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[breo]

ive just turned 16 and just found out im pregnant.. im kinda freaking out. would anybody be able to give me some advice?

[bgbgbb]

Hi,

At 40, as the saying goes, I'm old enough to be your mother. But I also know what it's like to have an unplanned pregnancy. Mine was at 32, but it was still pretty scary as I was in a foreign country and had just finally finished my studies and was planning on doing some travelling.

I never spoke to anyone as to how I was feeling and although I have since married the father and had 3 (and 1 more on the way) more kids, it took me a long time to come to terms with having an unplanned baby. I just felt that all my dreams for the future were being hijacked by this baby!

If you have a gp you can trust, try and talk to them about it. They may be able to refer you to a women's clinic where you can talk about it with trained counsellers. Dont feel pressured to do what everyone else wants you to do. Do what's right for you. Work out what you want from your future. Can you still get what you want with a baby in tow (ie: are your parents the sort to help you out and let you finish your schooling). If you doubt you'll have support, are you prepared to do it hard and forfeit your dreams until you are financially stable enough to go for them?

I haven't mentioned the father because, assuming he's roughly the same age as you, I'd say that if he knows, he's probably more confused that you are (my now husband was a mental wreck when he found out about me being pregnant!). It's rare you get a man who will support you properly through this unless he's very special.

I've known many friends who had babies young and still went on to have fulfilling careers. I have also known many who made the decision to not continue with the pregnancy, and they were happy they got a chance to make a go of their lives and could have children later when they were better prepared for it.

I'm not sure if I'm much help, but best of luck.:hugs:

[4underfour]

Breo, firstly :hugs: to you. What a shock that must have been. I have also had an unplanned pregnancy, but I was 26, so a lot older than yourself. And i think that age difference does make a big difference, I was independent, working, had a supportive partner. And yes, I decided to keep the baby and now have 2 more (and 1 on the way).
At 16, wow, TBH there is no way I would have kept it :no:. A few of my friends had terminations (abortions) around that age and they never regretted it. Not that I am encouraging you to do that, but its something to consider.

I would second going to your GP. Can you get there without your parents finding out? Or you can ring the pregnancy hotline (google it) and they may be able to give you a list of clinics to go to for non judgemental advice, and even to do a termination if that is what you decide, and without informing your parents. Here in SA, there is a clinic called SHINE, but I dont know what there is interstate.

If you cant get to your GP, how about your school counsellor? (if you are at school). they will also be able to let you know where the women's health clinics are in the area, and onced again it will all be confidential.

Consider telling your parents (if they are around). Whether you decide to go through with the pregnancy or not, you may find their support invaluable. They might surprise you! I would definately want my daughter to come to me if this happened, and I would be happy to help raise the baby if she decided to keep it.

Lastly, tell a friend, and see if you can drag them along to any appointments etc. You will need someone with you for support.

[jaq]

How's your relationship with your Mum? If its a strong, supportive one, tell her, straight a way. She'll be able to help you with going to the doctor, and then exploring the various options you have in front of you. Pregnancy is a HUGE thing to go through at any age, and you will need as much help and support as you can pull together.

Be aware, though, that other people have their own agendas and feelings on issues such as whether you should keep the baby, or terminate the pregnancy. NEITHER OPTION IS EASY.

If you keep the baby, your own childhood is effectively over. You may love parenthood, you may well be a wonderful mum, but you will NEVER be able to be a child again.

If you choose to terminate, you will have to live with the "what might have been" for the rest of your life. Psychologically, it can be devestating for some people - and you won't know how you will be effected until afterwards.

Most importantly, it is a decision you must make by yourself. Support and information is necessary, but don't let other people's opinions sway you too much - YOU are the only one that has to live with the consequences of your decision. Listen, take it in, but make up your own mind.

:hugs: for this worrying time.

[workin'mumof2]

there are a few lovely ladies who have had babies at 16 on this forum. please look around in the young parents chat.

i wish you all the best :goodvibes:

[daemynsmum]

firstly hugs
i had my ds at 16. so i can understand what you are going through.
my first bit of advice is to tell your mum, she mat yell and scream to begin with but she will be the best support you will ever get.
secondly you need to decide whether you are keeping the baby or having a termination niether option is easy.
if you decide to keep the baby i strongly suggest you at least finish yr 11, i did it its not easy but can be done.
if you would like someone to talk to pm me and i will get back to you as soon as i can.
huge hugs go to you. this isnt an easy decision but it is one of the most important of your life.

[Annabella]

I'll be honest first, I don't agree with abortion so I automatically think you should keep it :)

However I know how much you must be freaking out and think only you can make the right decision for your life. A few of my friends had abortions at the age of 15-16, they have gone on to have children later in life, and although we don't talk about it, I don't think they have ever regretted their decision. Despite my beliefs about abortion I have in most cases been the main support for these friends. Having said that, other friends have had kids between the ages of 15-18 and have never regretted that either. One of my closest friends was in Year 12 when she fell pregnant, she kept the baby and had another one, unfortunately her and her partner are no longer together and she is really struggling with wanting to go out and party now, but I know her kids are her life and she would never had changed anything.

Myself, I fell pregnant unexpectedly when I was 22 (which i do realise is a lot older than 16), my boyfriend was 18. We had only been together for literally a couple of months, only really serious and "exclusive" for less than a month when I got pregnant. We both freaked out, he repeatedly begged me to have an abortion, which actually really hurt, but I chose to have the baby and he chose to stick around luckily, and although things have been hard, i am not exaggerating when I say it is the SINGLE BEST decision I have ever made. My boyfriend (now husband) agrees, even tho he was so young. It was a lot easier for me to adjust than him tho, and our relationship has been really troubled a lot of the time. However I would rather do this all on my own (and have for many periods in our relationship) than even consider my life without my daughters (the second was also unplanned, I obviously don't learn!).

There are so many people around me now who cannot conceive naturally etc, and I honestly feel so so blessed to have these beautiful little people in my life who I just love to bits and who love me back the same. I gave up LOTS of dreams to be a mum, all I've EVER wanted to do is travel and work overseas and this is all on hold now, and I can't explain how sad I feel to miss out on those things (for a while at least), I literally cry when I think about it, but then I think of my girls and don't regret it for a second.

Hopefully you have a supportive mum and boyfriend who can help you thru this, my mum was great, even tho she's religious and I could tell her and dad were a bit disappointed, but now I know they wouldn't have it any other way.

I hope I haven't been too opinionated, this is just my experience.

Best of luck and I'll be thinking of you :hugs:

[Teley]

Congratulations!:flowerz: You have being blessed with the gift of a new life. Please cherish that:goodvibes:.

I fell pregnant at 16. I'm still alive and ticking:laughing:. PM me if you want to chat :).