am thinking of joining tha 'big family' section.....just have a few questions

[smog]

so i have 3, we are talking about ttc#4 at the moment and we are feeling pretty sure its what we want , more just deciding if now is the right time or should we wait a little longer.
so i have a few questions for you more experienced 'super'mummas:D
firstly the age old which is better? big gap or small gap? im a little nervous of the small gap cause ive never had it but mostly because my 1 yo is currently dragged all over the place for his older siblings..you know swim lessons..footy practice..choir rehearsals ... all the usual stuff. so how will i get 2 in and out car/pram etc. how will i carry 2?
ok also i want to know are people happy for you to be expecting#4 ?? i mean last time i got all sorts of odd comments and that was only for #3. things like why would you want anymore u have one of each? was it an accident? numerous surely this is the last one isnt it? i dunno i guess i just want people to be happy for what makes me happy.......
also does the 'im not done and i just want 1 more' feeling ever go? do u really know when u r finished? i never set out with the intention of a big family i just keep thinking no this cant be the last time ill just have 1 more, lol. will i say that again after 4?
do u guys ever see a baby and think yep beautiful but im done. am i just built super super clucky or is it cause i really really want just 1 more.
do your dhs feel stressed? my dh says he feels a lot of pressure to provide for us and is scared of too many kids as he is scared of his ability to provide. i feel like it really doesnt cost that much. a lot of what we buy we choose to buy. i could buy less toys clothes etc if i had to and really kids dont eat that much. we have our own home we can easily fit 1 or more;) in..
hmm what else? are your houses big messy trashed pigstys? cause mine already is:o how would i ever get it clean with another baby around...
do u get lots of big family comments and are you done yet comments? does it bother you? i feel annoyed when people ask me if im done like as if i shouldnt be having more, i guess thatll prob get worse huh??
do any of you do it with pretty much no help? i have noone who can help me or babysit or anything ever and my dh works long and random hours so its pretty much just me and the kids always..can it be done with 4? should i rock the boat?
do any of you have special needs kids? is it a special need that may have a genetic tendency? my ds has an autistic syndrome disorder and while he is very challenging to put it nicely, it really could also be a lot worse. im terrified that i may have another asd child that is much less functional than ds..how would i ever cope??
is it fair on my ds to have a bigger family when he is high needs? or is it good for him to be surrounded by many loving siblings?
hmm thats a lot more questions and doubts than i realised i had to be honest:o

[smog]

hmm how did i manage to post this thread twice:o and boo where is my poll gone:confused:?

[smog]

ok so i seem to be having trouble with all my posts posting twice or not at all tonight:confused: but still ill try again. here is the poll i meant to attatch to my other post

yay thanks mods!

[6fornow]

I can only make this short because its late lol, but yes to all the questions about prying, intrusive and sometimes rude comments. No, the feeling didn't go away after number 4 and still hasn't after number 5 lol. No one can answer whether or not you should do it or whether your son will handle it, what do you feel he could cope with? I think you are probably stronger than you know:) I keep coming across this ultra cool saying about "the only babies you will regret are the ones you don't have". I personally would go with my heart, but I'm a very emotionally-driven person haha.. Hope this helped, don't know that it did:confused:
5fornow

[fozzie]

I voted wait a little while. But no one can really answer for you. I'm mainly going on the fact that you haven't had a small gap before I was the same although DD wasn't so much planned she is a welcome addittion but I'm finding it hard with the smaller gap. Just a thought if you are worried and are happier with a larger gap then wait a little while.

Do what you feel is right for you.:) Good luck with whatever you decide.

[anewme]

Go with your heart.
I always wanted six and haven't got there yet :o so I still have the one more thing.
My house is a little messy but my addition to bubhub fault :yes::laughing:.
Dh knows you can always make the money stretch.
I also have a ASD child (she very mild though) and one ADHD. They are 2nd and 3rd children, we have no concerns about the others.
I hope this helps.
Jenny

[alanswife]

For me, i don't know when i'll stop. After each baby is born, the thought of it being my last just breaks my heart. I get clucky looking at nappies, baby clothes, prams, baby booties, cot sheets etc :laughing: you get the idea..

Since i had number 5 everyone keeps asking when i'm going for number 6 because I guess they just know I haven't finished yet.. But that being said, i'm 10 weeks pregnant now and we've hardly told anyone simply because we aren't ready for the negative comments that people make. I hadn't ruled out a #6 but my hubby didn't want anymore. This one snuck up on us (still scratching our heads as to how it happened) so we haven't got to the stage where we can announce to the family and freinds that we are expecting again.

I think after my scan this Wednesday hubby might be ok about us finally telling people. He's convinced this time our good run of problem free pregnancies is up and this one will be the shocker..

He feels alot of pressure as the provider, which is why he wasn't keen on another one. In a perfect world where finances weren't a worry i think he'd be happy for us to just keep having them until my body simply said "No more"...

I don't have any children with special needs so i can't really comment, only that I think the more siblings a special needs child has, the more blessed and cared for and protected the child would feel. It would be nice to know as you go into old age, that your grown children, all of them, would help and support that sibling long after you had gone from this world. Thats why i like big families. It's all about taking care of each other, putting each others need first, and yours last.

Well that was a ramble, i hope it made sense.

Natalie

[anewme]

I don't have any children with special needs so i can't really comment, only that I think the more siblings a special needs child has, the more blessed and cared for and protected the child would feel. It would be nice to know as you go into old age, that your grown children, all of them, would help and support that sibling long after you had gone from this world. Thats why i like big families. It's all about taking care of each other, putting each others need first, and yours last.

Natalie


:crying: You just made my cry, that's just so beautiful. Thank you Natalie.

[smog]

I don't have any children with special needs so i can't really comment, only that I think the more siblings a special needs child has, the more blessed and cared for and protected the child would feel. It would be nice to know as you go into old age, that your grown children, all of them, would help and support that sibling long after you had gone from this world. Thats why i like big families. It's all about taking care of each other, putting each others need first, and yours last.

Well that was a ramble, i hope it made sense.

Natalie
awww:crying:
thanks yeah thats how i see it happening too, the bigger tha family the more people he has around to love him and help him and protect him.
thanks for your replies everyone
well we have decided see my sig:D

[alanswife]

Yay!!! you're gonna do it.... can't wait to hear of your BFP.... All the best.

[A Party of Five]

Congratulations and good luck with getting your :bfp:

[shellsbubs]

:yelclap:Best of luck in your TTC journey - I am sure you will do fine with 4:yes: