Help with controlled crying a stubborn toddler

[mum2bubba]

I am getting very cranky and tired lately and I think its because a) I'm pregnant and b) I have to constantly get up to Skye of a night, she wakes at least 2 to 3 times a night sometimes more and its just because she wants milk or a cuddle or a bad dream. I give her these things but now I am tired for having to get up all the time (and Hayley sometimes wakes as well though only sometimes). Even when I put her to bed I give her a book, sippy cup of milk, teddies but she just cries. Grant keeps telling me to ignore her but I can't. If shes full on screaming its hard to ignore that. I did do cc when she was a baby but it was easier (also with Hayley) but now she'll scream or cry until I go in and give her what she wants, but what she NEEDS is sleep. She is in bed now (just put her to bed about 20 minutes ago) I have been in three times already and she has finally stopped crying, her bedroom is right near the lounge room too and it doesn't help the Hayley is being loud either:hair::rolleyes:

So how do others use cc for a toddler? Do I just put her to bed, say good night and leave or what?

[Benji]

Do you think she's afraid of the dark?

I find my boy isn't afraid, but often he's just looking for a rise out of me. I'm also getting up up to 5 times per night with him.

The only thing that helped me albeit temporarily was a child gate in his doorway. I'd tuck him in, say "goodnight, I love you, I'll see you in the morning when the sun comes out" after his usual dinner/bath/book/tuck in routine and walk out for the night. He wanted a night light so I was happy to provide that.

If he woke in the middle of the night I'd just call out "night night sweetie, see you when the sun comes out" and just leave it at that, unless he was sick or something of course.

It worked wonders, but you have to be strong. She sounds willful and it's not easy but she will get the hint.

The only reason it failed for me was because he broke the gate :laughing:

[mum2bubba]

Skyes a boofer, she'd probably break a gate too. Shes actually sleeping in the portacot atm and can't get out yet (she tries though) we're thinking about getting her a single bed soon though.

I'm not sure if its because of the dark, I think its because I give in to her so easily and now I'm paying for it. When I put her to bed, she wants a teddy, it has to be a certain one (different one each night) or her baby (doll) or she wants milk or a book (she says "get a book and read it") I read to her and Hayley every night (well sometimes Grant reads to Hayley but not Skye). I think maybe I may have to either just let Grant put her to bed (if hes home by then) or just let her cry for a while. Its really stressing me out especially the waking at unGodley hours, it doesn't happen every single night, but most nights. Its very hard to listen to her though. I have a third coming too so I'd like her to go to sleep and not wake up a zillion times a night when the baby is here.

[Mrs Potts]

If she's 2 I would think that you should be able to reason with her, to a point.

If you know that she's got everything that she needs you need to be strong, say good night and leave. Let her cry if she wants to. It will be hard, but you can go back in after a few minutes repeat the "goodnight, sleep tight" (or whatever you say) and leave again.

There will be crying, possibly lots of it, but you need to try to be strong. Obviously if she starts to get truly distressed you will go to her, but if you can tell that she's just after attention then you need to ignore her. We've had to do a bit of this with DD1 lately and each night the crying period got shorter and shorter.

One thing that helped us, especially when we could see that a lot of the carry on was because she was so tired, was to say "just lie quietly, listen to your story (CD) and I'll come back and see you in a few minutes". The reassurance that we weren't far away was enough for her to relax and she was asleep within minutes.

Not sure if any of this will help at all, but good luck!

[lupa]

Yeah that's tough. Desperate times call for desperate measures. And you sure want to get this settled before your new bub arrives!

http://www.silentnights.org/advice/firsttwoyears.htm

This is part of my sleep docs site. He does wonders for sleep deprived babies, people swear by him. I don't have a 2YO and I'm not sure how I feel about this but have a read through.

Best of luck!

[SuperGranny]

hi mum2bubba, just wondering, do you have a bed time at your house for both children?? I always had a very strict bedtime 7.30 and it was so until the children reached high school. I just saw in your first post, hayley might be loud while skye is trying to sleep?? One bedtime is the most important thing, and then you have to insist on it. I would sometimes let the lights stay on for a short while but only if they were quite and reading, if they made any noise the lights went out. I would try the controlled crying again. Just answer the child through the night but not go in to her, or just go quickly in and back out as soon as she is quite. Marie.

[mum2bubba]

lupa: I actually have a book called 'Silent Nights' by Bryan Symonds (I think thats his name) I wonder if its the same thing as the link you suggested. Its a great book (I thought so anyway) which got me to use CC in the first place.

joshcamgrandma Skye goes to bed at 7pm but has 5 minutes of "reading" time, then lights out, Hayley stays up a bit longer but she knows to keep her voice down because Skye is going to sleep, shes in bed around 7:30 and has 10 minutes of "reading time" then lights out too. Lately we've been putting her to bed even earlier (around 7:15) in hopes Skye will sleep better too. Sometimes it just depends on the night, some days she'll go to sleep better than others. The girls are getting over colds so that could be a reason why she is being like this of late.

[lupa]

[quote=mum2bubba;3799432]lupa: I actually have a book called 'Silent Nights' by Bryan Symonds (I think thats his name) I wonder if its the same thing as the link you suggested. Its a great book (I thought so anyway) which got me to use CC in the first place.
quote]

yes, that's him! I go and see him for appointments. If you're in SA you should go to him.

[mum2bubba]

Bummer, I'm in Victoria. At least I have his book. I look back on it from time to time. :thumbsup:

[jaq]

It's not really a controlled crying thing, but one thing that your post got me thinking about was the consistency of your bedtime routine. We do the same thing EVERY night ... Sofia has her milk in bed, I brush her teeth, we read a story (OK, sometimes two) and then Nick goes in for a goodnight song. (And I go in to sing to Annika, who gets a story from Nick etc.)

Not saying that our routine is better, but if there is any change from night to night, it might be giving Skye a reason to cry out, to fabricate reasons she isn't going to sleep? They SO love familiarity at that age ... Sofia jacks up if I don't sing THE SAME WORDS of the little Maisy song I made up.

As to the night waking itself (after you've got her off to sleep), I think you need to wean her off one thing at a time. Rather than taking milk in, maybe just go in and pat her (OR, take milk in, and go back to bed, so its not a "Mum's attention" thing.) If she wakes a second time, simply call "go back to sleep, Skye, night night; third time ignore her.

That part is tough, I'm afraid ... but at 2 she IS old enough to resettle herself to sleep. She just hasn't seen the need yet, because Mummy is so good at getting up to her :hugs:

[mum2bubba]

jaq, I do try and get the girls into the same routine every night. When/if Skye wakes up screaming its very hard to ignore her. I tell her to go to sleep but she doesn't so I go in and see whats wrong. Grant keeps telling me to just ignore her otherwise she won't learn to go to sleep and I know hes right but its hard. Last few days all I've done if she wakes up is go in, give her a quick pat, put her blankets back on and leave. It usually works.

She went to bed at 7pm last night (lights out around 7:10) and she slept soundly til about 11pm, I went in (she was crying) and she was saying "help, help" because she was lying on top of her blanket so I fixed it up, walked out and she didn't wake up again until 8am this morning. So I think it just depends on the night too. Some times she'll cry and cry even after I've gone in a million times and given her milk, teddies, extra blanket etc so I'll have to get her up and cuddle her for a bit so she settles.