First time mum at 40+ with one child

[laptek98]

I became 1st time mum at 46. My husband and I didn't want to go through IVF, so eventhough we would dearly love to add a new member to the family, we were resigned to the idea of spending all our hard-earned money for travelling or whatever.
At 45 we were told of a treatment by accupuncture, we tried and voila.. within 3 months I became pregnant. We were more than ready for this! The pregnancy was a breeze, our precious son was born PERFECT :) He is now 4 years old and beautiful and we love him soooo much.
I only miss one thing.... to meet and chat with mums out there in the same situation. Most of the other mums I met since I became a mum myself are in their 30's or even 20's or some older mums but already experienced mums with older children. I can't seem to be able to find the right group.
If you are out there I would love to get in touch.

[jlrjyeboah]

I'm not in the same situation as you as I am 27, but funnily enough most of my friend are older mums, in their late 30's. I really don't think age makes any difference, a mother is a mother and a baby is a baby, as long as there is a mutual respect and one is not looked down upon because of age. That is one of the reasons I have always found playgroups or mothersgroups so difficult, because instead of just appreciating that we are all mothers you get young people that look down on the older mums for being "older" and older mums looking down on the young mums for being "young".

I know this was not the point of your post, but I just feel that mothers younger and older are always defending, why they had children when they did.

Feel free to message me anytime if you want. :)

Lynda
Mum to 2 boys and 1 on the way.

[Miaow]

Hi,

Im 40 and pregnant with my 1st baby due 12th Nov (I do have to say it wasnt planned though but is a happy suprise :) )

A person I know round the corner from me is just 40 also and she also has recently become pregnant as well (maybe theres something in our local water lol)

I'm finding most of the people I speak to about babies at present are younger than me (apart the lady round the corner) as well.

Cat

[SixtiesChild]

Hi,

I'm 39 with a daughter aged 5. (And trying for one more)

I can identify with the need to have friendships within a similar age group.
I think the difference with being an older mum is that as we age, we have different outlook to life when we did say when we were 20.
We are also approaching a new stage of womanhood which can make us feel the need to have reliable friendships within our own age group.
At 39, I think very differently to when I was 29 and 10 years from now, I am certain I will again have moved on from here.
I think anyone who has had their first child at 46 is a rare gem but still there must be others out there who are in the same boat.
I'd like to suggest that this 40+ category could do with more threads so that more people of this age group can find more of the kind of support and encouragement they are looking for.


Goodluck in your search
I feel inspired by what you have achieved

Nadia

[Graeme]

Hi

Cathy and I were both 39 when we had our first child. We had been married 14 years and had just about given up on having a baby. We had set a deadline of 40 and didn't want to go through IVF or anything like that. (Although the accupuncture sounds amazing.) If Cath wasn't pregnant by 40, that was it.

We love being parents and it has suited us doing it later in life (although I can also see advantages in having them younger). It is having quite an impact on our careers but it doesn't worry us. I'm pushing for us both to work part time and be at home part time, but Cathy loves being a full-time mum.

We do notice it occassionally that most parents are younger than us, but it doesn't really worry us. Most of our friends are within 5 years of us (and many have kids either a bit older or a bit younger).

If we had been a 7 years older I suspect we would have noticed it more.

Hope you find some Mums closer to your situation.
All the best
Graeme

[kaydensmum]

Hi. I was a single mum at 19, my son is now 23. My husband and i married in 2000 & tried 4 another baby, ivf didn't work & we resigned ourselves 2 the fact it wasn't going 2 happen. After our first adoption meeting we found out we were pregnant - i was 42 which just happened 2 be our cut off date. Ime now 43 and Kayden is 9 months old. I wasn't going to go to mothers group but thought i would give it a go. There are two girls who are 36 and the rest in their early 30's - ive been very fortunate as none of them to seem to have any issues with my age. In fact they seem to consider me to be the 'cool, calm and relaxed one' of the group. I feel the only downfall of being an older mother is tiredness, although i am still breastfeeding & feels this hugely contributes to my energy levels. We have never looked back & feel so lucky to have Kayden in our lives, a beautiful, healthy & extremely happy bundle of joy.

[wattle]

Hi. I'm an older mum too (36 soon) and live near you too. There was a get together of melbourne mums at chadstone during the week, and we're going to do that on a regular basis. You're welcome to come along to the next one if you want. Just keep an eye out for the post 'Melbourne Mums Meet'

I'm curious about your acupuncture experience. can you tell me more?

[laptek98]

Thank you everyone for responding. I am still very new to this Forum or any forum in that matter.
Nadia, what you wrote is just so true!! I am still hoping there'll be more older mums reading this and join in.
Cat, you are just so fortunate to have a neighbour in your own age group and in the same situation as you. I am jealous ;) Wishing you and your friend a very smooth and happy pregnancy.

[Lucky]

Hi All
So nice to know that there are a lot of us older mums out there. I became a first time mum at 45, and then again at 47 through IVF it was long and hard going but soooo worth it. We now have two fantastic kids (sometimes) and have never looked back. I know what you mean Laptek98 about meeting other mums the same age it can be difficult and quiet often you can feel alone. But take heart that there are more and more women becoming fisrt time over 40.

[peterpan]

:) Hi To you all,I am a first time mother at the age of 35 to Peter who is 3month's And I love it,Like many of you I have tryed the mother group thing and i am always the older one there so I gave up on them.
So many people look down on you cause you did'nt have kids younger.I was asked what are you going to do when peter is 5 and you are 40....Well hello what is 40 that is still so young at first i got upset and my husband just told me to be pround of my age.I hope you all have a great time with your children
Take care
Angela

[wattle]

Don't worry, I turned 36 last week and my hair hasn't gone grey and my teeth haven't fallen out (yet), so it can't be too bad.

It does take a lot more effort to get up from the floor nowadays though :rolleyes:

But I look back and think that I was pretty silly when I was in my 20's. I'm sure I make a much better mum being a little older and wiser.

[Tannie]

laptek - know the feeling of trying to find people of similar stage in life and age to meet up with.........but keep an open mind - sometimes people of many different ages surprise you with varying attitudes.
Anyway - good for you having bub after all those hassles :) Hb and I thought IVF might be our only option at one stage and were VERY reluctant........luckily didn't need it.
Oh - and don't ever let people get you down about the "older parent" crap! My mum (& dad) were nearly 46yrs when they had me and I would say the only regretful thing about this for me as her child is that given that I also have waited so long to have kids - they may not really get to know or remember their grandparents. But I wouldn't swap my parents for anyones and I've always been so pleased they had lots of "adventures" in life before having kids - they have such great stories to tell and the most interesting people I know :)

funny though - when I had bub earlier this year and they were visiting me - one of the nurses (as they left) said to me "gee - it's amazing how looks can skip a generation - you look SO much like your grandfather..."!! She was very embarrassed when I said "that's my dad!!" LOL Also - when mum had me she said people often thought she was my grandmother.........once she was at the pool with us and this lady came up and said " would you like me to watch your grand daughter whilst you have a swim with the others?" Of course mum accepted, but had to tell her these "grandkids" were actually her brood....LOL :D

Just have to take it all in good humour mum says and she's having the last laugh - you know what? She had a great group of friends from school days and apart from 1 other lady (who is in okay health but hips etc failing....) she is the only one still alive now :( Mum says she is SURE it's because she had kids late.........."when they were all turning into old women at 60 - I still had young teenagers to worry about who kept me busy - by the time I realised I was supposed to be old I decided I didn't feel too bad and wouldn't bother being old anyway!!" She's (and dad) are now 84yrs and I still can't keep up with them!!
Oh - and as for the point of this story- mum & dad swear that what keeps them young and healthy is that they have friends of ALL ages........and they do. It's not unusual to go to their place and see a 25 yr old or 40 yr old having lunch and a chat with them. They make friends based on mutual interests and understandings - age is irrelevant (in fact - mum says "old people" bug her cause all they do is whine about their health and talk about what tablets they're taking!!)

Cheers,
T

[raine]

I became 1st time mum at 46. My husband and I didn't want to go through IVF, so eventhough we would dearly love to add a new member to the family, we were resigned to the idea of spending all our hard-earned money for travelling or whatever.
At 45 we were told of a treatment by accupuncture, we tried and voila.. within 3 months I became pregnant. We were more than ready for this! The pregnancy was a breeze, our precious son was born PERFECT :) He is now 4 years old and beautiful and we love him soooo much.
I only miss one thing.... to meet and chat with mums out there in the same situation. Most of the other mums I met since I became a mum myself are in their 30's or even 20's or some older mums but already experienced mums with older children. I can't seem to be able to find the right group.
If you are out there I would love to get in touch.
Hello I'm about to become a first time mum at 42 naturally also, looking for more mature mums to talk with too.

[Ys_Woman]

Hello Raine..I'm Amy and we over 40's chat in this site:
http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=176173

I started to read the posts above yours in here and realised they were from 2005 !!! I started to question my own sanity..lol.
Come in and join us..we are a moderately chatty bunch..

Amy:)

[Tabby]

Hi Raine, as Amy has said we hope youll join us at the above thread, look forward to chatting with you soon

Vicki

[JEMGIRLS]

Hi everyone

Good to see we are getting more interest now. I am part of a playgroup who has a couple of 40 plus but because I'm 45 I still feel a lot older than the others.

My girls are 15,9 and 1 and I live in Perth WA.

Getting pregnant at my age was and still is overwelming. Everyone tells me I don't look or act my age so I suppose that is a good thing. Good luck to you all and hope to chat some more soon.
Maria