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1stTimeandSingle
17-06-2009, 10:43
Hi All,

I am 10 weeks pregnant and single. The father and I broke up on Sunday (my choice). :(

I have not been happy in our relationship for about 6 months but kept pushing my feelings aside for whatever reason. Even when I look back to when we got together I realise that he wasn't the person I was looking for. I was naive and thought he would change and everything would be ok. Now I can't get rid of this feeling that my life will be ruined if I stay with him and I made the decision to end our relationship.

Since finding out we are having a baby I have managed to get myself out of debt and pay my credit card and car debt so we can move out. We both live at home, I have an investment property that I was paying off and selling next year and he is on an appreticeship wage. We argued for the first 2 weeks about moving out because he didn't want to move out of his mum's as he doens't have to pay or do anything there. I feel that if we can expect ourselves to be parents than we can grow up and take responsibility and move out.

My ex doens't want to give up his apprenticeship which he hasn't been employed with for 9 months because he kepts getting fired. His apprenticeship is meant to take 4 years and it will take him 6 or more years at the moment. Also he only makes $400 per week (if he is working) and if he gets paid. Some weeks he gets paid $100 this week and the rest next week. (This is not good enough when you have a baby and I would never let me baby go without anything - but being with him makes me so scared for my life and my baby's life)

I am scared because if feels like I already have a child to look after that doesn't grasp the concept that this is a HUGE responsility we are taking on. At the moment as much as it scares me I would rather raise this child on my own then have to hold the hand of my partner and carry him in life.

I have learnt so much over the past 6 weeks about myself and life. What I want and what I don't want.

At the moment I am so stressed it's not funny. As well as having to cope with all of the above I'm a smoker who has been forced to give up at the worst possible time. (And only smokers will understand - its a horrible addiction)

My baby is due in January 2009 :) and I am so scared that I am doing this alone. I'm worried my child will grow up to resent me for leaving its father. I never expected my life to turn out like this and at the moment I am struggling with whether I should keep the baby - I guess I am after some advice from people who have been single and pregnant and can give me some inspiration?

xx
Single and Scared

crazymuma
17-06-2009, 10:56
I can understand how you are feeling but it sounds like you have made the right choice.

I was alone with my first child and with a deadbeat with my second and I can tell you it was alot easier being on my own than dealing with a new baby and an idiot.

I am now happily single with two children - its hard at times - no point telling you any different - more lonely than anything (thank god for this website, keeps me sane)

Financially its hard - I don't receive any child support at all (never have) and while it would be lovely to have the extra dollars you learn to make do - and believe me my children have never gone without anything (some would say I spoil them)

Has he said if he would like any visitation with the child - seriously if he is able visitation with the child will give you a good break occasionally and also give him and the child a chance to have a relationship - I don't believe a child will resent you for not being with the father - yes one day they will question it but you can deal with that when it happens.

Have you got any family support - or the support of good friends???

Also I am assuming you work?? Will you take maternity leave and go back??

Anyway I know its all alot to take it - feel free to PM me if you wanna talk at all - I know what your going through and while I can't fix it I can listen (or read :D) and possibly offer some advice.

Oh and let me add with my first pregnancy I when my partner and I split I moved back in with my parents and stayed there for 6 months after the baby was born - this didn't make me a bad parent - instead it gave me time to get used to being a parent - also gave me some time to save some money for when I did leave - and it was nice to have that small bit of help at first when you really need it.

KittyKat78
17-06-2009, 12:01
I am not single but I still wanted to reply to you as I didn't want to ignore what I had just read either. Big hugs to you firstly :hugs:.

To me you sound like a very mature and wise person and that you want to do what is the very best for your baby.

I wish this was a happier time for you, I really do and like crazymuma said, have you got any support from family, friends, work colleagues?

I hate to see you alone and stressed at this very delicate time in your life. Its not good for you or the baby.

Are you seeing a GP or a specialist for your ante-natal care? Can he or she help you; if you explain what you just told us here? If not, you could ring the maternal and child health hotline or the Royal Woman's Hospital, they would be able to direct you in to the best care and build up a support system for you. Even call the Salvos, they helped in situations like this.

Also, Go in and see Centrelink, explain the situation and see what you are entitle too.

Getting help is the first step. I wish you all the very best.

Kitty :hugs:

Queen
17-06-2009, 23:08
:wave:
Hello and welcome to the bizarre, yet ever friendly world of bubhub!!

Have a look around, make yourself at home!!!:p

We are a great bunch, full of answers, information and support:goodvibes:

Hope you like it here as much as I do:o

See you round the threads soon!!!
Rowie xoxo:hugs: