View Full Version : Settling help needed
I am not one to ask for help ever with anything, it's like I have failed I have serious issues with this feeling, but I do need help and I don't know who to ask. So I hope someone can suggest some tips or ideas.
Eliza sleeps very well at night, we co-sleep sometimes she will go in her cradle for the first part of the night, but usually she falls asleep with me in bed feeding at around 9-10 at night.
then she sleeps right through usually unless she's on a growth spurt. then she feed twice for about 10-20 mins.
But the day time wow so much trouble getting her to nap, she gets over tired + I think I am over feeding her as she spews SO, SO much it's crazy every single feed she spews, shes happy though she smiles and laughs and is gaining weight.
But It's like I put her down she screams I pick her up she goes quiet she flings her arms and legs everywhere so I know she is tired + the yawning.
I rock her pat her and sometimes she falls asleep and then I put her in the cradle 10-15 minutes laters she awake again but still tired, so we start again and then if she doesn't go back to sleep I feed her today she has had about 6 feeds on both sides each time since 7am.
and she hasn't been to sleep since 7am..I have now put her in her cradle to write this I have some music on and can hear her grumbling :(
I don't want to do controlled crying, I will and do let her cry for 10 minutes to see if she can settle herself, but nope. I rock her cradle I pat her in the cradle I try everything I can think of.
I am sitting here so :crying: shes crying and calling out now..what do I do..it's like a vicious circle
I want her to learn but at the same time I want to continue doing my NP/AP parenting.
I am so lost and the local health clinic is closed today
I suggest calling Karitane Helpline, they are great and are flexible in there attitude, and have residential stays if it gets too bad for you and bubs.
Plus they use controlled comforting, not crying.
Good luck Hun!
sounds like she has reflux.
i just had this problem for the last week, thought she was teething but thought i would take her to the doc for a check up anyway.
i thought only baby babies could get reflux.
my daughter was doing this, crying really bad, when i picked her up she was ok, lay her down, shed scream! and i know she was tired.
i got some gaviscon for infants from the chemist and it worked wonders.
i was up every hour last week, but last night she slept from 1 till 7.
Sorry you're having a hard time. I have the same problems with Millie, but hers are related to her reflux.
I think there are a lot of babies who are just hard to settle during the day. Does she cry when she spews? Also have you tried propping her mattress up a little so she's not lying flat?
My DD is a shocking day sleeper. She used to sleep in her swing, once the swing stopped she woke up. Just hopeless and not much better at night.
Is she sucking for comfort or do you think she is hungry. Maybe she is sucking for comfort but getting milk. Hence the chucking.
Have you tried wrapping her up? That would stop the arms flinging. What about a dummy?
I recently had a home visit from a crusty old super-nanny and she worked wonders on my girl. She told me that daytime is much harder to sort out than nighttime. So far she has been 100% on the money.
If she is happy I don't think it is reflux, because she would let you know that she wasn't happy.
Thanks Mel I called the helpline they will call me back...I caved I went to get her calmed her put her back she screamed I got her out snd now she is asleep in my arms.
Bella the screaming is not from the spews, as shes happy she doesn't care lol she just wants to be held which is undertandable shes only 10 weeks old!
E- nope she doesn't cry when she spews just like a burp to her.
Sop----I need that woman HERE NOW!! She hates to be swaddled has from day one, even the nurses said no point wrapping her, she defintely sucks for comfort, I am trying to break that, I have tried every friggen dummy out there but she likes me more.
I called my DP :crying: eghh he just doen't understand poor guy...I feel bad for wanting her to self settle. I feel bad for asking for help...I should be able to do this huh!
they are really good, best of luck, do what you need to to survive right now and try the methods they suggest.
If it gets very bad after you've tried these then go to your ECHN and ask for a referal to a residental stay with them
i went and it was the best thing i ever did, honestly! :hugs:
Pm me if you want :)
Sorry that you are having a hard time. I know that this might not be your cup of tea at all but the best thing I ever read was a book called "baby secrets" by Jo Tantum & Barabar Want (english!).
I was a bit like you I got to the point where I just felt lost, DD was feeding all day, not napping and we were just in a real mess. I am a bit of a routine freak and this book has some suggested routines in it and a method of settling them. DD just seemed to slot into the routines perfectly and I found that by learning her tired signs and only trying to get her to nap at certain times it was a heck of a lot easier. I also felt more confident in settling her as I knew for certain that she needed that nap IYKWIM. I also found that b.f her a bit more routinely made sense when she was that little bit older, rather than snacking she had a decent feed every 3 hrs 4 hrs depending on what stage we were at. If you want any more info on this particular book please let me know. I
Let us know how you get on.:D
Don't be such a silly duffer. I had the nasty nanny out for my third baby. If anyone should have it sussed surely it should have been me.
Nothing to feel bad about, she will have to learn how to self settle sooner or later. I am not a fan off any sort of crying but sometimes they just have to have a cry. The nn left me all sorts of papers and emails. I will have a look through them see what I can find, Charlie is 9 months so I think what I had to do would be different for Eliza.
What about lying in the bed with her and feeding her off to sleep and then taking to booby out of her mouth and walking away?
I took to wrapping up my boy again at around 6 months. Worth a try?
I will have a looksie at the bookstore Manxie :) Thanks
Thanks Sop mucho appreciated...I have tried swaddling her perhaps some cling wrap will keep her arms in :D JJ!
I can sympathise with you entirely!!! How frustrating it is to spend all day every day just trying to get your little one to sleep! Not to mention the sore back from the continuous holding/rocking/patting etc!!!
I had similar probs with my DS when he was around 3-4 mths old. I had a private midwife come around and although it was hard for the first 2-3 days... I have had a fabulous little prince ever since!
He did cry a fair bit at first as he was very, very over tired. The most important part for me was learning to listen to how he was crying instead of just thinking. "oh there he goes crying again!". And learning to read his tired signs before it got to the point of overstimulation.
I attend to him when his cries became exaggerated/distressed. Otherwise the midwife said that if you know he isn't hungry or isn't in pain... they he'll be fine. Coming to terms with this was hard... but I was at a point where I would try anything to get him to sleep during the day! Nowadays, it is exremely rare that he cries at all! Only if he gets a fright or is really tired.
A really good book that a friend of mine loaned me uses these techniques and I found it to be a fabulous reference... It is called "The Baby Whisperer". I can't recall the author... but I'd recommend getting a copy from your library.
Don't beat up on yourself about asking for help... why not learn from other people's experiences... We're all here to help!! :hugs:
Good luck and I hope the hotline can help you out.
No worries M&P - you have to take some of it with a big pinch of salt but I do reckon the method for settling them is really good and I felt comfortable with it as you dont have to let them howl for hours or anything! Also like I said the routines worked like a dream.
The ISBN no is 071814709x
I was always c..p at wrapping so ended up getting DD a grobag, think this is quite handy too as its a good signal that its nap time now - but I guess clingfilm would work too!!!:D
You have nothing to feel bad about...parenting is a learning experience and it's different with each child as their needs differ. None of us can do it all on our own and that's why the bub hub is so great.
I did controlled comforting with my DS's and it worked a treat but you need to be prepared and it sounds like you're not ready to do it and particularly not on your own.....and it sounds as though you like the AP style more. Try posting on that thread also cause these mums may have some advice.
I put bub in a sling when we have a horrendous day. I can get about and do things and he goes to sleep.
A walk in the pram is always good too.
But I have to reinforce what the others have said....seek expert help if things don't get better. They'll rule out medical causes for the upset such as reflux and then watch you and your babe to assess what's happening and then suggests tips based on their observations.
I know where you're coming from hun, my girl is a really ordinary day sleeper. At various times she has been rocked to sleep and then transferred, bounced to sleep in her bouncer and left to sleep there, slept in her pram, in her portacot....most things are good for about two weeks and then - presto chango! she wants something else. She does have stretches (like at the moment) where she will sleep in her cot after being fed to sleep...these are good days!
I hope you find what works for you soon.
Has Karitane called back yet???
Yes they did, and they recommended I do a day visit as I have tried pretty much everything they have suggested over the phone lol...She said babies should sleep every two hours yerrr right love lol
So tomorrow will try and get a refferal to the cottage near me..Thanks so much I burst into tear as soon as hubby walked in he has her now and has told me to ignore her lol soooo hard she's quiet now go figure!
M&P my little one is also a shocking day-sleeper. She feeds four to five times from 7am to 7pm and between each feed I am lucky to have her sleep more than 45 minutes at a time. Luckily she has taken a liking to her activity mat!
I figured that as she sleeps well during the night with a feed at 10.30pm-ish and 4am-ish, it allows me a good sleep.
It's funny that getting her to sleep during the day requires a dummy, but at night she will go back into her cot (wrapped) straight after a feed and nappy change and be asleep within 10 minutes - no crying and no dummy!
I burst into tear as soon as hubby walked in he has her now and has told me to ignore her lol soooo hard she's quiet now go figure!
That sounded like me for the first 3mths of Boofs life :hugs:
Try not to be disheartened sometimes they settle a little better when away from a stressed mum.
I also used to wonder what the hell was going on because from everything i knew about newborns they were meant to sleep a lot & feed basically yet all mine did was feed all the time & scream !!!! I didnt know what to do.
Im glad you are going to check out Karitane even if they can give you one thing to walk away with that helps its a bonus especially when your at your wits end. Remember also if they are trying to force something you dont approve of you can say no.
Good luck dont be scared of reaching out for help thats what we are here for :D
Take care & i hope you find a solution !
My saviour was the website www.itstimetosleep.com you can buy a dvd (about $20-$30). It took 1 day to get the day time naps right and 2 nights before my son was sleeping right through (although it took me longer to get used to it!!)
Hope this helps.
so glad your going for a day stay, it can really help :hugs:
Best of luck honey, and if you want any thing just pm me :)
Thanks everyone well today I really persisted and it has paid off she is on her 2nd nap of the day she is getting it worked out I think, I am trying to be hopeful but think it could just be a lucky day!
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