Hypersensitive family!

[familyofthree]

Hi,

I have to vent to someone so I thought I would do it here! I have problems with my mother and stepfather. My mother is hypersensitive to just about everything and anything, particularly about my stepfather. They have been married for 7 years so this definately isnt a new relationship. We are all walking on eggshells as anything we say or do could be misconstrued as offensive.
We have a 17 month old girl, and this is starting to affect the relationship I want her to have with them. Its gotten to the stage that everytime we leave I am waiting for a phone call from my mother telling me what we have done wrong that visit. She has a problem with everything! "Why didnt you sit next to him?" "He felt like you didnt want him holding the baby" "We never see you" ect ect.
We have tried really hard to make everything civil during the visits. Its to the point that I have a running commentary in my head, "make sure you do this so no ones offended". Its driving me insane and I truly want to cut time I have with them!
Sorry for the long rant, but if anyone has an ideas I would love to hear them!
Thanks!

[Mummaholic]

Have you had a chat with her in a calm voice and said something like, "Mum, I really want to have a good relationship with you and x but I always seem to be upsetting you unintentionally" and see what she says?

[familyofthree]

Thanks for your reply! I have tried everything and anything, and my mother is quick to be defensive. Shes quick to cry and make me feel guilty. Even if I do seem to get through to her and everythings fine for a couple of weeks, it will all start up again. I have tried one on one talks with my stepfather and they dont go anywhere.
I feel like they are desperate to have a great family dynamic, but all it feels like is cold and forced...
The crazy thing is that my mother is always saying how great our relationship is! She has a terrible one with her own mother, and is so desperate to make sure ours is great. She doesnt realise I am starting to feel the same way she feels about her own mother!

[Hokey Pokey]

:hugs:
Maybe you need to tell her that? See how she responds... let her get angry at you, it is probably her defence reaction to knowing that it really is true.. sometimes the truth hurts!

[SassyMummy]

She sounds kinda like me - wanting to keep everyone happy!

Does her partner have children of his own? If not, she's probably especially worried about his relationship with you... she probably wants him to feel like a part of "the family." I'd say it's more likely HER issue than HIS... he probably doesn't even care that you didn't sit next to him, let alone notice... it's probably her.

Does she have anxiety issues? My anxiety issues seem to be what makes me so paranoid about everything, and reading into every tiny little detail. It might be worth mentioning that to her, in a friendly, inoffensive, pleasant way.