sperm donation in australia

[katiana]

hi all,
i see there is a egg donation thread, what about sperm donation?
curious about links and info on sperm donation, how to , how much etc......
especially for nsw.

also anyone's experiance with the matter, would love to learn from ure experiance,so please post.


cheers


:barf: <----how cool is he???????????????

[sarahstarfish]

Hey

Can't help you there, maybe a google would bring up some sites better able to answer your question.

Good luck.

Cindy

[julie35]

Their is no sperm donation threads as it is illegal but you can be an egg donor maybe its just double standards ...
In Queensland a waiting list of over 200 looking for egg donors but not sure with sperm donors the only info i have had from the ivf clinic is that their are only 7 sperm donors registered in queensland with so many looking and for egg or sperm it looks like a lot of women or families will miss out before its too late..
try this website http://www.sperm-donors-worldwide.com/
their are otherways with websites in other countries with contacts here in australia and perfectly legal.....do a google search..

[katiana]

ok, thanks for the replys, it has been great help.


thanks


:smiliedance:

[dynnyrne]

Their is no sperm donation threads as it is illegal but you can be an egg donor maybe its just double standards ...

What is illegal? I thought you were allowed to donate sperm? We are considering doing this for a couple we know and they mentioned needing a 'known' donor. Surely that means it's not illegal? I'm confused! :o

[mauve]

Hi D
I can't answer your question on what is legal or not but am wondering where you are? No, not because I want your 'donation'!
I'm in NSW with IVFA - I have a known donor and am currently going through the counselling process. His wife is an egg donor and he has had all his screening for the necessary nasties done. His last screen was October last year. My clinic is still insisting on applying the six month quarantine rule - no waiver at all.
So, if you are considering this, just something to keep in mind that there is a very strong chance your recipients will have to wait six months from the 'donation' to access it.
Red tape at it's worst - donor eggs don't have to be quarantined.
Better go, I feel a soapbox moment approaching...
SQ

[julie35]

What is illegal? I thought you were allowed to donate sperm? We are considering doing this for a couple we know and they mentioned needing a 'known' donor. Surely that means it's not illegal? I'm confused! :o

It's Illegal for someone to advertise as a sperm donor even though it's a free willing male.....
you can go to an ivf clinic and register to be a known donor only....

i just hope you hve looked carefully in to donating to a couple you know so close and what could happen on your behalf only if it all goes pear shaped...later on in life at anytime....

[dynnyrne]

We actually don't know this couple that well. One of them is the sister of a very close friend and we have only met her twice (at our friend's wedding). We live in Brisbane and they live in the ACT so we don't even have to see each other much! :laughing:
Which is why I think we could be good donors for them because they ideally wanted an anon donor but have to BYO a donor. My H is hesitant about offering at the moment though cause I think he's nervous about the rejection- which is fair enough. Thought I'd just find out a little first... I didn't know you had to wait 6 months! Wow.

[katiana]

i love how this is starting a convo. yeah..


im learning, from others posts, please go for the soapbox. :thumbsup:

im trying to figure out who to ask to be a donor, yes most places will do the 6 month thingy, but if u persists, like where im interested in, u dont have to, but its ure prob if u catch anything :thumbsdown:


hey mauve..hats the counselling like????

[sarahstarfish]

No, it's not illegal to advertise as/or for a sperm donor (unless in Vic whjere u need approval fro, Health Dept), but it is illegal to advertise that u are willing to be paid, or willing to be paid. On net forums it is against the rules to advertise, simply to protect donors from being 'stalked' by lots of IPs, and to try and protect IPs from some of the less than scrupulous sorts out there.

I'm afraid to say that most of the SDs I have come across on other forums are nutters, out and out, with only a handfull being genuine, caring donors and I am so very glad that bubhub doesn't allow advertising, more for this reason than anything else. Recipients have more than enough to deal with having to put up with that as well.

I personally feel there are so many serious health and emotional issues involved that going through a clinic is definitely the best option.

We don't seem to know a lot about SD here, being an ED forum, so perhaps others might have some good links for those interested?

Love

Cindy

[PMS]

Hello username!!! I have found this article and will post the link for you;
http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/lesbians-flock-north-in-last-bid-to-make-babies/2006/05/27/1148524933383.html
It was very interesting reading. But it sounds like you may have to BYO little swimmers. With the new legislation coming in sperm donors have been scared off!:(
Well ; whichever way you go I wish you all the best on your journey to mummy hood. I'm sure you and your partner will make the best parents!
And I hope you get to donate those googies of yours some day as well; helping some wonderful couple to conceive is the best gift you could give.

Again; good luck!!

Peta:D

[julie35]

We actually don't know this couple that well. One of them is the sister of a very close friend and we have only met her twice (at our friend's wedding). We live in Brisbane and they live in the ACT so we don't even have to see each other much! :laughing:
Which is why I think we could be good donors for them because they ideally wanted an anon donor but have to BYO a donor. My H is hesitant about offering at the moment though cause I think he's nervous about the rejection- which is fair enough. Thought I'd just find out a little first... I didn't know you had to wait 6 months! Wow.


Just remember your husband doesnt have to see them ever again but he may have to pay maintenence for the next 18 yrs if you like it or not
if the couples relationship goes pear shaped and the mother decides she wants the biological father to be part of and pay and all it takes is for her to go to court to demand your husband has a DNA test.....
even if you go through a clinic as anonymous the laws are changing every week and their is no guarantee in the near future of protection against a lawsuit for child maintenence..if you do a google search you will find lots of stuff happening with donors ending up paying maintenence through the courts its only a matter of time it happens in australia and we all know the government would rather a donor to pay $100 plus a week child maintenence rather than centre link which costs millions a year....its not rocket science ..and this is why their are so few sperm donors willing to risk this...only your hubby can decide if he is willing to take the risk because if you both divorce also he will be the one paying the weekly bill for his biological child....i know it sounds bad but this is the risk worth thinking about before he goes ahead..

[sarahstarfish]

Hey Julie

Do you have any links to legal cases where an Australian sperm donor has been taken to court and sued for maintenance? Have never heard of anything like it but would love to read it if it has occurred.

Re sperm donation through clinics, and for egg donation as well, the idea that the law will suddenly change overnight is to me just ridiculous. I just can't in all honesty see our legal system suddenly declaring thousands of legal contracts signed in good faith and legally binding within current legislation and ART and NHMRC guidelines suddenly overturned and couples/singles with donor concieved children suddenly fighting to get maintenance payments off donors. It really is the stuff of fairytales.

I kinda see this as scaremongering unnecessarily??

Cindy

[dynnyrne]

I thought all donation (egg & sperm) was viewed like when you give up a child for adoption... and you are never able to be called on for any parental obligations. Interesting :confused:

[Thinking_about_it]

Yes if anyone knows of any actual cases where the donor has been sued for maintenance etc I'd be very interested to hear of them too. I'm currently in talks with a potential recipient and although I really do not think that this will happen, this is one of those little worries that nags at me in the back of my mind. You think, surely not, but who knows? Am I opening up Pandora's Box? Will this cost my family heaps in 18 years' time? I'd be divorced! ... No not really, although I can see that happening, just so that I'd be destitute and the child couldnt get any money off me, and then I'd have to live in sin with my husband :rolleyes:

Megan

[leisurly]

Hi Megan

Under Qld law as soon as you become the recipient of an egg or an embryo you are the legal parents. That also means that the recipient father of an unrelated embryo is the legal parent and he must provide as he would if he was that childs genetic parent in the event of a marriage breakdown. Under this law as with any other you cannot double dip. I really cannot see how you could ever be left responsible for the financial support if you legally donated. I'm not an expert, though I'm sure legally you'll have no problem but who knows how devious some people can get for financial gain

Leisurly

[sarahstarfish]

Hey Megan

Nah, there are no cases because a clinic donor has no legal rights nor responsibilities once the embryos are created, and signs documents to acknowledge their understanding and agreement. Please don't let uninformed comments put you off - ring your local clinic and ask them what the legal situation is for a donor.

Love

Cindy

[sarahstarfish]

Hi

Here's a reminder why it is safer to go through a clinic with a sperm donor, where everything is done above-board and legally. Note to Admin, realise I am quoting another website (Cracker classifieds) but just to acknowledge where I found the following, please edit if inappropriate...

This is anecdotal only, from a lady who posted in a forum on sperm donation, something to think about for those contemplating donation outside a clinic:

http://cracker.com.au/viewthread.aspx?threadid=101393&categoryid=11211

I trusted a friend to be a donor. I have since been taken to court with him claiming he is the parent. The courts agree, regardless of my wishes. It's long story but I am no longer free to travel and must pay for the pleasure of having my daughter sent to spend holidays with a man who I don't acknowledge as the father.

As for you, please go and get legal advice, as a donor who is suggesting that you provide sperm under a private agreement, you need to be aware, that you could be held financially responsible, that is, you could be taken to the child support agency and forced to pay. Saying you are the donor is legally not valid.

No body knows what the future holds and people change their minds. Todays ABC news has an article about the Swedish Supreme Court - you should read it.

If you do decide to be a donor with a private agreement, you should go to counselling witht the recipients to work out all the issues - like would you take the child if they were killed? Or would you challenge their will?

I doubt that you have thought through all of the issues, I know I didn't, and now I am paying a very heavy price for my romantic belief that it was all altruistic and we were all adults and that we could all work it out.

I was wrong.

So go to a women's or community legal service and get some info before proceeding.
---------------------------------

Wow. Wonder just how true this story is, poor thing. Go the clinic.

Cindy

[Kia]

Hi ,

I am very new to this forum but just to let you know that my husaband and i are in the process of choosing a sperm donor at the moment. We have been going through Queensland Fertility group and they have a limited number of donors on their data base. i have also spoken with monash IVF in Qld and they also have a database with Sperm Donors, however their use depends on varying factors. I have not contacted any Fertility groups outside of Qld or Vic, so i am not sure of their requirements for the use of Donor sperm. As we have gone through the counselling sessions and all the correct processes with our clinic, we are now up to choosing a Donor, if we were to change to another clinic such as Monash IVF it would mean that we would need to go through the processes again - doctors, counselling to be able to view their Donor profiles. I too was also wondering as to why their is and area for Egg donation but none for Sperm donation.

Good luck with everything
Kia

[Melanie&Lucky]

Hi Kia

I am also with QFG and have done 1 cycle (currently onto my 2nd with them). Prior this, we did 6 cycles with another clinic and also completed several councellign sessions covering donor issues. When we changed clinics, we spoke to the new doctor and asked if he would accept a letter from our previous psychologist confirming that we had completed donor councelling, had a very good understanding all of the issues relating to donor conception and were "suitable" to proceed. If you happen to change clinics, maybe you want to ask your doctor and psychologist if they would accept the same.

Good luck.

[katiana]

wow, u guys have educated me on heaps, thanku all soooo much.

keep it coming.


:hugs:

[Hels*Bels]

Hi,
I am no expert on this topic but I feel that I have something to offer in this thread.
I am currently 14 weeks pregnant and we used donor sperm from an unknown donor, through Melbourne IVF. I am located in VIC and the legislation here states that the donor remain annonymous until our child reaches age 18. At that time the child can seek more info on the donor and even meet them (but the donor cannot seek more info on the child, without their consent).
The donor is in no way liable for any financial responsibilities of our child, nor can they ever claim a right to be a parent.
My husband's name will be on the birth certificate.
These laws do vary from state to state, by the way. We are having counscelling to help us deal with how to tell the child. But we are very comfortable with the whole situation and feel that our pregnancy is a small miracle. We thought we would never have the child we so longed for after my hubby was diagnosed as being infertile.
I hope this info has helped you with your decision, do not give up as the end result is so worth it.
All the best, Hels.

[katiana]

^^ omg congrats on ure new little miracle.:smiliedance: :smiliedance:

thanku very much for ure imput i do appreciater it.


im with u on the topic, when my chiold reaches 18 and wishes to find out who the donor is, im ok with it. i have no issue with it, after researching and soul searching, cos when it comes down to it, im mum.

i dont know its hard to write what i wanna say, but does that make sense??

[Panthya]

Hi, I know its been nearly a year since anyone posted in this topic but I just wanted to share this with those couples considering being known donors.I'm unable to have children and tried everything without success. So knowing how it feels to want a family and not be able to have one, my husband and I talked about him becoming a Known Donor.We met this same sex couple who had had some bad experiences trying to find a sperm donor.We met a few times before starting to home inseminations and we even had a contract drawn up between the four of us.Originally my husband and I were not going to be part of the childs life until he or she was old enough to want to met us but this couple said they would really like it if we were part of the childs life from the start.Anyway my husband had all his test done and then we went ahead with the home insems, we would go over to their home and hubby would go into the bathroom, come out and a few minutes later we would go home so they could do what needed to be done.Anyway it worked first time and there was a pregnancy and a little boy was born 3 weeks early.For about the first 3 to 4 months things were going well between the four of us, although with work comitments my hubby wasnt able to call them all the time to see how the baby was and it also meant not being able to go see the baby, although they also stopped bringing the baby to our place as well.Also they started to cut me out of everything, to the point where they sent a letter to us through their lawyer stating that my husband had to start seeing the baby regularly everymonth for at least 6 months, on his own (meaning I was not welcome) . Once he had shown them that he could see the baby regularly for that 6 months they would then consider letting the baby come to see us at our place again as long as they checked out our place to make sure it was safe . (Now that really made me angry, as going through the adoption process, our place is way more child safe than their place is.)We then emailed them letting them know that we would no longer be seeing the baby until he was old enough to want to see us, but that we would send him birthday presents still.We have not heard anything from them since, they didnt even bother to let us know if they recieved the birthday present we sent to the baby.I never did anything wrong by them, in fact if it wasnt for me talking to my husband about being a donor, they wouldnt have their son.All they ever did after he was born was try to force my husband into being a just on regular full time daddy to their son rather than being a donor.I feel sorry for both the baby and my husband because its them that have suffered at the hands of adults who were thinking more about their own needs and what they wanted for the baby than what the baby really needed.So people have to be prepared for such issues if they are going to be a Known Donor or are going to use a Known Donor.Unknown donor through a clinic is the way I would really suggest going if possible and if you really do need to go with a known donor or really need to be a known donor then I really suggest not being part of the childs life other than being known to the childs parents that raise him or her and being prepared for when the child is old enough to ask to know the donor.

[Lirael]

is your hubby on the birth cert? does he have no rights?

[Panthya]

He is on the birth certificate as the donor father.
He doesnt have any rights because the partner of the babies mother has been given parental rights through the court, so that all the decisions are legally only allowed to be made by the babies mother and her partner.
The main issue we had was that they wanted him to be more of a father than he should have been as a donor and could not seem to realise that he had a job so wasnt always available and we were in the middle of trying to start our own family through adoption, and they seemed to want to cut me out of everything.
It nearly ruined our marriage.
But I do have to say that even though we have had a very bad experience with this known donor issue, we would do it again but would only do it as an unknown donor through a clinic from now on.

[Lirael]

thats awful :( if you dont mind me asking, do you require an egg donor? i know that you can do a sort of swap, eggs for sperm if you know what I mean. sorry if thats a bit too personal

[kandd]

I'm so sorry that you have had such a bad experience:hugs:. I hope that both you and your DH are able to move forward without any further unwanted and unneccessary pressure from the recipient couple.

I guess this shows what an important role clinics play in donor arrangements both anonymous and known as they provide information re. legal position, counselling support and advice for all parties.

I am extremely surprised that your DH was recorded on the birth certificate. Have you sought legal advice to ensure that this will not leave you vulnerable to liability further down the track ??

Diana xx

[Panthya]

thats awful :( if you dont mind me asking, do you require an egg donor? i know that you can do a sort of swap, eggs for sperm if you know what I mean. sorry if thats a bit too personal

No I dont think its too personal :) At the moment we are going through the local adoption process, so for at least the next few years we are not able to do any IVF stuff.Having gone through IVF, because of only have one tube which is completely blocked as well as having PCOS, I did find out that my eggs are not very good, so if I would need an egg donor if we ever went back to IVF again.

[Panthya]

I'm so sorry that you have had such a bad experience:hugs:. I am extremely surprised that your DH was recorded on the birth certificate. Have you sought legal advice to ensure that this will not leave you vulnerable to liability further down the track ??

Diana xx

My husband is a little old fashioned and because we went into this as a known donor, he doesnt have an issue with paying child support.
If that did come up though we would then be wanting to have proper access visits, that the mother and her partner couldnt change when ever they wanted to.

[wa mum of 4]

My husband is a little old fashioned and because we went into this as a known donor, he doesnt have an issue with paying child support.
If that did come up though we would then be wanting to have proper access visits, that the mother and her partner couldnt change when ever they wanted to.

Hi,

I have just read through your posts and I feel there are more serious issues here.

Firstly...PAYING CHILD SUPPORT?:eek: For a child you don’t see, and the "mothers" want you to have no contact with. I am sorry but that is so very wrong.:no: You and your DH have left yourselves in a very vulnerable situation.
You really need to look at the legal issues involved in this and I would seriously advise you to seek legal council. NOW!

Secondly...Your adoption. From what I have researched so far, having a child already can complicate your application for adoption.
Even though you are not the biological mother he is the biological father.
You really need to look at how this affects you.

Also, if there is such a problem with visitation what is stopping you from suing for custody?
Depending on which state you reside in, same sex parents are not recognised. So you would only be suing the biological mother for visitation or full custody.

There is also the issue of your DH's estate...If he passes away the biological child has every right to take its share. If your DH has not paid any child support then that is taken in to concideration when dividing a contested will. This can be a problem for you or future children. You could be left with very little, from a child you have not had contact with.

I am sorry to put all this to you but I feel you have really been placed in a terrible situation.

As stated by kandd this is the reason for clinics...So these sort of complications dont occur.

Sarah

[kandd]

Panthya,

I must admit I totally agree with the concerns expressed by WA Mum of 4. I so hope that what started as a generous offer and gift does not come back to haunt you later, in ways that you regret. Taking some action to ensure you are protected would be wise.

Of further concern is that all four adults involved in this process seem to have misunderstood what it is to be a donor and what it is to be a recipient.

The act of being a donor is simply the giving of the sperm/egg for no reward - as defined by the legislation an altruistic gift. So from a donors perspective there is no requirement/expectation to provide support nor to have contact with any resulting child for that matter.

The recipient on the other hand is in receipt of the gift and becomes the legal owner of the gift and should a child evolve from the gift has full responsibilty. The recipient does not and should not expect financial support nor need to provide access to the donor if there is a child.

Relationship arrangements between the donor and recipent should there be a child are left up to the parties. Some parties decide to have no or minimal contact whereas other parties agree to arrangements which see the donor referred to as Aunt or Uncle but definetly not as a parent.

Again, best of luck.

Diana xx

[Panthya]

Hi WA Mun of 4 and Diana.
:) firstly just to make things clear we have had legal advise as we had to get it when the Family court order was put in place to give the mothers partner parental rights to the baby, and it says in there that my DH doesnt have to pay child support because he was a donor, even though he is on the birth certificate.

Secondly I'm the only one out of the 4 adults in this situation who HAS been looking at this the right way from the start.

DH view changed the minute the baby was born and he started spending time with him.

Yet I've always looked at this as a gift for a couple who couldnt have a family.

I do have to point out again that my DH doesnt have to pay child support and we are currently not paying anything, but being the person he is, he wouldnt have a problem with it if he did have to pay. Which is what I was saying in my previous post.

Also it was the recipients who wanted DH to have visits with the child and for DH to be part of the childs life from the start.

It was them who got upset who DH wasnt able to see the child as much as they wanted.

Which is why I talked my DH into stopping the visits all together because the recipients seemd to be getting way to controling and demanding and wanting more than what I thought was right for the situation.

In regards to suing for full custody, DH doesnt want to do that as we did this to give a family to someone else.

Also in regards to DH's Will the Child has already been put into the Will as DH is more than happy to include this child in that.

In regards to it affecting our adoption process, it wont, as we already looked into that before doing anything to go ahead with the adoption process.

Having biological children, as a donor, or from a previous relationship, doesnt affect your application at all. :)

Thank you both for allowing me to talk about this issue as I dont really have anyone else to talk about it with.

[wa mum of 4]

Hi panthya,
It sounds like you have organised your selves.

It is just out of concern for you and your DH that I posted.
With anything to do with donation, a certain amout of understanding of implications in the future needs to be taken in to account.
As with Diana and I we discussed how we feel and what sort of contact we both would be comfortable with.

I have detached myself from the fact that I am genetically linked to her child and look at as "My friends pregnancy".

I believe that all party's need to be in comfortable with the agreement. If one is unsure or not happy than difficulties arise, that includes "YOU".

Be sure with how you feel and dont be ashamed of stating your opinions.

Take care.
:hugs:
Sarah

[kandd]

Hi Panthya,

I am so so glad that you and your Dh have yourself legally sorted. It is very hard to get the picture when reading small snippets in posts. I feel I have a better understanding of your situation.

I think from what you are saying the main problem for you is - that you are able to distance yourself appropriately and understand the donor/recipient relationship but the others have not and that their expectations are far greater than they should be.

I feel for you as this would no doubt put you in a very difficult position and make you feel somewhat on the outside. If you ever need a sounding board feel free to PM me, maybe just being able to sound your own thoughts/emotions with someone who understands a little will help.

Take care
Diana xx

[Panthya]

I think from what you are saying the main problem for you is - that you are able to distance yourself appropriately and understand the donor/recipient relationship but the others have not and that their expectations are far greater than they should be.

I feel for you as this would no doubt put you in a very difficult position and make you feel somewhat on the outside.

Take care
Diana xx


Hi Diana,

That is exactly the problem I have, I do feel on the outside of this situation as I am the only one who seems to understand how this is meant to be.

The recipients and my DH are all looking at this as a 3 parent family, 2 mothers and a father.

Anyway thank you for listening and I may just PM you sometime :) as its nice to get someone elses view on this.


Hi Sarah,

Thanks for your posts as its nice to talk with someone else who understands about the way a donor should look at things and its also nice to have someone thinking about legal and other issues. As not everyone would consider that.

Again thank you both for listening and giving me some advice and understanding.

Hugs ~P~