Dilema - Requiring help and advice

[polair61]

Hi to all;

I am in a dilemma, where, my fiance and I slipped up, and now we are expecting. I now face, with my fiance wanting to keep the baby one day, and now she wants to abort.

Both my fiance and I are very good judges of character, respectable, and have our traditions about things. I am from a Greek background and she is an Aussie. The problem I face, is my fiance being pregnant before we get married... I fear my dad more than anything, and just really need to ask for help.... I know the only person to sort this out is ourselves, but some guidance or advice, for one very sensible gentleman, who has slipped up accidentally.

Scared and not sure what to do... :(

[2girls&1angelboy]

my thought would be to do wat u guys think is right and not worry what everyone else thinks...thats just my opinion.

Good luck 4 wat u decide.

[Tam-I-Am]

I think that at the end of the day, you can live your life for other people - or you can live it for yourself.

Part of maturing is moving away from your parent's ideal concept of you as a person, and into your own ideal concept of you as yourself. Sometimes this means that you don't live up to your parents' standards and ideals. This can be scary and hurtful and hard - and sometimes absolutely completely necessary.

I don't have any specific opinion on whether you and your partner should keep your baby or have an abortion - but I don't think that you should undertake a decision on the basis of the potential disapproval of family members. I think that you should undertake an adult (and therefore considered and reasoned) decision on the basis of what YOU TWO think is the right thing to do. Ultimately, your parents are not the people who have to live with your decisions - you and your partner are.

Best of luck in a tough situation.

[melbryan]

You may risk losing your family and that is mainly because of your cultural background the beliefs and backgrounds. If you have the baby it may bring shame to the family and that may be a problem you will ahve to overcome. Stand strong with what you believe and if you are going to get married maybe bring the wedding forward so everyone is happy and the baby will be born in wedlock if that si what you both want.
It's so personal I couold ahve easily got pregnant before we were married I would have had it though because in the long term I knew my hubby and I would be together in the long run. But very happy we got to both live a little as a couple before hand though.

[Pax]

Firstly I wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy. Try not to look at it as an accident but a blessing ;) I think little babies come to us at exactly the right time! IT might seem inconvenient to us but really it is not.

Secondly, i want to say I have had an abortion before, because i have had an accident, i have regretted it ever since, very deeply, so has my husband... he never got over it.

Thirdly, You both need to do whatever it is that is right for you both, based on genuine reasons and not just out of fear.

abortions done out of fear of others disapproval nearly always end in resentment and regret.

This is YOUR child and BOTH of you need to decide together. Be as supportive as possible to your girlfriend and if you want to keep the baby convince her that you are going to be a good father and will work your hardest to provide for her and the baby. Make her feel secure.

Dont worry about your DAD too much. You are going to be a DAD too soon and therefore you will have the opportunity to not put fear into him as your father has put into you. An opportunity to be better than our parents is our duty.

DAD will only be angry for a little while... he will get over it.

[Amara]

Although it might come as a bit of a shock to your family at first I'm sure it wont last long & they will get very excited about welcoming a new bub into the family.

[cmd'smum]

I think that at the end of the day, you can live your life for other people - or you can live it for yourself.

Part of maturing is moving away from your parent's ideal concept of you as a person, and into your own ideal concept of you as yourself. Sometimes this means that you don't live up to your parents' standards and ideals. This can be scary and hurtful and hard - and sometimes absolutely completely necessary.

I don't have any specific opinion on whether you and your partner should keep your baby or have an abortion - but I don't think that you should undertake a decision on the basis of the potential disapproval of family members. I think that you should undertake an adult (and therefore considered and reasoned) decision on the basis of what YOU TWO think is the right thing to do. Ultimately, your parents are not the people who have to live with your decisions - you and your partner are.

Best of luck in a tough situation.

:iagree:





abortions done out of fear of others disapproval nearly always end in resentment and regret.



:iagree:

[MamaKoala]

Does your fiance want to get an abortion?
I don't think you should make this decision based on how your parents would react as you and your fiance will be the ones who have to live with your decisions for the rest of your lives.

[SomewhereOverTheRainbow]

Firstly I wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy. Try not to look at it as an accident but a blessing ;) I think little babies come to us at exactly the right time! IT might seem inconvenient to us but really it is not.

Secondly, i want to say I have had an abortion before, because i have had an accident, i have regretted it ever since, very deeply, so has my husband... he never got over it.

Thirdly, You both need to do whatever it is that is right for you both, based on genuine reasons and not just out of fear.

abortions done out of fear of others disapproval nearly always end in resentment and regret.

This is YOUR child and BOTH of you need to decide together. Be as supportive as possible to your girlfriend and if you want to keep the baby convince her that you are going to be a good father and will work your hardest to provide for her and the baby. Make her feel secure.

Dont worry about your DAD too much. You are going to be a DAD too soon and therefore you will have the opportunity to not put fear into him as your father has put into you. An opportunity to be better than our parents is our duty.

DAD will only be angry for a little while... he will get over it.

:iagree: with Morrigan.
Whilst I can understand that your family may be a little shocked and angered, at the end of the day is it really worth going through with the abortion and always wondering 'what if' just to appease your parents?
This is your child, yours and your fiance's...no-one else should come into it at all.

All the best with it. :hugs:

[polair61]

Hello and thanks to all who responded to my rather... "sticky" situation.

It's been a tough couple of weeks since I last posted on here - alot has happened and where to start...

My fiance and I made the executive decision to keep the baby. We both feel by far this is the one and only correct decision. I spoke with my fiance and told her that Aborting for making a mistake with someone you really love isn't worth it.

I've talked with our Best Man to be - for our wedding, and he and I have had a deep heart to heart, ( as guys do) - however, found that he and his wife have been trying to have children for years, and now with perfect news and with help of IVF they are expecting...

From their point of view, Abortion is the worst thing, especially for people who can't naturally conceive. All his responses and combining with all the helpful advice on here, it doesn't really matter that my fiance and I slipped up. It should be the greatest feeling on earth.... I as a guy feel more responsible and down about the whole thing - that it was beginning to consume me.

This child will not be known as a mistake out of wedlock, but a child born into this world with two loving parents. And that is my aim - to do the best that I can for both my future wife to be and our child.

I am really honoured and thank each and everyone of you who took the time to read this post and respond with advice.

So on with the planning now :)

[gizmoduckus]

This child will not be known as a mistake out of wedlock, but a child born into this world with two loving parents. And that is my aim - to do the best that I can for both my future wife to be and our child.

Awww, that brought tears to my eyes....

I missed this thread when you first posted but I am so glad that you and your fiance have reached a decision that makes the two of you happy.

Good luck with the pregnancy!

[polair61]

Awww, that brought tears to my eyes....

I missed this thread when you first posted but I am so glad that you and your fiance have reached a decision that makes the two of you happy.

Good luck with the pregnancy!

Thank you so much gizmo - I am told it's not very often that a guy would post up on here. ... As you can probably tell I feel bad and sincere about what's happened, but tackling the issue head on with a positive outlook - if that makes sense.

George

[2girls&1angelboy]

Congratulations, im so happy to hear that u and ur future wife have come to a decision that u both have made.

a lil bundle of joy is on its way take care and keep us updated :)

[Tam-I-Am]

Congratulations on your decision to keep your baby :) Wonderful news! I hope that your fiancé's pregnancy is uneventful and joyful, and that your lives together as a family of 3 is wonderful :)

[Whispers]

:yelclap:Congratulations......

I'm so very happy for you both.

[Mummaholic]

That's wonderful news! Congrats! :bee:

[Bex]

I just wanted to say congrats and add a lil note in reguards to your father.

My friend got pregnant at 18. When she told her father (A Christian Man) He became very distant and barely spoke to her. Even though she had always been dadies lil girl and was living with him still.

You know what though that all just melted away the first time he head his beautiful grandaughter in him arms. He even had a tear role down his cheek.

[2boybubs]

Hi, I just found your post. Congratulations, I'm so glad your keeping the baby! My fiance and I got married when I was 16 weeks pregnant, the wedding was already planned and although the pregnancy wasn't really we still just went ahead and never gave anyone the idea it was a slipup at all...just were happy to be starting our family! I don't think its ever a mistake if the baby is loved, it was the best thing that ever happened to us. So many people have babies before getting married, or never do get married and that's fine. Hey, honestly, I know of ONE couple that waited to have sex before they got married, so it could happen to anyone. If anyone is judgemental of you that's their problem.

[polair61]

Hi there, I greatly appreciate your reply.

We both feel now that we have done the right thing despite what people might think.

And your totally right with what you have said, and at the end of the day, I love my fiance and she loves me - as well as the baby. So, I am one guy who isn't about to "run" from something so wonderful.

I vowed to my fiance many times, that I will be with her the whole way.

Its so very helpful with what you and others have said.... It certainly helps out things that I would consider a mistake.

G

[MamaKoala]

:yelclap:So glad to hear the news.
Congratulations to you and your fiance on the pregnancy. I hope the wedding is beautiful and includes your little bundle. Take care:goodvibes:

[shockinamillion]

Congratulations of your impending.:smiliedance::smiliedance:

Some people may surprise you!!

[polair61]

:iagree: :)

G