INSTEAD of smacking I...

[PeppaH]

Ok I had been wanting to ask this for a while and seeing as we are on the topic of smacking I will throw it out now.
My son gets a little over the top some times and slaps me when he is playing, I dont mind when its just the legs etc but he does it on the face alot and uses toys as well. He isnt doing it to be mean, he is just having some fun.
I dont believe in the smacking a child to tell them not to hit, so I have been wondering what to do. I just gentally push him away from me and tell him it hurts, be nice, gental etc. Im not hurting him and he normally thinks Im just playing. So I just get out of reach of him. But HOW can I tell him off and not have to sit up out the way??
What does peopel think?

[Hollywood]

My DS does exactly the same thing that yours does, slaps DH and me for a bit of fun :rolleyes:. As soon as he does it I take him to time out (plonk him at the foot of our bed and close the door as I leave). That fixes it instantly (slapping = no attention).

[PeppaH]

My DS does exactly the same thing that yours does, slaps DH and me for a bit of fun :rolleyes:. As soon as he does it I take him to time out (plonk him at the foot of our bed and close the door as I leave). That fixes it instantly (slapping = no attention).
Yeah but would that work with a one year old? I was thinking this but I would have to 'strap' him down in his rocker chair other wise he would move.

[canberramomma]

I would try firmly saying "No". Depending on the childs age also explaining that hitting hurts and makes you sad might work. I'm also a believer in short bursts of time-out if the behaviour persists, but I know others have issue with the time-out method.

[PeppaH]

I would try firmly saying "No". Depending on the childs age also explaining that hitting hurts and makes you sad might work. I'm also a believer in short bursts of time-out if the behaviour persists, but I know others have issue with the time-out method.

I have no problem with time outs. We used taht all the time in child care when the child refused to listen.
Again though, it never always worked....We did get that 'one' child that would kick and punch, so you would have to hold him because he is a danger to himself.
Im so wanting to be like that women from that pommy nanny sure haha. I love her :P

[Hollywood]

Yeah but would that work with a one year old? I was thinking this but I would have to 'strap' him down in his rocker chair other wise he would move.

Whoops, didn't realise your LO was only 1. When DS was that age I would simply say a stern "No" and put him down on the floor and walk away. So it's similar to time out in that they get no attention, but not quite so harsh as putting them in a different room or expecting them to sit in one spot (because of course they won't!). DS still won't STAY in time out, but it's the 'walking away and giving no attention' that works ;)

[Oya]

I don't believe in disclipining any young child, so I will just say oww you made mummy sad, mummy loves kisses and cuddles and gentle play, that makes mummy happy.

[naiwen]

I don't smack or do time out and my child is not a rampaging terror (yet LOL).

In general what I do is try to support him through any negative emotions he might be feeling (frustration/anger/jelousy), whilst allowing him physical space to express himself (he is at a very physical age), I make sure he knows I am there and I love him and it's OK to feel this way etc.

If he is hurting me/himself/another person I restrain him and say no hurting and then if possible move him to a safe space or if he is not actually distressed distract with something else.

Distraction is a really valuable tool with very small children I think.

So if I were you OP I would keep saying no and pushing his hand away until he gets that it's not a game or a fun thing to do.

But obviously you need to do what feels right for your family.

[Pax]

I would hold both of his hands/arms firmly and say "Dont Hit Me"

and next time he does it, get up and walk away and dont play anymore

[IndigoJ]

My son does the same thing, he is 13mths, ive tried all this stuff and he still does it, i consistently try a method and it doesnt work so i move onto the next one, at the moment my way is to grab his hands and tell him "Too rough, you need to be gentle with mummy" (i work in childcare so i have been taught all the methods, and dont like saying NO) My son still hits me, he thinks its a game, so what other "non-Violent" (i Hate that saying) methods would you suggest.

Also does cuddling your child when they clock you with toys really going to stop them?? Hes one, does he hit me cause he is jealous or frustrated, no i think he hits me cause i react and make funny noises, and yes ive tried moving away and all that jazz. This may work for some but for my son it doesnt. The distraction method works a little, i would say wow look at this toy, he then grabs said toy and clocks me with that one too.

[PeppaH]

Also does cuddling your child when they clock you with toys really going to stop them?? Hes one, does he hit me cause he is jealous or frustrated, no i think he hits me cause i react and make funny noises, and yes ive tried moving away and all that jazz. This may work for some but for my son it doesnt. The distraction method works a little, i would say wow look at this toy, he then grabs said toy and clocks me with that one too.
I wouldnt hug him if he hits you :rolleyes: I think that is saying "if you hit me you get love and attention"

[IndigoJ]

I wouldnt hug him if he hits you :rolleyes: I think that is saying "if you hit me you get love and attention"
My point exactly. :yes:

[Pax]

I wouldnt hug him if he hits you :rolleyes: I think that is saying "if you hit me you get love and attention"

at 20 months in one week i had a broken ear cartilage and a black eye from my son.

he bashed me in the face one night with the broom handle - on purpose mind you :laughing:

then the next morning i woke up to him standing over me hitting me in the head with some BBQ tongs.

the cartilage in my ear broke.. top of my ear was bent :crying:

he was a horror...

i never smacked him at that age either.

[PeppaH]

at 20 months in one week i had a broken ear cartilage and a black eye from my son.

he bashed me in the face one night with the broom handle - on purpose mind you :laughing:

then the next morning i woke up to him standing over me hitting me in the head with some BBQ tongs.

the cartilage in my ear broke.. top of my ear was bent :crying:

he was a horror...

i never smacked him at that age either.

OMG you poor lady :hugs: I doubt I would smack my son if he did that but I would freakin yell at him and put him in his room. hahaha Morgan throws little tanties these days, hardly cries but just lays down. I just ignore them and he stops after a while.
I cant believe he did that to you :confused: What a terror.

[Pax]

I did put him in his room ... and held my ear and cried and had to sit down against his door and hold the door shut while he smashed his room as much as he could..

i was balling my eyes out and the neighbour came over and basically accused me of child abuse because i was holding the door shut.

[IndigoJ]

I did put him in his room ... and held my ear and cried and had to sit down against his door and hold the door shut while he smashed his room as much as he could..

i was balling my eyes out and the neighbour came over and basically accused me of child abuse because i was holding the door shut.

How horrible, i hope you told her where to go. IMO i think this is the problem nowadays, you dont get a choice about how you wish to dicsipline your kids, and if you do chose the "violent" (i hate that way of saying it) option you get judged. Whatever works for your child is the way to go i think.

[nothanksbye]

ahhh he is so young.

i like the idea of saying and ow and getting him to kiss mummy better.
Just like you would do when something hurts him.:yelclap:

[PeppaH]

I did put him in his room ... and held my ear and cried and had to sit down against his door and hold the door shut while he smashed his room as much as he could..

i was balling my eyes out and the neighbour came over and basically accused me of child abuse because i was holding the door shut.
HAHAHA Sounds like a fight I once had with my sister! lol

[Areca]

DD1 loved the sound of her hand slapping my bare skin. Stopping it before she got a chance to slap me and redirecting her to patting me instead worked a treat/ She didn't continue to pat me, it was no fun...but stopped the slapping.
DD2 is a biter and thanks to a friend we would get her as she was about to bite and say 'don't bite, give kisses' and biting had ceased within a couple of weeks...even though she'd been a biter for a good 6 months.
So, in short, redirecting to something more gentle seems to work well at that age group.

[misskittyfantastico]

My youngest is 15 months and he does the usual hitting, slapping, biting, fingers up nose, hair pulling etc. I do the same as I did with my first - "Ow! Hurt mummy!!" Sad face, put him on the floor/walk away (for about 2 seconds and then we have a snuggle) It is pretty normal behaviour and most little ones do begin to understand - with DD it was at about 18 months. I think it's important be consistant and to not expect too much - they really are only babies IMO.

[Jensha]

If my DD smacks, hits, bites me I will make a sad face and say Mummy doesn't like DD hitting me. It hurts me and makes me sad. Mummy doesn't hit DD so please don't hit Mummy.

If she is hitting, bites, kicks other kids instead of giving her heaps of attention I turn to the person she hurt and say something like DD look at *insert name* she looks so sad (make a bit of a fuss over the person that got hurt). I find most of the time if she hits or something it's to get attention so if she doesn't get it but the person that she actually hurts gets it she soon realises it's not working.

If she is doing something that I don't want her to do. I ask her not to do it and I always explain why.

IMO there is always a better way to teach them right from wrong then hitting. Hitting is wrong to do to adults and animals so why is it ok to hit our children when there naughty? What happened to communication and patience...


ETA - for a one year old. They dont understand that there hitting or hurting you. There not trying to be naughty they are too innocent. I would just do the same. Make a sad face and say ouch that hurt mummy.

[nothanksbye]

At 1 they are still learning cause and effect.

So really they just need to learn if you hit it causes pain and makes people sad.

You dont want to teach them that if you hit you get hit back.

Tit for tat isnt the best lesson for a 1 year old i think.

[Lucy in the Sky]

It's really great, Peppa, that you are looking for alternatives to smacking. It must be so frustrating to have your LO hit you, but I'm sure you will find a solution to help you through this phase.

Here is a website I found with lots of info about toddlers and the hitting stage.
http://www.parents.com/toddlers/development/discipline-spanking/toddler-hitting1/ (http://http://www.parents.com/toddlers/development/discipline-spanking/toddler-hitting1/)
There are a lot of other articles on this site as well that might help you.

Another great resource is Harvey Karp's book/DVD "Happiest Toddler on the Block". A lot of mums I know with 1yr+ babies swear by it. Maybe you could find a copy in your local library?

[ButterflyMama]

I don't agree with time out as a concept. It is with holding love in the eyes of a child.

Instead of smacking, I listen to what they are saying.

What are you teaching your child by smacking them?

[mim1]

Time out works for us. My ds used to bite at that age and it would really hurt. Pulling him off, saying 'oh', or 'you hurt mummy, don't do it again' just didn't work. No amount of sad faces worked. So, time out (at that age it was for 30 - 60 seconds max) was started. Within 2 days (and only 3 or 4 time outs in that time - all for biting) and the biting stopped and never recurred.

The concept of time out is to teach a child consequences. If they do something that hurts people there are consequences. It is NOT acceptable for your child to hurt you physically especially biting and hitting. If you let your child do this to you, they will do it to others in the future. You need to stop it early before it gets out of control.

So, to do timeout I recommend a warning to start with "that hurt mummy, if you do it again you are going to have a time out". Then if they do it again (in a short time frame, eg. 10 minutes) then it's time out time. Leave them in a safe place with no toys/tv to occupy them. Do not talk to them, preferably walk out of the room or at least turn your back. Then, at the end of time out you go to the child and get to eye level (very important) and say "remember that I told you not to .... because it hurt mummy. don't do it again. say sorry mummy." ... wait for the sorry (if your child can say it) and then say "thankyou. I love you" and give your child a hug.

You will be surprised what a 1 year old can understand. Keep your instructions about acceptable behaviour simple and consistent at all times and don't do time outs for little things. Time outs for a child mean they are separated from you because of their actions. This is the purpose and this is why time out works.

sorry for the long rant.

[Jensha]

I do time outs on occassion if DD won't listen to my reasoning. I agree with mim1's post.

[BabelFish]

Time out isn't withholding of love, perhaps it's a withholding of attention, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's not like you leave them in there for three hours. A minute or two at most, and they have the chance to relax, take a deep breath and collect themselves. I wouldn't use it willy nilly, for just anything. There would have to be quite a serious transgression for me to use time out. But my DD isn't old enough yet to require any kind of discipline.

Discipline is different to having boundaries though. She is old enough to learn that we don't whack the dogs on the nose, we don't bite Mummy, we don't pull Mummy's earrings out etc. She doesn't get in trouble, she just gets told `Gentle darling' or `That hurts Mummy' or `Softly' and so on. She's quite a gentle baby already but doesn't know her own strength (which is considerable).

She gave me a blood nose the other day when I was feeding her before bed. She likes to explore my face when she's feeding, she feels my eyelashes and eyebrows, puts her fingers in my mouth and feels my teeth and tongue, plays with my hair and my ears, and sometimes likes to put her little fingers in my nose. The other day she did that and then must have wanted to know what it would feel like if she hooked her finger in and pulled. Her little nail scraped the inside of my nose and immediately I started feeling it drip - I checked and it was dripping blood! I couldn't stop feeding her so I just had to sit there and try to contain it - she was quite fascinated by it all :D

I just said to her `no darling, gentle with Mummy's face' and moved her hand away. I gave her some of my hair to play with instead. Little kids are going to be curious and exploratory - I think they need boundaries a) for their own safety and b) to learn how to respect others but that's entirely different to discipline and punishment, which I think for kids aged at least 1 and under is pointless and unnecessary. Even under 18 months really.

[ButterflyMama]

So Mim you think threatening a child with isolation will teach them not to harm you?

[PeppaH]

So Mim you think threatening a child with isolation will teach them not to harm you?
How is time out isolation? I thought it was a proven fact that time out is one of the best ways to disapline a child. I think you just need to see that not all children are goin to fear and hate their parents for teaching them what is right and wrong

[Hokey Pokey]

I like to get to eye level and talk to my girls about what they are doing and why it isn't nice. I don't like yelling or smacking. The older ones have time out, it isn't to isolate them by no means, they have a sit down in the same room as me, it's more a moment for them to just take a calm breathe, have a drink and some quiet down time. Then we have a little chat and a hug and it is all done and dusted.

[PeppaH]

I like to get to eye level and talk to my girls about what they are doing and why it isn't nice. I don't like yelling or smacking. The older ones have time out, it isn't to isolate them by no means, they have a sit down in the same room as me, it's more a moment for them to just take a calm breathe, have a drink and some quiet down time. Then we have a little chat and a hug and it is all done and dusted.

Yeah, you only keep them there for up to 5 minutes. Its like when you have an argument with your hubby, you take time out to calm down and take a breather.
When my son is old enough to understand though, I will deffetely be using more 'matured' disipline for the age. Growling (and I dont mean like a dog growl, I mean low pitched 'yell' so to speak) works for now because when I growl at him he pays attention and knows Im angry.

When he is older, I will start time out. Then I older again, I will make sure I explain to him why he got told off/time out/growled at. When hes in his teens I will mostly just take away something like a game console or internet rights etc.

[sweetsugardumplin']

Young children are great imitators....your DS is probably smacking you because you smack him!

Simple! :yes:

[ButterflyMama]

I think you should have a read of Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn, PeppaH.
I am not an idiot. I don't push my children away because they do something I don't approve. You think this teaches them to "behave" - I do not.

[PeppaH]

Young children are great imitators....your DS is probably smacking you because you smack him!

Simple! :yes:
I doubt that somehow. Every child slaps something whether they were hit them self or not. Babies do it, its not a result to a smackign parent.

[nothanksbye]

I doubt that somehow. Every child slaps something whether they were hit them self or not. Babies do it, its not a result to a smackign parent.

Honestly my kids have never been hitters.

I have smacked DD twice:o Never ever again.
But never DS and he has never hit.

[sweetsugardumplin']

I doubt that somehow. Every child slaps something whether they were hit them self or not. Babies do it, its not a result to a smackign parent.


Maybe you could stop smacking your DS and see if his behaviour changes.

[studyingECS]

You worked in childcare yes?

Surely you know of quite a few disciplinary methods?? that don't involve smacking.

Getting down to a child's level, explaining why there behaviour was inappropriate, if a child's acting out because there angry or upset acknowledging why they are and encouraging them to express that in ways that are appropriate etc.

[nothanksbye]

peppa..
a question and not a dig...just interested.

if your child gets bullied at school what will you teach him?
as hasnt he learnt that its ok for him to get hit?

Thats what worries me. If i hit them then I am teaching them that its ok for them to be hurt...iykwim?

So how do you teach them its not..if it is at home?

[PeppaH]

peppa..
a question and not a dig...just interested.

if your child gets bullied at school what will you teach him?
as hasnt he learnt that its ok for him to get hit?

Thats what worries me. If i hit them then I am teaching them that its ok for them to be hurt...iykwim?

So how do you teach them its not..if it is at home?
I dont think its the same thing though, child on child, adult on adult. This is his mother teaching him what he is not allowed to do. He wont even remember me smacking his hand a few times when he gets to school.
If he got bullied I would just tell him to stadn up for himself. I woudlnt tell him to hit the child. If he does, then so be it. I would tell him afterwards that probably wasnt the best way to deal with it though, but I would be proud of him for standing his ground.

[nothanksbye]

I dont think its the same thing though, child on child, adult on adult. This is his mother teaching him what he is not allowed to do. He wont even remember me smacking his hand a few times when he gets to school.
If he got bullied I would just tell him to stadn up for himself. I woudlnt tell him to hit the child. If he does, then so be it. I would tell him afterwards that probably wasnt the best way to deal with it though, but I would be proud of him for standing his ground.
Thanks for answering.

[PeppaH]

Thanks for answering.
The only reason I say that though is because my mother would never let me do anything wrong for myself. I hated that I couldnt make the mistake to learn from.
My step mother however, would council me with with what she thought was best but said in the end it was up to me.
I felt much more incharge.
So In hine sight (or whatever that is) Im giving my son the chance to be his own person, I give him warnings but if he continues to do so, he will get punished. It was his choice to go so far though and he learnt not to do it again.

[Veritas]

But never DS and he has never hit.

Same DD has never been hit and has never ever hit anything or anyone.... and for an almost 3 yr old I am certainly proud of her!

So massive over-generalisation.... Children are born with reflexes and model the behaviours they witness....

[sweetsugardumplin']

Okay, did you learn any behaviour guidance techniques (apart from Time Out ) while you were working in/studying child care???

[nothanksbye]

The only reason I say that though is because my mother would never let me do anything wrong for myself. I hated that I couldnt make the mistake to learn from.
My step mother however, would council me with with what she thought was best but said in the end it was up to me.
I felt much more incharge.
So In hine sight (or whatever that is) Im giving my son the chance to be his own person, I give him warnings but if he continues to do so, he will get punished. It was his choice to go so far though and he learnt not to do it again.

Yes I see your point.

You felt empowered by the decision making.

[studyingECS]

Okay, did you learn any behaviour guidance techniques (a part from Time Out :rolleyes:) while you were working in/studying child care???

That's what I mentioned a few pages back. (Didn't get answered though.)

You learn a number of techniques working in child care, you would have had to, number of children in childcare means a number of techniques required. Your child care centre would have had there own specific rules in place and they can't involve smacking.

[nothanksbye]

That's what I mentioned a few pages back. (Didn't get answered though.)

You learn a number of techniques working in child care, you would have had to.

So true.
I learnt so much from the teachers at DD's preschool.

wealth of information they are!

[sweetsugardumplin']

That's what I mentioned a few pages back. (Didn't get answered though.)


I know Kate, thought I'd ask again!


You learn a number of techniques working in child care, you would have had to.


So true, and Time Out being possibly the last resort after implementing a range of other techniques!

[nothanksbye]

See the bullying thing made me see how smacking was giving a bad message.

DS got hit at school.
He came home and I had this big talk to him about how he deserves to be safe and he should go and tell a teacher if someone hurts him.

( this hurts to write so forguve the way i type!)

He said but mum you smacked DD and she deserved it so maybe I did something wrong...:crying::crying::crying::crying:

No no no no no

My heart sank.
I guess it just hit home that all i had done si take away some of their self worth and all DS did was witness one smack.

I am not judging you I have been there. i just want to pass on my findings on it.

ok off to cry ....xoxox

[Veritas]

I found when my youngest sister's got a little too hyped up as babies and got a bit carried away and starting grabbing, hitting etc, telling them that we play gentle, and calming the situation and tone down were always a great step..... try changing activities to something that requires a little concentration and is nice and calm...

Distraction is also a fantastic tool for young children to guide them into better behaviours...

[studyingECS]

So true, and Time Out being possibly the last resort after implementing a range of other techniques!


Soo true Sweets, they don't even involving raising your voice. It's amazing how effective actually talking to a child about the bad behaviour can be, why we don't act that way etc exlaining in terms they understand..children very rarely are badly behaved because they intend to hurt,annoy,anger people, children just often do not know how to express there emotions properly. Acknowledging there feelings and encouraging them to react in different ways is much more helpful to them and the other children.


Why are they being badly behaved is a question that needs to be answered before you disipline a child and then disipline in a way that is best suited to that.

[BabelFish]

who said that dogs need to be treated with less care, love and attention than people? Our dogs were our first children and we believe part of the reason they are so successful with our child and in our family is because of how we raised them - with unconditional love, affection and clear boundaries.

[sweetsugardumplin']

Soo true Sweets, they don't even involving raising your voice. It's amazing how effective actually talking to a child about the bad behaviour can be, why we don't act that way etc exlaining in terms they understand..children very rarely are badly behaved because they intend to hurt,annoy,anger people, children just often do not know how to express there emotions properly. Acknowledging there feelings and encouraging them to react in different ways is much more helpful to them and the other children.

:hugs: Kate, I am so excited about people like you who work in early childhood :hugs:

[studyingECS]

:hugs: Kate, I am so excited about people like you who work in early childhood :hugs:

Thank you:hugs: Those kind of comments are very encouraging.:goodvibes:

[Yummy_Mummy]

Young children are great imitators....your DS is probably smacking you because you smack him!

Simple! :yes:

i agree with you! as they say "monkey see monkey do" i know with my DD if i do something like for example chew with my mouth open she imitates it! she does that with sooo many different things!

[sweetsugardumplin']

Thank you:hugs: Those kind of comments are very encouraging.:goodvibes:

My pleasure :), your words and outlook are very encouraging, children must swarm to you :valentine:

[IndigoJ]

[quote=Chesby05;3813269] who said that dogs need to be treated with less care, love and attention than people? Our dogs were our first children and we believe part of the reason they are so successful with our child and in our family is because of how we raised them - with unconditional love, affection and clear boundaries.
[/[/B]quote]

I think little more than slightly. And yes that was my point there is a difference between constructive opinions and making someone feel like S**T. I understand all this no hitting stuff and i do everything possible first before my son gets a smack on the hand. I also own dogs and they get warnings before they get smacks too. By warnings and smacks i am createing boundries for my son, it is my choice and although i understand what everyone is saying i will stick to my method, it works for me.

[3Princesses]

See the bullying thing made me see how smacking was giving a bad message.

DS got hit at school.
He came home and I had this big talk to him about how he deserves to be safe and he should go and tell a teacher if someone hurts him.

( this hurts to write so forguve the way i type!)

He said but mum you smacked DD and she deserved it so maybe I did something wrong...:crying::crying::crying::crying:

No no no no no

My heart sank.
I guess it just hit home that all i had done si take away some of their self worth and all DS did was witness one smack.

I am not judging you I have been there. i just want to pass on my findings on it.

ok off to cry ....xoxox

Thank you for sharing this, I just showed my DH and we are now sitting down to reasses our discipline.
Not that we smack on a regular basis but we have used the threat of one. I feel very ashamed to admit this.
But I am posting to say 'Thank You'

[nothanksbye]

Thank you for sharing this, I just showed my DH and we are now sitting down to reasses our discipline.
Not that we smack on a regular basis but we have used the threat of one. I feel very ashamed to admit this.
But I am posting to say 'Thank You'

ohh wow.
you are so welcome.
i am so glad it helped you!

i am so ashamed of my smacking ..but now..i am so proud that i dont. if that makes sense.
:hugs::hugs:

[studyingECS]

Okay, let's look at it in a different way.

Instead focussing on his "bad" behaviour, why not praise and reward his good behaviour.

I personally don't beleive a one year old can have bad and good behaviours. It's got more to do with a child's mood and what they are trying to tell you.
Him touching things is not naughty, he is exploring using sensory perception. It's a natural behaviour for a baby.

Slapping you would be over exitement, not the intent to cause you pain.

[IndigoJ]

Okay, let's look at it in a different way.

Instead focussing on his "bad" behaviour, why not praise and rewarding his good behaviour.

I personally don't beleive a one year old can have bad and good behaviours. It's got more to do with a child's mood and what they are trying to tell you.
Him touching things is not naughty, he is exploring using sensory perception. It's a natural behaviour for a baby.

Slapping you would be over exitement, not the intent to cause you pain.

Very well said :yes:

[LilShenanigans]

Rules are there for a reason. Be careful what you write, consider making a cuppa before hitting submit or go have a read http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?%20p=1701761#post1701761

[reAllytee]

Well I must be a rarity but then Boof always tends to be the exception to the rule :rolleyes:

I never used to smack Boof & he used to hit me.

All. The. Time.

He lacks empathy & I am not saying that because he is a child who is still learning or the likes but honestly he has no empathy.

He has given me broken skin from biting, bruises, black eyes from being kicked, head butted & punched etc etc etc.

He gets a blank look or laughs if I cry. Even now at 4yrs of age if I cry he mostly walks away & doesnt bat an eyelid.

Whats my biggest issue is yes, monkey see monkey do.

G now thinks its HILARIOUS to hit me.

The idea that a child like Boof can just be told simply that " that made mummy sad " & he will learn im sorry but it makes me laugh.

Time out has to be used or if you want to call it withdrawal of love &/ or attention then so be it because thats the only thing that gets through to him that the behaviour is unacceptable.

I have tried so many forms of 'discipline'/ parenting whatever, read book after book after book, sat on here begging & pleading for help yet nothing truly works.

I am obviously raising myself a serial killer.

I really hate these threads & sometimes wonder why I put myself through reading them when I hear of all these wonderful mothers & their wonderful kids who can just say something & have this wonderful obedient child who 'gets it'.

4yrs on & its not working.

Meh bad day ....

[PeppaH]

Well I must be a rarity but then Boof always tends to be the exception to the rule :rolleyes:

I never used to smack Boof & he used to hit me.

All. The. Time.

He lacks empathy & I am not saying that because he is a child who is still learning or the likes but honestly he has no empathy.

He has given me broken skin from biting, bruises, black eyes from being kicked, head butted & punched etc etc etc.

He gets a blank look or laughs if I cry. Even now at 4yrs of age if I cry he mostly walks away & doesnt bat an eyelid.

Whats my biggest issue is yes, monkey see monkey do.

G now thinks its HILARIOUS to hit me.

The idea that a child like Boof can just be told simply that " that made mummy sad " & he will learn im sorry but it makes me laugh.

Time out has to be used or if you want to call it withdrawal of love &/ or attention then so be it because thats the only thing that gets through to him that the behaviour is unacceptable.

I have tried so many forms of 'discipline'/ parenting whatever, read book after book after book, sat on here begging & pleading for help yet nothing truly works.

I am obviously raising myself a serial killer.

I really hate these threads & sometimes wonder why I put myself through reading them when I hear of all these wonderful mothers & their wonderful kids who can just say something & have this wonderful obedient child who 'gets it'.

4yrs on & its not working.

Meh bad day ....
:hugs: Im sure you do your best. Im sorry if this thread has made you upset. Dont worry to much, our sons can be cell mates :thumbsup:

[cmd'smum]

This thread has run it's course and is now closed.