THe sh*ts about to hit the fan!!! Bring it on.

[kimba80]

Hi girls,

My financial leech of a SIL owes us considerble money - which she has owed us for over 2 years without any payments. I believe she has no intention of paying any of it back. We have brought it up with her many times, with no result. I actually feel sorry for my DH , i have put quite a bit of pressure on him to sort it out - it's his family!

Last night I have finally had enough, and sent the below email. I think it is to-the-point without being nasty. I am really angry at her - fancy having to beg for your own money back. I'm also really mad at her for putting us in this situation.

Anyway, this is what I sent.

===============


X,

I’m not sure if you’ve spoken to DH about the money situation, but I am emailing because we need to get sorted on a plan to get the money paid back. This is an awkward email to write, but it needs to be said. It has been left for far too long now, and we need to get it sorted.

I have to say that it has become an issue for us. I feel we have always been supportive to you financially - we lent you money for your bond, we paid for your flights and accommodation for our wedding, we lent you money for medicine for your DS and we ended up paying for your accommodation in Brisbane, even though the arrangement was that you were to pay for the night I wasn’t there.

All the above money was of the understanding that you would have paid us back. To date, we have not seen a vast majority of the money.

You are not aware, but the money we spent on your flight and your dad’s flights actually came out of our wedding budget. I had the choice of spending that money on a honeymoon or spending it to ensure that my husband’s family was there for him. After the wedding reception, we actually stressed a bit wondering if we had enough money to pay for it. Now, over two years later, we are having to beg for our own money back …. And having to prove that we paid for it! We have never kept any records of who owes what …. Because we never thought our own family members would rip us off. I feel that we are at the bottom of your “to-pay-back” list. You clearly knew you owed us money, we have brought it up many times with you - I struggle to understand why it has taken so long to get ANY money from you.

I am sorry for the situation, I really quite like you as a sister-in-law. However, this situation has dragged on for this long, and has left a very dirty taste in my mouth. DH and I are both hard working people, being in our type of work you have no idea of the crap we have to deal with to earn our pay. The money that you owe us could go a long way towards paying some of our own bills off, especially as we are soon to be a one-income family.

This situation has caused considerable stress between DH & I. For me, this issue is not in any way about the money, it’s about the fact that you knew you owed us money, and had little (if any) intention of paying it back. To me, family does not do that to each other. I am sure this email will change our SIL relationship – I actually am very sorry about that – but I feel your actions have put me in this situation and forced this matter.

I am asking for the $X remaining from the bond money, and the $X for the flights for the wedding. We are not asking for the rest of the money. If you need the BSB and account details again, DH can give them to you.
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What do you think? I know DH will be upset that I sent it, But I feel that after repeated attempts to get it sorted by DH, nothing has worked and I refuse to sit by and let her delay delay delay so that she pays nothing back. This seems to be her tactic. I know this is probably the end of our SIL relationship, but it's her doing by trying to rip us off for so long.

Kimba

[sunnyflower]

It is very frustrating that people can't pay back money.

I think the email is well worded and will certainly leave her in no doubt that you want the money back.

I think though that she is well aware that she owes you the money and has no intention of paying it back.If she was she would have made a payment plan well before now.

I hope you get the money back but she doesn't sound like a very ethical person.:hugs:

[talia11]

I think you wrote that very nicely. Good luck with it :)

[UmmInayah]

I think it's a tough one..

While I understand you are entitled to the money, I do believe you are now entering territory that is your husbands. (I have learnt this the hard way. When it comes to my DH's family, it's his business. My family, my business, etc.) Do you need the money urgently? Or are you just worried you won't ever get it back?

If you know your DH is going to be upset about it, it probably wasn't the best decision to make. You could have written it, asked your DH if it was okay to send out, or even get him to send it himself. If he says no, you respect that, and let him deal with it.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you don't want to jeapordise your relationship with your husband over something his sister has done.

Having said that, it's been done now anyway. But please make sure you are honest to your husband about sending it. Better him finding out from you what has been send, than from his sister.

All the best! :)

[kimba80]

Thanks for your replis girls.

Umminayah - I do hear what you're saying, and normally we treat family issues this way - with DH dealing with his family and me with mine. However, SIL has been approached by DH approx 5 times, with no result. Her way seems to be denial and delay. She has used this denial and delay for 2 years, not paying back a cent.

The last straw was her recently denying that we paid for her airline ticket. She had never denied it before, and we actually had to prove that we did!

I am defintely the type of person who would rather all the issues out there and sort them out. It grates on me whenever I think about it ... I am not the false type to be all friendly with her when she is blatantly ripping us off. I agree with some of the other girls - I highly doubt we will see any money - but she is also not going to think that I stood meekly by and allowed it to happen.

Like I said in the letter, it is she who put us in this position!

[Boobycino]

Ugh... sounds like my SIL - though, money isn't disgussed in his family either, so she owes us SO much money and she didn't even thank us. When she left her husband, my DP paid for the removalist to move her into our home. Then when she moved out of here, he paid a removalist then, when she was kicked out of her new place for not paying rent, he paid out her rent and another removalist to move her in with her boyfriend. ALL of this was within 12 months! And she didn't pay back one little cent.

She earns TWICE what my DP earns, and her BF earns twice what I used to earn. She knows we're financially up a certain creek, and yet when I was about 37 weeks pregnant, so we were relying on DPs income alone, he got a $2000 bonus from work, which he was excited about, and he told her about it (stupidly I think) the following week she called him because she'd not been making payments on her car and it was being repossessed, interestingly enough she owed $2000 exactly... he asked me what he should do, I told him NO WAY!!!! and interestingly enough she still has her car, so OBVIOUSLY she didn't need the money.

I wish I could write such a letter to my SIL, but I know I couldn't. Money isn't discussed and it really wouldn't be my place to say anythng. I think its totally unfair though, as their total household income is easily 3 times ours, and they have no children. We're struggling to pay bills every week and she's not offered to pay back a single dollar.

I know for a fact we will never see that money from her.

Best of luck, I think the letter is very well worded and perfect - though, I think money is a complicated issue with family. Thinking of my inlaws, I cant imagine that letter making any difference what so ever aside from causing issues. Though, if you have success I might consider following in your footsteps.

[hailsntwang]

KIMBA - I think you have written a very well worded, staight to the point letter.

I think it is mature, non attacking (meaning you've just stuck to the one subject), letter and I have my fingers crossed :fingerscrossed: that with it staring her in the face, she will feels some guilt and pay up.

I would definitly show hubby what you sent so she can't contact him and tell him "false" statements from the letter (just in case she was someone to do that).

All the best. We are struggling with money at the moment and I know how much even $50 would help. I hope she does too.:o


CHEL87 - You're position sounds just as bad. I think you and hubby need to come to an agreement that no more money is handed out to your SIL.

You two need to stand united on this subject now and let her know that her brother wont always bail her out (It might finally make her take some responsibility).

Good luck to the both of you

(Kimba sorry to hijack your thread:yes:)

[crazymuma]

The email is written well - though I doubt it will get the money returned to you - seriously if she had any intention of paying it back then she would have. The fact that she denied even owing you some of it shows you are never going to get it back.

I think you have made a huge mistake though sending this email without consulting your husband - at the end of the day it is a matter involving his family so I think he should have had a say in it.

I'm wondering though if it really is enough money to possibly cause a family rift over. I understand that you might be in need of the money but I think sometimes when it comes to family you have to move on - live and learn.

I think at the end of the day if we are only talking a few grand I would let her know how I feel about it and also let her no that in future you will not be loaning her even 5 cents - no matter what the situation - then move on.

Just my opinion.

[kimba80]

Hi Guys,

Just to let you know that I told my DH about the email the night it was sent. I do realise I should have told him before sending it, however was quite mad at the time :) Luckily , I told DH when he got home, and he fully supported me! I think it helped a lot that I was very careful not to be nasty.

DH told me at the time that he fully trusted me in what I had said, and that he didn't even need to see the email. He has since seen the email, and said it was well written and all the things in it needed to be said! Quite a relief, because I think so too! It is a good feeling to be backed by DH.

SIL would have received the email monday morning - DH & I haven't heard from her at all. Was half expecting MIL to get involved , which hasn't happened. I don't really expect to receive a cent from SIL, but I feel a HEAP better after sending the email - In my mind at least she is aware that we know she is ripping us off, and we aren't going to stand silently by while she does it. I hope it makes her guilty and things awkward for her.

Anyhow, thanks for the support. I made a huge effort for the letter to be not nasty but to-the-point.... and the vast majority of people I have spoken to about it have said that I have done the right thing. Where we go in regards to a friendly relationship is now up to SIL - whether she does the right thing or not. LIke I said - it is she that has put us all in this situation. CHEL87 - I strongly encourage you to put your feelings into words towards your SIL - at the very least she will know that you are aware of the money she owes you, and there will no more leeching in the future! It has lifted a HUGE amount of anger and frustration off my chest - I feel as if I am now heard in the situation! Good luck, Kimba

[JackzMumma]

While I understand you are entitled to the money, I do believe you are now entering territory that is your husbands. (I have learnt this the hard way. When it comes to my DH's family, it's his business. My family, my business, etc.)

I disagree:no:. This sort of thing has happened between my DH and myself a lot of times:rolleyes:. There's only so many times you can have that arguement with your DH about dealing with their family members. Sometimes it takes you to make the difference.

In leaving your DH to deal with the problem, your SIL probably thinks she can get away with it. She might still, and not pay you back the money, but she won't try to manipulate you or DH again. :no: That ship has definately sailed!!! And now she knows it. Good on your DH for being on your side. I know what it's like not to want to 'rock the boat'. But don't let him think you'll fight his battles in the future, he may expect it again, now that you've done it once.

Sometimes enough is enough.:yes::thumbsup:

[JaneyLacey]

I think the email was well written and you held back from being mean. To be honest, I think your relationship - from your perspective - sounds over already. You don't respect or trust her. If it ends from her side, so be it. The $2000 story sounds soooo cheeky - you must be proud that you both stood your ground. I personally don't think she'll pay it back, but it sounds as though you have made peace with that and you just wanted a chance to state your case. Some lessons cost money to learn - and I don't think you'll lend money to anyone from now on. I always think karma is the big retribution. And her karma is not good.

[kimba80]

The story goes on .....

Just heard from FIL -

A bit of a long story - SIL owes FIL a large amount of money and has been paying him off in fortnightly payments. SIL halved her payments to him, saying she couldn't afford the full payments BECAUSE SHE WAS PAYING US OFF $X PER FORTNIGHT AS WELL!!!!

We have never received any money from her!!!!

Lying cow!

It gets better & better. I really see the manipulative person she is & now want nothing to do with her.

The worst of it is that MIL appears to be supporting her. Makes me very sorry for DH and our baby. And now I'm thinking that I don't really want her visiting us in hospital after we have the baby, she's made no effort at all during the last 9 months, so it appears very fake to me if she shows up in the hospital. Not sure about it, still thinking about it.... don't want to hurt DH.