What has parenting taught us if not to be open minded

[lavenderpegasus]

From another thread, it has got me thinking about how judgementle people can be.
It is fine for people to think what they want about others, I'll give them that freedom but I just wish that people would think what the reasoning behind the behaviour could be.

I'm not giving parents a free ticket to smack and yell, and I'm the first to offer help or support to them, just today I held a pram still as this mother was crying trying to get her son in the pram while he was screaming (her brake was broken and the pram kept moving)

I know that things can go either way for example, maccas for kids for lunch.

option 1 - could be the first time ever
option 2 - could be the second time today
option 3 - lazy parent could careless about the childs eating habits
option 4 - child is well aware that take away food is a sometimes food and has a good understanding of a balance diet....


there could be 100's of reasons why parents do things and most parents I like to think are trying there best.

They may not be the best parent in the world, they are probably a better parent than me, and I might be better on some days.

But can we just think sometimes how horrible it feels to be judged by others, as we judge ourselves so often.

[Benji]

A friend of mine is always lecturing me about how little I know being a "young parent" and all :rolleyes: (I'm 25!!!)

I feel hurt often because he treats me as if I'm a complete idiot.

Yesterday I took DS to his house and he said to me "why is his hair like that, 3 year olds don't need hairdos like that, please tell me you only do it like that sometimes" because DS just got a spunky new hairdo and he wanted me to put some hair gel in for him (I didn't think it was THAT big of a deal).

Then I copped it for wanting to put DS in family day care.

You know what, it doesn't make me think he's better or smarter or a greater parent than me, it just makes me think he has some chip on his shoulder and needs to keep his mouth shut.

[JabberJaw]

True true. But i am usually do damn busy trying to control my lot to bother dissing someone else's parenting anyhow (unless its on here :D)

I am option 4 to BTW....Actually me and the kids go to Maccas every 2nd sat for lunch, i would spend a good 2 hours there, its cheap, they have a safe playground and free face painting...and guess what..........my 15 month old DD eats maccas too :eek: yep she has a mini chicken snack wrap :D

Really i dont care what people think but i wont stand for people calling my children as animals :no:

There is alot of judgmental people out there, thats for sure.

[Purplebird]

Parenting is such a tough gig sometimes. It's so sad that it's always women being nasty, petty and judgemental to each other. We are all just trying to do our best.

[naiwen]

Well before I had DS I was a bit judgemental of people whose children were very naughty in public, but now I am so much more aware that the children may have an ASD or may just be having a bad day etc.

Now I just feel compassionate towards the mum.

[reAllytee]

From another thread, it has got me thinking about how judgementle people can be.
It is fine for people to think what they want about others, I'll give them that freedom but I just wish that people would think what the reasoning behind the behaviour could be.

I'm not giving parents a free ticket to smack and yell, and I'm the first to offer help or support to them, just today I held a pram still as this mother was crying trying to get her son in the pram while he was screaming (her brake was broken and the pram kept moving)

I know that things can go either way for example, maccas for kids for lunch.

option 1 - could be the first time ever
option 2 - could be the second time today
option 3 - lazy parent could careless about the childs eating habits
option 4 - child is well aware that take away food is a sometimes food and has a good understanding of a balance diet....


there could be 100's of reasons why parents do things and most parents I like to think are trying there best.

They may not be the best parent in the world, they are probably a better parent than me, and I might be better on some days.

But can we just think sometimes how horrible it feels to be judged by others, as we judge ourselves so often.

I agree.

I may not agree with many parents way of parenting but I honestly think they are doing their best.

I know I judge heck I admit it, I am bluddy human but I can also stand back & say " well how do I know what else is going on here ! ".

[Benji]

Well before I had DS I was a bit judgemental of people whose children were very naughty in public, but now I am so much more aware that the children may have an ASD or may just be having a bad day etc.

Now I just feel compassionate towards the mum.

I used to think "that poor child" now I just think "that poor parent" :laughing:

My boy goes through phases, he can be a complete angel one day then incredibly cheeky the next. I still have to go out and buy food and live my daily life with little to no access to babysitters and if people have a problem with his behaviour well pffffffft to them!

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

I have learned so much since becomming a parent, more so the second time around. I am more patient.

I tend to think society is fairly intollerant of children and it makes me sad. They are people too and they have a right to be here.

Children are supposed to be at home or quiet, and that just isn't realistic. With regards to what parents do to cope, well some times parents do what ever they can for fear of being judged when their child runs away, or has a melt down etc.

I used to be so worried about my daughters behaviour and was very strict. It led to me being quite harsh and infelexible, and my stress levels went up, so we actually had more hard days. I'm so much more relaxed this time and have a whatever works on that day policy.

The only thing I don't like is violence towards children, and that to me is a legal/social policy matter more then anything.

[Leisa21]

I have learnt so much. I've changed so much and actually found myself and found my niche in life since becoming a parent. It's changed who I am and what I believe in. It's given me the confidence to do what I've always wanted. It's shown me that I can be patient, kind and that love really has no end. It's taught me patience in all my other relationships like my friends and family and my at times not so DH lol.

Becoming a parent most of all helped me grow up and become an adult and not to be selfish. Being a mother saved a lot of precious relationships like mine and my mothers. It also led me to cut ties with some not so precious people. I'm a lot wiser that's for sure. I've still got a lot to learn though.

[reAllytee]

I have learned so much since becomming a parent, more so the second time around. I am more patient.

I tend to think society is fairly intollerant of children and it makes me sad. They are people too and they have a right to be here.

Children are supposed to be at home or quiet, and that just isn't realistic. With regards to what parents do to cope, well some times parents do what ever they can for fear of being judged when their child runs away, or has a melt down etc.

I used to be so worried about my daughters behaviour and was very strict. It led to me being quite harsh and infelexible, and my stress levels went up, so we actually had more hard days. I'm so much more relaxed this time and have a whatever works on that day policy.

The only thing I don't like is violence towards children, and that to me is a legal/social policy matter more then anything.

:iagree:

I used to be so stressed when out with Boof because of his 'bad behaviour' & the looks etc ... I actually found it terrifying :(

I never enjoyed it & I never enjoyed him !

I admit I yell, scream etc & I am not proud of it nor of my melt downs but I have certainly learnt to back off & leave him be & bugger to everyone else !

G is so different, yep he can be cheeky etc but I can now see why people dont get it ... Those with kids like him simply wouldnt !

I mean I think its funny that people are willing to cast judgement on the mother who is yelling at their child, using a harness or has the child having a melt down in the middle of the shops ...

How does anyone know that the quiet family going about their business with their well behaved kids isnt because the kids are beaten into submission at home, starved of love & food until they behave etc ....

Funny really !

[Bunnyhugs]

Parenting has taught me that the biggest critics are other mothers.

Parenting has taught me that it doesn't matter what you do, someone somewhere is going to think badly of you - eg using a harness, one person thinks 'good on you! keeping your child safe' and another thinks 'oh that poor child!'.
You're downtown with your well behaved kids, one person thinks 'oh what lovely manners and good behaviour' another person thinks 'those kids must be beaten, that's the only way they'd be so well behaved'

So basically, being a parent has taught me to try not to judge at all, and to not care what people think of me because you know what? I'm doing the best I can, just like anyone else and if people have nothing better to do than judge me for my well behaved child who has wonderful manners and walks beside me and does as he's asked and is wonderfully affectionate - well then, I pity them.

[lavenderpegasus]

A friend of mine is always lecturing me about how little I know being a "young parent" and all :rolleyes: (I'm 25!!!)

I feel hurt often because he treats me as if I'm a complete idiot.

Yesterday I took DS to his house and he said to me "why is his hair like that, 3 year olds don't need hairdos like that, please tell me you only do it like that sometimes" because DS just got a spunky new hairdo and he wanted me to put some hair gel in for him (I didn't think it was THAT big of a deal).

Then I copped it for wanting to put DS in family day care.

You know what, it doesn't make me think he's better or smarter or a greater parent than me, it just makes me think he has some chip on his shoulder and needs to keep his mouth shut.


It really bugs me, people having this massive opinion of people just because they look a certain age. 25 that is old compared to 10-20 years ago when if you didn't have children by the time you were 25 you must be barron....

My DS has curly hair and i never brush it during the day, only at night when it is wet. People say all the time how messy his hair is, I think he is just so cute I could kiss him forever.

I'm TT'ing DS (23 months) at the moment and one of the biggest stressors is what other think, what would happen if we were walking through the shopping centre and he weed on the floor. WHat would people say about me or worse about him. I only go into stores that have tiles and I take a towel in his bag so I can tidy up. I wouldnt be angry at DS, just hoped that no one would say anything negative to him. He has only ever had one accident while out and that was in his pram. so no one saw but he looked sad and I felt for him.

Why do we need to worry so much what others think. I need a rest from all my judgement let alone others. MIL, MUM, DH, Dad and then there is the rest of Australia....

[NonnyMouse]

I'll join the ranks of those who used to be judgmental before I had kids. I think my increased age has a lot to do with it as well ;) You get a bit softer and more inclined to not sweat the small stuff as you age I think.

I still can't stop myself from doing a mental "tut tut" when I see very obese parents with very obese kids eating piles of fatty, salty and sugary junk food in the food court. I know there could be any number of medical reasons why they might be obese, and the crap they're eating might be just a special treat, but I just can't talk myself into feeling anything other than disapproval when I see it. But hey, I figure I'm very open-minded and tolerant in every other situation, so I allow myself this one without beating myself up for being judgmental, and I keep it to myself.

[Cath82]

there could be 100's of reasons why parents do things and most parents I like to think are trying there best.

They may not be the best parent in the world, they are probably a better parent than me, and I might be better on some days.

But can we just think sometimes how horrible it feels to be judged by others, as we judge ourselves so often.
:hugs:
You have just cheered me up immensely after reading another thread a few minutes ago... I was feeling like I must make some pretty crapola decisions as a Mum, and other people must also think this about my parenting...:crying::gloomy:

[traseal]

Parenting has taught me that no one knows what is best for a baby excpet the babies mother/parents.
What works for one wont work for another.
Do whats right for you :yes:

[Poppetfish]

I feel like my DH judges me the most.

I let my DS have fish fingers occasionally as a treat and my DH gets really angry. My DS only eats really healthy and he has severe allergies and i feel that fish fingers sometimes is ok. We are limited in options for takeaway and i do get it once a fortnight with DS when we do the whole day shopping. We share a subway. DS has a 6inch and so do I. DS also has flavoured soy milk with his breakfast. My DH wasn't too keen on it but after i gave him lots of info about how important calcium is he let it go (DS refused rice and soy milk from 13 months old).

[Sheer Bliss]

I now i must look like the most uncaring and worst mum in the world when out with the kiddies and a tantrum arises. Both DD & DS have tantrums to get my attention, or to convince me to get something they have just been told no. I will answer them once more after the initial no, then i don't acknowledge the behaviour until the tantrum is over. So my 2yo can be screaming the place down, and i pretty much ignore him. I would have been horrified about that in my pre-kid days. How could someone allow their child to behave that way - lol. Funny how things change once you have been in their shoes! I too need to join the ranks of those being so very judgemental before kids. I try not to be so judgemental now, as I realise that what works when you have one kid, won't always work when you have more than one. And all kids are different, I know what works with DD isn't always effective with DS - so different parenting methods are needed for different kids.

[DoubleDelight]

I may not agree with everyones' parenting choices just like I'm sure many don't agree with mine but I'll fight to the death to defend them.

Parenting is a tough gig and you can change more through being supportive and educating rather than condemning that which we don't understand and confusing will with ignorance.

[Deserama]

Meh...Live and let live I say. I think that the people who are judgemental are the ones who are insecure about their own parenting the most.

[Pax]

i dont judge other parents except when they are belting into them badly or yelling at them calling them names and smacking..

those parents i could knock over the head and take their child home for some proper care and nurturing.

other than that.. nah we all have good/bad days

and whats wrong with macca's for lunch? :laughing:

Added:

Actually i tell a lie, i did judge my ex-sis in law once because she came to stay at my home (where they have never been before) and she put her two boys 10 months and 2 years to bed. she did this by putting them in the end bedroom, closing the door and turning off the light and ignoring their screaming while she went out the back and smoked pot..

I was absolutely horrified and sick to my stomach and honestly didnt know what to do ..so i kept going out there and telling her that her boys are upset until she went into them.

[Pax]

I feel like my DH judges me the most.

I let my DS have fish fingers occasionally as a treat and my DH gets really angry. My DS only eats really healthy and he has severe allergies and i feel that fish fingers sometimes is ok. We are limited in options for takeaway and i do get it once a fortnight with DS when we do the whole day shopping. We share a subway. DS has a 6inch and so do I. DS also has flavoured soy milk with his breakfast. My DH wasn't too keen on it but after i gave him lots of info about how important calcium is he let it go (DS refused rice and soy milk from 13 months old).

my ex DH is like that.. hence why he is my Ex :banghead:

[mum2bubba]

Well I don't really care what others think about me or how I parent. I am not perfect, I am never going to be and I am fine with that. I gave my kids McDonald's today by the way. They had chips and an apple pop-top. :thumbsup:

[mum2bubba]

Parenting is such a tough gig sometimes. It's so sad that it's always women being nasty, petty and judgemental to each other. We are all just trying to do our best.

I agree with this, as women/mothers we don't always have to agree but we should be more supportive of one another thats for sure.

[Fuchsia!]

Meh.. everyone judges, EVERYONE. Its human nature to judge someone. I judge people all the time, online and offline. Im not going to try and hide it and say i don't cause that would be lying. Anyone that says they don't judge are lying.

TBH i must be the odd one out, everything i said before i had kids I haven't changed my views on anything.

I think some people need to work out how to word things more nicely though (including myself), but i think everyone is entitled to their opinions and judgements.

If it hurts me i think about why it hurts me, or why am i feeling judged. Then i will work on it.

[Benji]

I feel like my DH judges me the most.

I let my DS have fish fingers occasionally as a treat and my DH gets really angry. My DS only eats really healthy and he has severe allergies and i feel that fish fingers sometimes is ok. We are limited in options for takeaway and i do get it once a fortnight with DS when we do the whole day shopping. We share a subway. DS has a 6inch and so do I. DS also has flavoured soy milk with his breakfast. My DH wasn't too keen on it but after i gave him lots of info about how important calcium is he let it go (DS refused rice and soy milk from 13 months old).

Oooh I'm so lucky I have my XDP making sweeping judgements about my parenting through word of mouth from a 3 year old. He called me and had a go at me one night because DS told me I hadn't given him dinner, when in fact DS refused to eat it, so I gave XDP a tub of yoghurt for later if he got hungry.



Jaxcoop - I agree, humans make judgements as part of daily life, it's making wrong judgements and assumptions that can hurt.

[lavenderpegasus]

I don't mind people judging yes it is human nature but it would be nice once we have judged we take a second to think what could be the cause. That is all I'm asking;
not everything is as it seems.:)

[SassyMummy]

Before DD I laughed at the idea of Attachment Parenting (AP) when I read about it in a pregnancy magazine, thought women who breastfed in public were "disgusting," and would never have considered using cloth nappies (I thought it was all old school "nappy origami," and didn't know MCNs existed). I was anti-abortion, completely, and labelled anyone who did as a "murderer." People who had crying/whinging kids just didn't know how to be good parents.

Then I had DD.

I co-slept with her from night one, after I had difficulty getting her in and out of bed after my caesarean.

I carried my daughter around in various carries and slings.

I switched to modern cloth when she was older, after discovering them.

I became pro-choice, and therefore not anti-abortion (and am really quite ashamed of my previous stance on the matter).

I breastfed in public, whenever the hell I wanted.

I had a screaming toddler, and despite my efforts and all the techniques in the world... that's just how it is sometimes.

I learnt. I was still pig-headed when DD was younger, but can now accept that everyone usually just does the best they can at the time...