But what if...?

[jbuzz]

Hi, I'm hoping anyone with experience using CC can answer some of my 'what ifs' - you know how the books never have an answer for all the little variations with different babies?!

We just started CC after much discussion and soul searching 2 nights ago. Our aims were to address problems settling at bedtime (e.g. hours of screaming with many goes on the breast, much patting and comforting, etc) and also night waking where it's frequent and/or she doesn't go back to sleep. I have no problem with feeding her in the night when she's hungry, but when you feed and then she wakes an hour later and won't go back to sleep, so you feed again but she still can't sleep, hmmm, maybe it's not hunger...

So, my questions are:

- What if it's not every night? Some nights she settles, but then wakes and wakes, other nights she won't settle but then sleeps ok apart from 1 or 2 feeds. Would you still use CC for the times when there is a problem, or is that not sending the right messages?

- What about day sleeps? Put a time limit on it or not at all?

- When she's grizzling or only crying intermittantly, do you still go in? If not, how long do you leave her for?

- And finally, what if things improve and then go bad again? Since the first horrible session 2 nights ago she's been sleeping much better and I've only fed once at 12.30ish, then in with us at about 5am for another suck and a bit more sleep. It's heaven! But I suspect it's a coincidence and I'm waiting for the bad times to start again. If/when they do, do we start again too?

Thanks everyone for your help.
Jbuzz
Mum to a beautiful, inquisitive, chatty, smiley 6 month old girl

[HarrysMum2009]

I leave my 4 month old to cry for about 5 mins, then will go in and re-settle (he uses a dummy which i dn't mind as he usually spits it out during sleep), then another 5 mins if needed. sometimes he gets too hysterical so I pick him up and soothe him and rock him then put him back down. there has been a few times i needed to take himout of the room.

i dont go in when he is grizzling though. he's comforting himself then.

[tomtom]

How old is bubs? I was thinking about teething because that will spoil everything!

[Bell & Bug]

For me, we did it every night. If she didnt need it, then great, but if she did, then we still did it. You have got to keep consistent.
During the day I set a limit, I will only do it for 1 hour, if she doesnt sleep then I would get her up after the hour and try again next sleep. If she sleps Id let her sleep for as long as she wanted.
If she got extremely hysterical and I felt there was something wrong, id get her up and try again half an hour later. Other than that I just kept at it, going in, resettling etc.
With my DD we have gone backwards many times. We just kept at it and eventually things went good again. Lots of things can take them back to step one and its very frustrating.

[jbuzz]

How old is bubs? I was thinking about teething because that will spoil everything!

She's six months. My mum is convinced it's teeth actually, but I'm not. She's otherwise so happy and has even stopped sucking things and dribbling so much in the past month.

We've had some success actually, since I posted this. She's been able to settle back when she's woken up within about 10 minutes or so. Part of that must be because I'm not rushing in to offer her the boob again, or sit there disturbing her with patting and shushing for hours...

I'm still worried about what happens when our week is over though.

[Bell & Bug]

Do you mean what happens after the week of CC?

[jbuzz]

Do you mean what happens after the week of CC?

Yes, thanks BabyDesigner that's what I mean. Not thinking very clearly at present!

It's just that I have understood CC to be a short term approach that is meant to make a change. But no baby is going to never cry at bed time again, I wouldn't think. So if she does do I keep using the same CC approach, or do I go back to the previous methods and call CC a failure?

Having just written that I think the answer is obvious actually - she IS sleeping better, so we wouldn't go back. Is that what others do though?

Thanks everyone for your advice.

[Bunnyhugs]

My first piece of advice is to listen to your baby's cries. If she's just grizzling, I wouldn't go in :no:

If it works off and on for a week and then she has an unsettled night, yes do the same CC routine again UNLESS there is a reason for her crying. Is she wet, cold, hungry, in pain, hot etc etc???

Does that make sense?

[Bell & Bug]

I just kept going. To be honest it took quite a few one week stints to get to where we are now. After about 10 days things were great, but a few weeks later we were at square one again. But we kept going with our cc routine.
No use chopping and changing, always being consistent with their routine and they will get the message.

[lupa]

To be honest, people are always saying the CC takes only a couple of days but I think they mean to say that the most progress happens in these first couple of days. CC is a way to teach your baby to put themselves to sleep. When you know they're tired, you make sure they're not hungry, they're warm, clean, dry etc and you put them down in their cot, awake, and alone. We have been doing sleep training for months now, and it's just the way he goes to sleep. When I put my DS down to bed he will now put himself to sleep most times without a fuss. If he's massively overtired he will probably cry when I put him down but I have to leave him. He doesn't cry for long. It's not like it will take a week and they wont ever cry again. I wish!

If you keep it up, you will be able to put her down and she will go to sleep by herself. you can even put her down in places other than her cot and you don't have to spend ages rocking her to sleep!

It is a very hard thing to do but if you're consistent you'll be so glad that you kept it up! I'm so glad we've done it.

Good luck, you're teaching her a wonderful skill! :yelclap:

[shaz77]

I think the CC approach is a continual thing - are you going to give your baby time to settle themselves?! My DD is now 26 months and we usually leave her to grizzle for a couple of minutes, if she is still crying go in and ask what's wrong (thankfully she's talking now!) if its missing dummy, teddy or whatever then that is fixed. If its "I want a cuddle" she gets that in her room and then its back to bed. It took months initially before good nights were more frequent than bad ones - we failed sleep school at 5 1/2 months - but at about 17months things were significantly better! Even now we still have a bad week now and again. Good luck and take it from someone who has been there - it really does get better!!!!

[jbuzz]

Thanks Shaz77 and lupa, it's good to hear about some long term experiences (successful ones!).

I know it's not logical but the books really do make it seem like it's going to be all fixed in a week :o

Before we started this she could cry for more than an hour with us there patting and shushing, several times a night, so I would much rather she sorts herself out in 20 mins or so. It seems to be an approach that's working for us.

Thanks everyone for useful and supportive comments.

[Melski]

and thank you jbuzz for bringing this up... I have been confused by this as well, thinking there is something desperately wrong with my baby b/c we keep having to "re-train" her.

Unfortunately, CC isn't always a permanent solution, but even if it feels like you are back to square one each time you have a bad night, you aren't! If you remain consistent, they will be back on track in no time at all, and the bad nights will get further and further apart.

Hang in there!

[Seacretsquirrel]

We did CC and I am just starting a tiny bit of CC (just letting him go for a few mins to see if he'll settle not for ages or anything) but I found that DD could cry for hours on end if I was constantly going in I did try the controlled comforting thing of 5 min intervals but she seemed to need about a 15 mins - half an hour (once we determined there was nothing actually wrong) going in more frequently seemed to disturb her more and make her more unsettled than leaving her go for a bit longer - that said it wasn't like she was hysterically crying for the whole time she would cry flat out for a few mins then grizzle for the rest of the time then KO. Sorry I am waffling but I just wanted to let you know that sometimes the going in all the time makes the settling period longer (or it did for us) She is now 2.5 (3 in Dec) and apart form the stalling techniques that she is implementing ATM she is a pretty good sleeper around 7pm (ish) till 6.30am and has been doing this since around the 5/6 month mark (unless she was teething or unwell.
Good luck I hope you get your well deserved rest!:goodvibes: