter on Feb 13th - my whole pregnancy was very difficult (emotionally) - I didn't tell most of my friends and family (I'm from overseas..) until I was about 32 weeks - I work from the house so I actually never even mentioned it to my neighbours but they were also very reluctant to mention the obvious as nobody was quite sure how to address the pregnancy this time - everyone just pretended to just not notice.. in a way that was better for me - I still prepared for her arrival but didnt' unpack the things I bought etc...
anyways - best of luck - stay strong... :hugs:

[GeorgiaAnne]

My heart breaks for you all and your perfect angels :hugs:

[Jinglebells]

:hugs: for everyone in this thread :hugs:

I too have found BH to be great, BH wasn't around when we lost our first boy, but when we unfortunaly lossed DS3, I found help here on BH, I barely knew anyone in this country, and found chatting online to my new found friends a huge help, some of them, i've never met in person, and I wanna tell them, how much I appreciated everthing, all thoes late night chats on live chat helped hugely :yes: and I appreciate it :hugs:

[Mrs Little]

:hugs: for everyone in this thread :hugs:

I too have found BH to be great, BH wasn't around when we lost our first boy, but when we unfortunaly lossed DS3, I found help here on BH, I barely knew anyone in this country, and found chatting online to my new found friends a huge help, some of them, i've never met in person, and I wanna tell them, how much I appreciated everthing, all thoes late night chats on live chat helped hugely :yes: and I appreciate it :hugs:


How special! I pray we can help others find this special bond during such a difficult time. It does make grieving bearable when others listen, support, love and share.

Mrs Little.

[WTK]

Hi everyone

I've just discovered this thread and feel like I totally belong. :hugs:

Our DS, William Thomas was sb at 41+5, August 27th 2008 :( There was no medical reason why his little heart stopped beating, no placenta problems or cord, nothing. After he was born I thought I would never get over it. Ever. We put on brave faces to others but behind closed doors we were complete mess's. The feeling of being totally empty, numb, helpless. I was physically sick on several occasions thru sheer heartache. I have cried so many tears for our little boy, sometimes I wonder where they all come from. My pregnancy was 'text book'. No problems whats so ever, that I find hard to understand, for his heart to stop beating? for no reason?

I was induced which in itself was horrendous, it took 4 days, and to leave the hospital empty handed, truly devastating. My parents were here from NZ, my brother dropped everything and flew from Ireland. A grandson, a nephew, a son, god I miss him.

Today, however I am pregnant again, 31 weeks on Monday and we are having a girl :cloud9: As my EDD gets closer my anxieties are getting worse. I have a wonderful ob this time, who will not let me go over and so I can only help myself and our little girl, to breathe, to try and relax and to stay positive. I get really fed up with people telling me everything is going to be 'fine' this time. (This is an 'f' word I have deleted from my vocab :)) No one knows. Every pre-caution under the sun can be taken but no one truly 'knows'.

Thank you to BH for the cyber support. Thank you to all you wonderful woman who know EXACTLY how I feel and who are there to listen. It does get better but I will never be over it.

:babydust2: May all our beautiful Angels be watching over us and guide us to be strong :babydust2:

[crazymuma]

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I don't really belong here as I have never lost a child but I felt I had to say something.

I read all the ladies on bubhubs stories of losing their children with tears in my eyes just trying to imagine the pain of that moment and the pain of every passing day.

3 years ago I watched my beautiful neice come into this world stillborn at 40 weeks. I held her, bathed her - I loved her. I will be haunted forever by that day.

For the last 3 years I have sat with my sister as she has cried, screamed and smashed things trying to come to terms with losing her child. I spent the 9 months of her next pregnacy trying to support her while at the same time absolutly panicking that the same thing would happen again,

This is something that I have never gotten over - the pain for me is still so raw 3 years later - I can't imagine how you all deal with it.

How you amazing women manage to cope helps me in more ways than you will ever know. It gives me more of an insight into how my sister is feeling as most times she just gets too flustered when talking to say it properly.

I hope no one minds me hijacking your thread but like I said I couldn't not say something

[beck mum to zane and ty]

This is cool, thankyou for setting up this section.
I lost my little man in 2007 at 38 weeks. Everything in the pregnancy was going like a dream, with no complaints. I had my bag packed, and ready to go to the hospital to be induced. Didn't really think about movements that day, but still swear I felt him move at lunch time.
I was excited leaving home thinking that I was going to come home with a new little baby in my arms. The nurse admitted me, did all the checks on me, then brought in the doppler, couldn't find his heartbeat. She told me she would be back in a minute with another doppler. The next thing I know the OB came in with an ultrasound machine, for about the next 15 minutes he was trying to find my baby's heartbeat, but was unsuccessful as my baby had already passed.
That night we went back to my parent in laws, not that I slept much. We went back the next day to start my induction. 5 days later I gave birth to a 9 pound healthy baby boy. To this day we don't know why he left. And nore will we. And I think that that is one thing that makes accepting his passing that much more difficult. '
I do believe that he is out there somewhere looking over all of us, and expecially his little brother.

[Mrs Little]

WTK- i'm sorry to hear about the loss of your little man William. The heart ache your experience for William is one i totally understand. It's something undescribable...isn't it? Losing a child, and experiencing labour when you know they have passed, is something that i never want to have go through again. I'm so sorry that you were so close to the end of your pregnancy, i imagine it would make it so much harder!:hugs:

It's reassuring for me (as i am sure it will be for other angel mothers) to hear that you're pregnant again. I pray that it's a safe, healing, positively memorable experience when you give birth to your daughter. Will you be telling her about William?

Crazy Mumma- you have experienced something that many people don't in their life time. You are welcome to join us in this support network. I'm sure your beautiful neice smiles knowing that you are looking after her mum so well! I wish i had people in my life like you are for your sister. There are limitied people who want to go through this emotional roller coaster with me...it can be very lonely for DH and I. :hugs:


Beck- i'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your little boy. What was his name? Yet another so close to the end of their pregnancy. I struggle to grieve too, because of the unknown reason for Amali's passing. How do we deal/cope with that?:(

Some days i feel so guilty...like it was my fault..but i will never know. I feel so awful for not being able to protect her, when she was close to me.

I am curious, if people would like to share...how did you cope with pregnancies after the loss of your child? I am extremly anxious about being pregnant again.

Mrs Little.

[beck mum to zane and ty]

Beck- i'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your little boy. What was his name? Yet another so close to the end of their pregnancy. I struggle to grieve too, because of the unknown reason for Amali's passing. How do we deal/cope with that?:(


Some days i feel so guilty...like it was my fault..but i will never know. I feel so awful for not being able to protect her, when she was close to me.


I am curious, if people would like to share...how did you cope with pregnancies after the loss of your child? I am extremly anxious about being pregnant again.



Mrs Little.


Thankyou Mrs Little. His name is Zane. Some days I don't know how I've managed to cope and keep myself out of a mental institution lol. But I manage to just keep going. It was made worse though when I got his death certificate and under cause of death was written mother has diabetes. WTF my diabetes was the best controlled when I was pregnant, my levels were that of a non diabetic, my educator and specialist told me to ignore it as they were just trying to put a reason on his passing.

My next pregnancy was hard too, expecially at the end. Again I felt like a mental case. Didn't help that I started to get similar symptoms and stuff of my previous pregnancy, I ended up in hospital 3 weeks before I had my little man, they got my blood pressure under control and then tried to discharge me, but I spoke with the social worker and told her I wasn't happy to go home, cause I felt safe here (hospital was like a hour drive from home), she ended up writing in my chart not for discharge, so I stayed until I had him. Do you have lots of support around you?

[Mrs Little]

Beck- Wow. I never got a death cert. for Amali. Only a birth cert that said she was dead when born. That day i received it in the mail, was a horrible day! I had just got a handle on my emotions a few days before, and then lost the plot again when i got it.

There are lots of 'FIRSTS' that are difficult aren't there?

I know people don't mean to make the grieving harder...but they do! I feel so stupid, but things that get me upset again (and it's only been 4 months since we lost Amali) are heavily pregnant women and new born babies. Like this:...I went to a Tupperware party- thinking great, something to take my mind off things! I knew all the people going, and they knew me, and i knew it would be a good fun night! I walked in the door, and the Tupperware lady turned around and said 'Hi, nice to meet you.'...and she's 7 months pregnant. Not only did i have the awkwardness of not wanting to look at her...but i HAD to watch an hr worth of her demonstrating Tupperware with this belly and watching her rub it and play with it! ARGH...it wasn't her fault...but that night was REALLY hard!

I have some support around. My mother and DH are awesome..and i seem to have found myself a really nice close friend that understands/listens to me. I know i'm going to be totally paranoid through-out...but i don't think i'll care...long as i don't take the paranoia too far!

I'm trying to focus on getting ready for the pregnancy first. I have to get pregnant before i can be paranoid. LOL

Mrs Little.

[WTK]

WTK- i'm sorry to hear about the loss of your little man William. The heart ache your experience for William is one i totally understand. It's something undescribable...isn't it? Losing a child, and experiencing labour when you know they have passed, is something that i never want to have go through again. I'm so sorry that you were so close to the end of your pregnancy, i imagine it would make it so much harder!:hugs:

It's reassuring for me (as i am sure it will be for other angel mothers) to hear that you're pregnant again. I pray that it's a safe, healing, positively memorable experience when you give birth to your daughter. Will you be telling her about William?


I am curious, if people would like to share...how did you cope with pregnancies after the loss of your child? I am extremly anxious about being pregnant again.

Mrs Little.

Yes to get 12 days over my EDD and to have a full on 25 hr labour, 5 min apart contractions and to give birth to a beautiful baby boy, sleeping, was quite heartbreaking. Please God I NEVER want to go thru that again. Yes we will be telling Penny all about her big brother. We are very proud parents to have had our son and she, along with any other children we have will all know about their big brother.

This pregnancy has been completely different in regard to symptoms and feelings. I feel like I took William's pregnancy for granted, that I was pregnant and I was having a baby. That's it. I read up on so many things along the way but never did I think or read anything about stillbirth. I now believe that anti-natal classes should touch on the subject because I was just not prepared at all. My anxiety levels are slowly increasing the closer I get to my EDD but I have taken a few steps to try and curve those feelings. I'm doing pregnancy yoga and reading a book called 'Awaken your birth power' :thumbsup: and trying to focus on bringing Penny into this world safe and sound. I have a fantastic ob who is doing everything in her power for a good outcome, but at the end of the day, really, if something was to happen there's not alot she or anyone can do. *Cue positive affirmations* I've stuck to a healthy diet and small exercise regime, I'm also not working which I think has done alot for my stress levels. Its only natural that I'm feeling the way I am, and nothing will totally eliminate those feelings. All I can do is look after myself and my little girl and hope for the best :flowerz:

[1lilheffalump]

Hi there,

I am new to all of this but experienced a still birth last year 24 september 2008.36weeks and perfect health beautiful girl no reason no explaination. It's almost like there is nothing out there to prepare you for the unthinkable..i never ever thought this could happen. I am sooo happy there is a section on here where i can chat to others who have experienced the same thing. I have a 3yr old daughter who was also expecting to bring home a little brother or sister which hurts..she remembers everything about her sister..the dress she wore her little hands her hair. We are coming up to the 1 year mark and are thinking of ways to share the day..Any suggestions or more ideas.. get back to us please..thanks

[Mrs Little]

WTK- You sound like a very strong woman. Have i asked you when you are due to have this little one? The process you are going through sounds very healthy and healing. I think it would be silly of me to think that future pregnancies will be like my first two. I need to be realistic and know that it's ok that i am slightly apprehensive about being pregnant. As long as i know where the line of being OVER paranoid and emotionally unhealthy is. Doing YOGA sounds like a great plan, it would help to keep my mind focused and on track.

1lilheffalump- :hugs: to you. How are you coping with the 3 yr old questioning the loss? In regards to ways to remember: candle, birthday cake, releasing balloons, releasing butterflies.... anything that enables you to grieve how you feel you need to grieve on the day. I've heard of some mums actually planting a tree. Did you get to hold your baby girl when she was born?

Sorry I haven't been in this thread much. I often read people's posts, but struggle to put down in words how my heart is feeling. It is still such a new thing for us, and emotions are raw. Just last week i had 2 close friends/family have a miscarriage and ask me for their support- which i most definately gave them. But boy! was it ever so difficult for me....brought so much up for me. I couldn't give them them my total understanding as their loss was still so early on and so my experiences couldn't help them. But I tried.

How is everyone?

Mrs Little.