what to do when un-invited to reception

[Issey]

:confused:My bf invited me to a wedding (his niece) and I changed my plans so I could go & bought a dress. NOW he tells me that I cannot go to the reception (he won't go either and isn't happy). His invite for was for him only and he asked if he could bring me, when the mother of the bride (his sister) said no he offered to pay for me and she still said no as the reception can only cater for 100 :confused: sounds dodgy :confused: . So bf wants me to still go to the ceremony but we will both boycott the reception. Should I tell him to go to the reception without me, I really don't want to cause a rift over this between him and his family. He hasn't replied to his sister who is the mother of the bride. What do you think about the situation. I am thinking I should probably not go at all but will go if bf wants me to.:confused:

[missie_mack]

I would go to the ceremony, send him to the reception and ask if it is ok if you come after dinner. Really you boyfriend was probably a bit out of line asking you without consulting them first if partner wasn't listed in the invite and I would assume that as it wasn't your a recent addition to the scene. Its probably best not to start things off on bad footing if there are hopes for this becoming more long term :)

[Looshkin]

The venue thing could very well be legitimate.
I have space at this place I absolutely love for exactly 45 people.

There is no way any more could fit, and to be honest if I sent an invite to specific person, and they insisted I invited their boyfriend/girlfriend also... well what could I do? I can't un-invite someone I actually *know* kwim?

How long have you been with your partner?
Some people may be offended by my opinion, but I'm not inviting some of my distant famillies girlfriends of boyfriends.. well the ones that seem to be in new relationships all the time - not saying you are *at all*, but if the relationship is new.. you can see where they're coming from not wanting to have someone they haven't even met at their wedding? kwim?

Also weddings are planned quite in advance, and if I had already organised numbers, invites costings and if someone I had invited met someone after this, and just assumed they could bring their girlfriend/boyfriend... well I would think it's a little rude..

But then I'm having a very small intimate wedding so...

[sueliz]

In all honesty I would let him know that you are not bothered and understand that it is a numbers issue and that weddings are a time for family to be together and should not be something that comes between him and his sister.
I agree that he should not have invited you before double checking.
You should both go to the ceremony and then he should go to the reception afterwards as do you reallly want his niece feeling that her wedding was the cause of a fall out between her mother and her uncle???
There are actually a lot of venues with strict limits on numbers so I don't find that dodgy at all.
Tell you DP to take the money he would have spent on bringing you to the Reception to take you out to a nice intimate, romantic dinner where you can still get to dress up in your new dress!!!

ETA - Technically too, it was not that your boyfriend's sister or niece that un-invited you to the wedding, since there was not an official invite that included you. It seems like an unfortunate case of misunderstanding.

[Issey]

Yeah I can see both sides.

BF should have asked beforehand before inviting me.

I think he should attend the reception. I have a course anyway on that afternoon so was trying to accommodate him.

As I have not met the bride or his sister, I mostly feel uncomfortable about going anyway.

I guess it would be okay for me to go to the ceremony but I don't really want to go to half a wedding iykwim. Would rather he went by himself.

[sueliz]

I think it's great that you see their side and think he should still go - not everyone can be that logical when it comes to weddings!
But still, since he was the one responsible for you buying a new dress, make sure he gives you an opporunity to wear it!! :yes::D

[TeenyT]

You could still go to the wedding ceremony. If your relationship is quite serious, its highly likely you'll come into contact with his sister and niece at some point and wouldnt it be a lovely way to introduce yourself. A good way to show his sister that there were no hard feelings on your part.

And I agree with Sueliz, your BF should take you out on a date some other time so you can wear your new dress!

[Teegzie]

Tell you DP to take the money he would have spent on bringing you to the Reception to take you out to a nice intimate, romantic dinner where you can still get to dress up in your new dress!!!

Definately do this! :D

I'm assuming he invited you to go with him before invites were handed out? I can understand why he would have assumed you would also be included in the invite, but also understand the fact that limited numbers would mean excluding people not directly linked to the family.

I'd say go to the ceremony and then maybe organise to go out to dinner with some friends afterwards while your DP goes to the reception. That way you aren't sitting at home all alone and feeling crappy, but it doesn't cause any family fights about the wedding.

[Issey]

the wedding is at 11am so reception is lunchtime. I figure I could go to the ceremony to make bf happy (I don't really care) then he go to the reception and then I go to my course and pick him up afterwards, my course finishes at 5pm. We still have the sat night.