Appropriate discipline for 4yo....

[Sheer Bliss]

We were out today, and 1month old DD2 was in the pram. DD1 is obsessed with both the babies, and was leaning on the front of the pram while I was at the counter ordering lunch. I looked over to see her with her hands on DD2's chest pulling her rather quickly into a sitting position and then laying her back down again - it was only a gentle shake, but none the less - she was shaking her. I flipped out at her and yelled at her to stop it, go to the corner and just stay away from me for a minute - i was so worried about DD2. It was only gentle, and DD is fine (i watched her for the next few hours). But I need DD to understand just how unacceptable that is.

We talked about how doing that can hurt her brain and make her end up in hospital, which DD1 didn't find that bad, she asked if we could visit her (i was in hospy for a bit before i had the twins, so visiting is a novely). So i then explained that we might not be able to visit as it could make her dead (bad grammer, but I wanted her to understand) and then we couldn't see her again. I don't know if that was taking it too far, but i desperately don't want it to happen again. She was also not allowed to hold either bubs for the rest of the day, only to touch and kiss while she was in my lap.

How would you have handled it and what is appropriate?? TIA

[Areca]

I can understand why you would freak out, I would too! But I don't think she needs to be disciplined for it. She wouldn't understand how dangerous it is to do that so I'd just keep a close eye on her and keep talking to her and asking her if she understands that is dangerous and that we can't ever, ever do it.
I think if you punish her too badly she's not going to really understand why and it could turn in to a jealousy issue which could lead to far worse behaviours.

[Sheer Bliss]

Yeah, I wasn't meaning what else should be done, just more so if what I did was on the same lines as what others would have done. She was still allowed to talk/kiss and touch them today, just not allowed to hold her on them on her own (by that I mean sitting on the lounge holding bubs with me or DH sitting next to them).

Was pulling the 'might make her dead card' too harsh? I thought it would be to start with, which is why i said hospital, but DD1 has been asking lots about things being dead (spiders and cockroaches that DH was squished, and characters in movies - someone always dies in damn disney movies!!) and we have been honest with her, so she sort of understands the concept. She seems to be walking a fine line lately of understanding things and not understanding things.

PS - woo hoo, babies have been asleep for 4hrs now - not been fed since 4pm, and are starting to stir now - about time, why didn't they leave that sleep for later when i could sleep!!

[jaq]

I think you handled it pretty well. I don't think the "make her dead" part was too much ... as long as your DD1 understands what dead means. Maybe tomorrow you can quiz her about how she should and shouldn't handle the babies, to be sure she understood the message?

[Areca]

Oh sorry T! I thought you were asking if she should be disciplined more...blaming it on baby brain. I think you need to make her aware how dangerous it is so telling her she could die from it is okay...lets her know serious it is. Just mentioning that you could end up in hospital is enough for DD1 but that's because she's been a hospital patient and knows it means that you're really sick so she gets that. Your situation makes that harder.
My initial reaction would be to freak out and yell though....it would be so hard to control in a moment like that. The motherly instinct would kick in and it would take a bit to calm down and realise that all was okay and that it was your other child doing it!