Attached baby - good or bad?

[babysus]

Ok, I never really 'planned' to do attachment parenting or continuum concept etc. DS was quite a happy baby and I had my mum with me 24 hours a day for 5 weeks after his birth, so he was used to be held and cuddled all the time. When my mum left I had to put him in my Hug a Bub the whole day because he simply refused to sleep in his cot during the day! So after a while he started sleeping in his cot during the day and still in the sling when he's awake. At night he usually started sleeping in his cot then after about midnight or so he would wake up every hour in his cot - so this is how we started co-sleeping. Now we still 'try' to put him back in the cot but usually sometime during the night we will give up and put him between us in our bed. He still wakes up twice a night for a comfort feed. He's now 5.5 months old. While he's a happy baby, I wonder if the whole 'attachment' method makes him a clingy baby? DS1 was sleeping through by 8 weeks and we never really co-slept with him though his cot was in our bedroom. I would dearly love to have a full night sleep again and have our bed to ourselves again! I know this question may have been asked - but when is the optimal time for baby to start sleeping by themselves? Is there such a thing as 'spoilt' baby - am I spoiling him by letting him sleep with us all the time and carrying him all the time everywhere? What do 'non-attachment' mum do during the day if they don't carry their baby with them all the time???

[OJandMe]

I don't know...

I have 4 under 5... and I attachment parent.

I have O and J who are twins, 4yrs old... and highly Spirited... very demanding of time, attention and energy.

G, who's very different. A very independent player and sure of himself.

and J2... who has basically been in arms for the last 8.5 months.... and honestly, driving me mad. I have had about 3-4 hours sleep a night for the last 8.5 months. I don't think babies and sleep has anything to do with co-sleeping.... They either sleep... or they don't.

I have J2 in a cot in our room... because he will not settle in bed with us. That way I can still have him next to me, but not 'next to me' iykwim.

Now he's crawling he seems to be a bit happier just playing.

Personally, my opinion.. (and I've done it a few times now) If you can carry them till they start crawling, they generally seem to play better, as they feel more secure, knowing that if they need you, you're always there.

It will get better. They are only little for a short period of time. But definitely try to let other people share the carrying... or he will become very dependent on you.. like J2 is on me.,... and it's very very very draining.

Maybe try putting him in a cot in your room???

Good luck!

[JabberJaw]

Nah, they get independence, usually co incides with starting school.

I did the whole AP approach with my eldest DD who is now 12 (although i never knew it was a parenting method or concept back then!!)

She is fine, independent, sleep well, doesn't need any extra parenting, is well rounded and we have a pretty good relationship.

My 5 and 6 yr old are the same.

My 15 month old bub is showing her first signs of independence now because she walks and she is still breastfeed but spends half the night in the cot ( in my room) and upon awaking she is in with me...i believe i could stop that, but i like it, makes life easy.

Dont believe the saying " you are making a rod for your own back" because in my opinion and experience it is untrue.

Just go with what feels right. Do what makes you and your baby happy and you cant go wrong.

[Oya]

I don't think you are spoiling him, you are being his mother, loving him and meeting his needs. You are keeping his trust in you. Good job.:thumbsup:

[CLH]

good good good!!! I have a 13wk old, my first, and we cosleep, carry in arms most of the time, she won't sleep on own in bed so sleeps in her wrap on me in the day (as I type this actually lol!), and somehow knows at night that she'll only be alone for like an hour and then I'll be in. Its fantastic, and I have no worries about her being 'clingy' - she will be 'attached' for a fare bit I'm sure, I think the whole this is letting the child 'leave' when they are ready, as in going to own room, not bein held so much etc.

I read the continuum concept and that made me want to attachment parent. Have you read it? Its a quick read, its doens't tell you 'you must do this this and this' but it will show you what parenting this way will do for your child, and I guarantee you will read it and then have confirmation you are doing the best for your little one! my mum just vistited fromt he UK and although she thought what we are doing is great, she didn't quite get it. So I sent her home with CC to read on the plane - she loved it, and apologised for not listening to some of hte things I was telling her or asking her to do (not so much perfume around a new bub !!).

Anyways, I'm babbling, read the book, carry on having that little one close to you and watch him grow into a wonderful, confident, trusting, independent little man

:)

[babysus]

Everyone thanks for such kind words of support.

CLH - I bought the book this afternoon!

Update: I bought the Ergo last weekend, my DS does not want to get out of it. Everytime he falls asleep in it, I put him down and he'd wake up and cry. He would sleep in it for 2+ hours during the day! At night he still refuses to sleep in his own cot (which is just at the foot of our bed really).

[CLH]

Everyone thanks for such kind words of support.

CLH - I bought the book this afternoon!

Update: I bought the Ergo last weekend, my DS does not want to get out of it. Everytime he falls asleep in it, I put him down and he'd wake up and cry. He would sleep in it for 2+ hours during the day! At night he still refuses to sleep in his own cot (which is just at the foot of our bed really).



He babysus - yay! Hope you enjoy i! I have also pm'd you something, Cat :)

[delirium]

Is there such a thing as 'spoilt' baby - am I spoiling him by letting him sleep with us all the time and carrying him all the time everywhere?

No, I don't think you can spoil them by co sleeping and slinging them. I don't think that APing makes a child clingy, it is the child's personality to begin with.

DD left our room at 4 :o and is an extremely independent young lady.

I wouldn't be worried. My DS is 2 and super clingy so I feel as you do sometimes. Just remember it's fleeting and soon the clinginess will be over ( and you will probably miss it ;))

[jotsmum]

I'm not really an AP parent. I'm more a doc spock :)do whatever works for dd and I. I wear her a lot (not all the time now she is crawling) but we do not co-sleep.

I found now she is older and crawling she is fine being put down as long as she can see or hear me (or dh). She used to be v clingy and getting her to sleep was a nightmare. I quite often would co-sleep during the day with her. dh doesn't like the idea of co-sleeping so dd and I have a futon in her room on which we co-sleep if she is having a bad night.

Anyway my point which seems to have been lost amoungst my babble is to try co-sleeping with ds during the day as well. It will be easier on your back than the sling or ergo all the time and you might catch some more zzz :sleeping:as well (or be able to read a book).

Good luck. It does pass even now at 9 months dd is so much more independent but she knows where I am and that I will be there for her.:rolleyes:

[Happy2be3]

To answer the original question.. how could it be "bad" to be "attached" to your child.. I think thats how its meant to be :hugs:

All the Controlled Crying stuff and "youre making a rod for your own back" and "he'll be soooooo dependant on you" comments etc etc dont make sense to me at all! (note I underlined the word me)

In my case the fact that my son IS dependant on me is why I do use the attachment parenting method, I mean, he's only 18 months for goodness sake, he needs his mummy ;):smiliedance:

[Teegzie]

I'm not really an AP parent. I'm more a doc spock :)do whatever works for dd and I.

That's me too.


What do 'non-attachment' mum do during the day if they don't carry their baby with them all the time???

I didn't carry DD in a sling or pouch or anything because she absolutely hated it! So I just wheeled her cradle around when she was a newborn so she was in the same place as me as I did housework etc, and then when she was a bit older I whould put her swing in the room with me. I still spend all my time with her and she always had me close and in view so never got lonely.

I don't think you are "spoiling" your baby by by following an AP style. So long as you are happy with your situation then it shouldn't matter.

[MsMummy]

I know this question may have been asked - but when is the optimal time for baby to start sleeping by themselves?

When they want to? Not sure. We're still co-sleeping at 8 months, and I can't see that it'll stop in the near future.


Is there such a thing as 'spoilt' baby - am I spoiling him by letting him sleep with us all the time and carrying him all the time everywhere?

I don't see how you can spoil a baby by meeting its needs for love and affection.

When I think of spoiling children, I think of buying a four year old extravagently expensive presents.


What do 'non-attachment' mum do during the day if they don't carry their baby with them all the time???

that's a good point. I just assumed everybody had to carry their babies around...

Mine (at 8 months) will sometimes sit and play for about 20 minutes by himself now (I stay in the room) but he preferred being picked up and carried around when he was younger.

I guess my answer to your original question is "good" or even "fantastic".:D

[Pinky81]

Sounds like you are doing a awesome job and are a loving and caring mother!! I raised DD1 with this style of parenting and believe me now at two she is the most independent and confident child but..... still loves her cuddles from mummy and daddy at times which we couldn't live with out:) . (this confidence BTW is not like me and DH- we are both shy and rather unconfident people-so I doubt it is just a personality thing and relate it strongly to her sense of security and saftey AP has provided).I too had doubts when going through a rough time with her as a baby. I rocked her to sleep until she was around 18 months which was tiring at times, but sooo worth it.I can now safely say I will be doing the same for DD/DS who is now on the way next January. :) Good luck with it all and you will see some wonderful results:thumbsup:

[squiglet]

I don't think at makes a clingy baby. DD is at and she is the least clingy child ever.:)

[CLH]

What a lovely thread this had become, all those happy babies out there and happy parents! Yay! :yelclap:

[babysus]

Thanks again everyone for chipping in your words of support. Very much appreciated. I think I just need reassurance that I'm doing the right thing. Sometimes when baby is waking up 3-4 times a night for a few nights in a row, and a few restless day sleeps I then wonder if I could do something different. After reading the Continuum Concept book a little bit it all makes more sense to me now. Yes it is easier for me to sling the baby along everywhere, and if that makes him happier then so much the better :).